GENERAL STAFF ANNOUNCEMENT
The Management of the Death Star hereby notifies all officers and staff of the following -
1) Rumours of the recent 'management reshuffle' have been greatly exaggerated. The Emperor has not 'resigned' or been 're-delegated'. The perpetrators of this hideous rumour have been summarily tried and executed. Necessary force was, of course, employed in the extraction of vital information leading towards the establishment of confessions, which were duly recorded. Further investigations and follow-up into leads thereby uncovered are in progress.
2) Officers and staff will however note that they are now answerable directly to the Facilities Management Unit, Personnel Management Unit, and Corporate Services Division. All Officers will additionally come under the direct supervision of the Imperial Service Secretariat.
3) The above-mentioned units will be headed by Lord Vader. That would be me.
4) My voice is the voice of the Emperor.
5) We are firm believers in workplace cohesion and are fully committed to developing a culture of solidarity within the workplace. As such, arguments are hereby banned, with immediate effect.
6) As the galaxy's premier equal-opportunity (if you are Human, and male) employer, the management appreciates dialogue. Weekly Dialogue Sessions will be held at undisclosed locations throughout the Battlestation ("the Death Star"), on a case-by-case basis. You will of course be notified of the location of the Dialogue Session 24 hours before commencement. It is strongly recommended that all grievances between Officers/ Staff be settled prior to the start of each Dialogue Session.
7) Disciplinary action will be taken on individuals who disrupt the smooth running of the Dialogue Sessions with petty personal trifles.
8) Management will issue guidance on what qualifies as the latter on a case-by-case basis.
Note also: All disciplinary matters will henceforth be subject to the sole review and discretion of Lord Vader, unless veto-ed by the Emperor.