I awoke from another nightmare that was a memory of what happened Four months ago. I tried to save her but I couldn't. Someone dragged me out of the house and saved me. She should have been saved not me, She was more important. The fire was my fault, Why did I have to forget to turn off the stove. She died because of me and I can't let it go. When someone dies and it's your fault, You feel pain and grief for making someone give up there life without a choice, specially when it was someone you love who gave you life. Which is why I keep trying to kill myself. But every time I try I hear my mothers voice in my head telling me don't. So I listen to her and stop, My mother was always protective of me my whole life. She always said listen to your heart and if it tells you not to do something then listen to it. Since my mother is always in my heart I listen to her. Even tho she is gone, She is still here with me – In some since. My mother Renee died in a fire; Which I started. I was cooking dinner and forgot to turn the stove off when I finished. It started a fire and the whole house burnt to the ground. When it was on fire I was trying to get to my mother but someone out of no where picked me up and carried me out of the house. Five seconds after I was out of the house and safe. The whole house fell to the ground in flames,With my innocent mother still inside. That's when I passed out from the amount of smoke in my lungs. I woke up in the hospital not remembering much. All I remembered was the fire and me trying to save my mother, But someone saved me instead. That's when my Best-friend Alice told me what happened and i broke down in tears. After I got out of the hospital I moved in with my father charlie. We all three lived in forks. My mom didn't wanna keep me away from him so I would stay at his house on weekends. And stay weeks at my mothers. Me and my mom lived 20 minutes away from my fathers house. My mother and i moved there after my mom and dad divorced. But i was a very happy teenage girl before four months ago. I had the best friends in the world. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie. The best parents that cared more about me then them self's. And I got amazing grades. Now my friends worry about me all the time cause I don't wanna go out anymore. My father is always asking if I am okay. And like always I say "I'm fine." Even when I'm not. It's an on going worry fest about me and I don't deserve it. I hate it. They shouldn't be worrying about me, They should hate me. My mom is died and it's my fault. No matter how many times my friends, My dad, Are anyone else says it isn't it is. I'm
seventeen years old, I don't matter. My mom was about forty three, she still had a lot to live for. What do I have to live for ? If I don't even know, How is anyone else gonna know. I opened my eyes and saw my father charlie staring at me. I jumped in fright as he smiled at me. I glanced at him then closed my eyes and let out a shaky breath before opening my eyes and looking at him confused.
"What are you doing in here at," I looked over the clock on my night stand and it read Six thirty in the morning, "At 6:30 in the morning ?" I asked as I sat up in bed crossing my legs Indian style. Charlie smiled at me. I don't call him dad unless I am talking to him. I don't feel like I have any parents anymore. When my mom died, It was like everyone I loved died. My mom and I were nothing alike but we very close's. I'll never be that close with anyone else again.
"Well I have to go to the station early, But I wanted to wish you a good day back at school," Charlie told me with a small smile. I lightly fake smiled at him before getting up out of bed. I sighed as I looked at the mirror next to me. I looked just like my mom. Except I have Charlies brown eyes and brown hair. My Mother had green eyes and red hair. I had her lips, eyes, nose. Pretty much ever feature that she had I do.
"Isabella," I heard charlie say. I turned around to look at him. I hate when he calls me that. Why can't he just call me Bella like everyone else.
"Yeah?" I asked with a sigh in my voice. He looked down as he put in hands in his front pockets and then back at my face.
"She's not coming back," He told me. I looked at him and nodded. He always knows when I look in the mirror that I think of my mother. He knows how much I look like her. I looked down at my hands, Then back up at him. I nodded softly.
"Yeah I know," I stated to him. He walked up to me and kissed my forehead. He pulled away and smiled at me awkwardly. And I know why. We have never really what you would call close.
"Well I better get ready are I'm gonna be late," I informed him. He nodded I am guessing in agreement. He walked to my bedroom door and left closing the door behind him. I sighed as I looked at the door. I just wish someone understood what I'm going threw and stop trying to fix me. I'm not repairable. People want me to get over what happened, But it's not that easy when it haunts you constantly. How do you get over something that is stuck in your head forever? It's like when a girl gets raped. She can not think about it for awhile. But she can't forget it. It still happened, there is no making it better, no forgetting it happened. Your haunted forever. And no one can change what happened to my mother. She is gone and I can't change that, No one can, Not even me. I tried to erase my thoughts so I could get ready. Last year I missed the last month of school cause I was sick from so much smoke that was in my lungs from the fire. So Alice would bring me my work everyday. Then she would come and get it when it was done after school so she could turn it in for me. Sometimes Jasper would bring it if Alice was to busy with her own school work. Jasper and Alice have been dating since last year. Alice is the kinda girl you wish you could be like. She is nice, happy. She is the best-friend anyone could have. She would always come over during the summer and just talk with me telling me everything would be okay. She thinks good in everything. She believes that when bad things happen it always leads to good things; Which I guess is a good way to think... For her. I walked to my closet and picked out a pare of jeans and white lacy top. My got it for me last year. I wore it on the first day last year, So I owe it to my mother to wear it on this first day back as well. I changed into the outfit I picked out then went into the bathroom to brush my hair and brush my teeth. After I was done. I grabbed my backpack and put it over my right shoulder. I went down the stairs and to the front door. I grabbed the door knob but stop. I turned around to look at the kitchen. My mom used to always stand by the kitchen and tell me to have a good day. I guess I am just gonna have to pretend from now on.
"Bye...mom," I said in a whisper before turning back around and walking out the door, then to my truck. My truck isn't amazing looking, But I love it. My mom got it for me when I turned sixteen. It's a used red colored truck. My Mother thought I would hate it, But I loved it more then anything. I still love it. I grabbed my keys out of my backpack and unlocked the door before hopping into my truck and heading to school. First days are always the worst. But it's worse when everyone in town knows what happened to you nine months ago. I bet everyone will be staring at me every moment they get. Feeling sorry for me cause I lost my mother. Well fuck them, They didn't kill there mother so they shouldn't pity me at all. I drove into the school parking lot. I was early so not many people were there yet. I parked my car close to the school, That way when I leave I don't have to deal with anyone stopping to asking me more questions or if I'm alright, 'Cause I know i will get enough of that during school. I turned the engine off before getting out of my truck. I put my backpack over my left shoulder. I took in a shaky breath and let it out before I started walking toured the school office. I hope Alice gets her soon. She always seems to make me feel better. Because she is the only one I really trust now. I walked toured the school office door but then it opened suddenly and almost hit me. I lost my balanced and was starting to fall forward. I could already fell the pain from the hard ground until I felt two arms catching me. I opened my eyes and looked up at the person holding me. I was against his chest with my hands on his chest as well.
"You alright?" The strange guy asked me with a small chuckle. He was tall I could tell. He has green eyes, Bronzed hair. And is very good looking. I nodded as I was still looking at him.
"Am I interrupting something," I heard a female voice say. I turned my head around to see it was Alice. I blushed a bit as I leaned away from the guy and looked at Alice.
"No, Um I just almost fell and he catch me before I did," I explained to her. She looked at me and nodded with a light smile.
"What's your name?" Alice asked him. I turned and looked at him curious. I am kinda interested to know what his name is; Which isn't like me. I usually don't care what people's names are – At least not anymore. But right now I am. For some strange reason that I don't understand.
"I'm Edward, I just moved her five months ago, Before that big fire happened," I looked down at the ground. I felt someone touch my shoulder. I looked up and it was Alice. She smiled lightly at me.
"You, okay?" Alice asked me in a small voice. I nodded as I looked back up at Edward. I like that name a lot. It fits him.
"Thanks for catching me. I appreciate," I told him with a small smile. He smiled back and my heart stopped for a moment. Did that really just happen. I don't know why that happened.
"It's no problem at all," He told me with a crooked smile, "If you don't mind me asking...But what's your name?" He asked looking at me. I smiled at him softly.
"I'm Bella," I told him. He smiled at me again which gave me a shiver down my spine. What the hell is going on with me right now. I have never felt like this before.
What is up with this guy. Making me feel like this. I don't even know what I'm feeling.
"It's nice to meet you, Bella," He said before smiling at me and Alice then he walked passed us and left. I have to admit I didn't want him to leave for some odd reason. What is going on with me this morning?