(Somewhere, in the deep reaches of time and space...
There exists an alternate universe
'Total Drama Action Celebrity Manhunt Reunion Special'
Never came to be
Following TDA, the cast was happy with what they had done
Almost all of them were content with going back to their old lives
The few who weren't... well
They still found ways to deal with the absence of fame
But then Chris McLean, a nicer person in this reality
Was passed along a hilarious idea by a friend
Who was a writer for a world-renowned RPG company
And was looking to break into the fanfiction business
The problem was, the celebrity reality host knew nothing
About the profession of writing stories based on hit TV shows
So to keep his friend from ruining his reputation on a bad product
Chris offered to buy the rights to the idea
Using his clout, Chris got the opportunity to pitch the story
To Fanfiction-dot-net, the most popular fanfiction host on the web
They immediately funded the production of a pilot
To see if the story was worth posting
But Chris only knew about hosting parodies, not writing them
But he didn't want to pay union pricing for a top-notch penman
So the reality host did the only thing he could do
He wrote it himself
Research showed RPG parodies had to have three things...)
(Heroes who went on quests...)
Cody was wandering around a supermarket, lost amongst its many aisles.
"Um... can anyone help me find the Red Elixir of Life?" he asked aloud.
"You mean Fruit Punch Gatorade?" Izzy yelled. "Aisle Five!"
(Girls in fashion-defying barely-there outfits...)
Gwen held up a genuine replica of the clothes the new female heroine in 'Pokémon Black' and 'Pokémon White' wears.
"No," she objected. "Not as long as I live!"
(And the one thing every hero has to have...)
Trent sat at his desk in his office, his face buried in his hands. His son, Harold, openly wept as he sat on the other side.
"I'm sorry, Father! But, somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son!"
"Why, Harold?" Trent asked.
"Because... I have amnesia!"
[Insert dramatic music]
Gwen and Harold stood on a yacht, with Gwen pointing a gun at his head.
"Before I kill you, I must ask you one question: who am I? For I have... amnesia!"
[Insert dramatic music x 2]
In a generic living room, Gwen, Harold, and Cody sat on a sofa while Trent stood in front of them, looking at them all.
"Let me get this straight... does anyone here NOT have amnesia?"
The others all looked at each other and started to murmur.
"Not sure," shrugged Gwen.
"I 'unno," added Cody non-constructively.
[Insert dramatic music x 3]
Suddenly, Izzy burst into the room, quivering in fear. Trent gasped.
"Izzy! Do you..."
"Yes!" she shouted. "I have... Hippopotomonstro-sesquippedalio-phobia!"
[Insert dramatic music x Three-hundred sixty five]
[Okay... that's enough...]
All the guys were stunned beyond words. Gwen, though, was just upset.
"Izzy! You ruined the joke!"
"And what are you talking about? What the heck is hipotmonsquid..."
Izzy screamed with terror. "EEK! DON'T SAY THAT WORD!"
She then bolted out of the room, in fear of her own life.
(Suddenly believing he had created the worst parody in history
Chris abandoned his efforts to write the story
He did the only thing he could think of
Hire a ten-year amateur veteran to do it for cheap)
Chris was sitting at the negotiation table with the story's author (also known as... me) to hash out a deal...
"I'll do it if you tell me who wins 'Total Drama World Tour!'"
"Not happenin', bro."
"Fine..." I growled, "I want a can of soda a day, and unlimited access to YouTube."
"Deal!" Chris exclaimed, jumping out of his seat. "Cue the theme song, 'cause here's the pilot of... TOTAL... DRAMA... FANTASY!"
-[I wanna be, I wanna be famous...]-
Total Drama Fantasy
Story Written by Freedom Fighter
So with that, a story is born! Welcome to my first straight-up 'Total Drama' story! Well, straight-up as a parody story can be, anyway.
Look for every character from the show to make an appearance! Some sooner than later. Which side is your favorite on? Read on to find out as our story begins...
Disclaimer: The characters of the 'Total Drama' series belong to Fresh TV, Inc., Teletoon, and Cartoon Network, not me.
Chapter One - Onward... to Adventure! (06.21.10)
(Our story begins in a quaint little village
It's full name is too long and Japanese to pronounce
So we'll just call it... Toronto
(What? I told you this is cheap!
Next you'll be saying that the intro didn't read like a poem!)
A beautiful sunny day began with two best friends meeting up in the center of town. But this was going to be more than just an ordinary day, as they both had backpacks on, as if they were heading out on a trip.
"Ready to go, Cody?"
"You betcha, Trent!"
"Then onward... to adventure!"
Trent started to march towards the town border, but Cody grabbed him by the arm, stopping him in his tracks.
"Wait... why are we going on this adventure again?"
"Because, when I was a baby, I was brought here and abandoned on the steps of town hall by my birth parents. I was found by whom I now call Pa and Ma, who raised me to be the teenager I am now! I'm sixteen, starting to find my way; gotta new job, gonna start at the mall today!"
"What mall? This is Toronto, not Beverly Hills!"
"You know what I mean! I want to go out and find the people who gave birth to me, and ask them why they wanted me to grow up wondering who they are and wanting to search for them starting today!"
"What about me? What's my back-story?"
"Coming into town yesterday, you tripped, banged your head against a rock, and lost all your memories!"
Cody laughed out loud. "Only you, my best friend since childhood, would make up a story like that!"
"I... didn't make that up..."
"Stop kidding, you kidder!"
"Enough of this dilly-dallying! Let's head onward... to adventure!"
Trent started to head off, but Cody grabbed him yet again.
"Damn it, Cody! What now?"
"I don't feel that we can traverse this journey safely without one more companion. You know, there's strength in numbers!"
"Great suggestion! But one problem with that... who's going to be the third member of our party?"
"It should be someone who can use magic..."
"As well as someone who likes our sense of humor..."
"But most importantly of all..."
The two shouted their thoughts out loud for everyone to hear.
"IT MUST BE A HOT GIRL WHOM WE CAN BOTH FALL HEAD-OVER-HEELS FOR AND MUST SPEND THE ENTIRE STORY FIGHTING OVER WHOM GETS TO GO OUT ON A DATE WITH HER AFTER IT'S ALL OVER!"
Suddenly, the sound of a nearby front door being forced open could be heard. Out stepped an irate girl, one not mad at Trent and Cody's loud declaration that she probably knew referred to her, but because she was trying to escape from an argument she was having with someone.
Three guesses as to who this girl is, and the first two don't count.
"Alright already!" Gwen yelled back inside her house. "I promise... I can't come home unless it's with a boyfriend!"
With that, she slammed the door shut and walked down the steps. But even as she stomped her way down, both Trent and Cody saw it as her bouncing off clouds one foot at a time on her way down from Heaven.
"Humina humina humina..." stuttered Trent.
"First dibs!" called Cody, sprinting off towards Gwen.
"Dude... not cool!"
Trent ran after him, but by the time he got over to Gwen, Cody had already stopped her at the bottom of the stairs and was chatting her up.
"So, wanna come on an adventure with me?" Cody asked, getting straight to the point. "You can get away from here, travel the world, and get to try on a whole bunch of killer outfits!"
"Are you supposed to be a fashion designer or something?"
"I think what my friend is trying to say," Trent cut in, "is that we're about to go on a journey to find out where we came from. And we'd really like it if you joined us on our quest."
"Oh, you guys are questing? What a coincidence! So am I!"
Gwen reached into her backpack...
"Wait," Cody oddly looked at her. "Did you have that on before?"
...and pulled out a small box, which she opened to reveal a golden engagement ring.
"My dad 'apparently' believes 16 is too old for a girl to be single, so he doesn't want me return until I'm married. Can you believe that?"
"Heh..." the two guys laughed nervously. "...imagine that."
"You two seem like nice guys... okay, I'm in! Let's hit the road!"
"Woo hoo!" Cody cheered.
"Awesome," Trent said with a smile.
"So... where are we headed, boys?"
Gwen's question stopped Trent and Cody dead in their tracks.
"You don't even know? Some adventurers you turned out to be!"
"Give us a break," Trent pleaded. "We haven't exactly done this before, you know!"
"She's right, though," Cody admitted. "It would help if we had a clue as to what to do."
Without warning, a guy in a black cloak bumped into Cody. As a result, five crumpled pieces of paper fell to the ground.
"Sorry," the guy hastily apologized.
He picked up four of the paper balls and hustled off.
"Hey, sir..." Cody spoke up as he picked up the fifth. "You forgot this..."
Too late, as the guy had already disappeared from sight.
"Talk about a fast mover. He must've been in a rush to get somewhere."
Trent calmly took the crumpled piece of paper and opened it up. It turned out to be a flier.
"'Izzy's Backwater Emporium,'" Trent read aloud as Cody and Gwen looked on from either side. "'The best place for those looking to venture outside their village for the first time ever on this side of the Little Lakes.' Hmmm... how convenient."
"Too convenient, if you ask me," noted Cody.
"I wonder where this place is..."
"I think I have a pretty good idea..." observed Gwen.
The boys looked up as Gwen pointed to a neon sign three times the size of the largest house in the entire village. It incessantly flashed the words 'Izzy's Backwater Emporium.'
As they walked towards it, around a nearby corner, the cloaked guy from before took his hood off to reveal himself to be... Harold!
"All according to plan!" he said with a smirk on his face.
Seconds later, the trio was inside and at the front desk. Seeing no one around, Trent reached for the bell on the desktop and rang it.
"Customers!" they heard a female voice yell from the back.
The gang then gasped in shock when a grizzly bear walked out of the stock room and up to the front desk.
"Roar!" she mock-growled.
"Izzy?" Gwen guessed.
"How did you know?" Izzy replied.
Izzy took her bear head off and tossed it aside, and then unzipped herself out of her costume, doing the same to the false pelt.
"It's the name on the mega sign outside... and it's on your flier."
"Speaking of the sign," Cody wondered out loud, "given this is supposed to be a 15th-Century village... how do you have electricity?"
"My name is actually Crazy Izzy," answered Izzy, "and the reason I have electricity... is because I'm craaaaaaaazy!"
Trent, Gwen, and Cody all looked at each other, wondering what they had just gotten themselves into.
"Anyway, I've been expecting you guys! Follow me!"
As Izzy headed for the door that led into the supply room, the trio again looked at each other with apprehension.
"The first thing you guys need..." Izzy told them, "is spiffy new duds!"
Izzy disappeared empty-handed and reappeared a split second later, with three small rectangular boxes. She put them down on a nearby table to allow the trio to ponder what was in them.
"Ladies first!" Izzy exclaimed as she grabbed Gwen by the hand.
Izzy opened one box up and pulled out of it a black leotard, a black cape, and a dark green skirt.
"Wow..." Gwen gasped, a little surprised. "This actually looks... wearable!"
"Okay, Cool Guy, you're next!"
As Gwen held up her outfit to the light, Izzy took one of the two remaining boxes and calmly walked it over to Trent. She passed it to him, but once she let go, it became too heavy for him to hold. He and the box promptly fell to the ground.
"Oh, just remembered," Izzy looked back. "It's mood armor. The more negative you feel, the heavier it becomes!"
"But I wasn't thinking negative! At least... I don't think I was."
Trent reached into the box, thinking positive as he did. He pulled out a lime green shirt, matching-colored tights, and... pointy ears?
"Is this... an elf costume?"
"Yeah, but don't worry... the ears are just for show. They don't have any special powers and junk."
"It must be my turn," Cody said, rubbing his hands in anticipation.
As Trent tossed aside the elf ears, Izzy grabbed the last box and handed it over to Cody. He opened it and pulled out... a white T-shirt and sky blue shorts.
"What... is this?"
"A Japanese boys' gym uniform!" Izzy proudly declared.
"I'm not going to wear this!" Cody shouted as he shoved the box back into Izzy's hands.
"Too bad, because the only other thing I have that'll fit you is one of those scrawny little loincloths that cavemen used to wear..."
Cody mumbled something undecipherable as he took his box back.
"That's the spirit!" Izzy rejoiced.
After changing into their outfits...
"Time for the second thing all adventurers need!" Izzy exclaimed. "Tools to use to fight the forces of evil!"
Izzy showed them a tray with three plastic bags on them. Trent, Gwen, and Cody reached into them and pulled out, respectively...
"I got a guitar! Uh... rockin'?"
"I got something called... the Charm of Bezel. Okay..."
"I got a rock."
"Oops," Izzy blushed, realizing her mistake. "Wrong Trent, wrong Gwen, and wrong... just wrong, Charlie Brown!"
Izzy put the bags back on the tray and went to put them back. She returned a minute later, with a different tray of three plastic bags. Again, the trio reached into them and pulled their weapons out...
"A sword!" Trent shouted with excitement, as a sword almost as big as him emerged from the bag. "Now that's what I'm talking about!"
Trent started to swing his sword around, trying to get a feel of the best way to handle it.
"A dark magic spell book?" questioned Gwen. "As cool as that sounds, I don't know how to use magic."
She then snapped her fingers, and a gust of wind quickly blew through the room. It blew fast enough to open the book to a page detailing spells involving wind.
"I got a red... rock."
Cody looked unhappy as he held the red rock in his hand.
"That's a dodgeball, silly!" Izzy corrected him.
"Wait, what kind of a weapon is..."
"TIME FOR THE LAST THING ADVENTURERS NEED!" yelled Izzy.
An hour later, the four of them were outside in an open, grassy field.
"You have to learn how to use your outfits and weapons to defend yourself in the wild!" the redhead explained. "Like this!"
The trio watched as Izzy balled her left hand into the shape of a small handgun and aimed it at a squirrel just innocently passing by. An innocent squirrel carrying an acorn.
Izzy fired two quick, successive shots from her finger blaster, which upon impact blew both the squirrel and the acorn into smithereens. Left in their place were two penny-sized coins and a small test tube with clear red liquid in it.
"Alright!" Izzy shouted, before beginning to sing. "You just got pwned, FTW!"
As Izzy sung and danced, the trio just tried to absorb what had just happened.
"Did she just kill a squirrel?" Trent asked.
"Did said squirrel have money and potions on him?" queried Gwen.
"Did she... just break into joyous song?" questioned Cody.
"...and said let's kill those guys!" sang Izzy.
But Cody wasn't the only one confused as to why Izzy was singing and dancing like an idiot, as Harold looked on from behind a nearby tree.
"I'm not paying her to sing famous video game tunes with lyrics!" he growled. "Gah... she's not worth 20 dollars an hour!"
"I don't care if you're a cute bunny," Izzy continued, actually coming upon a doe-eyed rabbit, "I'll kick your ass for realz!"
She then promptly booted it into the next country!
"Hey, what did you do that for?" Trent asked. "It didn't do anything to you!"
Izzy stopped singing and dancing suddenly. She stayed that way for a few seconds before finally reacting.
"Crap! Now I've forgotten the rest of the song! I guess I have no choice."
"That's a relief," Gwen sighed.
"I'm gonna have to kill you all."
Gwen did a double-take. "Well... that's too dark, even for me!"
Izzy roared in anger, then formed her left hand into a handgun again. But this time, she fired two shots in Gwen's direction. Gwen froze in fear, her life beginning to flash before her eyes.
"After surviving two seasons on 'Total Drama,'" she thought to herself, "this is how I'm gonna die? How... normal..."
But Gwen's life was saved when Trent jumped in the path of Izzy's speedy bullets, which each hit either side of his chest.
"Trent!" Gwen cried. "No! Why did you do that?"
"Why did I do what?" Trent asked as he got up from the ground. "Hold on... I know you're alive, but why am I alive?"
Izzy gasped. "How did you know that your armor is immune to simple imaginary gun shots?"
Trent looked at his outfit. Although there was bullet residue left where the two bullets had impacted his chest, neither had actually made it through the shirt. As a result, Trent didn't even feel any pain from being shot.
Izzy chuckled. "Heh heh... I'll admit I goofed again. But you can't protect her all day!"
"Good," Gwen said as she stepped in front of Trent. "Because I'm not here to be a damsel in distress!"
Gwen's spell book appeared, floating in the air just to her left, and open to a page on basic wind spells.
"Like I'm gonna give you time to read it!" Izzy shouted, firing off another pair of rounds.
"Betep!" Gwen shouted, thrusting her hands forward.
A strong gust of wind shot out from between her arms, moving fast enough to make Izzy's invisible bullets actually visible, and as a result, slowing them to a stop, allowing gravity to take over and make them fall harmlessly to the grass.
"What language was that?" Trent asked Gwen.
"How should I know? I don't even know how I know I actually pronounced it right!"
"Okay, so that's two powers I'm regretting giving out," Izzy groaned. "But wait... wasn't there three?"
Izzy quickly got her answer... when she got clocked in the side of the head with a red rubber ball! Cody's red rubber ball, that is.
"Ow!" she moaned, rubbing the side of her head. "That actually HURT! I'm out for now, suckers!"
Izzy produced a small sphere and threw it at the ground. In an instant, smoke filled the air, blinding our heroes and making them cough uncontrollably.
When the air cleared, Izzy was gone.
"I think that means we won," concluded Cody.
"Way to go!" congratulated Gwen, adding in a hug for good measure.
"It... was... nothing..."
Gwen let go of Cody and started walking to a nearby dirt path. Trent, meanwhile, wasn't happy of Cody getting a reward.
"Hey, no fair, dude! I saved her life!"
"What can I say? The girl likes offense, not defense."
"But I have a sword! Which... I didn't use... but I have a sword!"
"What are you two waiting for?" Gwen asked, tapping her foot impatiently. "Don't we have a journey to start?"
Trent looked at Cody. "You may have won the first battle, but we've got twelve more chapters to go!"
"Look forward to the challenge, friend!"
With that, the two boys caught up with Gwen. Together, they headed out... onward to adventure!
*** To be continued... ***
[it's adventure time!]