This is a little Mergana two shot I wrote a couple of years ago, and just re-edited it! :) I hope it's ok, it's not the best thing I've written and romance is not my thing, so any constructive critcism will be much appreciated :) thanks!
Definitions of 'parallel':
- Lines side by side with a constant distance between them
- Situations that are very similar
- An exact likeness
Merlin couldn't sleep; he lay there, staring at the dark ceiling. The pale moon filled his room with an eerie light. He tossed and turned, wondering why his mind felt so alert and why thoughts were racing through his head. Usually he was so exhausted he fell into bed and was asleep within minutes. Sometimes his worries kept him awake, but tonight it was something else, or rather, someone else. The same face kept on appearing in Merlin's head whenever he closed his eyes.
Finally accepting that he was never going to get to sleep, Merlin sat up with a sigh and gazed around his small room. Getting up as silently as possible so as not to wake the sleeping Gaius next door, Merlin sat on a chair by his bed, trying to think of something that would get him to sleep. He considered using magic, but decided against it, if something went wrong he could end up sleeping for a week, and would get nothing from it apart from an irritated Arthur and another lecture from Gaius.
Suddenly he remembered something that his mother had once told him. If something's troubling you, if something's on your mind, write it down. Sending the words from your mind on paper helps give you peace. Perhaps if Merlin did so, it would be enough to let him sleep.
Creeping around his chamber, Merlin looked for some ink and parchment he remembered carelessly discarding on the floor once, as he did with everything else. Finally he found a piece decent parchment, a quill and a bottle of ink that had thankfully not smashed. Merlin then sat back on his chair and drew his knees close to his chest so he had something to lean on. He decided that the middle of the night was not a good time to turn his bed or wardrobe into a temporary table. After a few moments of silence, where Merlin thought of how to form the words on the paper, he began to write.
The first time Merlin had set eyes on Morgana, he had felt his heart skip a beat. He knew it sounded childish, but it was true. The first time he had seen her beautiful face, soft dark hair, sparkling eyes and gorgeous smile, he wouldn't have been surprised if he had in fact died and was in heaven with an angel. Merlin tried to convince himself that he was just being stupid, surely every man felt like this when he saw a face like Morgana's, and someone like Morgana wouldn't glance at a manservant in the same way as he glanced at her. There was no good pining over her, he should just forget about her and move on, surely it was just a small crush?
After a few weeks Merlin found he was so busy doing chores for Gaius, working for Arthur, practising magic or using magic to save Camelot, that he did start to forget about Morgana. But despite this, every time he saw her face, he couldn't help smiling, and butterflies started fluttering in his stomach again.
Morgana was such a sweet girl, always caring for people, always friendly. While she suffered with nightmares during the night, she battled with Uther during the day. She seemed to be the only one other than Merlin who could see through Uther's mask, and that he was more of a tyrant than a King. Merlin admired her for that, but the last thing he wanted was to see Morgana get into trouble, and sometimes she had gone too far, she had even tried to help people to kill Uther.
The Dragon had warned Merlin about Morgana, about her destiny, about how she had magic powers and her dreams could tell the future. If only the Dragon knew how Merlin felt about Morgana. Now he realised that she was special like him, that she had magic powers, he felt closer to her. And over time not even risking his life for Camelot every day would stop him thinking about her when night fell. If the Dragon was right about her, Merlin knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help it.
However nothing could happen, nothing would ever happen between them. Merlin was a servant; Morgana the King's ward. If he wasn't Arthur's manservant he doubted she would look at him twice.
Despite Merlin telling himself this, he couldn't shake off the feelings that he had for Morgana. The feeling that he would happily have his life taken away to save hers, to let him suffer from the nightmares so she could sleep in peace.
But that didn't change anything, Morgana didn't share the same feelings, why should she?
Sometimes Merlin felt like he couldn't bottle up his feelings about Morgana any more. He had to let it out; he had to tell someone how he felt about her, but who? He couldn't tell Gaius, he was like the father he never had, but he felt that love was something he could not confide with Gaius. He didn't even think about telling Arthur, who would either get angry or laugh it off, seeing it as some sort of joke. He could tell Gwen, Merlin trusted Gwen, he was close to Gwen, but Gwen was also close to Morgana. Despite the fact that he trusted Gwen she might feel that she had to tell Morgana, but he didn't want Morgana to find out. He didn't want to look any more like a fool than he already did at times.
In the end, it seemed the only thing Merlin could confide in was a piece of parchment, the one that he held in his hands. He watched the ink slowly dry on the parchment, the ink that had released all his emotions that he didn't even realise he had for Morgana, about how he felt when he saw her face, how he felt when he heard her laugh, how he realised he could tell no one else.
Before Merlin hid the parchment away so no one could find it, he wrote three last words at the bottom:
I love her.
Letting out a deep sigh, Merlin hid the parchment under a loose floorboard with his magic book, and lay back in bed.
He couldn't tell her anything, about his feelings, about his magic. Nothing.
But perhaps one day, one day the time will come where he could tell Morgana everything.