A/N: Thanks to Poet on the Run and JDPhoenix for looking over this story for me! They're amazing! Also this is a follow up to "Insanity, thy name is Caitlyn: A Pointless Diary" so go read that one before you read this one. There WILL be somethings you don't understand in this story if you don't. Enjoy!
Hopeless, the Sad Fate of Nate Black: A Dumb Diary
June 7th, 2010
What is the point of a diary/journal? Does anyone know?
I can't believe I'm doing this.
I do not need to write down my experiences.
This is dumb.
Nate, this will be good for you. Especially after what went down with Ella.
Jase, WHY are you making me keep a journal? This is DUMB.
It's a diary.
Caity says calling it a journal is wimpy.
I'm not doing this.
Dude, just do it. That way Jason will stop bugging you (and coincidentally me.)
Caitlyn really likes her diary.
Yes, but she's A GIRL. Girls are SUPPOSED to keep diaries.
Caitlyn has a diary? Haha. Oh man, that's priceless. Can I use it as ammunition?
Ah, come on, Jase! She picks on me ALL THE TIME!
That's because you make it so easy for her, man.
Why are we writing back and forth? Could we not actually talk to each other?
This is just more fun.
For you maybe. I'm the one holding the dia-JOURNAL while the two of you lean across me to write in it.
Haha, you called it a diary.
Really, you're singing tauntingly about me having a dia—JOURNAL? What are you? Five years old?
I'm a teenage boy. Mitchie says that's essentially the same thing.
I take offense to that. I don't act like a 5 year old.
Nope, you act like a grumpy, pompous old man.
What? You do.
If you're going to insult me in my own dia—JOURNAL (GAH!) then, please, get your own pens! HA! That's right, neither of you have one! One point for Nate!
Now, if I'm going to be FORCED to write in this thing I suppose I should tell you why. Jason thinks it will help me learn things about myself. It appears I need to learn how to make suggestions, give advice, and
NOT BE A STICK IN THE MUD! (I found a pen *smirk*)
ME TOO! Now why don't you explain WHY you need to learn those things, Nate?
Will you two back off? I'm getting there.
See this girl, Ella, wrote a song. A good song.
Which caught me off guard. I mean I figured the girl had talent. Most people at Camp Rock do. I heard her sing at Final Jam last summer, and I remember thinking she had a good voice. But I never thought about her writing music. It's not that I thought she couldn't. I just didn't think she was interested.
So, this song blew my mind, but it was a little weak in its composition. So, I took notes and wrote down some suggestions. I showed them to her and SHE FLIPPED OUT.
But WHY did she flip out, Nate? Don't grumble at me.
BECAUSE, apparently, my tone made her feel stupid. That was NOT my intention. Cait says I'm condescending. Speaking of Cait.
Her stupid diary is why Jason's making me keep a journal.
Curse you, Caitlyn Gellar.
Not only do I have to write in a journal thanks to her, but I now feel guilty about how I treated Ella. Before she said anything I was happily oblivious. I would have been fine having Ella hate my guts as long as I kept believing she was the one with the problem.
Cait had to point out that I was the one with the problem. That girl is really starting to bug me.
So now I have to apologize (because it will bug me if I don't) to Ella tonight at the jam.
I'm very bad at apologies. Very, very bad. So I anticipate that this will be awkward.
But I'll let you know after the jam. Which is about to start in a few minutes.
Later, Nate's DIARY.
In the words of Chad Dylan Cooper, "Peace out, SUCKA!"
STOP WRITING IN MY DIARY!
LMAO, you said DIARY!
THIS IS A JOURNAL!
*sigh* I give up.
So, you admit this is a diary?
Shove off, Shane.
How do you "shove off"? Is that even possible?
Welcome to my life.
So, wouldn't you know, Ella performed the song I tried to improve (without adding my suggestions) AND WON. That should teach me to think my way is the only way. She completely rocked the stage. I have a feeling she was driven by a need to prove me wrong. I could kind of see it in her eyes when she looked at me.
Anyway, thanks to that win…I couldn't get near her for the rest of the night. She was constantly caught up in a crowd of people. The few times I caught her eye she looked like she was enjoying herself.
She was torturing me. It worked.
I HAVE to talk to her tonight. If I don't do it tonight I never will.
I guess I'm paying a visit to her cabin.
Be back when the deed is done.
That was awkward. Oh so awkward.
And I did something I really wasn't planning on doing.
And I don't know why.
So, I went over there, and we talked out on the porch. It went like this:
Me: I'm very sorry.
Ella: Do you even know what you're supposed to be sorry for?
Me: For being a condescending jerk?
Ella: Go on.
Me: And for thinking my way was the only way?
Ella: I appreciate that.
She paused for a second before speaking again.
Ella: It's possible that I overreacted. I mean it wouldn't have killed me to try and get past your tone to hear what you were saying.
And then there was silence. A long, long silence. I had to say something, didn't I?
Me: Um, you know, if you need help with your songs I would be more than willing to offer you some tips and pointers or anything…
Ella: That sounds great, actually.
Ella: Well, yeah. I'm pretty new to this, and you…well, you know way more than I do about writing songs.
Me: Okay, um deal. We'll meet after your classes are over?
Me: See you tomorrow, then.
Ella: Good night, Nate.
Me: Night, Ella.
I agreed to help Ella with her songs. Why did I do this? I have no idea. What will this lead to? No idea. Am I curious? Extremely.
The song she sang tonight turned out to be perfect without my help so who's to say her other songs need my help at all?
Either way, it will be a learning experience.
I'll let you know how tomorrow goes.
June 8th, 2010
Well, today didn't go well.
I mean it did, but it didn't.
Ella was very patient. She didn't get offended. Well, if she did she kept it to herself. Which is a step forward…or is it? From what I know about Ella she's very upfront about how she feels. Should I be worried that she seemed okay with my glib suggestions? Cause let me tell you…I tried, but my "suggestions" were very blunt.
The more I think about this…the more I worry.
Should I go check on her?
Caitlyn's got me paranoid. Was I harsh? Or did I imagine it?
Oh okay, here's Shane. I'll ask him.
Nevermind, he's no help. He just mumbled something about Mitchie and left. Jason! Jason's here! He'll help.
No…he won't. Apparently Caitlyn wasn't in class today.
Which means Jason's preoccupied with worry over Caitlyn.
Ugh. Alright. I'm off to find Ella.
I found Ella.
Apparently she had been holding in a few things.
I'm a jerk. Why can't I not be a jerk?
Me: I—Was I harsh with you earlier?
Ella: A little. I mean, you were, but you were trying. It's okay.
Me: No, it's not! I'm supposed to be learning how to do this nicely. I can't do that if you don't tell me when I cross a line, Ella!
Apparently I had done it again. Because she couldn't look me in the eyes.
Me: Okay, I think I liked you better when you overreacted. If you're yelling I feel like less of a monster. I didn't mean to snap at you. I just need you to be honest with me like you were before. Even if you have to yell at me. I need you to help me learn to be…less of a jerk.
Ella: You want me to overreact?
Me: I'd prefer that to underreacting.
I watched as Ella struggled with that for a moment. The look on her face was actually very cute. Her nose was wrinkled up and her lips were pursed. I couldn't help but smile slightly. Which was strange for me. Not that I don't ever smile. I just like to pick and choose my moments. An accidental smile at the wrong time could cause me a lot of hurt.
Ella: Alright, deal.
Ella: You help me with my songs, and I'll help you with your, um, jerkectomy.
I chuckled at that. Jerkectomy? That might be more adorable than her face a few minutes ago.
Oh no. I just read over what I wrote.
Did I really just call Ella cute and adorable?
Okay, alright, that's why this thing is private. No one has to know I thought those things. I didn't come here to get involved in a crush. I came here to get away from those. Two famous ex-girlfriends will do that to a guy. I'm supposed to be here rediscovering my sound and my inspiration. It's supposed to be my own personal renaissance of sorts. I told myself no girls. NO GIRLS, NATE!
Ella is my friend. My friend.
Yeah, write it a few more times, Nate. It still won't change anything. Ugh.
Anyway, here's how the conversation ended:
Me: Alright, so tomorrow…when I'm glib—
Ella: I will definitely tell you.
Me: Good, and I apologize in advance.
She chuckled (it was a very attractive chiming chuckle. Is it possible for the girl not to be cute?)
Ella: Apology accepted. Good night, Nate.
Me: Good night, Ella.
And now here I am, in my bed, anticipating the next time I see Ella.
Oh boy, I'm in trouble.