"I am alone.


The figure paused in his writing, secreted away into a classroom of Hogwarts of which many did not know. He sought solace, tranquility.

Anything to help him escape his dark, tormented thoughts.

Anything to help him forget the pain in his heart, the endless pressure in his mind, the seemingly eternal wrenching of his soul.

In the pregnant pause which allowed his thoughts to roam, he vaguely wondered how so many had taken advantage of him. How could so many forget he existed, when all he did was remember them?

He sighed, fighting back the tears that he dreaded. He had tried so hard for years to numb his emotions, feeling nothing so that he could maintain his duties in the many faces of darkness. Nonetheless, he had only to enter a room, alone, to realize what he always was… alone.

Then, and only then, would he allow himself to break, to crumble. To feel his every fiber of being quake with the horrors he'd seen, the horrors he'd committed. He'd feel his heart shatter, imaging every deep red piece penetrating his veins, filtering through his blood, burning with the pain he never let himself feel unless he was alone.

But wasn't he always alone?

He stared at his writing, looking from his hand to his words, and bent his head to sob.

Perhaps writing could serve as a catharsis. Perhaps, all he needed to do was to continue to write, in private, of the things he would never let anyone else know. And then, perhaps, he would relinquish the angst he held so tightly to himself.

And perhaps, one day, he would be happy.

With that, he went to write again.

"I am alone. Forgotten.


With that, Peeves the Poltergeist flung the piece of chalk on the board where he was writing. He ripped down the board and whipped out his wrinkly penis, pissing on the shattered remains.

He charged through the door, knocking over a few students who had been walking past in the hallway.

"Peeves… wha-?" Ron Weasley said as he walked by, having seen Peeves bowl over the students.

"THIS," Peeves said, cackling as he punched his fist through Ron's mouth.

"PEEVES. What are you DOING?" a feminine screech called from behind him. Turning, the bushy-haired Hermione Granger was running towards him with her wand drawn.

Peeves bit her wand in two and then punched her up the cunt.

"AH. ROSE AND HUGO!" Hermione squealed.

Ron looked at Hermione quizzically, "What?"


Peeves whizzed past the Gryffindors, soaring to the entrance of the Hufflepuff common room. As each Hufflepuff filed out to go to dinner, Peeves dropped an anvil on each of their heads.




Snape stood at the edge, nodding approvingly.

Peeves then flew into the Great Hall, pulling out all of the wands he had nicked off the dead Hufflepuffs and, aligning them between his fingers, he pointed roughly 100 wands at everyone in the Great Hall.

"FUCK. YOU." he screamed, cackling merrily as Dumbledore's eyes twinkled in equal merriment.

"Oh, good show, Peeves!"

Peeves than killed ¾ of the people in attendance.

"Oh, excellent show, Peeves!"

Peeves than sailed over the sizzling remains of Flitwick into another hallway, leading into the courtyard where Harry and Draco were fighting.

"Oh yeah, right there…" Draco said as Harry's balls dipped into his bumhole.

Okay, just kidding, they were fucking, not fighting.

"HEHEHEHEHHEE," Peeves said calmly.

Harry and Draco turned around, terrified at having been caught in the wide open courtyard during the middle of the day.

"WELL, WELL, WELL, " Peeves said, dropping a well on the pair each time he said it.

Harry and Draco moaned in a mixture of pain-from being crushed by wells-and pleasure, at Draco's butt inhaling Harry's genitalia.

"AHAHAHAHAHHAA," Peeves questioned thoughtfully, pondering the great mystery of life, before zipping off into the library.

Hermione, still living, sat researching various ways to repair her lower half. After figuring out how to heal Ron and his mouth, she then pondered how to patch up her pussy. After fixing up Crookshanks, she then began researching how to fix-

"ARGH," Peeves said, kicking over ten bookcases so they all landed on the other like a Muggle set of dominoes. The very last bookcase began to fall, precariously close to Hermione's table full of books, until it landed.

Hermione was unharmed.

"Ha!" Hermione said with a satisfied smile, her chin raised and her arms crossed.

"Ha!" Peeves said, taking a shit on her head.

"Ha!" Neville said from the corner, forgotten in the story until this point.

"Ha!" Snape said, kicking Neville in the face with his boot, since most of the school was dead by this point, and what was a little reprimand from Dumbledore if he could kick Neville in the face during such chaos?

Neville's brains slowly oozed out of his nose and ears.


"Ha!" Peeves said, delighted in the gleeful display of apocalypse overtaking the school. As the fires took over the building, he sailed through a window in the library out to the safety of the Hogwarts grounds.

As the building quickly turned to ashes which flooded into the lake, exacerbating the giant squid's emphysema, Peeves whizzed away to the Forbidden Forest, kicking a unicorn soundly in the junk.

Peeves watched his handiwork with grim satisfaction.

He then turned his head slightly, a single tear coursing down his gnarled face.

For, once again, he was alone.

Note: LOL, WHAT?