Fuller Summary: Darken Rahl examines his different personalities: his cruel, power hungry side; his frightened little boy, lonely, vulnerable side; his sarcastic, clever side; and his seductive, pleasure seeking side.
Can someone actually be born evil?
At times I've felt like that was a real possibility,
But at other times I felt like
That was a rather narrow-minded way
Of looking at the world.
Am I evil?
I can't decide on that one
Because I don't feel like I'm evil,
But I don't feel like I'm good either.
I'm not exactly neutral either, though.
I honestly don't know what I am,
Even though I think it's safe to say
That I'm neither good nor evil.
I'm somewhere in between,
Even though at times
I'm closer to the evil side,
While at other times
I'm closer to the good side.
I honestly don't know
What side I'm really on, though.
Most of the time I don't know
What to think or what to believe.
All this confusion
Can really drive a person crazy sometimes.
Some people think I am mad,
So maybe all this makes some sense after all.
I was born into a world that wanted me dead,
That said I was evil.
Well, I wasn't about to let the world
Have what it wanted.
I was going to fight back.
Prophecy said that I was going to be an evil tyrant,
So I decided that's what I was going to become.
It's really not nice to disappoint prophecy,
Yet sometimes I wish things could be different.
Sometimes I wish I could be different.
No, I will not think that way.
I will not be weak.
I will be stronger than the world.
I will be stronger than even the Seeker.
He may have been born
With the most powerful Han in the world,
But he does not have the dark heart
To use his power as it ought to be used.
I really should have been born with his Han.
At least I would know how to use it correctly.
I will not be a victim to prophecy.
The Seeker will be the victim,
Along with anyone else
That chooses to stand in my way.
I do not care who gets hurt.
My life is all that matters.
Everyone else is insignificant.
Everyone else exists
Just to serve my purpose.
My destiny is not to die
But to rule the world.
I will be the ultimate power,
And if people must suffer for that to happen,
Then so be it.
That won't disturb me at all.
Life's too short to have a conscience.
In order to preserve my life,
I need the power of the Boxes of Orden.
With that power, everyone would have to obey me.
Yes, that takes away people's freewill,
But I surely could care less about that.
As long as I'm happy that's all that matters.
I was born into royalty,
Surrounded by soldiers and subjects.
I sometimes wish they didn't exist
Because they are quite meaningless to me.
They do serve their purposes, though.
They fight for me.
They kill for me.
They do whatever I command them to do
Because that's what servants are supposed to do.
I, on the other hand, am a master,
And I will one day be the ultimate master
Because what I want
Is the only important thing in this world.
Prophecy said that the Seeker would one day kill me.
Why in the world should I have let him lived?
He deserved to die
Because his existence was a threat
To my existence,
And I couldn't have that happening.
Other babies had to die,
But it's their fault for being born
In the same place where the Seeker was born.
If their parents had wanted their children to live,
They should have moved somewhere else.
I thought that all was well,
But then one night I discovered
That the Seeker still lived.
My soldiers are really quite disappointing.
Why they were even born in the first place
Is beyond me.
And the worthless ought to be eliminated.
It's survival of the fittest,
And I couldn't imagine a better way to live than that.
Torturing the inferior definitely brings me great delight.
The pain of others excites me, no, it arouses me.
I had to destroy the Seeker,
But first someone had to pay.
Besides, I needed blood for my journey book.
What's another death to me?
Death, after all, is a natural part of life,
And if death is what's needed to make me happy,
Then I'm all for the spilling of blood.
I hate the Seeker.
I hate the Mother Confessor for loving the Seeker.
I hate everyone who loves the Seeker.
I hate everything about the world of the living.
Everything should belong to me,
But the Seeker keeps on ruining my life.
He is keeping me from being pleased,
And I feel like I deserve some joy in my life,
Especially since prophecy
Has made my life so miserable.
No matter, though, I will have what I want.
I will have everything that I want.
I will have dominion over the world,
And I will have control over everything
That belongs to the Seeker.
I'm all alone in the world.
No one understands me.
No one wants to understand me.
I'm just a monster to everyone,
But I'm not.
I'm so much more than that.
I didn't ask to be evil.
I didn't ask to be born in the House of Rahl,
With a father who would always prefer
His other son, the Seeker, over me.
Why couldn't I have been born as the Seeker?
Why couldn't I have been born as the great hero?
I see mothers hugging their children.
I see young men and young women
Kissing each other and holding hands.
It's really quite a disgusting sight.
At least, that's what I keep on telling myself,
But at times, I feel sad
Whenever I see displays of love and affection.
Sometimes I wish someone would just hold me.
No, I can't afford to be so weak.
My only contact with people should occur
When I have either a dagger or a sword in hand.
No, I don't really want to think that way either.
At times, my soul becomes weary
With all the death and the misery
That I'm constantly surrounded by,
The same death and misery that I am responsible for.
I have no one to blame but myself, though.
I choose to become prophecy's great evil,
But I feel like I had no other choice.
No, I should have just accepted my fate.
I have no reason to live.
I'm not the great and noble Seeker; I'm nothing.
I wish, though, that I could be worth something.
I wish that I could be more than just some monster
That is destined to be destroyed by someone
Whose greatness cannot be described by mere words.
I would gladly put myself through agony
In order to be meaningful.
I just want a chance to prove
That I can actually do good in this world
Just for the sake of doing good.
I was so frightened
When I learned of the prophecy that condemned me.
I didn't want to die.
Unfortunately, I allowed myself to become a monster
In order to save my own skin.
I am selfish.
For that alone I deserve death and eternal torment.
Why am I thinking this way?
Have I gone soft?
I can't afford to go soft.
If I go soft, the Seeker will kill me.
I have to be strong in order to defend myself,
But I wish it could be otherwise.
The Seeker is my baby brother.
I'm supposed to protect him,
Not try to kill him.
I know that prophecy says
That he's supposed to kill me,
And he clearly despises me;
But he's still family.
The Seeker has the Mother Confessor,
Who I love even though I'm not worthy of her.
Only the Seeker is worthy of one such as her,
Yet I still yearn for her.
The Seeker and the Mother Confessor
Truly have something special,
And I wish that I could have something similar.
The Seeker also has his grandfather and Cara,
Cara who once served me not out of love
But out of unspeakable, unforgivable torment.
There is no such thing as forgiveness for one such as I,
Yet I can't help but still desire a family like the Seeker has.
I would do anything for a family
Built on love and respect
Instead of fear and pain.
Perhaps one day I will be able to prove
That I am worthy of forgiveness and salvation.
If only I had not killed my father, my own father.
Perhaps he would have come to love me one day.
Maybe I should have just lived in the Seeker's shadow.
I should not be jealous of my own family, my own blood.
I should love those that are related to me.
I wish they could love me in return.
Maybe one day I can be worthy of their love.
I wish that I didn't have to be so hard and so cold,
But prophecy is prophecy.
Prophecy shouldn't determine someone's fate,
But so many people believe in it.
Is there really such a thing as fate?
There must be, or prophecy would never exist.
Prophecy, after all, is fate.
The world despises me,
So I guess I have no choice
But to take advantage
Of whoever I can.
I definitely have the ability
To do exactly that.
I have always been a quick thinker,
And I have an uncanny ability
To know what to say to people
In order to get them to react
In a way that I want them to.
I can read people better than any Confessor,
And I know how to use that ability
For my own benefit.
I like to consider myself a genius,
A master manipulator.
Deception may be a cruel thing,
But it's interesting to watch it in action.
You always have to be on your toes.
If you make a misstep, your life will be ruined.
Hopefully it will only be ruined temporary.
I would hate to see life being ruined permanently.
That could possibly be a miserable thing.
Basically, the lesson of the day is
"Be smart or be screwed."
I think that should sum everything up
Simply enough for even a complete fool to understand.
It's so funny when people believe my lies.
I really can't help but be amazed
By some people's complete and utter stupidity.
It never fails to amuse me when people so foolishly
Take their eyes off me.
Don't they know that I can do a disappearing act,
Which will leave them looking like complete and utter idiots?
It's really quite laughable when people think
That they can fool me.
I only let people think that they had succeeded
In deceiving and manipulating me
Because I get a kick out of seeing their expressions
When they realize that they have been blinded
By their overconfidence and their arrogance.
Such blindness is hard to cure,
So people really should try
To keep their sight in check,
Even though their sight
Does them no good against me.
I always win in the end,
Btu I do truly pity the poor souls
Whose heads I leave hanging low
After I am finished pulling their strings.
Lying to others is a game worth playing,
But any fool can tell a lie.
It's much harder to twist the truth
Because people have to decide
Whether you're telling the truth
Or whether you're telling a lie.
People's faces and eyes really look ridiculous
When they're trying to figure that out.
They really ought to just give up
Because I would hate for someone
To do serious damage to their brain
The damage could possibly be irreversible
And that would be an incomprehensible tragedy.
It should be clear by now that one should live in pleasure
Because living in either anger or agony
Is much too unbearable.
Life's too short to have a purpose
Beyond just enjoying every moment of it.
I'm really quite lucky to have been born
In the House of Rahl.
The Mord-Sith serve the Lord Rahl,
And they do so gladly.
They are eager to please, and so am I.
My body is in perfect condition,
As are the bodies of my Mord-Sith.
My blood boils with ecstasy
Whenever I feel a woman's finger
Trailing down my spine
Or whenever I feel a woman's hand
Making tender contact with my chest,
And I can be gentle in return.
My blood red robes have been tailored
To fit my toned body perfectly.
My blue eyes, which piece and burn the very soul
Of everyone that I gaze upon,
Never fail to captivate
Whatever audience there might be before me.
Whenever I walk, everyone watches my every move
With great anticipation.
Everyone's head turns towards me whenever I speak
In devoted, eager attention.
My voice has caused many to follow me,
Even though they know deep down inside
That they are meaningless to me.
My presence always fills a room.
One can't help but take notice of me,
And I can't help but take notice of a beautiful woman.
Fortunately, there are many beautiful women
That are more than happy to join with me,
Even though the union is a brief one.
A permanent relationship takes the fun out of life,
And life should always be fun.
I don't know how I should live.
My thoughts often confuse even me.
Sometimes it's almost too much for me to bear,
But it is not in my nature to accept defeat.
Victory is what I seek,
Even though the world
Is constantly threatening to crush me.
I have to push it back in whatever way I can.
The results of doing that are not always pleasant,
But just like the Mord-Sith,
Pain has to come before pleasure.
I cannot afford to be weak.
I must be strong; I must be a fighter.
Prophecy seeks to destroy me,
So I have to do what I must
To stop it in its tracks
Before it runs me over.