Warning: I make fun of fangirls and guys in this one. I am one, so it's not meant as an insult to anyone! and i have nothing against Yaio ones either, but i'm not a fan of it... It's just for laughs. OK? You have been warned. Hence the warning… yeah.
"Oh, man," Sonic sighed in content, "this is the life!" He kicked back and relaxed against his log by the fire. "The great outdoors is just that: GREAT." No more stuffy buildings or crammed elevators. This is how hedgehogs were supposed to live!
He was having an awesome time on this camping trip. Once Tails had promised that there wasn't going to be a pond, Sonic was only too happy to come. A weekend trip to the mountains with no girls, no rules, no shower: a male's heaven. He couldn't believe his kid brother had planned it all by himself.
"For once, I agree with you," Shadow replied. Ever since this trip began, he couldn't figure out how Tails got Faker to come along. Sonic didn't mind Shadow, but he never figured him for the camping type.
"I know somewhere else I could be right now…" Knuckles said despondently. He was always a little grouchy away from the Master Emerald. Well, more than usual Sonic thought with remembrance.
"Hey, cheer up, Knuckles," Tails told him, "It's only for one more day, and you know Tikal's got it covered."
"Yeah, Knux," Sonic joined in, "lighten up! Why don't we tell scary stories before we hit the hay, hm? Let's make this trip complete!"
"Ohhh, I'm going to have nightmares for a week!" Tails moaned.
"You know you like them, though." Knuckles looked at him.
"Only because I know we've been through worse things. Remember the time we got stuck in that elevator full of those fangirls, Sonic?"
"Oh ya, that was bad…" Sonic grimaced. "Not the worst time though. Once, one set a trap for me when I was running. Heaven forbid Eggman ever enlist the help of a fangirl to capture me. It would be over." He shuddered. "Girls in and of themselves are just… icky!" he exclaimed.
"What about Amy?" Knuckles asked.
"Oh, she's bad. Defiantly not the craziest, though." He shook his head.
"Besides, he likes her!"
"Come on, you fake hedgehog, you know you do. Don't lie."
"I. HAVE. NO. COMMENT." The other three started chuckling at his beet-red face. "Besides, you two," he pointed to Tails and Knuckles, "have no room to talk! Cream and Rouge prove it!" They both started to deny the facts, Tails scientifically yelling about 'cooties' while Knuckles wondered aloud why the guardian of a huge gem would love the thief trying to steal it. Shadow chuckled at their antics until everything calmed down. Then they turned on Shadow, who at almost escaped the embarrassment.
"Hey, I have no love. Immortality defends against that stuff."
"Well, what about fangirls?" Tails asked, "EVERYONE has them. Even Silver has a couple, and he's taken. Even after that one girl got burned by Blaze. The rest of us aren't, so we have them crawling out of the woodwork." As he said this, they all glanced around to the trees that circled them.
"Yes, but there exactly that. Fangirls." He replied. "They might like me, but I certainly don't like them. I do not even find them scary anymore."
"Tell me your secret, oh great Jedi Master." Sonic said while laughing.
"There is no secret," Shadow replied darkly, "I do not fear them anymore because I have met something far worse."
"Oh, yeah, yaoi fangirls. Forgot about them. They're not as common." Knuckles interrupted.
"They ARE pretty bad, but…" Shadow continued, "I don't believe any of you have met… the fanguy." Tails interrupted this time.
"Actually, I have. They're cool. All they want is our autographs for their collections and then they leave us alone." He sounded confident.
"NO…" Shadow sounded fearful, "you have not met the one I ran into the other day." Tails scooted over to Sonic. If Shadow found something THAT scary, then he was going to need some comfort. "This past Tuesday, I was walking home from a long day at G.U.N. I had forgotten my Emerald at home and I worked late that day. It was dark, at least past 11 when I heard something."
Suddenly, there was a crack from the forest. The boys all gasped, all searching for the mysterious trespasser. Talking about rabid fans always makes one jumpy. Knuckles brushed it off.
"It was… just… a feral deer… Right?" He looked for assurance from the others. They all nodded and chuckled a little. Shadow continued.
"I looked behind me. There was nothing. I brushed it off. After all, I am the Ultimate Lifeform." Sonic rolled his eyes, but then continued to stare at Shadow as he proceeded with his horror tale. "I continued to walk, and suddenly I heard it again!" Tails squeaked and hid under Sonic's arm, but he didn't notice. "I decided to face it head on. I turned and yelled, 'Who's out there!' and nothing answered. I shot a Chaos Spear at the next noise-"
ANOTHER CRACK! Tails outright screamed and Sonic jumped a foot off the log. Knuckles flew to his feet and Shadow shot a Chaos Spear. Nothing happened. Knuckles remained standing as Shadow sat and started again.
"I listened intently. I thought I had killed it, so I continued to walk home. Then I heard a voice. It said, 'Shadow… why don't you love me?'" He mimicked a voice that sounded like a guy trying to sound like a girl. They would have laughed at Shadow's antics it they weren't already freaked out. Tails shuddered. They all knew what was about to happen, but couldn't stop themselves from thinking it wouldn't. "I turned around again, trying to put a face this new voice. It called to me again, 'Shadow, please, I love you.' I yelled for them to show their face. Finally, a male human teen stepped into the lamplight. He was-" Shadow choked from his fear. Sonic's eyes bulged out and Tails had his face securely in his side. Knuckles sat down and stared at Shadow. "He was… wearing…" Sonic couldn't take it anymore.
"Spit it out, Shadow!" He cried.
"HE WAS WEARING MARIA'S DRESS!" He yelled. The rest gasped at his outburst. "I ran away, but he kept up with ME! He got a pair of my skates, but he painted them BLUE! He kept following me!" Shadow was shaking and from the looks of it, about to cry. "I only came because I was thinking I could get him off my tail! But he's found me! I know it!" He fell to the ground and curled into a fetal position. He began to mutter, "He's found me… He's found me…" over and over.
His overreaction had a decidedly negative effect on the other guys. Tails kept trying to take off into the sky. It was all Sonic could do to keep him down. Knuckles started yelling about how Shadow led him to the camp, and how they were all in danger.
The chaos didn't stop until Sonic decided that he was going to stop this.
"GUYS!" It was silent as he continued. "You are all going to get a GRIP. There ISN'T anyone out there, and he certainly couldn't have found us here. You are all overreacting! There are four of us. If anyone is out there…" he smiled and gave them all the classic thumbs up. "We can take him!"
"YEAH!" they yelled together.
"Ok, well, let's go to bed." He said confidently. As they headed to their tents, they all froze at a freakily familiar voice.
"Please, please love me! I love you! We can be together forever… no one has to know we're gay…" A male teen human with beady yellow eyes came from the woods, wearing an eerie blue dress that was far too small. THE YAOI FANBOY.
Tails screamed his head off and took off into the night. No one had seen Sonic run faster. He even left some fur behind. Knuckles yelled and climbed to the top of a tree and glided down the mountain. Shadow was the only one left, but his reaction was the strangest of all. He was on the ground laughing harder than he had in over 60 years.
The teen started laughing. Then his hand went up and ripped the fake face off. Silver spikes shot up immediately, revealing a yellow eyed hedgehog. Then he took off the dress.
"Now THAT was too small. Shad, I can't believe you could make your voice that high!"
Shadow grinned from ear to ear. "Did you get all that on tape?"
"Yep!" Silver held up a video camera. "This is going to be the best birthday present ever!"
They smiled and simply left, leaving all the camping equipment behind.
HAPPY 19TH SONIC! And to Eggman, except he's not 19. He never gets enough… love. Well, I guess Shadow too. It IS his birthday, right? More like was… but…
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I don't know, I don't find it funny now... huh.