Okay, I am a huge fan of Midnight Sun and am still all kinds of depressed that Stephenie Meyer refuses to finish it. Having said that, I could not help but have this story pop into my brain due to my intense desire to not only see Midnight Sun finished but an Edward POV of Breaking Dawn. I can't help it, I am a romance writer after all!
I own nothing.
If I had a pulse that could race, I would be having an incredibly hard time keeping it from doing so at the moment. There were many things that I had gleaned in this life, things that I had learned through my years and years of study and things I had gathered from a life that was twice as long as it should have been. For example, I knew the entirety of Shakespeare's works by rote. I could play Mozart's Requiem and I knew every derivation of American high school curriculum that could possibly be applied. But in all of my years, with all of my knowledge held firmly in my unchanging head there was one thing that I hadn't known.
That I could ever want another being the way I wanted my wife right now.
It had been a spontaneous stroke of genius when I suggested that we go for a midnight swim before we took advantage of the enormous bed that dominated the master suite. Still holding Bella in my arms, feeling the searing heat of her seeping into my skin as I saw her gaze lock onto that bed with it's gauzy mosquito netting and downy comforter was almost my undoing. It was the rare moment when it didn't matter that I could not hear her thoughts, but that moment was among them for I knew exactly what she was thinking and the idea of it made it difficult for me to keep my control. Suddenly I wanted to hold her too tight, to touch her too fiercely and I knew that if I didn't put just a modicum of space between us so I could regain control than things could spiral out of hand alarmingly quickly.
The warm breeze blew across my face as I reached the crooked tree near the water's edge and I began to strip off my clothes to hang among its branches. I had always loved coming to Isle Esme for its warmth and its beauty and also for its utter lack of people. Aside from my family, there was a refreshing lack of voices to block from my head and I could spend most of my days in quiet and calm.
But I had never known such peace and silence in my entire life. Even in my fuzzy human memories I could pick up on the thoughts of others, such was my gift even before I was changed. For over 100 years I had been able to hear every thought of every being that I've ever encountered. Glancing back over my shoulder at the beach house and seeing that Bella was still taking her human moments I turned back to the water and allowed my eyes to fall closed. As I was unable to hear her thoughts, the only sound I could hear were the waves lapping gently onto the beach. It was a singular moment in my existence and I cherished it.
A calm settled over me as I realized that everything was going to be fine. Clad in only the light from the moon and the sultry night air I walked soundlessly to the water and wadded out until I was waist deep. I knew that the water would feel warm and soothing to Bella for it felt almost molten to my icy skin. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling, especially considering that the sensation of standing in the surf utterly naked was a new one to me. In such a long lifetime, how was it possible that this last handful of months had held more new experiences than the duration of the preceding timeline? I'd never known love, at least not the love a man feels for a woman. I'd never known jealousy and envy, heartache and heartbreak. I'd never even known I was capable of feeling the desire that had threatened to overcome me at every turn during my time with Bella, first for her blood, then for her love and now….
I heard the soft groan of the door leading to the beach from the house and new that Bella was coming to meet me. I closed my eyes, willing my nerves to settle back into the calm that I had found before. There were so many emotions coursing through me all at once it was as if a child had blown on a dandelion and all of the spindly seeds were my feelings, blowing chaotically around in my head and heart until I couldn't pinpoint which ones to try and reign in first. Anticipation was large among the thoughts as her footfalls stopped at the tree where I had disrobed and my sensitive vampire ears heard her doing as I had done only moments before. I was about to attempt something that terrified me to my very core and yet I wanted it more than I could describe, even to myself.
Fear and apprehension ranked next among my thoughts for I knew that even one wrong move on my party could hurt Bella badly, even kill her. Before we'd disembarked on our honeymoon I had discussed Bella's desire to consummate our union prior to changing into a vampire with Carlisle and my brothers. Even Emmett had stayed serious through out the discussion; such was the gravity of what we were going to attempt. As far as any of them knew it had never been done before, that a willing human was giving herself to a vampire in such a way and the vampire wanted to keep her safe and whole. They could not speak to how the act would go on that accord other than it held great danger for Bella, but they were able to at least give me some insight into how I would feel so I may be more prepared to keep myself in control.
What they told me both intrigued me and frightened me even more than I had been before. They told me that it was a different experience for us because we were vampires and that we lived a life cut into stone, a life that when that stone were to change the change was permanent and intense. I knew how this felt for when I fell in love with Bella my whole world seemed to fracture in that earth shaking moment of realization that was both painful and so gloriously joyous that it rocked me to the core of my existence. If sharing physical love with her was going to be anything like that, and my brothers assured me that it was all that and more, I was afraid. Could I control my needs and urges in the heat of such intensity? Could I live up to the faith that Carlisle had in me that I wouldn't hurt Bella in the throes of my own gratification?
The sound of her tentative steps at the shoreline pulled me from my nervous reverie and I gazed up at the moon to center myself. My acute senses registered every millisecond of her approach, from the slight disturbance of the water as she entered it to the sound of her uneven breathing growing ever closer and a feeling in the pit of my stomach began to curl as a fist would. Bella was coming. This was all real.
The feel of her hand sent ripples of electricity through me as she placed it gently over my own and stood beside me to gaze at the moon as well. In my peripheral vision I could see that she had nothing on and I had to fight to keep my breath even and calm.
She commented on the moon's beauty, leaving me the perfect opening to compliment her. As long as we were keeping it to idle banter I was still on even ground.
But then she turned to me and I was forced to face the moment of my greatest fear and my greatest wishes head on. I mimicked her movement and turned to face her too, my eyes drinking in the beauty of her standing in the water under the pale moon. Her skin seemed to shimmer to my keen vampire eyes and I couldn't take my eyes off of her perfection. I loved her so much, so completely in this moment as she stood before me bare and vulnerable. I knew I could protect her no matter what. I knew I must.
She laid her hand on my bare chest and I couldn't stop the shudder of pleasure that ripped through me at the feel of her hot flesh against me. All hope of keeping my breath even and sure was lost. She'd never touched my bare chest before and the knowledge that she was now able to touch me as she wished, as I was able to touch her too, was too much. For all of the fear and tension and anxiety coursing through me in white-hot waves, none of them crested above the tsunami of need I felt now. I'd waited a century for her and now she was mine alone.
I gazed down into her eyes, half lidded and shining with love and desire and it shook me to my foundation. The expression in her eyes was all for me and it mirrored how I felt exactly. Clearing my throat imperceptibly, I wanted to lay out the ground rules and sound self assured and serious as I did, but my voice came out a coarse whisper as I reminded her that I'd promised only to try making love to her but that didn't mean that if I was hurting her or if I was doing anything that wasn't right that we could continue.
"Don't be afraid, we belong together."
Her words soothed me like a balm even as a far recess of my mind found it mildly amusing that such a role reversal could exist in the world. A human was telling a vampire not to be afraid. This had to be a universal first, like so many things between Bella and I had to be firsts.
Then she closed the final distance between our bodies and laid her head on my chest. Every nerve in my body went into overdrive immediately. The feel of her unclad body pressed to my own was almost more than I could bear. Up to this point even our most risky moments of weakness on the physical front could be considered down right chaste and now I was suddenly holding my wife in the arms I couldn't help but wrap around her with nothing between us but the love we shared.
Knowing this feeling existed, knowing that pleasure of this magnitude was possible suddenly gave me the strength to attempt what we'd set out to. If the universe contained something as magical as this moment, with the promise for more to come as the night moved forward, than maybe the universe was not the cursed place that I had perceived it to be these long years. Maybe there was such a thing as happy endings and maybe, just maybe, I could have one. Soul or no soul, maybe there was a happily ever after here.
Just the hope of that would have to be enough and I surrendered to the moment.
I surrendered to my wife.
Pulling her gently into deeper water I laid my lips gently against hers, reveling in their softness and how they yielded to mine. Her scent burned me as it always had, but I'd grown accustomed to it now. It surrounded me, infiltrated my senses until I was so filled with her that we could have been on Mars for all I cared. There was only Bella and the feeling of her against me. The water lapped calmly around us, pushing us slightly together and pulling us apart over and over, creating sensations that tantalized and excited my senses. I could feel her breasts brushing against me, feel her nipples made hard by the sensations around us and I felt myself grow ready to take her.
Forcing myself to be careful I ran my hands into her hair so I could thread my fingers through its soft thickness and I kissed her as I'd never kissed her before. Though it was still slow and soft so I wouldn't hurt her, I parted her lips cautiously with my own and explored the sweet depths of her mouth with my tongue. She was tentative at first but she quickly mirrored my motions. When her tongue slid languidly against mine a shudder rocked my body more violently than I had ever experienced and I felt her smile against my mouth.
She liked that she was making me feel good which warmed my still heart. The thought that she would want to make this special for me too was just another reminder that, unfathomably, she loved me. This creature loved me as I loved her. Some of the tension began easing from me as I felt her hands run idly up and down my back. We loved each other, there had to be something to that alone that would keep her safe.
"Edward." She murmured against my lips, making my breath pick up speed and the knot tighten again, low in my belly. "Edward."
"Yes?" I whispered, my voice barely audible to her human ears.
She ran her hands down beneath the surface of the water and along my backside. "Take me to the big white bed Edward."
I could tell from the heat pouring from her that she was blushing from head to toe and I was desperate to see her in the pale light inside the house, to feel her beside me.
I scooped her into my arms again and began making my way out of the water and back to the house, reminding myself repeatedly not to run though I nearly lost my senses and bolted at full speed when she began placing a trail of kisses across my jaw line and down my neck. God, I needed her like the living needed air.
It took an interminable amount of time to traverse the beach and get to the door that led us to that big white bed, but I made it. Looking down into her face just before I put her down I searched it for any last dregs of hesitation, any inkling that she didn't want to continue with this. All I saw was desire and naked need, which was all the answer I needed to the questions in my head of if we were truly going to go through with this.
"I love you Bella Cullen. I love you my wife." I said and thrilled a bit at the flush that I now got to appreciate fully as it spread across her cheeks and chest.
"I love you Edward Cullen. I will for eternity."
With her words I laid her down on the center of the bed as I would lay a crystal goblet on a bed of rocks. She gazed up at me and I could tell that she was anxious for me to join her there but I needed a moment, just a moment, to gaze fully at her laying on the bed before me. She was an angel, laying on a soft white cloud of blankets and sheets and my body thrilled to the sight of hers. She shifted slightly and I could see in her face that she was growing self conscious from my scrutiny but I had lost the power of words. The curve of her calf, the smooth lines of her belly, the swells of her breasts were more beautiful to me than any work of art hanging in the best galleries, than any sunset or any field of wildflowers. I saw her begin to forget her discomfort as she took in my own body and I was filled all at once with the desire to please her eyes as she pleased mine.
I knew that we appeared beautiful to humans and Bella herself had told me on numerous occasions that I pleased her physically, but she'd never seen me naked before and a desire to appeal to her even a fraction of how she appealed to me was suddenly of utmost importance.
Her expression grew smoky, her cheeks brightening even more as she met my eyes and smiled almost coyly. "Come here."
I realized that I'd been holding my breath and I let it out in a shaky breath as I did as I was told for I no longer had any shred of will to deny her left inside me. Without breaking her gaze I climbed into the bed beside her and stretched out on my side as she rolled to hers so we were chest to chest again.
We picked up where we had left off in the water, but the sensations were utterly new and different here on dry land. The texture of her skin against my hand as I ran it down the side of her body and over her hip, the friction that existed when her breasts grazed against me were more intimate and intense now that there wasn't water acting as a barrier between our bodies.
Suddenly she changed the tone a bit and I felt her hand fist in my hair as she slid her leg up mine only to drape it wantonly over my waist, exposing her core to me. My response was immediate and frightening as I felt myself take her by the wrists and I pushed her onto her back so I could lay over her. Our kisses began to increase in speed, though I worked doubly hard on keeping my ministrations gentle, I was starting to feel minute lapses in control, especially when she was unconsciously undulating her hips beneath me in what I knew was a desperate invitation.
An invitation I now had absolutely every intention of accepting.
I had to keep myself steady, keep my hands soft and my kisses measured but it was growing difficult. Explosions of need and desire continued to detonate inside me and when I felt her hands slide down to grip my hips and then slide brazenly over my backside I had to sink my teeth into the pillow beside her head just to release some of my tension. The fabric tore in my mouth as if I'd bitten into softened butter, doing very little to ease the overwhelming passion that was bubbling inside me.
I felt her hot breath against my ear as she took the lobe experimentally in her teeth and I slid my hand between our bodies to finally indulge my desire to know the weight and warmth of her breast. She gasped as I cupped it, the sound fanning the flames to inferno inside me and I bit the pillow again. I knew I was dancing on the edge of danger but I didn't feel afraid or trepidatious anymore. All I felt was want.
Feathers were beginning to work their way out of the damaged pillow with our movements but I paid them little mind as I lowered my head to her nipple and took it in my mouth. She moaned and arched her back at the feeling, which only spurred me on. Suddenly my hands were everywhere. For every moment I'd wanted to touch her, every time I'd repressed my needs to keep her safe, every instance that I'd pushed her away or stopped us down this road so as to not endanger her I now indulged every whim. I slid the backs of my fingers down her cheek, I kissed the inside or her knee, I ran my open hands up her thighs. I was everywhere and, for all of her human limitations, she matched my passions with her own and it took my breath away.
I felt her nails down my back, her hands in my hair. She ran her hands up and down my chest and belly over and over again and I never grew accustomed to the sensations of pure pleasure it aroused in me.
Our love play continued on for quite awhile and I, at least, would have been able to continue on like that indefinitely had two things not happened simultaneously. As our mouths found each other again and we kissed as deeply as we ever had Bella slid her hand down my chest, down my belly and I sucked in a shocked and ragged breath when she continued on only to wrap her long and delicate fingers around that part of me that could join us and moan into my ear. "I need you Edward. Please, I need you inside me."
If the feel of her touching me there, asking me to take her wasn't enough the please was my total undoing. Wordless thoughts swam through my head as my body seemed to take over to do what came naturally. I put my hands on either side of her head and looking down deeply into the warm chocolate brown of her eyes I began to slide inside of her so that our bodies could become one as our hearts already had.
I had to go slowly, not only to remain in control while the most unbelievable, indescribable sensations assailed me but to ensure that I didn't hurt Bella as this was her first time as well as mine too. I could feel her body slowly allowing itself to accommodate me and I watched her face for any signs of pain. She closed her eyes for a moment and seemed to wince which stopped me dead in my tracks.
"Am I hurting you?" I gasped; my body screaming for me to continue though my will to be tender prevailed.
"No. Please don't stop." Her hips rose to mine, driving me a fraction deeper in the process and I completed my entrance with a shaky half thrust. I looked into her face again and if I'd hurt her she didn't show it for this time her eyes were wide with wonder as she gazed back at me. I'm sure mine looked the same and we sat like that for just a moment, fused together and on the precipice of discovery. Together, we made the plunge.
As I began to move within her I couldn't get a grasp on what I was feeling. No words could describe the intensity. I hadn't known I was capable of feeling such passion, such hunger for a woman, even Bella. As we made love I felt a touch here or a caress there that I knew had to be too rough, but she never acted as if I was giving her anything but pleasure. Moans and gasps filled the thick night air from both of us as I felt her gathering beneath me, felt her body growing tenser and more rigid as my pace began to accelerate slightly and my thrusts began to deepen.
Without warning she let out a cry just as I felt the part of her that surrounded me clench rhythmically and I knew she'd found release. She grabbed my arms and arched her head back as an expression of pure ecstasy crossed her beautiful features. Her neck and chest were scarlet and heat poured from her, surrounding me like a blanket.
It was my undoing. My movements became irregular, my rhythm completely shattered as animal instinct took over. My mind was able to remember not to bite her, not to consider her prey and I was pleased that the idea to drink her blood had no appeal to me. I only wanted her as my love.
Stars burst into prisms of blinding light behind my eyes as my own release came upon me in a moment that ripped a growl from my throat. I could feel my eyes prickling and I knew if I still had the capacity to weep I would. My heart was too full, my body to alive, my emotions too raw and in that moment I knew I had to have a soul. There was no way that I could be experiencing something this complex and otherworldly without one.
Breathless, I gazed down at my wife and as her eyes began to grow slumberous I lay my forehead against hers to give myself a moment to gather some composure. "I'm so in love with you." I whispered and shut my eyes to luxuriate in this moment of perfect peace for just a second.
"Me too. I love you too." She answered and I lowered myself to my side, rolling off of her slightly, so I could hold her against my while she fell into sleep beside me. It was there that I would stay through the rest of the night and for the rest of my life my heart would be in this moment.