Hello, and welcome to the first chapter of the Akatsuki little book of crack! I hope my readers enjoy this and I want to say that I have nothing against the Akatsuki and any other characters I write about... enjoy!

Itachi Uchiha- The Problem

Itachi had a problem. It wasn't a very big problem, but still for an Uchiha a problem was a complete disaster.

They were just so used to everything working out perfectly, cocky bastards. Anyway, Itachi had a very interesting problem. Everyday he woke up at 5:00am to train, and then go eat breakfast.

His breakfast was simple; it was a triple chocolate chip fudge donut. Healthy huh? So, just like any other day Itachi was just done training and he was headed toward the donut stand.

However, today there was a hooded figure standing by the donut stand. Itachi glared at the figure steadily and from under the hood he could see the wide grin the figure gave him.

He brushed past the figure, got his donut and was about to leave when the figure stood in front of him and said something he did not understand.

It must have been in some other language because it sounded nothing like Japanese. Suddenly, he felt himself being grabbed by a ton of arms and everything went black.

Now you see Itachi's problem, he just got kidnapped.

Itachi woke up an unknown amount of time later and he was quite surprised to find himself tied up to a hot pink chair.

So he looked around and he saw that everything around him was rainbow coloured. Everything was a different colour and for a while Itachi was shocked to see that there were so many shades of pink, green, yellow, purple, and blue.

After snapping out of it he shook his head and tried to get out of his, shudder, pink fuzzy rope. It was simple enough, considering the fact that the rope practically fell apart when he yanked on it.

Itachi got up and looked around, this place was very strange. When he looked at the walls he saw there were many framed pictures of him.

There were pictures of him training, eating, walking, running, reading, and sleeping. Itachi glared at the pictures, how had he not known that someone was doing this.

He felt truly stupid and weak at that moment, but his attention was captured by a sound behind him. He turned around and saw that a man was standing in the doorway.

The man had short black hair and he had his Sharingan activated, meaning he was an Uchiha just like Itachi. The man walked a few steps forward and then said, "Itachi Uchiha, I am Uchiha Madara and I have been watching you for a while."

Itachi glared at the man but then raised his eyebrow when he realized that the room belonged to Madara. What a creep, who on earth that was male had such colourful walls?

Well except for Naruto, but that's a mental disorder.

Madara then stopped forward and said, "Itachi, I mean you no harm, if you cooperate. However, if you don't I will do very horrible things to you."

Itachi looked unfazed but in his mind he was chuckling. What would this lunatic do to him? Tie him up with fuzzy pink rope again? Or, gasp, would he make him stare at the colourful walls?

After his mind was done with the many 'horrible' scenarios Itachi said, "Madara, what do you want?"

Madara chuckled and said, "Well, you see... I need someone to get me groceries." Itachi looked dumb founded and after a while said, "No, I am not your maid."

Then Madara giggled and said, "Uh-oh, bad Itachi needs to be punished for disobeying me." Itachi almost twitched in disgust, almost. Suddenly, everything went black again and Itachi mentally cursed.

Madara knocked Itachi out quickly. This was so much fun, why hadn't he thought of this earlier?

Truth be told, he had gotten this idea from Zetsu, who liked to stalk his food for a full week before devouring it. Then Madara dragged Itachi's body to a neon green mat and dressed him in a frilly hot pink maid outfit.

For the past year Madara had been stalking Itachi, and it was great. Sure Itachi wasn't that entertaining but it was still very fun and now that Madara had kidnapped him he could have even more fun.

He would dress him up, and feed him, and whoa wait a second. He was Uchiha Madara, the most powerful and smart Uchiha of all time. Why the hell was he playing dolly with Itachi?

Simple, all evil villains had a weird super creepy hobby. Looks like stalking and playing dolly was Madara's.

Now Madara was sitting down on a sky blue chair beside the now very girly looking Itachi. Then Madara got an evil idea so he ran over to a shelf with paint on it, got some face paint and then ran back to Itachi.

After that Madara painted hearts and other strange symbols all over Itachi's face. Then for a finishing touch, Madara undid Itachi's long pony tail.

Now he truly looked like a girl, but with really flat chest. Some time later, Itachi woke up but then wished he hadn't when he saw what he was wearing.

It was a hot pink maid outfit, and it was scandalously short. He felt something was on his face but he didn't have a mirror so he could see what it was and for some reason his hair was down.

Ignoring his current state of appearance Itachi found a way out of the bright colourful room and into the hallway. Madara was no where in sight so Itachi began walking down the large maze of hallways.

After about fifteen minutes of walking he saw a walking fish. Wait a second, back up a step. A walking fish?

Itachi narrowed his eyes at the 'fish' when it openly began to laugh at him. Then the fish walked up to him and said, "Hey babe, what are you doing walking around here alone? Come with me, I'll 'help' you."

Itachi glared and then said, "I'm not a woman." Fish-man's eyes widened but then he shook his head and said, "So Tobi got his hands on you?"

Itachi raised his eyebrow and said, "No, Madara did." Then fish-man made an 'ohhh' sound and then said, "Ya same guy, come with me before he tries to make you do creepy gay things for him."

Itachi said nothing but followed fish-man anyway. Fish-man led Itachi back to his room, where he gave him some clothing and let him wash his face.

When Itachi was all cleaned up and looked like a man again fish-man said, "I'm Kisame, this is the Akatsuki base and Tobi is an insane bipolar psychopath."

Itachi nodded and then said, "How do I get out of here?" Kisame shook his head and then said, "You cant, Tobi can teleport so no matter where you go he will find you. The only way you can really escape him is to become a member, he doesn't really bother members." A clear lie.

Itachi nodded again and then said, "How do I become a member?" Then Kisame grinned, silently got up, and led Itachi to the leader. For a secret powerful organization their initiation was extremely silly and Kisame was looking forward to seeing Itachi do it.

With Pein...

Pein sat in the main room quietly, he was bored and nothing eventful had happened in ages. The only interesting thing what that apparently Tobi had a new hobby, but that didn't relate to Pein so he didn't care.

He was thinking of going out for a walk or something when Kisame walked in. Behind Kisame was another man and he looked calm and poised.

Pein leaned forward in his seat and then said, "Kisame, who is this?" Kisame grinned and then said, "This is Tobi's hobby, but he wants to be a member of the Akatsuki."

Pein nodded and then turned to Itachi and said, "What is your name and what are your powers?" Itachi then replied in monotone, "I am Uchiha Itachi, I am a Sharingan user."

Pein gave him a small smirk, he knew of Itachi. He was the protégé of the Uchiha clan and he was extremely powerful. Then Pein said, "You're in, but there is one task you need to complete before you can become a full member."

Itachi nodded and Kisame began chuckling beside him. Then Pein, who was trying not to grin, said, "Dance."

Itachi actually looked surprised and shocked, but he quickly recomposed himself and said, "Is that really necessary?" Pein nodded, Kisame began to laugh, and Itachi sighed.

Then Itachi walked back a couple of steps and did a Michael Jackson dance. Overall, it looked very cool but it raised the question of why Itachi knew this dance in the first place.

When he was done Pein smirked and dismissed Itachi and Kisame. Then the usual Akatsuki cloak, nail polish, and ring were given to Itachi. Finally, when everything was settled Itachi went to his new room to sleep.

That night Madara/Tobi snuck into Itachi's room and stared at Itachi. His plan had worked; Itachi was now a member of the Akatsuki so he could walk in here every night to stare at him.

Insert maniacal laugh here. And to think, this was all because of Zetsu's idea.

Next Chapter will be up in a couple of days! Reviews?