disclaimer: I do NOT own the Teen Titans and anything in relation to them.
A.N: This is just a one shot that kinda popped into my head when I re-watched the first season! Truly, I have missed this pairing and it's been about, oh, 3 years since I've written a FanFiction so I'm kinda rusty.. XD. NO FLAME PLEASE! Enjoy!
Pairing: SladexRobin 3
The sound of the grinding and pumping machines that he kept running day in and day out kept me up every night. Ever since I had agreed to this unbearable act of being his apprentice, I couldn't sleep and I know it wasn't simply because of the noises.
Something inside of me was changing, feeling something that my brain told me was wrong; but my heart was telling me was right. Unknowingly, I was beginning to go into a drowning spiral of emotions and heartache. I didn't know at the time, but this would become the end of me.
The room he had me confound in was small, closet sized, with nothing more than a bed. And it was cold. I knew that if the fighting, or more-so the beatings he gave me every night wouldn't be the end of me, the conditions he had me in might finish me off slowly.
"Robin. . ."
I sat up in bed. His voice echoed from somewhere far off, somewhere from within the depths of his fortress. But it sounded weak, breathless. A nightmare, I thought instantly, but that couldn't be right. Slade didn't dream, let alone feel.
But there was something in his voice that held certain desperation. A calming call that sent a shiver down my spine as if he had breathed it in my ear.
Breathed it in my ear?
I shook my head and tried to focus on going back to bed. The grinding and pumping began to send me in a dreamless sleep, like an infant. The darkness consumed me and I knew nothing but the comfort of sleep. One of the last comforts I had in this God forsaken place.
"Robin. . ."
I sat up again. His voice was dream-like; I half expected that I had dreamt it. But the feeling was the same. How long had I been sleeping? It couldn't have been long, as I know he would have woken me in order to steal something, or fight the Teen Titans. My heart shook at the thought of my team, and the dangers our encounters meant for them. It hurt to think that I would never experience seeing Beast Boy pull any more pranks, or be served some of his tofu breakfasts; I would never see Cyborg working on the T-car, playing video games or encouraging us on with his light-hearted attitude; I would never see Raven meditating, I knew I would miss her darkling ways and her take on the boy's immaturity, especially Beast Boys; I would never see Starfire again . . . I would never see her whimsical, care-free eyes that sparkled when she said my name . . . I put my head in my hands.
"Robin. . ."
I got up. Something inside of me pushed aside what I was feeling and wanted to go to him. He was calling me, he might need me to do something and I knew that, while I in no way wanted to go his goddamn bidding, all their lives were at risk if I didn't. Her life was at risk. And I wouldn't allow him to harm them. To harm her.
I walked down the twisting hallways and hidden entrances. I watched my step, as I knew he must have laid traps and surprises for me as I would have passed them by. Typical behaviour for him.
He called my name again and I felt myself almost running to where he was. Then I stopped. What the hell was I doing? I shouldn't want to be anywhere close to him, especially alone if I could help it. But again, there was something deep inside me that willed me to continue on. To find him. To be with him.
A door came into view. It must be his. There was no mistaking it, as it was the only door I had seen. I raised my hand to knock and then stopped myself again. Why was I here? What was I doing? But, subconsciously, I knocked.
No answer. Could it be possible he wasn't here? Could it be that it was all in my imagination . . . was it because I wanted to be called by him? My brain swirled with unanswered questions that I knew wouldn't be answered, couldn't be answered. But why was I even asking myself these questions? Why did I want to know the answers? What was I doing!
I spun around. He was behind me. How had I not heard him sneak up on me? I didn't say anything, couldn't say anything; my mind was still whirling with all these ridiculous feelings and questions. I felt embarrassed and tired. I hated this. I hated him. Didn't I?
"You came to visit me? How touching."
"It isn't like there's much to do here." The words slipped out before I could think of how to properly phrase them. There was so much meaning behind them I hadn't meant to share. Or had I?
Even with the mask on his face I could feel his grin. "You're right, there isn't. How terrible of me not to give you anything to do. Then again, shouldn't you be sleeping? You worked hard today, you do deserve it after all."
I paused and swallowed back my retort. Kindness, or was it sarcasm? "I – I wasn't tired, I guess."
He just looked at me for a moment. Just looked; taking me in, I suppose. Then he breathed, and I did as well. I don't suppose both of us realized we we're holding our breaths. The light flickered above us, sending him into shadow. It didn't matter; it wasn't like I couldn't see him anyway. All I knew of him was his eye. Though his gear didn't leave much to the imagination, I didn't know him. All I had was a name, and the question I had at the beginning of my obsessive search of him, burning fiercely in the back of my mind at all times. Who is Slade?
Before I knew it, the light above us flickered out. "Damn thing," he whispered in a husky tone. "Does nothing in this damn place work like it's supposed to?"
For a moment, I was stunned. I had never heard him talk that way about anything. The seemingly endless bounds of confidence had slipped away in a single moment of worry over a light. It made me wonder how much Slade really was confident about, or was it all an act. I took a step forward.
His body crashed on mine; slamming me against the closed door with such force I felt it in my teeth. A grimace of pain passes my lips and I felt him tension. "Although you may think so, my guard is not yet down, Robin. You won't escape that easily." The door opened slowly and I fell back through it. His arm fell around mine and lifted me back up. In the darkness all I could see was the glow from his eye.
"Go back to your room, robin. You have a big day ahead of you tomorrow. You need all the rest you can get. You should be tired after you're fight at the building this evening." Despite his command his hand remained on my arm, a controlling grasp that kept me in my place. He didn't want to let me go. I didn't want him to let me go.
I walked closer to him and he tensioned again. "Scared I might hurt you, Slade?" The mockery was evident in my voice, and I tried to mean every word I said. His hand dropped from my arm. "No," he said. "No. I'm afraid I might hurt you."
The words hit me like a brick wall, leaving me stunned.
He walked towards me and I backed up as far as I could before my back hit the wall. "Hurt me?"
"Yes. I've had my eyes on you for some time, dear Robin. I know what makes you tick, what. . . " he paused, his hand found the side of my face. "What it is, that you like, that you hate."
He came closer to me, the gentleness surprised me and before I knew it, his body was pressed against mine. The intimacy of our closeness sent colour to my cheeks.
"Get away from me." But even I could hear the hesitance in my voice.
"I know it all. And yet, you know nothing about me."
"I know enough to know that I hate everything about you. I know enough to know you're a psychopath and I will do whatever it takes to bring you down. You're not going to get away with anything."
"Even this?" The soft, unnoticeable click seemed to be a bomb in the silence of his room. His mask fell from his face and bounced from between us, into the shadows, clinking as it went. The shadows hid his face from me, but I could see the outline of his features and I noticed how very close our faces were. That's when he kissed me.
There was nothing sweet about the kiss. It was laced with the poison I felt in his words every day, in the thoughts and efforts I put into chasing him. And now I was here, tasting it for myself. He pulled away slowly and as he did, he grabbed my hands and lifted them well above my head, holding my wrists in place.
"Stop it." The words were forced from between my teeth; I never thought I would ever have trouble saying those words to him. His breath was hot my lips, inviting for another kiss. Something I wanted.
He scoffed at me and kissed me again. His was forceful, confident, hungry. There was nothing romantic about it. He wanted this, he had had wanted this for some time. And he knew that I had too.
My hands slipped down from his hold, slithering around his neck as his lopped his own arms around my waist. I raked my fingers in his hair, it was soft and inviting and I tangled my fingers deep into it. There was a clicking sound as he undid my belt and it fell harshly to the ground with a clang. He forced me harder into the wall, his hands tracing up to my face where he pulled the mask free from my eyes. And for a moment I panicked. I couldn't remember the last time I was with anyone at all and had my mask off. The only person who knew what I looked like without my mask off, what my identity was . . . was . . . .
His word brought me back to reality. "You can see them?"
"I never thought your eyes would be so blue." His voice trailed off as he kissed me again, aggressively, claiming me as his own. I brought my hands down and began clicking off his armour and they feel around us like cherry blossoms in late summer.
He grabbed the base of my gloves and ripped them off, I'm sure I heard one of them tear. His hands were on my back ripping down the zipper and tearing off my top. I couldn't get to his fast enough, pulling it over his head, admiring the hard lines of his body.
Spinning me around, he kissed me hard and pushed me back. My knees knocked against his bed and I feel back onto it. He was over me, holding my face as he kissed me, running his free hand down my body; lower and lower and lower. . .
His shoes came off, slowly followed by mine as he sat up and held my leg up by his face. Colour flushed to my face again as I pulled slightly to free my leg. He laughed and my heart skipped. What a sound. "The chase thrills me more, dear Robin. Keep it up."
His lips were on mine again, then on my jawbone, to my neck. His hand traced back down from my ear, to my collar bone, my chest, my ribs, my navel to the rise of my pants. His hand nudged the top, forcing down. A groan escaped my lips. I know what it is you like.
I felt his eyes on me and looked up to meet his gaze. His eyes were oddly soft. There was something in his gaze that soothed me, calmed me and made me melt into his hold. "Slade."
He smiled. "Robin."
"You better be right. About what you said. Knowing what it is I like."
"Now, Robin. Would I lie to you about such a thing?"
I hadn't known there was a window in Slade's room until I woke up, curled up in his sheets, my face facing the rising sun. The effects of the night before were still churning in my mind. The way he called my name over and over in that gruff, dominating voice. How he wouldn't let me rest until he had had his full. How he had abused me in such a way I had never been treated before. How I had loved every second.
Never before had I awoken to such . . . bliss. I never once had felt so satisfied upon waking, so fulfilled. Truly, I didn't have regret. Not to such happiness. I turned over with the stupidest smile on my face, reaching my hand to find . . . nothing.
I sat up quickly, my eyes wide as I looked around the room. He wasn't here. And then my heart sunk as realization set in.
The door clicked open and I looked round to see him standing there. Nothing was showing. His mask had returned to his face. My heart snapped and I turned from him, lifting my hand up to my face. Fuck. How stupid I'd been. Fuck, he's seen my face!
No love, no satisfaction. No appreciation, no hunger. No feeling. Not even my name.
"You weren't here." I sounded like a child. I knew. I knew he wouldn't care, didn't care. He was satisfying himself, he took advantage of me. He didn't care.
"I couldn't be." It was a whisper, but it was there. And I knew that, maybe deep down, he cared. But this was Slade. And his feelings would slip away with the darkness of the night upon the morning's reality. He was the villain. I was the hero. The actions conceived by the two of us were wrong and as much as we both wanted to be with the other . . . it couldn't be.
He tossed my gear towards me and I ignored it as it hit the bed. "Robin, get up."
"Don't tell me what to do."
Something flashed in his eye I couldn't quite place. "Robin, it was—"
"I know," I said. "Nothing."
He was silent, taking me again. I felt so disgraceful, weak, stupid.
"Where is my mission?"
He took quite some time before he answered me. I got out of bed, my back to him as I pulled on the gear. "Wayne Enterprise. There is something there we need to continue my plans. You're likely to encounter the Titans. You know what you must do."
My heart teetered at the name of the building. The knowledge that I would be seeing my old team again. I put on my mask and turned to him. "I'll get it done." I walked by him into the hallway.
"You've forgotten what I told you."
I turned back, looking at him straight. His words echoed from somewhere deep in my shattered heart. I'm afraid I might hurt you. "I haven't." The words came out slowly, spite and angry on every syllable. "And you haven't. I know, it was nothing. Well, it was to me too. I'll get it done."
And as I walked away, I felt both our hearts break. It could never be. What had happened . . . it was a nothing but a fluke. An ignorant, advantage taking, stupid, stupid, fluke.