Disclaimer: I do not own WOWP or the characters.
Warning: this one-shot contains femslash. Don't like, don't read. Also, it is a mature subject, so if you can't handle it, don read. Rated T because of the theme.
A/N: a thank you should go to thunderthighs because she's the one who made me read her Alex x Stevie fic and gave me the idea of this pairing.
Sometimes she thinks her life would have been better if she didn't meet her. There would have been no problems, no tensions, no confusion, and no heartbreak. She would have been dating random guys and crying over them. Her hidden feelings would have never been exposed to her. Life wouldn't have changed. After a long day, when she goes through all the old texts, she falls asleep with a smile on her lips and wakes up with tears in her eyes. Things wouldn't have been this way.
(And maybe, just maybe, sometimes she feels glad about meeting her for all these reasons, and many more.)
The first time Alex met Stevie, she hated her. (She still does, Stevie shouldn't have left her all alone, but maybe it was her own fault too- she hates herself as well.) Nobody competes with Alex Russo to be the worst trouble maker in Tribecca Pep. NOBODY.
But destiny always has its own plans, and it'll make you obey that. Because of their twisted fates, Alex and Stevie became friends.
And that's how it all began.
The first time she notices her heart skip a beat, she ignores it. They were ditching classes when they had heard Mr. Laritate's voice, and now they are hiding behind a desk in that empty classroom. So maybe it's the fear of getting caught? Maybe it's the fear of detention? Maybe this has nothing to do with her closeness to Stevie?
(Alex Russo has never been scared of Mr. Laritate or detention. And she has never believed in 'denial is not another river in Egypt', until now.)
The second time it happens, she panics. They are all alone again, ditching classes, when their eyes meet suddenly and her breath is caught in her chest. She has this urge to run to Justin, to ask him to fix this, to take it all away, but she can't, because Justin wouldn't understand, he wouldn't understand this.
(Nobody understands. They call it a phase, they call it a lust. But how can she call it lust when she is experiencing all the different symptoms of 'falling in love'?)
She spends an entire afternoon at the lair, searching for a spell, a charm, a potion. Something! This feeling has to go away, it has to, has to...
(They call it a disease, a twisted sickness. Why can't they cure her then?)
A week is spent in denial. This can't be true! Maybe she's over thinking? Maybe it's nothing at all? Maybe it is some kind of spell? (It better not be Justin, or he has itching powder written all over his clothes.) Maybe it'll go away?
(By the end of the week, she can feel a slight blush in her cheeks and she hates how nervous she becomes just when she catches her sight… they still don't think it's love.)
She is becoming distant from Harper; Harper is feeling insecure about her 'friendship' with Stevie. Harper is her best friend, she could tell her anything- about her wizard powers, about dating a werewolf, anything. Harper would understand. Yet, she can't bring herself to tell Harper for the same reason she can't tell Justin- they will never understand. No one will.
(Juliet is gone and Justin is left crying. She calls up Stevie that night to make sure she is all right. This stupid heart is totally slipping out of her hands.)
She tries to act normal; she tries not to stare at Stevie, not to notice how great she looks in that new pair of jeans. She glances around the classroom in alarm every time she finds her glues glued to Stevie unconsciously. Did someone see her staring?
(She is not afraid of bullying. She doesn't care what others think. But there's this fear that those insensitive kids might tell her parents, and she can see the look in disappointment in her parents' eyes in all her nightmares…)
"Are you all right?" Stevie asks her one day. "You look a little… upset?"
Alex shakes her head and smiles. "I am fine."
She cannot make herself to confess. Alex Russo never had trouble with expressing herself, but now, she can't express her feelings.
(She is a rule breaker. But this is a totally different rule she will be breaking, and it will have a totally different consequence.)
Justin is watching the news in the TV while she is sitting on the kitchen island, drinking milk from the carton itself. Her ears are alert about the 'homosexuality is wrong' speech going on, and her eyes dart to the TV occasionally, piercing daggers to the man on the screen. When she can't take it anymore, she marches up to Justin, snatches the remote from his hands, turns off the TV, throws the remote on the floor, and storms up to her room.
When the door is closed behind her and she has sunk to the floor, crying, she feels scared. What if her family figures it out? What if they feel she is sick? What if they want to send her for therapy? What if they try to make her 'normal' again?
(She's tired of telling people that normal isn't the correct term- it's straight. For once in her life, Alex Russo cares about this technical detail. That one word can make such a huge difference.)
"Alex?" Justin knocks into the door after a few minutes.
She throws the door open and jumps into his arms, letting herself cry, because honestly, if she'll ever get any support from anyone, it'll be him.
He's startled, but he doesn't say anything, or ask anything. He cannot even imagine that his little sister can be lesbian.
(When she wakes up in the morning, sweating and panting, breathing heavily, and looks at the calendar in her wall, counting the number of painful days she has passed, she is tired of hiding in the closet.)
During dinner one night, her mother is talking about how the family of two girls wouldn't let them be together, so they committed suicide.
Suddenly, her hands are trembling around her fork and she loses her appetite. She excuses herself and runs away, before they can see the fear and helplessness in her eyes.
(She hears her mother mumble something about 'lesbians are a disgusting topic... shouldn't have brought it up during dinner.' She will never understand.)
And when Stevie is turned into tiny pieces of ice, she knows it's over, she knows it's gone. She acts normal and tries to ignore the quivering of her lips. She will be 'normal' again, she will be 'cured'- everything will be back to the way it was.
(When she jolts up in her bed in the middle of the night, she hates herself for never telling Stevie. She just covers her mouth with her hands and cries silently… but if she thinks logically, it's not her fault. It's not like she didn't tell her- she couldn't, this world's rules and 'the norm' wouldn't let her, this world didn't give her a chance.)
So please world, please just let her cry.
(A/N: this was my first attempt at femslash. I didn't add any intimate details, because I view homosexual love just as I view straight love. I tried to put in as much heart and soul into it as I could. Please leave a review and tell me if you like this! Criticism on my fic is welcome, but please don't leave flames that say 'lesbianism is sick' etc.)