This my first try at a lemon, with my MOST FAVORITE CARACTER IN THE UNIVERSE….FEMITACHI!

Anyway, it's an itanaru sooooooooooooooo… ya go!

*Pant pant pant*


"Shit…" muttered a muted voice from behind a bush.

"There you are Naruto-kun" said a soft, monotonous voice, as a figure jumped down from the trees surrounding the area. "You have led me on quite a chaise with your Clones, but I am afraid that this is where the game of cat and mouse must come to and end."

"Fuck you, Itachi," the now identified Naruto yelled as he jumped out from behind the bush he was hiding behind. "You and Akatsuki can go to hell, and when I die, I'll be sure to direct that bastard fox in your direction! Then you and your little gang can have to stupid fox."

"Now, now, Naruto-kun," Itachi almost whispered. "I would prefer if you refrained from using such profanities, they are quite rude."

Itachi started to walk towards Naruto, who was slowly backing away while forming a one-handed Rasengan. He had mastered it after he heard that Akatsuki was coming after him. When you hear that a band of S-Class criminals are coming for you, you make a damn good effort to master as many A-Rank and above Jutsu as you can, because anything of a lower rank would be an insult to them.

"Come now Naruto-kun, you didn't even let me state my reason for being here." said Itachi, in that same quiet, tedious voice that he seemed to prefer.

"You can take your reasons and shove them wherever they fit best, you bastard! I don't want to hear your pathetic little introduction, like ero-sennin."

"Now, now, Naruto, you don't even know if I'm here for the Nine-Tailed Fox, what if I was in the vicinity, and just decided to take advantage of this fortunate coincident, hmm?" Itachi said with an edge that Naruto couldn't identify. For some reason, Itachi's tone sent shivers up Naruto's spine. He shook his head to clear his thoughts, and glared at Itachi.

"Well then, Mr. Polite, what did you want to talk to me about, huh?" Naruto exclaimed, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Suddenly, Itachi was no longer standing in the small gap in trees. He was standing right in front of Naruto, any closer and their bodies would be touching. Leaning down to whisper in to Naruto's ear, Itachi mumbled in a quiet, muted voice.

"Who said anything about talking?"

Naruto opened his mouth to say something, but suddenly found his mouth occupied by Itachi's. Now, there is something you have to understand about Naruto. He was as straight as the next guy, so his reaction is perfectly understandable.

Naruto backed away as fast as he could, until he hit a tree. He then started to gag and spit worse than when he was pushed into Sasuke at the academy.

"WHAT-cough-THE-cough-FUCK-cough-?"yelled Naruto, with intermittent coughs. "Are you fucking kidding me! Are you fucking KIDDING ME! Are all you Uchiha gay? First, Sasuke turns down every single girl who practically TROW their bodies at him, and then you come and start fucking KISSING ME! THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? DO I LOOK GAY TO YOU? I'M FUCKING STRAIGHT YOU QUEER!"

"And?" Itachi questioned softly.

"And? AND? WHAT DO YOU MEAN AND? What do you not understand about me bei-"

Suddenly, Itachi cut him off.

"I," he spoke a bit louder now, "am also straight."




Naruto did what any guy in his situation would do. He fainted.

Time skip-Evening

Naruto woke up with his back leaned up against a tree, with his butt on the grass beneath him.

"Ugh…I definitely need to lay of the miso-ramen before I go travelling. What a weird dream. Itachi, a girl? Man, I must have hit one hard tree branch."

Naruto sighed as he started to get up. That is, until he noticed to arms wrapped around his waist.

"Alright, alright…this must mean that my dream wasn't…a…dream. So these arms…belong…to…"

He was too scared to look closely at the arms, because when he did, he was positive he would see the black cloak with red clouds sown onto it, the signature of the Akatsuki. As he travelled up the picture he was constructing in his head, the arms would end in a pair of manicured hands, with a red ring with a Kanji for scarlet inscribed onto it on one of the fingers. He unintentionally leaned back, right into Itachi's neck. Before Naruto could escape, Itachi brought his chin down and tightened his hold, effectively trapping Naruto.

"Finally awake are you, hmm?" Itachi whispered into Naruto's ear.

Naruto involuntarily shivered when Itachi did this, and tensed all his muscles, ready to make a quick get-away whenever the opportunity presented itself.

"I don't know if you remember or not," Itachi paused to nibble on Naruto's earlobe, "but I told that I am female."

Naruto was suddenly pressed into Itachi's chest, and he could distinctly feel two soft globes pressing against his back, confirming what Itachi said.

"You must believe me Naruto, you are the only one I have told this secret." Once again, Itachi spoke in hi- her quiet, monotonous voice.

Naruto was staring straight ahead, trying do deny what his brain was telling him. Itachi was a girl? Ya right, what's next? The leader of Akatsuki is Madara Uchiha? Even though he died a century ago? I'll have whatever he's smoking.

As Naruto was being distracted by…himself…he failed to notice the growing puddle on his chest, until it got big enough to sink through the fabric of his jumpsuit.

"Wha- Why is my chest wet?" Naruto stared at the puddle until he saw it. Another drop. He looked around and noticed that there weren't any other puddles, so it wasn't raining. He looked up, and only then did he see the cold, hard, emotionless mask of Itachi Uchiha, change. Sure, none of her facial muscles changed in the slightest, but it's kind of hard to hide thick, streaming tear-tracks if you're trying not to let someone go.

Naruto was…confused. On one hand, he had a lady, quite a good looking one, if he let himself look at her that way, crying not three feet away from him. On the other hand, the crying lady had been gunning for his ultimate demise for quite some time now. Yes, Naruto really was in quite a jam.

Eventually, his sympathetic side won over his vengeful side. After all, Naruto never really was one to hold a grudge, and, even though she had yet to say so, he had a distinct feeling that Itachi was no longer hunting him for what he contained.

Naruto squirmed around in Itachi's arms, until he was face to face with her.

"Please…please don't cry," Naruto whispered to Itachi. "I hate seeing a girl cry. Please don't." He then proceeded to do something shocked not only Itachi, but him as well.

He hugged her.

'What am I doing? Why am I hugging her' thought Naruto.

He didn't know how long he stayed like that for. Eventually, Itachi managed to stem the flow of tears, and mumble out a slightly garbled, "Thank you." She then fell asleep in Naruto's arms. Naruto, with nothing to stop him now, slowly wound his way out of Itachi's grip that seemed to persist even when she was asleep. He stood up and stretched, getting ready to hop away into the trees and pretend what just occurred never happened. That was his plan until, out of no where, he heard his name being called. He looked around, but it was only him and Itachi in the vicinity. He gazed intently at Itachi, and saw her mouth move as he heard his name called again.

"Naruto…" Itachi mumbled in her sleep, grasping at the air around her body. Her face was slightly furrowed, as though she was troubled or thinking intently.

'She's dreaming of me. No one can control who they dream of. Just what am I to her?'

Naruto sighed as he slowly made his way back to her. He picked her up and laid her in his lap.

"If ero-sennin saw me now, I don't if he would cry tears of joy, or have me committed…sigh…might as well try to get some sleep myself." Naruto mumbled to himself as he slowly started to drift off. Just before he succumbed to sleep, he noticed Itachi snuggle closer to him. "Cute" he thought, till he fell asleep.

Time skip (Next Day)

Naruto slowly woke up to the sound of birds chirping, a stream nearby softly gurgling over rocks, wind rustling the trees, someone's breath washing over his face, a nice com- wait, WHAT? Someone was breathing on his face! Suddenly everything that had happened to him yesterday came back to him, and he was sure he knew whose breath kept caressing his face softly at regular intervals.

"Itachi." He mumbled quietly, slowly cracking one of his eyes open to test his theory.

"Yes, Naruto-kun?" Damn-it, he was right.

She was barely an inch away from him; her eyes seemed to stare into his very soul. As he was watching, he noticed that she seemed to be slightly panting. "Did she just finish her morning work-out or something" He couldn't come up with a viable answer, so he decided to voice his question.

"Ne, Itachi, why are you panting?"

She giggled at Naruto's questioning look, and leaned even closer towards him, so now there was not even a centimeter between their noses.

"Wouldn't you like to know, hmm? Tell you what, I'll tell you why I'm panting if you do something for me." 'He is so naïve. No matter, he won't be for long'

"That sounds fair. What do you want me to do?"

'Got him' "Nothing big, I just want you to take off an item of your clothes every time you ask me a question"

"WHAT! I can't do that! It's crazy!"

"Why not? If you didn't do this, then I wouldn't be getting anything out of this. Don't worry, I wont make you take of your underwear." 'You will want to do that yourself'

"…Fine, I guess." mumbled Naruto as he sifted through his mind for the most important questions he had, and matched them up with the clothing he had on.

"First question: Why were you here, anyway? Were you looking for me, or another jinchuuriki?"

"Those are two questions, Naruto-kun. For those answers, I need your jacket and sandals." spoke Itachi quietly, but also with a hint of anticipation.

"Alright, alright here." grumbled Naruto as he handed over the requested items.

Itachi took them from Naruto and put them somewhere in her Akatsuki cloak.

"Alright, then. For your answers; no, I am not currently hunting for a jinchuuriki, or I would have had my partner with me. I'm sure you remember him, hmm?"

Naruto barely repressed a shudder as he recalled the gigantic, blue shark-man that had been travelling with Itachi. That was one guy he did NOT want to meet on a dark night.

"For your other question, I am here because…because…well, because I am. I have no real reason for being in this area. I was merely passing through." Itachi spoke so softly that Naruto had to strain his ears to the max just to make out what she said.

"You mean to tell me that this entire mess could have been avoided if I hadn't decided to sneak out to train today?"

"Yes this all could have been avoided, although for me, this is no mess." Itachi used that same tone that put Naruto on edge for some reason.

"Alright, uuuummmm…," at this point, Naruto only had his pants, shirt, and socks on, so he had to choose his questions wisely.

"Why are you panting? Did you work out before I woke up?" Naruto cursed in his head as he realized his slip-up. He had asked two questions, when one would get his the answer for both.

"Your shirt and your socks please, Naruto-kun."

"Ya, ya, here ya go. Humph, I think that this is ridiculous, but, if it's the only way to get any answers out of you, then fine."

Itachi subconsciously licked her lips as she eyed Naruto's rippling abs. Due to his harsh and demanding training schedule, he had a very well developed six-pack, on his way to an eight-pack. What was most amazing, though, was the fact that his skin was completely unscarred, without a single blemish on it. They say that your scars tell the story of your life. If that was the case, then Naruto's skin was the most ridiculous liar she had ever met. She used to live in Konoha, and she WAS an ANBU. She saw what Naruto was subjected to, and she knew that, without the Kyuubi's healing abilities, Naruto's skin wouldn't have an unscarred area on it. Hell, without Kyuubi, he would more then likely be dead. Naruto was one of the reasons she accepted the mission to kill off all the Uchiha. She saw the way they treated her Naruto-kun, and when she was finally offered an actual mission to kill them, she could barely restrain herself from giving the Hokage one of Naruto's face splitting grins. She was sure that if she had, she would have been committed right there, and never get this opportunity to admire her Naruto-kun.

'Yes, Naruto is mine, and no one will ever take him from me. Not even Akatsuki. As one of the strongest members, I could kill each of them individually, some even two on one. If Konoha doesn't step up to deal with the problem, then I will have to take matters, and Naruto, into my own hands.'

As Itachi was thinking, she never noticed how intently she was admiring Naruto, and it was starting to make Naruto anxious.

'Why is she looking at me like that? Why do I feel so anxious? It's like there's a spring in my stomach, constantly pushing and pulling. Is she even aware of what she's doing? She looks kind of dazed.'

"Ne, Itachi, are you there? The lights are on, but nobodies home. Hellloooo!" said Naruto, trying to bring Itachi back down to earth.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Naruto-kun. I was just planning my next kill." Naruto couldn't tell, with that emotionless face of hers, if Itachi was being serious or joking, and it was really starting to creep him out.

"I-Its nothing Don-Don't worry about it. You looked kind of dazed for a minute there, are you alright?"

"Oh, I'm fine Naruto, more than fine. Now, to answer your question. Why am I panting? Hmm…I guess you could say I was playing with myself, not really working out. That's not to say it wasn't tiring. You could imagine what it takes to tire out an S-ranked missing-nin."

"Playing with yourself?"

Naruto was currently imagining Itachi, playing, with a Shadow Clone. That was the only scenario that made sense in his innocent, young mind.

"Alriiiiiiiiight, if you say so…"

"Yes, I say so Naruto-kun. Anyway, you have one last question, and then your pants will become mine. What will it be?"

Naruto thought long and hard, not talking for over ten minutes, which Itachi was sure was a new record for him. Finally, after more than fifteen minutes of searching, he found the perfect question for her.

"What am I to you? You come here and talk to me, knowing full well that you will eventually have to kill me," Itachi's face grew visibly harder at this, no that Naruto noticed.

"Why don't you just get it over with?" he continued.

"The reason I have not, and will not kill you Naruto-kun, is very simple, and most people would accept it almost instantly. But I know that you will have trouble with it. Ah, I almost forgot our deal. Your pants please, Naruto-kun."

Naruto removed his pants absentmindedly, not even paying attention when Itachi quirked an eyebrow at his frog and ramen bowl boxers, which he would be proud to tell anyone were his own design.

'Something I would have trouble believing? What could that be? I'm the most open-minded person I know, so what would be easier for others to believe than me?'

These questions kept chasing each other around in circles in his head, providing no answers to the mystery that was the answer.

It was only when he heard a throat being cleared, that he turned and noticed that, once again, Itachi was centimeters away from his face, her eyes trapping him completely. He doubted he would have been able to move if he tried, not that he did. He wanted to know what Itachi meant. He didn't have to wait very long.

"The reason that I did all this was quite simple, as I said. I did this because…" Itachi paused here, preparing herself for what she was about to say. For some reason, this was harder to say than she imagined. Oh well, the answer wasn't going to present itself to Naruto.

"Because…I…Naruto-kun…I…love you"

DUN DUN DUUUUN Alright I've decided to split this up into a two shot. The first chap is for those softies who don't want to read lemons. The second chap contains the actual lemon. With the lemon in the story, it would have been to long, and this way I can get my beta profile set up a lot faster. OK sooo I've been reading through the reviews I've gotten for my other story, Naruto: The Big Bang, all NINE of them! Not cool man, not cool T_T. Well, here are the votes so far:

Harem (small):6

Bloodline: 3

Cold blooded killer: 2

That's the results so far and I can tell you for certain that it will be at least ItaNaruKyuu…other than that, I don't know. Review the story, b/c I can't give you what you want unless you tell me what it is.

Alastair999, Over and Out