Author's Note: I have never done an Effily fanfic before so I'm quite excited. Throughout the story, it switches POVs between Effy and Emily. This is an One-shot, and that's not changing. So don't tempt me.
I'd love the pairing Effily. I think it would be brilliant. =] If only...
This involves POSSIBLE character death by suicide. It's a sad fic, really. I don't know how to describe it properly. I'm tired from all of the writing. XP Let's just start the story, okay?
Voicemail. Again. Shit.
"Emily, please pick up, I'm so sorry!" I shout into the receiver desperately, shaking the phone in despair. "Ems!"
I groan and throw the phone away from me, sitting on my bed, my head in my hands. "Shit, shit, shit!" I try not to cry, instead lying down on the bed on my back, rubbing my temples to stop an oncoming headache.
My hand scrambles over the bed sheets and I grab a small, half empty bottle of vodka, which I quickly drain, wiping my mouth with my other hand. Alcohol seems to be the only thing that helps me now.
I push my head into the pillow, cursing myself. "So stupid, so stupid." I repeat it over and over.
A faint ringing is coming from the other side of the room. I take a second to register it... My phone!
I jump off the bed, lunging for the phone, landing on top of it, and pressing it to my ear.
"Emily!" I shout into it, loudly, my eyes wide and voice high.
"Nah, babes, it's the Cookie Monster," my heart sinks when I hear the familiar choking laugh of a high Cook. "Fancy a bit of willy-waggling?"
"Fuck off, Cook," my voice is cold.
"Hey," Cook stops his laughter, becoming serious. "What's up with you? Your girlfriend get your pants in a twist? I can fix that."
"Fuck – off – Cook," I say each word loudly and deliberately. "You ruined everything – just leave me alone. I'm done with you."
"Hey!" Cook sounds annoyed now. "It weren't just me; it takes two to tango, babes."
I start to feel sick again, and drop the phone, running to the toilet.
Cook is still there when I return, talking to someone else in the background.
"...Yeah, she's fucking obsessed with Emily... reckon she's gone gay herself... gonna be no pussy left for the cookie monster, 'cept for you and Panda, o' course..." I can only hear bits of the conversation but it's enough for me as I hang up.
"Effy, are you gay?" her eyes watch me carefully, checking for any sign I was faking it.
"I don't know... maybe..." I shrug my shoulders, and try to lean in for another kiss but she turns away. I want to kiss her so much. It was only when I met her for the first I discovered this side of me, and now I don't want to let it go.
"You're drunk," she says firmly.
I shake my head, "No, I'm not. Completely sober. Seriously." I ignore my little lie and pull her arm so she has to turn and face me again. The alcohol has given me the strength to do what I've been wanting to do for so long.
"Naomi..." Emily bites her lip, doubtfully, thinking of her ex.
"Emily, stay in the present. She's gone." I take her hands. "I'm here." This time I succeed in kissing her, and she doesn't move away...
I've stopped crying, I'm past that point now. I just wander round the house in a sort of trance; almost out of it, in a way. I've turned off my phone, I don't want to hear any excuses – I just want it to be over and done.
The kettle gives a small click, signalling the water has been boiled. I pour a large mug of tea, blowing on it gently. I go into the living room, sitting on the small sofa, stroking its soft material comfortingly.
Mum is out, thank god. I can't take any of her talks now, tales of new boys on the street and that I'm just going through a phase. When will she just understand that this isn't a phase? This is life.
Katie is at Cook's place. That fucking piece of shit - I hate him! He fucks everything up. His brain's in his dick. And so is everything else. I don't know why Katie is with him; she knows what he's like, shagging everything that moves.
Since the divorce everything has gone shit. Dad isn't here to shut Mum up when she starts on her rants. I lived with Naomi for a bit, but since we broke up, I've had to move back here. James is at Dad's today, I didn't feel like going.
I fucking trusted her. Effy. It was all so great when it started. Then Cook got involved. And she cheated. Why does everybody fucking cheat!
I take a long gulp of my hot tea, it burns my throat but I let the pain come. A minor distraction to the pain I feel now. Am I destined to just go from one shitty relationship to the next? I'm not sure whether the tears that fall down my cheeks are from the pain of my throat or how I feel now.
I can't take it. I have to see her. To explain. To tell her I do care. I do want her.
But will she believe me? After all the shit I've caused.
Finally I make my mind up. I'm going to see her.
I don't bother with make up or my hair. Like it matters. She's seen me looking worse.
I pull a long top over my head and some torn leggings, ignoring my shoes.
My phone is ringing again, a quick glance tells me it's Pandora. I pick up my phone, and say in the calmest voice I can, "No time to talk. See you later." I hang up before she can speak and throw my phone away from me.
The wind is cold when I run outside and I shiver violently from my lack of clothing. That doesn't matter now. All that matters is me getting to Emily.
My life is just shit. My mum wants to be someone I'm not. My dad isn't even here anymore. My brother is never here and only ever thinks about his dick - a miniature Cook. My twin hates me and is fucking a total prick. Naomi didn't care. And she moved on pretty quickly with that Sophia girl.
And then there was Effy.
I actually thought I had something with her. She listened, she understood, she would go out with me and she wasn't afraid to show me off. I liked that. It made me feel special. She was different. She didn't care what anyone thought. It was just us. She told me everything and I told her things I hadn't even considered telling Naomi.
I felt that familiar tingle when I think of Effy, but I push it to the side. All I can associate with Effy now is pain. And hurt. Just like the others.
Is there no way out?
Will she listen? Or will she just hate me? I can't lose her. She's the only person I've ever felt myself with, since Freddy. But now he's fucked off with some girl.
I don't even fancy Cook! So why did I do it? I'm just a fucking slut. No wonder everybody leaves me.
I'm running down the street. I hear the wolf-whistles from some creeps because of my revealing outfit. I ignore them. Before Emily, I would have given them the finger, maybe even flashed them a cheeky smile. Not anymore. I only want Emily. No more fucking around.
I see her house. It's not that far. The sun is setting and I see the light from her living room is on but it soon turns off. I speed up, stopping myself from screaming out her name in my desperation.
I'm walking slowly up the stairs. I can't believe it's come to this. It's been a week and nothing's happened. Nothing has gotten better. It's all just been so fucked up. And no one would listen to me.
The scars on my wrists have been ignored. They're fresh. It's odd looking at them. I've never seen scars like these before. Jagged, ugly, red lines. I don't like looking at them. I won't have to soon.
My room is a mess. I haven't bothered cleaning it in ages. Well, my side. I have to share it with Katie. Not that she's ever actually hear to see it any more.
One of Katie's scarves is discarded next to my bed. I quickly snatch it up before I can stop myself and tie it to the curtain railing above my head.
It's a little awkward putting it on the railing and then tying around my neck. But I'm not focused on that. The tears are still coming. The pain from doing this would be nothing compared to how I feel inside.
The frantic doorbell ringing just spurs me on. I have to move faster.
She won't answer the door. She doesn't want to see me. But I have to see her.
I'm banging my hand on the door, "Emily! Please! Just listen to me. I'm so sorry. Cook means nothing. I was a fucking idiot."
No answer. I know she's in though. I saw the light turn off in the living room - she must have seen me coming and retreated upstairs.
I jog backwards and stare up at the house, squinting my eyes, trying to look into her bedroom.
My heart seems to stop beating. I see her, she's tying something to the railing above her. She's crying. No!
I scream at her to stop. She can't hear me. I have to get in!
The front door is locked, I can't open it. I have to think of something.
Next to me is one of those big decorative rocks that Emily's mum put around the driveway to make it look more interesting. Emily and I had thought it looked boring and like the other driveways, which also had them. Unoriginal.
I pick it up and silently apologise to the Fitch family for what I'm about to do. I throw the rock through the front window, leading into the living room, and jump through, slipping on the glass.
The scarf is tight around my neck and I take one final breath before stepping off Katie's bed. The scarf tightens rapidly and all the air is knocked out of me. My lungs fight for breath and my legs start kicking out.
I hear a huge shattering downstairs and my name being screamed but I can't respond. My vision blurs and my hands grasp at the scarf to pull it loose. Suddenly it all seems so drastic. It hurts too much. I don't want to do this any more. I can't scream.
My eyes squeeze tight and I lose consciousness. Everything goes black.
Her bedroom door is open so when I get to the top of the stairs, I can see her clearly. She is struggling wildly but by the time I reach her bedroom, her eyes are closed and she has gone limp.
"Emily!" I scream again, and run over to her. Tears cloud my vision as I jump onto the bed and clumsily trying to untie the tight knot around the railing.
The scarf comes loose and she falls, collapsing onto the bed beside me. I fall to my knees, this time untying the tighter knot around her neck. Her face is white, tinted a light blue. She isn't moving.
"No! Don't leave me! Please, Em. I'm sorry. I'm a stupid fucking bitch," I can't stop crying. My whole body is shaking.
The scarf comes loose and I push it off the bed, wanting it nowhere near me. She still won't move. I check her pulse. It's weak. Fading.
I shake her, and press my lips to her, blowing air into her lungs. My eyes don't leave the horrible long bruised mark around her neck. I lift my lips away and press my hands over her heart, pushing against it repeatedly. I've never learnt CPR before - never thought I'd have to use it.
"Please, Ems. Wake up!" I repeat the procedure over and over. With each second my heart sinks. I don't want to lose her. Not now.
Suddenly, she coughs and rolls over. I can almost scream in joy. I don't know if she even registers that I'm here. She's coughing and gasping for breath.
"Emily?" I'm still worried. Is she okay now? Does she still hate me?
She stops coughing and freezes. She begins to turn and I hold my breath, wanting more than ever to just kiss her and forget everything.
I hear mumbling. Am I dead? I can't move but I feel like I'm being shaken. I want them to stop. To just leave me alone.
The mumbling gets louder. It forms words. Someone saying my name. But who? I can't open my eyes. Everything hurts and I just want to sleep.
I feel beating on my chest and hear crying. Who is that? I recognise the voice but I don't know who exactly.
Then it's like the whole world just crashes down on me and I open my eyes. Air rushes into my lungs and I cough loudly. I have to roll over, holding my stomach and stroking my sore neck, gasping for breath. Realisation hits me and I stare down at the ground, seeing the discarded scarf beneath me, curled into a ball.
I hear my name again, and finally I recognise the voice. My heart jumps in pleasure but then I remember more. And the pain returns. My eyes fill with tears but there's no way of avoiding this.
I turn and stare at her. She's crying. What do I say?
She puts her head in her hands, shaking her head, "I'm an idiot. I can't believe I almost lost you. Please don't hurt yourself for me. It was my fault. You don't deserve someone like me. I'm a fucking wreck."
My mind takes a few seconds to register what she's saying. I'm still dizzy. She looks at me, scared. She holds out a hand to steady me, "Emily?"
I nod my head once, and widen my eyes. My mind flickers back to that night when we first kissed. The sparks I felt. How right it was. I had the chance here to fix it all.
To forgive and forget. But could I?
"Please," the tears pour down her face. She looks so broken, so upset. It hurts me to see her like this, knowing that what I'd almost done now and what she had done with Cook would hurt so much.
"Effy, I... you...we..." I can't seem to form words. I'm still in shock from what is happening.
We stare at each other for a moment and then I make up my mind.
"Let's forget the bullshit." I say firmly and lean in, kissing her.
I can't move. My mind is racing. Does she even realise what she is doing? Does this mean she is forgiving me?
I stop thinking. In this kiss was so much emotion that I can barely contain myself. We are both still crying. I can feel her anger, pain, sadness, happiness, hope and I know she can feel the same in me.
She is holding me to her, as if I am hers again - like it used to be. When she finally lets go and stops the kiss, I say the first thing that comes into my head, "I love you."
She sighs and unsteadily lifts herself off the bed, and I do the same. She is watching me and nods her head again, a smile forms on her lips and my heart leaps with excitement, "I love you too."
Reviews are always welcome. And make me sooooo happy. =]
Thanks for reading.