Buffy, the Video Slayer or
There's no place like Sunnydale!
Chapter Three – Spike: International Vampire of Mystery
Her eyes insisted on opening, but this time she refused to listen to them.
"Very well," she heard someone say. "If you insist. I will just have to kiss you awake."
She felt warm lips touching hers, hands caressing her face. She felt a tingle at the tip of her toes. Slowly she opened her eyes. She saw it was Spike kissing her, but he was wearing the most god-awful pair of black glasses. "Can't resist my mojo baby," he said, with a smirk. Using her hands, she pushed him back.
Standing up, he grinned at her, licking his lips he said, "You are a tease Buffy, Oh behave."
He was dressed in a crushed black velvet top and pants. Standing next to him was Willow and Giles. Willow was dressed in a stripped mini-skirt. Giles was wearing a very proper suit and pants.
"Pussy Willow, will you see that Ms Buffy is all right," Spike said.
"Willow?" Buffy whispered, as she gently smiled at her.
"Never fear Buffy, Spike will find a way to send you home."
"Yes Buffy. I do believe your story that you came from a different dimension. I myself have traveled through time. I feel that the First Evil may have a part in this."
"Quite right Spike," Giles said. "But I fear Ms Buffy's problem may have to wait. For several operatives have found that the First Evil has plans on replacing heads of states with his evil clones."
"We can't let him get away with that Giles!" Spike gasped. "Although with the way the countries are being run, who would notice?"
"Spike!" Giles gasped.
"Keep your knickers on Giles, I was only joking."
"We've received information that the First Evil brought the old high school in the center of Sunnydale."
"Old high school, hang on Giles," Spike said. He began to pace the room. "Why would First Evil be interested in a high school filled with obnoxious children?"
"Spike, remember you were once a child," Willow scolded him.
"Oh sorry baby, as they say today, my bad. It was just not a good time in my life."
"Bad childhood?" Buffy asked Willow.
"Bad acne," Willow whispered to her. "He was nicknamed, pizza face with everything on it."
"That's bad." Buffy said.
"Why would First Evil be so interested in that High School?" Spike said.
"Could it be that it was built over the hellmouth?" Buffy offered.
"Hold on," Spike said. "Didn't I hear somewhere that it was built over the hellmouth?"
"Yeah, that would be me."
"Good god Spike, do you know what that means?" Giles gasped.
"Yeah baby, he must have gotten it really cheap, tricky devil."
"No Spike," Giles said. "I am sure that the First Evil plans on trying to open the Hellmouth, releasing unspeakable evil from the bowels of the earth."
"Sounds like my graduation class," Spike mumbled.
"We must try to stop him!" Willow declared.
"Right on Pussy Willow, we're going to defeat the First Evil, and put a gag on that hellmouth."
"This just can't get any worse," Buffy mumbled.
"You must stay here, Buffy," Spike said.
"Oh no I'm not, I wouldn't miss this for the world."
"Sorry baby, but I can't possibly put your life in any more danger. We're professionals."
Buffy slammed her fist into Spikes stomach. She was very impressed when it bounced off his rock hard abs. Kicking up, she knocked him flat on the floor. Straddling him, she held her arms crossed over his neck.
"Is that professional enough for you?"
"Certainly got my attention, baby," he choked.
Buffy grimaced, "God I hope that's your gun I'm sitting on."
"Sure is baby, my double barrel of love."
Buffy suddenly jumped up, her face suddenly blushing deep red. "Let's go," she mumbled,
Giles led Buffy out the door, Spike whispered to Willow, "I think I'm in love, Pussy Willow."
"Spike, you always fall in love with the client," Willow sighed.
"Yeah but this one is different baby, special. She's beautiful, articulate, eloquent, intelligent, sassy…"
"And, could it also be because she was able to make Mr. Happy stand at attention?"
Spike let out a low purr, "That too baby, that too."
Hours later, they were making their way through the basement of the High School. "I would have thought the hellmouth would have chosen a more high class high school to open under," Spike said
"We need to get to that hellmouth, and stop the First Evil from opening it," Giles said. "Releasing unholy demons that he will use to create clones of the leaders of the free world."
"Years ago I would say that sounds like a bad movie, nowadays, I'm not to sure," Buffy said. "Over there," she pointed towards a large door. "Last time I was here, the hellmouth was over there."
Spike and Giles tugged on the large steel double doors. As they tugged, Buffy noticed that her stomach felt queasy. It was then they she realized that they were moving. "Um guys, I don't think that will work."
"We almost have it," Spike grunted.
Suddenly the darkness was overtaken by a flood of light. They were standing on a platform that had fully rotated into the room. It was huge, going down several levels. In front of them, sitting on a small chair, was a pale, bald headed man.
"Xander!" Buffy gasped.
"We meet again, Spike Powers," Xander said. He stroked a white bunny that sat in his lap.
"No Buffy, he no longer goes by that name," Spike told her. "He is my arch nemesis, Doctor First Evil."
Xander's little finger whipped up to the edge of his mouth. His eyes gleamed with wickedness "Welcome to my evil abode. Sorry for the way it looks. I got it as a fixer upper. But it's amazing what you can do in a short time with a bit of paint and some curtains, right Anya?"
Buffy saw Anya dressed in a black leather skirt and blouse. She slapped a whip on her leg. "Yes Doctor, you have done wonders wit de place," she said with a strong German accent.
"Yes, if you would have raided me a week later Spike, I would have had the Jacuzzi and ice cream maker installed. No Evil abode is complete without them."
"We're not here for chit chat, Doctor First Evil," Spike said. "We've come to stop you from opening the hellmouth."
"I have no idea what you are talking about, do you mini-me?"
Buffy saw a small Andrew eagerly rush to Xander's side. He sat down by his leg. Suddenly he grabbed it and began to hump him.
"No! Bad mini-me, bad! What did I tell you, not in front of my arch nemesisss!" Andrew's head hung low. His eyes lifted up to gaze hungrily at Spikes leg. "He's very loyal, but I am thinking of getting rid of him. Chewed up half of my shoes. Mmm, yes, not a good thing for the First Evil to be wearing pink fluffy shoes. Hard to get respect that way."
"Why have you brought this girl from another dimension?" Spike demanded.
"Sorry Spike, but I really have no idea what you are talking about," Xander said.
"Our sources told us that you plan on opening the hellmouth that we are standing over. Releasing the demons that dwell within, and making them into clones of the worlds leaders."
"So that's why I got the place so cheap," Xander said.
"I told Giles that," Spike said.
"I wondered why there was green slime coming out of the faucets. The real estate agent told me that the locals are Irish and always dye their waters green."
"There is nothing more amoral than a real estate agent," Spike hissed.
"If you didn't kidnap Buffy, and tried to open the hellmouth, then who did?" Willow said.
"I did!" a voice declared from behind them. Spinning around, this was the last person Buffy expected to see.
"Son, don't tell me you were practicing evil behind my back. You know I hate that! Always tell daddy of your evil plans first," Xander said.
"Oz?" Buffy whispered.
"Oz Evil, First Evils son," Spike informed her.
"And Pussy Willows former boyfriend," Oz shouted.
"Oz, when will you accept it, it's over," Willow said.
"Ozzy, I told you that she was no good for you, but do you listen to your dad, no," he sighed. "Children, they are such a chore," he said to Anya.
"I agree, Doctor," Anya said.
"I never have any problems with Mr. Floppsy, do I?" he cooed to the bunny that sat in his lap. Andrew rubbed his head on Xander's leg. "And you too, mini-me. Want a Scooby snack? Here you go, fetch it!" He threw a snack away; Andrew happily fetched it.
"Dad! I'm working here, don't embarrass me in front of your nemesisss," Oz shouted.
"Yeah right son. Just remember I told you to put that girl out of your heart. Ever since she no longer had ham with her eggs,"
"Okay dad," Oz said, he looked uncomfortably at Willow.
"She doesn't like hot dogs in her bun."
"Dad, I said enough," Oz hissed.
"She wants you to hold the pastrami on her sandwich."
"We get it Dad!" Oz shouted.
"Jeez Louise Oz, I was on a frekin run here," Xander growled.
"I wanted to do something that would show you how much I love you," Oz said to Willow.
Willows eyes began to water, "You mean, you kidnapped Buffy from another dimension, talked your father into buying the high school that sat over a hellmouth. And set up an evil plan to conquer the world…just for me?"
Oz silently nodded his head. "Oh Oz, that's the sweetest thing I ever heard." She rushed to him, they met in a warm embrace.
"I think I'm going to cry," Xander said in a strained voice. "My little boy is growing up." He wiped a tear from his cheek. "His first plan to conquer the world, and he did it all by himself. I know I'm going to pop my buttons."
"I vill write it in his baby book," Anya gushed.
"Put it right after he beat up his first minion," Xander told her.
"This is not over yet," Spike said. "We must return Buffy to her dimension."
"I hate to sound picky," Giles said. "But there is also that little thing about the hellmouth opening, releasing untold demons from hell."
"I guess that could spoil Oz and Willow's reconciling," Xander said. "Yes, I think I just may have something to stop it." Standing up, he shouted, "Bring out the ball gag!"
"Bring out ze ball gag!" Anya shouted.
Slowly a giant ball gag was being lowered from the ceiling.
"That is the second largest ball gag I have ever seen," Spike said.
"Just a little something I picked up on Ebay. It was so cheap, I just couldn't resist," Xander said.
Suddenly everyone was thrown on their back, as the ground beneath them began to shake.
"Whew! What is that smell?" Xander groaned.
"Morning hellmouth," Spike said. "I hate that."
"Quick, we need to get that ball gag down there as fast as possible," Giles said.
Buffy didn't hesitate, she sprinted to the end of the platform, and leaped in the air, to land on the ball gag. Looking below, she saw steam rising from a large crack in the ground. The sound of thousands of demons could be heard from below.
"If we don't shut that mouth, we're going to be up to our armpits in demons," Xander shouted.
Buffy unhooked the chain that held the giant ball gag. Gripping the chain, she saw the gag fall into the crack. After a gasp, and a puff of smoke, the hellmouth began to close. The sound of demons below soon died.
"You did it baby!" Spike shouted to Buffy. Swinging the chain, she leapt back to the platform.
"Can I return back to my dimension now?" Buffy asked Oz.
"Sorry Buffy, but I needed a way to prove my love to Willow. If not in your dimension, then in this."
"I hope the two of you will be very happy," Buffy said. "Now, my dimension?"
Oz stepped up to her, he held a gold DVD in his hands. "This will take you back permanently."
"Before I go." She stepped up to Spike. Reaching up, she took off his glasses. Ruffling his bleached hair, she sighed, "Much better, you should keep it that way."
"You have stolen my heart Buffy. I shall never forget you." Leaning down, he whispered on her lips. "Here's a going away present." Closing her eyes, she waited for his kiss.
"Time to go home," she heard Oz say, as she felt something cold placed in her hands. "Not now!" she moaned, as she suddenly blacked out. She faintly heard someone say,
"Buffy, Buffy are you all right?"
Quickly opening her eyes, she saw Spike standing over her. She was lying on her couch. Xander, Willow, Dawn, and Anya were looking at her with concern.
"Buffy, you scared us," Willow said. "After that book hit you, you blacked out. You've been unconscious for several hours."
"I was so scared Buffy," Dawn said. She rushed to her side, holding her hand. "I'm fine," she said in a hoarse voice. "Just a bit thirsty."
"I'll get you some hot tea," Xander volunteered.
"I'll draw you a nice hot bath," Willow said. "I'll put in some herbs to make you feel better."
"I'll help Xander," Anya said. "He has a hard time boiling water."
"You sure you're all right Buffy?" Dawn said.
"I'm sure Dawny. Hey, you were supposed to go out tonight. There is still time."
"You sure?" Dawn asked her. "I mean I can stay."
She clearly saw that Dawn wanted to go. "Go on, you know I'm a fast healer."
"I'm outta here," Dawn said, as she grabbed a jacket, and rushed out the front door. Buffy was left alone with just Spike standing at the foot of the couch.
"You really did frighten us," Spike said.
"Sorry," Buffy grunted, as she sat up. Spike rushed to assist her. She lay her head on the back on her couch. Gazing up at Spike she said, "Did you ever like to sing?"
A half grin parted his lips. "How did you know that?"
She patted the couch next to her, he quickly sat down. Seeing the television set was on, she saw the DVD player was showing Attack of the Clones. It was the end of the movie, the wedding scene. Buffy looked at Spike, taking his hand, she said, "I don't know what's going to happen when we fight the First Evil. I just want you to know, that I hope you will be standing by my side in the end."
"It's always been a stormy cruise on your ship," Spike said. "I like to stay until the end."
"Then let's get this ship out of the harbor," Buffy said.
They fell into each others arms. Kissing gently at first, for the both of them, it felt like the first time they kissed. Buffy could swear, in the background, she could hear a choir of voices faintly singing,
"Where do we go from here….."
F.E.: Are you glad you got your frikin happy ending? Oh yeah, I'm sure you are. Just wanted to say if anyone is interested in buying a High School with a really large Ball gag in the basement, have I got the place for you! Just send your email to 2sexy4hishirt at .