Hello and welcome my name is Sam I am 16 years old and I have brown hair with shades of black. Dark like the greenest grass ever green eyes. I have a normal shape and I have a multiple of not see able sickness. I was adopted by Ann and Jack Delmont when was around 2 years old. I never new my parents and I never want to till now that I'm getting sick. My boyfriends name is Andre he is sweet and a little messy sometimes but he is wonderful t me. I live in Lankton City in New Brunswick in Canada. I go to Lankton High home of the Giraffe. Ya I know who names there school mascot the giraffes I really don't know. My friends are well I don't have that many I am not popular. So my friend's names are Mary, Blue, Katie, Clair, Joey, Connor, Blair and Brittany. Yup that is it and some of them I just call but there nicknames. So now you know stuff about me. Thank you for reading.
"BEEEP BEEP" went the bell for class
"God damn I hate that bell" I said in the middle of class in a well loud voice.
But anyways I was done my writing piece and passed it into the witch the call an English teacher. Her name is Mrs. Pear she is the worst teacher I have ever had if I had the choice I would kill her yet I can't. At least I did not mention me being a gothic emo kid in my writing this time if I did she would just flip out.
"Hey you did you do your writing or did you doodle all class" asked my wonderful boyfriend Andre and he normally asks that because I love to doodle.
"No I did it and no bad word and emo kid stuff this time to" I answered
If I really wanted to name everything I wrote normally in my writing we would be here all day poor Mrs. Pear. English is not my favorite subject. My most favorite one is math and yes I'm a back talking emo kid that likes math ok. If I had it my way every period of the day would be math but no everything has to be equal. So now I have to go to gym o how I hate gym
"Sam do you feel like your going to die" asked Blue
Her name is not really blue it is Amy it is just the fact that she has the most beautiful blue eyes in the world. That is why I call her blue.
"Yes I do are you ok Blue you look kind of pale"
"Ya I'm ok it is just a new make up does it look that bad or does it look good"
"It looks wonderful" I answered
As I left the gym I just started to wonder I sometimes leave my friends just to get alone or just to get away from it all to be just you for a little time. To feel like your floating on the top of the world s just sitting there watching the world turning and people going on about the really not important lives. We are all just humans and not really anything more.
"SAM" yells Katie in my ear. Just killing my train of though and making me fall from my cloud and hit the earth with a thump.
"yes Katie what do you need" I don't like talking unless I am happy and have noticed that there is one day a month I am not really my self I wonder why.
"well Clair just told me that her and Connor are going to the formal together" Katie said with a look of help me on her face she has liked Connor for years and as she pulls me to the ground to sit I knew she wanted more then a it will be ok. But I just tried shrugging anyway but no she stopped me from getting up and gave me a look of HELP.
"I don't know maybe it is just that they like each other or she is pretending to like him and go with him just to hurt you because we all know the you're deeply in love with Connor so just tell him"
"But Sam what if I tell him and he will never talk to me again"
"Katie you either take the chance or watch your love dance with another girl"
" Well I guess your right but I am scared to if Claire find of and she does really like him and he stops liking her cause he likes me she will kill me"
"Katie you just tell Connor let me deal with Claire don't worry ok and tell him the second you can ok" I just got finish saying as I turned around and saw Connor and André walking down the hall I started to smile and I could feel my self starting to blush I like André for so long before he asked me out. I never know the real reason he asked me out he says it is that he has liked me for so long and je just never wanted to tell me. I think he thought if he asked me out I was going to say no or all of this is just a joke that his friends asked him o d I hope it's not I cant live with out him. But I want to know anyway.
"Are you just going out with me because your friends have dared you or something or are you just playing a joke if this is true I can't believe…."
Andre just cut my off pulling me close and kissing me and he hugged and and then kissed my check and then started to talk before I did again.
"Don't worry baby I would never do that I just am I stupid guy who has no idea that dating you was like being in heaven"
As André said those words I felt my heart started to light up. We pulled each other close and just started kissing we should not in the hall ways but we could care less. We love each other and if someone has a problem then can deal with it or they can leave. No matter what I think will always love him I could never bring my self to hurt him.
"I love you" I said as I realized everyone was watching us and so we hugged and stepped back.
"I love you to and nice that you now only realize that people were looking they have been staring scene you started to yell at me" André said and I just looked at him with the shut up look.
Seriously some time it just makes me mad that our families hate each other. You would think that coming from foster parents would make his family like me or at least feel bad no they hate me for it and my foster parents hate all men.
It was a Friday which meant I could go over to André and his parents final have agreed to let me spend the night me and him have been dating for 7 months and they just now will let me. I never got why but maybe they think we are some bad teenagers that will have sex.
"Do you think your parents like me André because they don't seem to they act like I am bad for you just because I am a foster child it is not my fault that my parents did not want me"
"Sam they do like you and you don't know that for a fact that your parents didn't want you"
"I guess your right and yes I do my foster parents told me my mother was young and wanted to give me up but my father didn't so he started stealing to get us money the he got caught and my mother could not take it and gave me to a orphanage and then killed her self that is how it happened then Ann and Jack came and got me and they will always love me just like they say they will"
As I said those words I felt a massive pain come over my chest and I feel to the floor in pain and tears. André just started to freak out and he had no clue what to do he has never had anyone ever pass out or be in massive pain around him as I felt my eyes shut all I could think of is do my parents hate me or are they trying to tell me something.
" Same wake up please I need you I don't care where you came from and I will always love you no matter what I cant live with out you ok I love you so much please wake up"
"I love you t" I answered back in a weak voice
I was still only thinking about what I was thinking of before I passed out why did they leave where is my dad which prison what ever happens I need to know. I need those answers and Ann and Jack half to give them to me.
"Baby are you ok please tell me your ok because my bus is here we got to go to my house or do you feel up to it if you don't we can do it another time don't worry"
"No way I am fine don't worry I just got to grab my bag from my locker ok it has my over night stuff"
"O thank god I want you to spend the night so bad I love you Sam now comes on ok"
"Ok I love you to"
On the bus all André did was ignore me and talk to his friend so I let my self drift off to my cloud over the earth it is so perfect there is no bad people it is just me and sometimes I pretend to have a dad that sits with me I never now why I have a really good picture of the guy I want to be my dad I just do. He has short black hair with some brown prefect blue eyes and he has stubble and he has a good body shape he always wears the same blue shirts with a black sweater and black jeans with two holes both on his knees and he wears stripped vans sneakers, my favorite are converse.
"Sam this is my stop come on baby"
Dinner passes fast because I was kind of on my cloud the whole time then me and him and his parents all sat down and watched the terrible movie that is a complete waste of time twilight I saw I once and after that I wanted to hurl. After the movie from hell it was our bed time but me and André just went down stairs and made out.
We were just kissing in my basement like always but the he started to kiss my neck and I felt chills up a down my spine. He took off his shirt and I got heated. I wanted this for so long but never dreamed I would get it. He took off my sweater and then my shirt because I have a tank top underneath. Then we deiced to go lie on his bed to watch a movie.
The next morning we are up stairs just like his parents said I had to be all night. I stayed there for like 2 minutes maybe less last night was the best of my days I will have that memory forever. He loves me now I know for sure when we were lying there he asked me not to marry him but to make a promise to try to stay together and if we cant we will always be friends and we would meet at the Lankton high in 20 years. If I ever graduate that is I got my mark back for English and I have a round total of 58%. You see most good things have a downside.
"I can't get my marks up any more no matter what"
"Sam if you don't get your act together and bring your English mark up we will ground you from seeing and even talking to André for the rest of the year" announced my parents.
I can't believe them I am a good kid and the rest of the year that is so long it is only march now. But really I can't believe them I try but all I do is fail it is because she hates me and noting else. My parents don't seem to get this at all that my life is hard enough but I cant live with out André. No one under stands me and I don't think anyone ever will.
"Ok I will bring t up ok but right now I got to get to school before I am late and I half to walk because you hate…."
At that moment the terrible pain came running though my chest again. I'm so anger at them I don't want to tell them or ask for help. So I will just head to school and ignore the pain. I have always hated walking to school I live right on the corner of 5th and 6th avenue it is about eight blocks from my school and by the time I get there in the winter my legs are frozen and in the spring I'm all wet because of the rain.
"Hello sweet heart this weekend was so much fun did you have fun? Hey Sam what's up" André say
As I walked by not looking at him at all I never like talking and to day I really don't want to talk to anyone. But if I don't speak to him he will get mad and I really don't need or want that at this point. I need to be close to ever one I can.
"Hey sorry about that I didn't mean to just walk by" I said apologizing to André
"it is fine don't worry I love you no matter what and I under stand how sometimes you just need to be by your self and I can deal with that" André said as he hugs me
"BEEEP BEEP" went the bell for first period.
"I really don't like that bell" I announced
"Well come on before we get in trouble" André said as he grabs my arm and starts walking
"Ya I guess sadly" I said as I give in and fallow him
I don't know why but I just always seem to float away on my cloud at lunch I don't want anything to happen and make it so that I cant float away and just sit and enjoy the peace and quiet of my cloud my main that right now is how am I ever going to pass english and how am I going to get my evil parents to tell me the truth about my parents. Lets start with problem one English ok all I half to do is work hard which means doing that stupid piece of writing well I better get working….
Yes we have never met but I would really like to meet you. Some reasons I would like to meet you is because I have some medical problems the doctors say came from you. Also I have some questions like:
Why did you give me up?
Do you ever want to meet me?
Are my foster parents lying to me?
Do you really love me?
Are you Asian?
Ok so those are my questions. Why don't I tell you a couple things about me like I am 16, I have a boyfriend and he is wonderful to me hopefully just like dad is to you mom, I live in apartment with my two step parents Ann and Jack Delmont they are not the best and I really wish I could have met you guys so you guys could have kept me so I do not half to deal with them. They drink a lot so they normally just threaten to kick me out or hurt me. I just really truly want people to under stand me sometimes I portends that I have a dad and I even have a good drawing of what he looks like and my mom I don't know I never thought about what she would look like because all my foster parent say is that she died and she never wanted me in the first place. I believe that until this year I just started thinking and I figured out that I don't want to believe it and that she probably does care about me and that they are just lying so I don't get mad and leave them then they would not have someone to give them money and no one to pick on.
Ok that took a lot of work but it was worth it I have written a good well mannered piece of writing that will surly get me a good mark and I final let my feeling out and I have admitted that my foster parents need to tell me the truth. I'm going to settle this probably once and for all tonight when I get home.
O my goodness my after noon has been crazy. André wants more time with me but I half to go home right after school to talk to foster parents because I need to get this thought out of my mind I can't take it anymore. But am I making the right choice picking my own life over the happiness of my boyfriend I think I am but I can't just ask him. That's it I am just going to ask him.
"Do you mind if I go home right after school to talk to my foster parents about my real parents because that is the thing that has been bugging me"
"Don't worry I am fine with you doing that I will call you later ok cutie don't worry I will always love you not matter what" said André as he ran a caught his bus.
As I walked home all I could think about was what questions do I ask them do I say I want the truth about my parents or do I say you lying foster parents I need the truth. Well I better make up my mind soon because I am going up to the front of our apartment building right now. We live on the 6th floor. So I half to go in buzz up to them and then the let me in because they do not trust me with a key.
The first thing you see the second you go into our apartment is a long blue violet hall way with 4 pictures they are all family photos. The hall has two doors one that goes to our coat that is dark grey and it only has one metal pole to hold 4 coats and then there is space on the floor for 3 pairs of shoes two pairs of heals and one pairs of black converse. The other door goes to our kitchen which has a stove from the 60's which is black a snowy white fridge that smells like four hundred animals went to die there or just one really fat guy and 4 coberts and 2 shelves. At the very end of the hall it leads to our living room that is painted a really pale yellow and it just looks like the walls are dirty. It has a couch brown and full of dust and two chairs also a TV that is from the 70's. Also it connects to a small hall with two doors one that leads to there bed room never been in there and mine it is small it has one bed black covers, a wooden dresser, a blue nightstand, a small white painted closet and a window that leads to metal steps that can lead down to the ground but I would never try. Also we have a deck going all the way around our apartment.
O no truth time there coming this way it is no or never to ask the question I am so scared to ask.
"Hello sweetie how was your day at school do you work hard in English here come and sit with us" Ann said as she took my hand and brought me to the couch with her and jack.
"Ya I did work hard but I have a question that needs to be answer ok and I know you have not told me the truth so you are you going to now" I said as they both got a look of o no she knows
"Well what is your question Sam and don't you ever call us liars again" jack said because Ann was to broken up to talk.
"What happened to my really parents because your not telling me everything and I need to know"
"What are you talking about Sam?"
"Don't pull this either you tell me or I will find out my self" as I said that I knew they were going to tell me.
"Fine if you really want to know we will tell you well actually Ann will tell you" said jack sounding like he was too scared to tell me.
"It all started 16 years ago and our neighbors were your true parents I know we should have told you but then you would start trying to find them. And that would just end badly because you see Sam your parents did drugs and they fought a lot and I bet if you were with them you would not go to school and you might even be died." Ann said with tears in her eyes
"What happened then did you talk to them or something I question.
"Of course not it is not ours business I just kept to my self until the day that I heard your mother crying and when I walked in the room there you were lying on the couch just 4 months old and here hopping off a chair leaving you by your self probably not even caring if you were going to die. So I was going to go pick you up but then your father came in a said that you were his and as he took you from my arms he picked up the phone and called the cops. He called them and they came a cleaned up the mess of your mother and you and your dad were fine for a little time till I stopped hearing you're crying so I got worried and went and checked on you. Both you and your dad were gone about a week later me and your dad were out on the deck and we say your dad running down the street with the cops after him. They caught him and took him to jail and hopefully he is either dead or dyeing. But back to the story we went to the jail to see were he left you. He said that he never wanted you and he sold you to his weed dealer for some weed he could smoke and for some beer. We went to the cops and told them and then 5 months later you were in our arms for good as our adopted beautiful smart little girl" Ann said as she and Jack leaned over and hugged me.
" Thank you don't even know how much this means to me that my dad is around here I can maybe go and talk with him and also thank you both for telling me the truth it has helped me so much realize what I want to do with my life and who I want to in life as a person." I said as I hugged them back
"NO" Jack said as he broke the hug.
"What did I do" I asked
"you cant go and talk to him you don't get this he is mean and dangerous did you not listen to ever thing I have been telling you, you are very stupid and silly if you go and talk to that man he is inhuman."
"Don't you ever call my father inhuman he was probably robbing for me and how do I not know that you just lying to me more"
"Sam you're a big girl but you don't understand what he has done to use all"
"I love him just like I should and I can't believe neither of you understand that ok I will always want to meet him and you can't stop me"
"O yes we can your grounded even from André"
"Don't do this I need André in my life"
"You should have thought about that before you went and said what you did Sam"
"Fine I wont see him but I am never talking to you guys again I hate you good bye I hope you die" I said as I ran into my room I heard them say Sam come back but I don't want to see there evil faces right now I never want to talk to them again I just want to sleep.
Later That Night
"What the fuck is that noise" I said as I woke up from a deep sleep to only hear a weird noise I guess it is the wind because my window is open.
"Shh come with me sweet heart don't worry you can trust me I know I have missed a lot but don't worry I wont let anything hurt you" said I think a man coming from the dark corners of my room I am having a heart attack because who is that.
"Who is there hello anyone"
"O crap I am sorry I will be back someday I promise" aid the creepy voice as I saw the shadow of a person go out my bed room window. I was not going to let any person come in to my room and watch me sleep and then tell me that they love me and then leave.
I need to get dressed first before I go after him umm lets see I want to wear my black t-shirt with I live to live my life not to make others happy and I want to wear my dark blue skinny jeans and crap I left my black converse in the hall ok better go get them I half to make sure not to wake up the drunks o well look at that there just dead asleep on the couch. Ok at the coat closet now to just got them ok ready to go after this evil man. I will just go out onto the deck and look because it is better then getting lost trying to search for him in the streets.
Ok so I see some people walking they are probably homeless and there that guy with the grey sweater and
black jeans he looks like the shadow that was in my room and hey what is he doing with that man. No don't run sir no he couldn't have but yes he did. The man that was just in my room just killed that poor person how could he that man did nothing to me this makes me so mad.
what is this feeling I am getting I feel all warm and I am moving but I am not telling my self to what no I don't want to be on the railing of are balcony this is dangerous I am scared I am trying to get off but I cant. O my god did I just jump I think I did because now I am on the ground and my legs don't hurt but they are still moving now there running what is happening I never told my self to jump that should have hurt me why did it not hurt me.
Ok so now I am running I just jumped off a building I think this is just a really bad dream nothing else here let me ouch nope pinching my self just hurts. Man I am getting really far away from my apartment. Hey look it is the guy that kill the homeless man I should go talk to him.
"Hey you" I said with out knowing why I am getting scared but my body is showing that I am fine with being near a killer.
"What do you want kid I just want to be alone" the man said.
"No sir your going to talk to me I just say you kill that homeless person back there and you were also in my room so I will give you one chance to tell the truth" I said again with out knowing why I don't want him to hurt me and what do I mean by one chance what will I do.
"Ok kid beat it I ain't a killer" he said and pushed me away.
"Don't lie" I said and at that point my hand gripped and knife and stabbed the man in the back he fell to the ground with a thump and I know he is dead because he did not get up. What did I just do what is going to happen to me what do I tell people. But before I could think about what I would say or tell anyone I am back in my room I am fine and back in my room but that man is still dead but I can't tell anyone only André and only when the time is right but till then this is my secret to hold. I am the one with the problem with killing.
I can't believe I did that last night.
"Have a good day at school" Ann said as I walked out the door if she only new. But no I can't tell anyone of this maybe it was just a dream then I looked no down. No it is not I still have the blood on my converse. So many thoughts are going through my head like.
I can barley dream of living with out him I can't even try to think of life with out him around. He is so important to m. How could I have let this happen this curse is too much I hate my parents for doing this to me? I did not ask for this yet it is here and it is happening to me and me alone. I can't ever marry nor have kids they would hate me and I would half to kill them. Someone give me a cure that can solve this just take it away I'm not bad I just have a bad habit in me. I never want to kill him he brought it apon him self.
I told him to stay away but he did not listen he should have believed me and walked away knowing I can not control my anger. When it starts to get me inside I wish I could stop it because I miss being normal. Maybe just maybe if my parents were around they would understand my disease and my pain. I dream sometimes of having a nice life and not having this evil curse going to school with out worrying. To be with André and forever be happy. Having my parents under standing me and loving me no matter what but that won't ever happen no matter what. I'm just an orphan.
A crazy insane orphan that has n o clue what she has done and when ever I can remember I cant stop it from playing over again and I half to go through hell again.
"Hey I can't talk see you after school ok" I said to André as I rushed by just giving him a hug
The day passed slow thinking of when and how I am going to tell André. I thought of a lot ways but I cant tell him now he wont believe me and he will just think I am crazy on Friday I will bring him to my house and I will show him my clothes and then he will believe me ok just three more days counting Friday that is it then my one and only will know till then I half to just act normal.
"Hey sorry about earlier I know I am so spaced today and I should have said good morning and ate with you at lunch but I half to tell you something but not now"
"Sam just tells me because I need to tell you something" André said with a cold voice and pushing away my hug
"It is fine you go first" I said with a gentle voice
"Sam seriously you won't tell me right now then I must say what I need to say no matter what maybe what you want to say would change things. But I can't wait that long I can't stand lying to you and not telling you how I truly feel." said André
"Andre what are you talking about I love you ok and no matter what I will so lets just go back to my house my parents will drive you home" I said taking his hand but he pulled it away
"No Sam I cant take it anymore you are to far away from me to love me you don't mean it when you say it back no matter what we cant be together you don't tell me anything anymore which means this relationship is DEAD I am sorry good bye" André said
As he grabbed his book bag off the ground and ran to catch his if he only new what happened last night and what I am going through right now so times I just want to die.
"Andre wait you can't leave I do love you why can't you see that I am telling the truth please believe me" I screamed at him
"Because you are lying and I can tell you wont love me now and you haven't ever loved me Sam this is why I did not tell you because I was so deeply in love and your so deeply in to being you so go be alone because you wont ever let your self open up to a person I found that out the hard way"