Author's Note: I have to say, thank you Shane Dawson for this title. Hahah. Also, happy Father's Day, or Fatherless Day. Either way, taking the words from Shane again, thank the person who raised you. (: Review!
I opened the door to Carly's house on a regular Saturday in June. Well, it was a regular Saturday to me, but apparently not to Carly. I saw a huge grin on her face when I walked in, and I saw Freddork there too. He didn't have the same cheerful look that she had. He didn't seem sad; he just had his normal facial expression. At first I figured that she was happy for the same reason that I've been happy lately: School is almost over.
But then I remembered that Carly isn't like that, and she doesn't care about school ending as much as I do. So, I plopped on the couch and looked up at Carly, who was standing in the kitchen, still grinning. "Why so happy?" I asked.
"Yeah really, why?" Freddie asked.
"Well," Carly said, happily walking over and sitting down in the middle of the couch, next to me. Freddie, being her little follower, stood up and followed her to the couch. He sat down on the other end of the couch, with Carly between us.
"I'm happy because my dad's coming home tomorrow, like really early in the morning! We're spending the day with him!" Carly exclaimed.
"Cool," I said with a shrug. I don't get excited easily, especially about those kinds of things.
"Yeah!" Freddie agreed, seeming more excited about it. "Why is he coming anyway?"
Carly turned to me and gave me the "isn't-he-so-stupid?" look. But I gave her a confused look back, because I didn't know the reason why her dad was coming to visit either.
"Uh, you guys don't know what tomorrow is?" Carly asked as if we were stupid.
"No," Freddie said. I added, "Not really."
"It's Father's Day!" she said with wide eyes, her arms spread out as if it was so obvious. But then she realized and looked down to her lap. "Oh, right. Sam. I'm sorry. I forgot."
Yup. She forgot, alright. She forgot that my dad died when I was ten. I mean, sure, she probably remembered that, but maybe she forgot that there's no reason I would know that the next day was Father's Day. I'm not all sensitive about it, though. But really, why would I know that it was Father's Day?
"Forgot what?" Freddie asked.
I stood up slowly, with Carly doing the same thing. Freddie didn't know about my dad. The only person I told besides my family was Carly. When it happened, I wasn't even absent from school like most people are when there are deaths in their close family. It hurt to have to get up and go to school, but I didn't want anyone to even think that he could've passed away. It was hard when they mentioned him in the newspaper. I just pretended that it was just a coincidence that he had the same last name as me, and that I didn't know him. I didn't care if people knew that he died, but I just didn't want anyone to know the way he died. "Um," I said quickly. "She forgot that I came here for food," I lied.
"Oh," Freddie said, standing up as well, but I could tell that he knew I was lying. I'm a good liar, but I guess Freddie's just too smart.
I walked over to the fridge with Carly, and I heard her whisper: "Sorry."
I shrugged. "I don't really care."
She got me out some ham, and I sat at the table and dug in. I felt like someone was watching me, but Carly was already back at the couch watching TV. I looked up to see Freddie sitting across the table, sipping juice out of a straw from a long cup and eyeing me. When I looked at him, he quickly looked down. I rolled my eyes.
I spent the rest of the day with Carly and Freddie, and night came quickly as the three of us watched a movie with the lights off. We were all curled up in a blanket. When the movie ended, we discovered that it was already one in the morning.
"Oh my gosh, my dad's gonna be here in a few hours!" Carly squealed. "He's coming at 5 AM! I'm sorry, but you guys should like… go. I need to sleep."
Freddie smiled. "Understood. Have fun with your dad."
"You have fun with yours!" Carly said with a grin to him.
Freddie's smile slowly disappeared as he gave her a nod. I stood up, taking the blanket off of me and hating the sudden feeling of cold. I hate when it's cold in June. That ruins the whole concept of June. I lifted my hoodie hood over my head and said, "Bye." I walked out of the door, Freddie behind me.
"Do you need me to walk you home or something?" Freddie asked softly after quietly shutting Carly's door.
"Won't your mommy be worried?" I asked, rolling my eyes.
"Nah, she's visiting my grandpa. Her dad," he explained.
I fake gasped. "And she let little Fweddie stay home alone?" I paused. "Oh, or are you going to see your dad or something?" I felt like I remembered something from the past, when he said his parents are divorced.
Freddie just ignored my question. "Do you want me to walk you home or not?"
"Sure," I said with a shrug, folding my arms and walking. I felt my hoodie's hood still just slightly touching my cold ears.
We walked out of Bushwell Plaza, neither of us saying a word. When we got on the sidewalk, starting to walk to my house, Freddie finally broke the silence. "Sam, before, when Carly said she forgot about something, what was it that she really forgot?"
I shrugged. "That my dad died," I said casually, not even looking at him as I kept walking. I felt my heart beat hard after I told him that. I never planned to tell anyone besides Carly.
Freddie frowned. "I'm sorry, Sam. I've always wondered what happened to him."
"Well, now you know."
Freddie hesitated. "Are you okay?" he asked.
"Never better," I said sarcastically with a fake smile.
"So, what are you gonna do tomorrow?" Freddie asked after another minute of silence.
"Just sit home all day. Can't go to Carly's. Don't wanna go out to Groovy Smoothies or something and see everyone with their dads."
"You know what I hate?" Freddie asked, looking down at me as we continued to walk.
I looked up at him, stuffing my hands into my jacket pockets. "What?"
"When people take their dads for granted."
"You wouldn't know," I said coldly. I was being extra mean because I was in a bad mood. I was in a bad mood because today celebrated something that I thought Freddie had, and what I wanted. "You wouldn't know how bad that really feels. Yeah, your dad left your house. But he didn't leave you."
I saw anger fill Freddie's eyes as he quickly and deeply answered, "Yes he did."
"No, he didn't!"
"I haven't seen my dad since I was ten, Sam!" Freddie cried, screaming very loudly. He had stopped walking while he said that. After he said that, I stopped too.
I turned to him, still not walking anymore. "I was ten when I lost my dad too," I said softly. We started walking side by side again. I asked, "So, your parents aren't divorced?"
Freddie took a deep breath. "Well, they technically are. My dad left us when I was ten. He changed his name and everything. But I still remember his face and who he was perfectly." From the glare of the moonlight, I think I saw tears in his eyes. "I've lied to everyone, Sam. Everyone, even Carly, saying that my parents were divorced and that I see my dad every once in a while. But really, for all I know, now he could be in jail… or in rehab… or even with some other lady with a new family, totally forgetting about me."
"The last one seems like the worst to me," I said quietly. Freddie just nodded, looking straight ahead.
"But," I said. "But how could your dad do something like that? Freddifer, he's your dad. How bad of a guy could he be?"
"He was an awesome guy," Freddie said, shaking his head. "And it's one thing to want to divorce my mom, but to leave us and never see us again? He made the money. He was the parent that was always there for me, before my mom became all overprotective." His voice cracked. I've never heard him sound so hopeless before. "Now he's probably out there somewhere, probably forgetting the name he named me more and more everyday."
I couldn't believe it, but what Freddie just said touched my heart. That's never happened before, and I've never pictured it happening, especially with Freddie.
"We're here," I heard him say softly.
"We're here. We're at your house."
"Oh," I said. I slowly started walking to the door, and I saw Freddie start to walk away. I blurted out, "Wait!" I couldn't let the night end like this. We were both going to have to go through a fatherless day. We might as well do it together.
Freddie was standing on the sidewalk, and I quickly walked over to him. "Just come and stay in my backyard for a while or something," I offered. "My mom doesn't care. I doubt she's even home."
He didn't even ask why. He just slightly smiled and nodded, following me as I walked over to the gate that led to my backyard. I closed the gate and sat on the grass. Freddie followed and sat next to me as I started ripping the grass out of the ground. I lay down on my back on the soft grass. Freddie did the same, half of a foot away from me.
"Sam, your dad… he died… but he didn't want to hurt you in any way. Like… you know he's watching over you right now… basically I'm saying, don't be too sad, alright? He died, but he didn't mean to."
I felt wetness in my eyes, but it stayed in my eyes because I fought to keep the tears to stay. I stared at the stars as I said softly, "But… he did mean to die."
Freddie sat up a little, alert. Gently, he said, "You don't mean…"
"Yes, I do," I said flatly. "He committed suicide."
Freddie touched his hand lightly to my shoulder. "Sam, I'm so sorry."
I stood up, and he quickly did the same. I turned around so that he wouldn't see as I fiercely knuckled the tears away from my eyes. "Look," I said shakily, still facing the other way. I was still fighting off crying. More tears formed. "Maybe you should go." I didn't want Freddie to see me like this.
Freddie grabbed my shoulder and spun me around, and then he tightly hugged me. I felt my head against his chest. I, without thinking about it, picked up my arms and wrapped them around his chest.
"You know, Fredbag, I gotta admit, you're gonna be a great dad on day."
Freddie smiled, finally pulling away. "Yeah, and I promise I won't leave our kids in any way."
I widened my eyes. I could even see through the darkness that his face was bright red. "Did you just say our kids?" I asked.
"What? Um, no, I said my kids. Are you okay?" he said quickly.
"You definitely said our kids."
Freddie sighed. "Well, yeah. I did. But I didn't mean to! I'm sorry!" He backed away, seeming scared that I'd hit him.
I smirked, slowly walking towards him, but he slowly backed away with every step I took. "You didn't mean to? Like, there's no reason that you said that?"
"Um," he said nervously, "what do you mean? Of course there's no reason!"
I just smirked. "Oh, really?"
"Okay," Freddie sighed. "Okay. Yeah. I said it, and I didn't mean to say it, but I said it. It's just that I… just forget it. Sorry, forget everything."
Complete silence overcame us again, as I stood in front of him, just looking up into his eyes. Was this some kind of joke? Could Fredweird actually like… like me?
Freddie broke the silence with his soft voice. His eyes looked sad as he said softly, "Sam, it's really late. I should go."
I opened my mouth, but I didn't know what to say. He walked past me, and started going toward the gate to walk back to his apartment.
"Wait," I said, not that loud, but loud enough for him to hear. I was still turned the other way, not seeing his face.
"Yes?" I heard him say from behind me, still sounding sad. From his voice I could tell that he was right behind me.
I let my emotions take over me. I've never done that before. I quickly turned around threw my arms around his neck and kissed him. I didn't think. I just let my heart do what it wanted. I never do that. But I'm really glad that now I did, because that was the best moment of my life. The familiar feeling of my lips touching his gave me that feeling that I hadn't had since that night on his fire escape.
After the kiss, Freddie stammered, "Sam, I… you… I… you didn't have to just do that because I…"
"I didn't," I said, knowing that he was trying to say that I only kissed him because he liked me. My arms were still around his neck. "Fredward, would I ever do anything just to make someone else happy?"
Freddie grinned, his arms around my waist. "No, I guess not."
I looked into his eyes, and realized something. I love him. I love Freddie Benson. I can't believe I've never realized that before. I hugged him harder, feeling my cheek touch the top of his chest. "You know what?"
"What?" he said softly, staring at me.
"You will make a great dad. To our kids."