Chock It Up To…
A HariPo oneshot
Note: The Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling, not to me. Done for a quote prompt. This pairing is a Mew and Mor's Weird Pairing, which you may find in the M&MWP forum (see my profile for details). Check out and join the forum FUN! Read, review, and enjoy! Originally written for BlueMango.
"Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you but trusting them enough not to." —Unknown
Hmmm, when had it occurred to her to fall for him? Lavender Brown wondered… Maybe it hadn't been all that voluntary…
Draco had been a git. He had been a quick fling, a come-and-go shag when she needed it and vice versa. He'd never been anything serious. "Serious" was for those too emotionally involved.
Would one call Lavender "emotionally involved" now? After all, her new focus for fun was… Well, it was Lucius, the older Malfoy. How the bloody hell that had happened, she didn't really know. Somehow, one night (she was sure it had been one of those "reunion" type thingies) she'd been arguing with Draco one second (they were "off" then) and in Lucius' arms the next. Then she was kissing him with the fervor of a teenage girl in love (though she was nothing of the sort), and he relented and kissed her back, growing hungrier with every little bit of extra pressure she pressed on his chest and mouth.
But he was her toy. He didn't hold her heart. And she would never let him. Lavender was the child; he was the toy. She could break him any time she so desired.
Oh, Merlin, why did he look at her like that? Why?
Lucius…Lucius was capable of such emotion, such vulnerability? No, this had to be an illusion or a self-delusion. Lucius was not that kind of person. It wasn't in his character to look at her as though she were the bad one in this relationship. He was the bad guy, not her. He was the one who played with people and then discarded them when they'd worn out their welcome!
He shouldn't be looking at her as if he expected more than just flesh. Did he really want her soul, too? Her heart? Her—Her everything?!
No, no, no matter how much those gray eyes softened and pleaded (it turned out Draco got his sliver of compassion and humanity from his father and not from his mother), she would tell him over and over and over and over again that she didn't want anything real. She didn't want to fall hopelessly in love. She just wanted the raw, carnal attention that animals shared.
So again she told him "no."
Ah, yes, finally she'd told him the final "no."
It'd taken a while, prying him away from her. But she'd managed to do it. She'd managed to get him to back off enough so she could breathe.
Yes, she needed to breathe… Not hear those words…
Lavender vaguely recalled stopping him right as he'd started to say, "I think I'm in l—"
She didn't need to hear that. That was precisely why she was with Lucius. He was known not to say such things.
Well, apparently he'd only never say them to Narcissa. It'd just taken the right kind of woman, being Lavender. So Lavender did as any sensible woman would do:
Ah, Merlin, she ached. It was weird, feeling so sick. Lavender's usual peppiness tended to stave off any illnesses, so she wondered what she had. A cold? No, she didn't feel quite that crappy. A fever? No, her mind wasn't fuzzy. A stomach bug? Nope, she wasn't puking her guts out.
Lavender stood and walked around her flat. Urgh, there wasn't anything to eat in the damn fridge. Sure, there was food, but that didn't mean there was anything to eat. The witch grabbed a fizzy drink and a chocolate bar and went back into the living room. She munched on the candy…and stopped.
Her cheeks were wet. She hadn't even felt the tears.
Of course, things only spiraled downward from there. Because then Parvati had come over and hung out with her, comforting and cheering as needed. But Lavender didn't need that. She didn't even want her best mate around today.
Oh, hell, was that really an owl at the window?
It was. In its beak, the owl carried a single stalk of…lavender. Though it was so cheesy, so cliché, Lavender couldn't help but start to blubber at the sight of the flower. Parvati had rushed over and seen the flower and gotten that bloody knowing look in her eye.
"Oh, Lav," she'd said, "you're lovesick."
But "lovesick" was just a joke, an old wives' tale! …wasn't it?
So it wasn't. Time passed, and this "sickness" only got worse. Lavender did her best to put such silly things out of her mind, but her routine was not the same. She was not the same.
Maybe… Maybe it was not all bad, the idea of being involved with Lucius in that way… She saw him as no one else did…
*Gasp!* Speak of the Death Eater, there he is! Oh, look at him. That look of recognition on his face as he meets her eyes. Lucius is most certainly surprised to see her at the head of Knockturn Alley. Well, of course it would be a surprise. He wasn't really a Death Eater anymore, but she never had been one from the beginning.
She went to call out to him. She hadn't needed. He'd walked right over and—ugh, and grabbed her roughly by the arm and pulled her aside. His trademark spiteful sneer was on his face.
"What are you doing here?!" he'd hissed lowly.
She'd frowned and glared at him. "I wanted to see you," she'd admitted, hating how weak and simple and pure she sounded.
He gave her a look that she would never forget. "Leave. You should know better than to come crawling back when there's nothing there."
Lavender must've looked as if she'd had the wind knocked out of her. She'd had to drop her gaze, but he didn't comfort her as he once had. No, he merely left her there. Then it was just poor little Lavender Brown standing on Knockturn Alley.
Finally, the tables had turned.
Ha! He was all words, no backbone! Lavender got the last laugh.
Mm-hmm, yup, she would always get the last laugh with him. Merlin, if the Wizarding World ever found out that the great Lucius Malfoy was wrapped around the little finger of a little witch… Well, Dark Wizards didn't seem so formidable anymore. No, they didn't.
So when Lavender grabbed his chin and directed his mouth to hers, she fought back a smile. When she wound his hair in her hands and yanked his head back to kiss his neck, she tried not to bite. When his hands looked for a place to wander, she drew them up the length of her body and back down and thought, If I control him, does that make me evil?
She shuddered as he…tried things he had not shown before, possibly not known before. Hmm, he was very experienced. Maybe he'd learned a few things just for her. At least he didn't try saying anything this time. No, they were back to being purely animal as she'd always wanted.
Ah, yes, the humdrum life of a witch in— Lavender stopped short and awoke for the umpteenth time in Lucius' arms. Had that thought really crossed her mind? Had she almost been about to make the same mistake he had months ago? The same mistake that had chased her off once before?
B-But he was her toy… He didn't hold her…heart… And she—she would never let him… Lavender was the child; he was the toy. She could break him any time she so desired!
And yet… It was these arms that held her, these locks that tickled her shoulder, these closed eyes that found peaceful, restful sleep only around her…
Hmmm, when had it occurred to her to fall for him? Lavender Brown wondered… Maybe it hadn't been all that voluntary… But maybe that was okay.
Or was it? Because she never was any good at lengthy relationships. If her math was right, they'd crash and burn soon.
So very soon.
He'd done it again!
Lucius had acted as though she was the one that came crawling back every time, but that wasn't the truth. All she had to do was toss her hair over her shoulder and bat those eyelashes and he was putty in her hands. Really.
But he'd pulled the same game as before. He'd shunned her and told her she needed to "calm down" and "remember it's nothing serious."
Bastard. Now she was confused about her feelings for him again. And just when she'd thought she'd figured them out…it was okay. They wouldn't last very much longer…would they?
Oh, Merlin. She was the ant under his shoe. She should've known. Lucius Malfoy could never be controlled.
They were over. That was it. Gone. POOF!
And all because he'd wished it.
So what had she done wrong? She thought she'd figured him out, solved the equation. When he'd wanted her, she'd fled. When she'd wanted him, he'd pushed her away. Just as he'd done again now.
Lavender… Lavender couldn't do anything. She had to face it. She played too much with her food, so it was taken from her. No wonder her relationships didn't last very long. She was the problem.
The witch had to grow up and realize that people were not playthings. They were flesh and blood and heart and soul.
She seemed to be only flesh and blood.
With a great ache in the place where she knew her heart should be, Lavender picked up the last box. She surveyed the empty flat and heaved a great sigh. There were so many memories here.
This was her first flat! This was where she'd first struck out on her own. This was… This was where she and Parvati had shared magazines and downed tubs of ice-cream as the pain called for and where she and her best mate had been the adult versions of their old, schoolgirl selves. They'd even invited Parvati's twin, Padma, over a few times…okay, so it was more to doll the girl up and prepare her for a real life when shy Padma had begun dating Dean Thomas, but whatever. There were so many memories here.
Lavender glanced back at the small kitchen's window and stared out at the city's hazy smog floating above the building tops. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad leaving this place after all…
"Oh, my Merlin! YOU?!"
Parvati's screech brought Lavender back to the present. Who the bloody hell would turn up at a time like this? She ran from the kitchen and stopped dead-short. She actually slipped and crashed to the floor from her speed. But all she could do was gape up at him.
"Very unbecoming of a lady," Lucius stated, his monotonous tone of voice giving nothing away as he eyed Lavender. He gave Parvati a disgruntled look. "Of two ladies, really." He turned back to Lavender. "Come with me."
She found her voice. "What? No! No, I will not—"
"Come"—he said with a dark look in his eyes—"with me. Now."
He turned and left. Lavender exchanged a look with her friend and hopped up, unsure of what was going to happen. Hell, she'd have enough to deal with just explaining things to Parvati when she returned.
If she returned.
Lavender caught up with him at the end of the street and had to lean on him while catching her breath. "What's your problem, Luci—"
The next thing she knew, he had her tilted back, Frenching her to within an inch of her life in front of all the passing witches and wizards to see. When he broke away, he held her there. "Listen and listen well."
The witch nodded. She couldn't speak right now even if she wanted; she was too breathless.
"I ended it to give you a break. I thought you would finally develop some sense and smarts by doing so. But apparently not."
"I wasn't finished." He stood her up and led her through the winding streets and off the beaten path. It took her a while before she realized they were heading to Malfoy Manor.
She laughed darkly. "So you've seen the light. You'll finally accept me as a piece of meat, as I've always seen you."
"No, you don't."
Lavender frowned and scuffed the toe of her shoe on the gravel. "I did."
"I…thought I might have," he said, averting his eyes. Yes, he was much too proud for this sort of thing. "You… You don't get it, do you?"
She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Oh, Lucius, what's there to get? You wanted me in a way I didn't want you, then when I finally reached that point, you pushed me away. It's tiresome and hurtful and bothersome, really, and I don't want to deal with this anymore. I'm backing off."
"I let you go so you could give me some time to…to finally say what I wanted to before."
"What?" Lavender stopped him. "You've got to be kidding me. That— That's not you! You don't…" Words failed her. She realized what this was. The dancing around each other. The playing with the other and being in the wrong moment at the wrong time. His multiple rejections. "You were sorting your own heart out…"
He grimaced at the word "heart." "I'm not sure I would…use that choice of words…but I know what I want. When I want something, I do what is in my power to get it." He kissed her again and rested his chin on her head. "Well?"
Lavender was quiet for so long that Lucius had to look at her. "Well… I think this is crazy that this is even happening," she mumbled with a nervous giggle. "I mean, I'm—I'm sick of being hurt—"
"And of hurting me?" he added with a note of sadness.
She bit her lip and slowly nodded. "Yes. I've learnt that I can't control you—or myself, for that matter."
"Then do you mind if I repeat my words from before, when I was so rudely interrupted?"
"Lucius, I don't think—"
"'I think I'm in love with you,'" he restated, hugging her close to him. "I'm a bad guy, I know. I don't have positive emotions. That's why I'm treating this as a beast that's untamable and unpredictable."
"Don't interrupt." He tightened his grip on her waist when she tried to back out of his arms. "And don't run off again, little bird." He looked at her with a glint in his eyes. "Won't you accept your cage?"
Lavender twisted her lips around. It wouldn't really be falling for him if she accepted such a proposal… Well, no, it wasn't falling for him. She'd already fallen for him ages ago. So why did any of that matter? She could let him have what he wanted, because she wanted it, too.
Chock it up to Lucius Malfoy being a heartfelt heartbreaker. Well, at least she wouldn't be spending any more time crumbling brownies on his front stoop waiting for him to come back to her. Nope.
Now she'd be crumbling the brownies on their front stoop…possibly.
FINALLY! X0 This took me forever to write! I kept getting distracted and then I was trying to figure out how to end it. I think that was a pretty good ending, don't you? :D This ended up being a sequel to my first Lavlucius, "How to Make a Half-Baked Heart." Hence, the brownie reference. I really didn't think I'd be writing a sequel for it, but here it is—and it's my 90th story, too! XD w00t!
Thanks for reading, and please review!
Thanks as always to Morghen for beta'ing! :D
2017 note: Hmm. I think, as with most authors, I can find the good and the bad in old works. This piece from 2010? There are definitely things I like and dislike about it (it used to be a songfic and I was still getting the hang of writing Lucius, but I appreciate Lav's thought process here), but I think that's just the writer's way of life.