Author's Note:


There was like a week where my sisters and I were all: "Yay! Fanficiton!" Then it was all: "Damn. School."

Eh. We cranked out this crap. Enjoy a number of small and humorous entries to Ulquiorra's Diary.

Imma watch me some One Piece.

Ulquiorra Journal: Please Do NOT Look.

July 21, 7:47 at night.

Today I laid out. It didn't help, my armpits are burned and the white pages of my book hurt my eyes. Grimmjow was on his dune buggy again. I couldn't tan my back due to the noise.

As I walked inside I realized I had left my sunglasses on. I now have a horrid tan line.

Before I was to eat my pasta salad, I wanted a shower. All the hot water had been used up from someone before me and there were towels all over the place and water behind the toilet. I found my toothbrush laying on the floor.

There were no washcloths. I had to use a paper towel.

It crumbled and went down the drain in lumps. It reminded me of my dreams.

I was also forced to use Luppi's volume shampoo. I now smell like a coconut.

As I went to change into my favorite pair of comfortable slacks, I noticed there was a large hole in the knee. I fought the urge to rip it further.

While I ate my pasta salad, Luppi brought in the mail. I had received two things: A new copy of Psychology Today and a letter from the poetry contest I had entered. I had won $100 dollars. I will put this towards my car fund.

My internal cheer was ruined when Noitora put his grubby fingers in my meal after I told him I won. He then burped in my face and walked away.

Today was okay.

October 24, 5:16 in the afternoon.

As I was unclogging the toilet today, Aizen asked me to go run to the store for the monthly shopping. I knew this day would come.

He sent me in the company car with Grimmjow. Every bit of hope for the day shattered.

As I sped down the highway, Grimmjow insisted on using the radio. Yet, he could not decide on a station. After his eighth round of the stations, he settled on a channel with commercials, telling me that good music will play in a few minutes. We listened to commercials for about 15 minutes.

We pulled up and almost hit a buggy boy. Grimmjow tried to have me roll down the window and flick him off. I pretended to try to parallel park instead of listen to him.

The store wasn't packed, and soft music played. I felt like dancing. Grimmjow opened a pack of chips without paying. I was humiliated.

Due to my shaking him off in my embarrassment, I had lost Grimmjow.

I asked a pimply boy at the counter if he could call him over the speaker system. The idiot couldn't get the name right and continued to say "Grimmjow Crackerjack" over the intercom. He returned to the front of the store with some brown-haired teen he had met.

He told me his name was Keigo and was teaching him how to steal. I apparently didn't get the joke.

Keigo said I smelled like coconuts. I want him to die.

The orange juice Starrk had requested was out of stock. I debated on what to do and felt like crying. So I bought him oranges.

I was offered a free sample of a meatball. I'm a vegetarian.

I had exact change at the register. But the dime fell from my hand and rolled under the shelf.

As we left, the pimply one called us "Crackerjacks."

I got home and realized I had forgotten the milk.

August 18th, 12:37

Today the air conditioner broke.

May 3rd, 9:15 at night.

I woke up and needed to go get my iPod from Harribel. When she answered her door she wasn't wearing much clothing. This forced me to stare at her forehead.

She said she didn't have it anymore and had given it to Luppi. I was mortified.

Luppi didn't answer until I threatened him. He opened the door and handed it to me. The headphones were tangled. I spent the next thirty minutes fixing this problem.

I noticed in Luppi's window that flowers were blooming in his mini garden. This means allergies for me.

As I reached on top of the refrigerator to gather the Benadryl, the small box fell behind the fridge. I could not reach it without a broom. And when I attempted to, the broom fell. I will not be telling Aizen.


Eh. Hope you enjoyed it. We're working on the next chapter of the Espada Sleepover.