Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's Note: This is a very, very silly fic. Wasn't really sure which category to put this in because it sort of goes with my Nolanverse interpretations, but might work with comics too. :-P Hope it's amusing!


He doesn't always catch them in the act.

The first time it happens is with Riddler. Edward Nashton, cyber terrorist, egomaniac with moments of sociopathy…found huddled under a rather hideous puce blanket. His elbows are on the counter and slippers are on his feet. In front of him lies a yellow notepad full of what appear to be all English words containing the letter 'Z'. Eddie hasn't shaved or eaten well for several days. "I got distracted," admits the super criminal when Batman nearly crushes him against a wall. There's enough embarrassment in the admission to be believable.

Penguin sings in the shower. Batman waits until he's decent, then compliments his range. Both of them pointedly avoid discussing musical taste.

Dr. Jonathan Crane, meanwhile, is apparently fond of swing. It's impossible not to stop and wonder whether his corresponding good mood comes from the song itself, that over-spiced meal he's preparing (while humming, occasionally even nodding along), or some sick experiment he has in mind for later. Batman's curiosity does not extend so far as to allow Scarecrow time to actually finish anything.

Joker and Harley are covered in whipped cream. He doesn't think about that any more than he can avoid, but needless to say they aren't going hungry.

Ivy discusses politics with her plants as she waters them. Her sarcasm grows increasingly impressive, her gestures are eloquent, and her humor scathing. Batman suggests she try standup. Pamela declines out of pity for Joker.

Roman Sionis leaves table scraps out for strays. When the crime lord calls him a dick after the ambush, his response is a slight smile.

Bruce lets Catwoman go.