Title: i can has?
Series: Hetalia
Character/Pairing: Greece/Japan
Rating: PG-13
Author's note: kink meme: Greece discovers the Lolcats website.

according to the Hetalia Fantasia dramas, Greece couldn't come because he was too poor for the internet? Going on that assumption here.

There's a mild bit of Greece/Japan too.


Greece hadn't gotten internet for quite some time. He had avoided modern conveniences, spurning things like pagers and beeper and cellphones which interrupted his sleep. There were also the issue of funds when it first came out, however that issue had lessened in recent days and the internet had grown on even as he ignored it. In fact, Greece probably would have kept on ignoring the internet, had it not been for Japan. They talked near daily, and the bills were running up. Besides that, the calls would often cut off, or crackle, and the quality was not the best.

So Japan suggested they Skype instead. He offered to send Greece one of his top of the line new computers, and even come to help him set it up and teach him about the internet.

Greece could hardly say no to that.


When they were napping in fields and in bed after using the fields and bed for many things iother/I than napping, Japan gave him lessons. He taught Greece how to turn it on, informed him that the CD drive was inot/I a cupholder, and warned him about all sorts of dangers from phishing to viruses, scams, spam, trojans and worms. The internet seemed a deep, dangerous sea to him – it even involved 'surfing'.

When Japan had left, he opened up Opera (Japan had installed him, muttering a few choice words about internet explorer). He went to Google, as Japan instructed him, and typed in cat.

There were a few photos at the top of the search result, an entry from a site called 'wikipedia', a construction site, and below that, a site called icanhascheezburger. It involved something called 'lolcats'. Intrigued, he clicked it.

In mere seconds, he came upon page after page of cats. Jumping cats, invisible cats, happy cats, sad, cats, serious cats and angry cats. It was glorious. He could swear that he heard heavenly music as he looked through the legions of cats with bad grammar and spelling, but plenty of snark to make up for it.

The namesake, a cat that looked overjoyed at the thought of eating a cheeseburger reminded him of America. He thought seriouscat looked much like Norway. He could probably liken a macro to every country he had ever seen. The sheer multitude of the cats filled him with warmth. His face hurt from smiling so much at each new photo.

Feeling like the world needed to know this like it needed to know the cure for cancer, Greece tried to figure out how to mass-forward it to every country in the world.

Except he accidentally saved it as a draft instead of sending it, and didn't realize it.


Greece was midway through drawing up the official papers to make Caturday a national holiday and change the flag from its current state to the macro with Invisibl buttsecks! when Skype popped up. He had forgotten he had left that on, but it was good timing, anyways. He fumbled for the headset.

"How has it been so far?" Japan asked.

"It's been very good...there's a site with cats, so many cats—" Greece straightened the headset. It did not quite fit him right, and had a habit of falling to awkward angles at any given moment.

Japan chuckled. "Ah, you found the lolcats. I was wondering how long it'd take you to find them."

"You should have told me. I've have got online much earlier," Greece said.

"I'm glad you haven't. There's many things I wouldn't want you to see, Greece-san," Japan said.

"You mean like those...viruses and worms and fishing?"

"That, and some of the more uh, unsavory things as well," Japan said.

"Unsavory things?"

"Certain videos. Some of it would be far too hardcore for your tastes. If you ever see 'two girls, one cup' mentioned, you want to avoid it. You're too pure hearted to be tainted with such dark things."

"I will," Greece said. He felt a surge of warmth at Japan protecting his er, innocence. "What was this 'two cups one girl' thing anyways?"

"It's uh, a video of pornographic nature. Rather extreme, not your thing at all."

It took a few moments for this to sink in. "...there's porn on the internet?" Greece said.

"...yes, Greece-san. There's quite a bit."

"...How would I go about finding that?" Greece asked.

"You really haven't run into any? None at all?" Japan said. "It isn't exactly hard to find..."

"Well, I've mostly been visiting my email and the cat site..." Greece said. "I haven't checked much else yet."

"A lot of it would not be to your taste...but I think I know just what you'd want. I'll mail it to you," Japan said.

"Through the mail? Won't that take a while?"

"No, Greece-san. Email."

"Oh, email. I forgot," Greece said.

There was the sound of some typing, and Japan quietly sipping his tea as he prepared whatever it was he was going to send. After a while, he returned to his microphone.

"There. Sent."

Greece downloaded the zipped file and followed the instructions from Japan on how to extract and view the pictures contained inside. When he opened it and viewed the pictures, he could only stare in wonder. He thought that cat macros were the best that the internet had to offer, but he was dead wrong. For that was the day that Greece discovered catboy porn.

(It was also, incidentally that Greece and Japan formed a whole new venue in their exports – and their relationship. He learned even more of the wonders of the internet when a webcam arrived from Japan the next month, and Japan showed him that not all catboy porn need be animated.)