PLOT MUTHAFUCKA

Hermione Granger woke with a groan, and not one of 'the oh god yes more' groans, it was more of the 'oh buggeration I snogged Draco Malfoy last night' variety.

What would Ron and Harry say?

Holy shit.

I'm fucked, she thought. Not literally, unfortunately. Things didn't go that far last night. Unfortunately.

No! Fortunately! Hermione thought to herself desperately. But, she had to admit... he was a damn good kisser.

Meow, indeed.

Hermione went through the motions of getting dressed and going down to breakfast, where she found her two best friends ensconced in a discussion about the merits of both crunchy and smooth peanut butter.

"But toast is crunchy anyway," Ron concluded (apparently. There was a certain finality to the statement that led Hermione to the conclusion that they had been discussing this for quite some time.) "And so help me, if you say crunchy peanut butter is sexy, I'll..."

He let the threat hang in the air like a more menacing version of the enchanted candles that graced the hall.

"But-" Harry began pitifully.

"No." Ron said, cutting him off. "Inanimate objects cannot be sexy Harry. We've discussed this. I'm sorry."

Harry sulked. He was rather good at it. Hermione watched the entire exchange with a mixture of fascination and horror. She also made a point of staring fixedly at Ron, instead of Draco Malfoy, who she could feel burning holes in the side of her head.

The rest of breakfast was eaten in silence; Harry sulking, Ron gloating and devouring more than a rather large bull whale, and Hermione being... otherwise occupied.

THE END.

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No, not really. We wouldn't do that. Haha, had you going there :) But we digress...

THE END NOW!

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God you're gullible.

But seriously.

The End.

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Please don't stop reading our story :) We love you. We just watched Toy Story 3, so excuse us if we're a little... yeah.

It's not over. Here we go, back to the story.

The trio made their way to Charms with the Hufflepuffs, where they witnessed Flitwick fly across the room and perform a series of quite remarkable acrobatic feats.

Magic school is awesome.

As they left the Charms classroom, not sure if they had really learned anything, but entertained none-the-less, they crossed paths with the insidious and sexy-

No, not sexy! Hermione reminded herself furiously-

-Draco Malfoy, plus his usual harem. However, defying his self-devised social convention, he ignored the suddenly irate ginger and scar-head and stared solely at Hermione. She found herself trapped by his intense smoldering gaze. Almost imperceptibly, he winked.

She blushed, at the same time cursing her own damn gender stereotypical...ness... Merlin's balls, where's eloquency when you need it?

They passed the Golden Trio without a word, not even a single insult to Harry or Ron. Their silence was almost insulting. Damned oxymorons.

The rest of the day passed in a blur of half-repressed fantasies. Hermione seemed to be on auto-pilot, taking notes and carefully storing information in her ridiculously large cranium.

And so when the time came yet again for Potions with the Gryffindor's age-old antagonists, the Slytherins, Hermione took her place next to her... what?

Nothing, Hermione told herself. People kiss all the time... it's no big deal...

Potions seemed to start out well enough, with the two nothings pointedly NOT glancing at each other every so often...unlike last Friday. Snape kept them busy with Skelegro potions (the Quidditch season was coming up), and ignoring each other was quite easy.

Hermione jumped as there was a loud explosion from the back of the classroom, and rolled her eyes as Neville melted yet another cauldron. She was distracted by Snape's well-refined expletives, and so was shocked when her partner's hand grabbed her own. She flinched away before she could stop herself.

"You were about to put billywag tail into the cauldron, instead of bollywog intestine." he explained slowly. Hermione looked at her hand in dismay.

"Oh." then she rallied, "You could have just said so. No need to soil your pristine pureblood hands by touching a lowly muggleborn like me."

He seemed momentarily perplexed by her sudden ferocity.

"Didn't seem to bother you last night," he shot back, smirking. Before she could reply, he was distracted by something over her shoulder.

"Oh shit."

She was thrown forward by a blast that knocked her off her feet as their potion exploded in a repeat performance of Neville's. She landed rather ungracefully on top of Draco. He grinned.

"Knew you couldn't wait to get me on my back, Granger."

"GRANGER! MALFOY!"

The contents of their potion had landed everywhere, covering everyone in a bright blue slime, most noticeably the furious Potions Master that was bearing down on them with all the inevitability of a boulder rolling down a comically steep hill.

Malfoy attempted to diffuse the situation.

"Wow, sir, that blue really brings out the black of your eyes!" Needless to say, it didn't go down very well.

Snape's lip curled.

"Did I not implicitly specify that you were not to take your attention away from the potion for one instant?" he snarled. "Is it so inescapably difficult to pay attention and do as you are told?" He swept towards his desk at the front of the classroom.

"Twenty points from Slytherin, Fifty from Gryffindor, and detention from you both! Now, get out of my sight! All of you!"

There was a blind rush for the door as lions and snakes alike scrambled to escape the infamous wrath of Severus Snape. Hermione struggled to her feet off of the ever so sexy man beneath her, and ran for the door without a glance behind her.

A/N: Eh, yeah... sorry :) It's two o'clock in the morning and we get carried away... a lot.

THE END!

Ahaha, it's still funny.

But it's not really.

The End, that is.

It's still going on, don't worry honeybuns.

Next up: Detention, and... The Classroom Smex of Doom? Perhaps... Maybe, maybe not.

Don't get your hopes up, we have a tendency to frustrate and disappoint. THE GLASS IS HALF EMPTY! *sob*

Aaaaanyway. Nite! :) xx