Disclaimer: I own nothing affiliated with neither The Sookie Stackhouse Novels nor the song cycle Edges
The alarm clock on my night stand reads six o'clock in the morning. Thanks to the light-tight room, the only hint that it's daybreak is the soft glow from the clock. I look at the sleeping Viking lying there to my left and I know I should be as dead as he is...he sufficiently proved his stamina was more than up to snuff. I wish I could sleep as well as he does.
I constantly wonder if he dreams of me, if vampires dream at all. Am I happy and in peace in his dreams? He probably assumes I dream of him too. As if his ego needs any more boost. But no matter how exhausted I am, I can't fall asleep. I can't calm my racing mind, and I don't want to wake the sleeping god beside me. What would he think if he knew I don't sleep a at all, that each night I have a harder time breathing, as if there's a train running over my chest.
Is this it for me?
I look at my vampire lying there and I want to love him. Dear God he doesn't make it easy. I want to be by his side as long as I live...but with him I'm not peace, I'm exhausted and nearly empty from everything that has happened between us and the Supe world. I've had to give up so much to be with Eric, and none of it has been easy. Sometimes I feel that it's just me compromising my life here.
You'd think after everything, life with Eric would calm me enough into a peaceful sleep, that if he was human I'd see miniature Erics running around creating havoc, even dreams of us back when he was still alive. You'd think my worst nightmares would be a life without him. What if Hallow or the Fellowship had killed him? What if I went through life never have meeting him in the first place? What if he never existed? But I'd have to sleep to dream or have nightmares. So you'd be wrong.
This man beside me is everything I could hope for. I love his blue eyes and his towering height. I love his Gracious Plenty and his delicious butt. I love that we argue about just about everything, and how we both eachother's stubbornness. To others we don't make sense, we shouldn't work out, but Fate stuck us together, and it looks like he was meant to live all this time to find me. But night after night, I try and keep shutting my eyes. But I still can't sleep.
I look at him lying there sleeping as I lay awake. I bet he has no clue that my unease continues to build and suffocate me. Though I want to shut my eyes and join him in his sleep, I don't sleep. I can't breathe. I won't move. I wish I could just wake him or move him.
I wish I could love him. But wishing I could love him isn't really loving….I suppose.
The alarm clock reads eight in the morning. I kiss my Eric on the forehead and leave the room, plastering my 'Crazy Sookie' smile for no one's sake but my own. I make myself as busy as possible hoping, praying that tonight sleep comes to me.
A/N: This is inspired by the song Lying There from the show Edges. Listening to and performing the song, all I could think of was how this woman could easily be Sookie. As it got toward the end, I used some of the lyrics, because I honestly couldn't figure out how to say it better.