Origins- Dean's Point of View

1983

We've been sitting here for hours, in the car, daddy's just standing there outside. I think he's crying and I don't know how to make him stop. Sammy's crying to and Mum's gone. Dad says she isn't coming back, but I don't know why. If she did they'd stop crying. But she's not, so I'm sitting in the car waiting with Sammy.

We're staying with Auntie Julie now. We've been here for about a week. Dad's away alot. He goes out for hours each day and most of the night. Some days I wonder whether he's coming back. He hasn't been right since the fire. Nothing's been right since Mum went away. I caught them arguing today, Dad and Auntie Julie. I didn't understand what they were talking about. Dad was yelling about fire. About THE fire, about mum. I wish she was here.

Dad went out again last night. I don't know what time it was when he came back, but he woke us up. He came into our room shouting our names and kicking open the door. "Dean! Sammy!" he looked so scared. We left Aunt Julie's last night. We didn't even get to say goodbye. Dad just packed our bags and pushed us into the car and we left. I tried to ask him where we were going, but I don't think he really knew. Dad always used to know the answers. I wish I had my dad back.

It feels like we've been driving forever and dad hasn't said a word. "Daddy... When are we going home?" I ask. We've been on drives before but I've never been this far from home. "Well that's kind of a tricky question kiddo" I have a horrible feeling down in my stomach. I know what he's going to say even before he says it. "We're gonna have to sorta.. find a new one." It isn't our home anymore. Our home was lost in the fire. We don't belong in Lawrence anymore. "Is that where we're going now?" I ask him. I don't know how much longer I can sit in the car watching the scenery change, watching Sammy sleep oblivious to the changes in our father. "Um, not exactly. Got a couple of things to do first. I have to go see somebody." So we're going to stay with someone else. Another friend of the family will put us up for a while. Is that what happens when you lose your home? You travel from place to place never having a place to belong. "A friend?" I ask. How many friends do we have left. When he replies my father confirms my fears. "I don't know really... I haven't actually..." I don't know how much longer we can do this. How much longer will I have to look after Sammy while dad disappears? "What are me and Sam gonna do?" That's when he makes an impossible promise. One I know he can't keep but I believe him anyway. "We'll all be together Dean, I promise." But how can we be together when mum isn't here. I just want to go back home and find her there waiting for us. "Daddy? Can we go home after that?" I just want to go home.

I fell asleep not long after that. Dad woke me up when we arrived here. It was dark and we walked over to this huge dark house. I'm sitting on the floor playing with Sammy while dad sits by the fire talking. He's sitting with some guy called Fletcher. I've never met him before. I'm trying to distract Sam with some of his toys. It seems to be working, but I can still here the conversation by the fire. And it scares me. "Truly extraordinary. The similarity in curvature, the markings- our legends call this a black shuck." I have no idea what that is, but it sends a shiver up my spine. "A black?" "Shuck. From 'scucco' an anglian legend, several hundred years old. It's an overgrown hellhound. Think of it as one of hell's own pit bulls." I try hard not to listen to them. Hellhounds one word I understand and I don't like it. "Tell me, Mr Winchester: do you live near a graveyard?" and there's another word I know, and I don't like it. "No?" I don't want to think about graveyards, so I concentrate on Sam. "Odd. That's usually where this thing likes to hang out. They live in the corners and shadows of the dead. Sometimes found in emptied graves or crypts. Cemeteries and graveyards are known to be potent grounds for devils gates you see." Hellhounds, graveyards and devil's gates! "Devil's gates?" I don't want to hear anymore. And I don't want Sammy to hear any of it. But I know dad will be furious if we leave the room. "Places where this kind of beast can pass from one realm to another." I close my eyes trying to block their words out but all I can see is a huge black monster lurking behind grave stones. "Last sighting of a black shuck I heard was in Eureka California. A few months ago. In a cemetery off route 101, I think. As you can see, I'm no great hurry to track such things down myself. As for you, if you wanna find this thing you better strap yourself in for another long drive Mr Winchester" I can't believe what I'm hearing. Dad can't really want to find one of those things. "I'm just not sure about all this. Hellhounds and graveyards? And what kind of hunter goes after a black doom dog, or whatever you called it?" I breathe a sigh of relief. We're not going after it. "You're hunting something too ya know. Listen. I don't know what happened to you, or who you lost. But it's not often that I get visits from suburban dads with kids in tow no less. You've put yourself on a path. You owe it to yourself not to get lost now. Let me give you something." I can feel Sam getting frustrated beside me. I haven't been giving him my full attention for a while now. "It's blank" Sam is restless now. I look up and see Fletcher looking at us. " My guess is not for long. Some advice, write everything down. Record it all. Drawings, photos, whatever you can find. It'll keep you focused. Especially when it seems like you have no one to talk to." He looks over at us again and I can feel how uncomfortable he is around us. "Your boys look bored. You best get going before they knock something over." It seems we are going again. "One more thing: be careful. It's dangerous out there. Getting worse everyday..."

We went back into the car again after that. We're spending so much time in the car now. I don't know where we are anymore and it scares me. We pulled up to this huge store earlier so daddy could buy a gun. He carried Sammy for a while, but not for long. We're in some tiny motel now and dads yelling at me. We were just sitting on the bed, Sammy and me, just about to get ready for bed. I asked Dad what the gun was for and he said it was for protection. We never needed a gun for protection before. I was going to ask him about it when there was a knock at the door. Then he was yelling at me. "Dean! Take Sam and get under the bed! Don't say a word" So I'm under the bed now holding on to Sammy. He doesn't understand what's going on. Of course he doesn't. I don't understand what's going on. There's a load crash up above and then a voice I recognise says things I don't want to hear. "Why'd you let her die, john." That's not true. Daddy tried to save her, like he saved Sammy and me. It was the fire, the fire killed her. "Ever since she died... we were worried about you, but now it's a whole different story. Runnin' around town asking all kinds of questions. Begging people to listen to your crazy theories. Stayin in all night getting into fights. And then now outta nowhere, you just pick up and leave. You're acting crazy john. And I'm not about to let crazy turn into dangerous. I'm gonna take the boys back home." That's it, I can't just sit there and listen to it anymore. We can't go home the fire took our home.

"Uncle Jacob?" I ask as I climb out from under the bed with Sammy, but it's like I'm not there. They just keep on talking. This seems to be happening all the time now. Dad talks to someone and we have to sit in the corner being quiet. "Listen Jacob. I can understand how you feel. You were like a father to Mary after her parents died. But Dean and Sam are with me now. I need to protect them" The Gun, dad said the gun was for protection. "From What?" from everything. From the fire, from the Hellhound, from everything. He didn't need a gun until he heard about the Hellhound. "I... you wouldn't understand" No one understands. I don't think dad even understands. "What are you hiding John? And what are you doing in this place?" We came to see the man, the man Fletcher. To learn about the Hellhound. We came to this backwards world to learn about the Hellhound. "There's an errand I have here in Eureka. Something I have to track down for the family" The Hellhound. Why do we have to talk about the Hellhound. I'm so scared here. I don't want to go look for a Hellhound. "Tonight?" At night! "Actually you should come with me. That way you could see for yourself. And I could probably use the help." Even dad is scared, I can hear it in his voice. If Dad is scared how can I not be scared. "And what do you plan on doing with the kids?"

We're with some strange old lady now. Dad took us to stay with her. She sits at the desk at the motel. I don't think she wanted to look after us. And Dad didn't want us t go with him. I don't want to go looking for Hellhounds, and I want Sammy to be safe. But I don't want to sit here with some Stranger lady who doesn't want us. It seems that no one wants us. What if the fire comes and Dad isn't here to save us.

Dad came back alone to get us this morning. Uncle Jacob wasn't there. There was another man there standing by dads car instead. I asked dad where uncle Jacob was but he didn't answer. The other man answered instead. "He had to take off for a while. But your dad asked me to tag along for a bit. I'll tell you some really great stories along the way. Call me Uncle Hunter." I got in the car with Sammy in his seat beside me. I'm not sure I like Uncle Hunter. He has this scary look, and he talks about scary things, Hellhounds and demons and other things I don't want to know. He and dad are talking now outside the car, but I can still hear them. "We're leaving because the Hellhound isn't your wife's real killer. Like most big ugly dogs, it's just a pet. When I wounded it back there, chances are it scurried back to its master." The Hellhound didn't kill mum, the fire did. It was the fire. I fire can't keep dogs. "Who on earth would want to keep company with the beast?" I want to go home. I wish we still had a home to go to. "Earth? Try below. Here's the sixty-four dollar question: What else can you think of that shacks up in Hell?" Hell, there's that word again. Hell has fire. "What do you mean... Demons?" Fire, demons and fire. "The guy you really want must be one of em." They got into the car then. Now I have no choice but to listen to them. "You're saying a demon killed my wife? A creature straight out of the bible came to my house in Kansas and pinned Mary to the ceiling" Fire, demons and fire, and mum on the ceiling. "Things are seldom what they seem in the world you're travelling in now. Real-life demons aren't the stuff of stories or books." When did everything become about demons. A few weeks ago I was sitting on mums knee listening to her read me stories. Now she's gone and I'm in the car listening to dad talk about demons. I'm glad Sammy can't understand what's going on. "Well whatever it is, she's still gone, and my family's still in danger. I don't care what it looks like. I just want it dead." How do you kill a demon? "Careful john. If it really is a demon, you just hooked yourself into one fat, angry mother load of a hunt."

We've stopped again. It's some building on its own in the middle of nowhere. Dad took Sammy out of his car seat and 'Uncle Hunter' steered us towards the door. I don't like him. "Welcome to Harvelle's Roadhouse Bar. You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. Kidding John. These guys are pretty harmless. Most of em, anyway. Well at least half. Just keep your boys away from Rat boy Jim over there in the corner." This place is weird. It smells funny and its full of old men. We're walking further into the crowd of people when they start talking again. "What kind of 'clues' are we supposed to get from a crusty bar full of drunks?" Aunt Julie used to talk that way about Dad back home. "These are Hunters John. Our kind." Our kind? Is dad a hunter now. Are we hunters now? "Listen, I just want to find my wife's killer. I'm not looking to join some secret society of motorheads" There's a woman standing by the door looking at us. "Hey, look what the cat dragged in. Or was it a hellcat this time" There's Hellcats to! "Sorry, bad joke. Who's your friend H? And just who is he calling crusty?" A joke good, a joke. The whole worlds gone mad. I watch as she takes Sam from dad. "I'm Ellen Harvelle. The ugly guy behind the bar is my husband Bill. Now who do we have here?" Then she leans down to pat me on the head. She looks me in the eyes and suddenly I trust her. "Got one myself. Little younger than you. I doubt you're much into girls yet anyway." Girls. Yuck! "Why don't you fellas take a load off while I look after these two?" What dad was going again "Daddy?" Was he really going to leave us alone with a stranger again, even if she is nice. "It's alright, Dean. I'm not going anywhere. We won't be staying long anyhow." Good. "Don't be rude to the lady. John the path you're on right now... you might be calling this place home one day soon. Now come on, let's go buy someone a beer." What? Home?

We've been at the bar for quite a while now. I don't mind anymore. These people are all really nice. There's a woman playing with Sammy. She's making him laugh. And there is a guy teaching me to play pool. I like Pool. I hope dad lets me do it again. Dad's been at a table with Hunter and some guy with a ponytail since we came in. They've just been sitting talking for a long time. They move to get up and Ellen comes over to us. She says we're going to be staying here for a while, while dad goes out. She wants us to meet her daughter. So dad lied. He's leaving again.

We've been here for hours. It's dark outside and I want dad to come back. He's out hunting some demon or hellhound or evil thing. I know he is. He lied before. He's a hunter. I can here loud shots coming from outside and I know its dad. I run outside and see him shoot the ponytail man in the head. "Daddy?" He turns around and he looks different. His face is hard and angry until he speaks to me, and then he's dad again. "Dean? My god, Dean!" I'm so confused. "What did you do to that man daddy?" the man isn't moving. "Get back inside, Dean." He's not moving. Is he dead? Is that what a dead body looks like? "Is he dead? Did you kill him?" he killed him. Dad killed him. Why? "Why did you kill him daddy? What did he do?" I don't understand. There has to be a reason. I know there must be a reason. He wouldn't just kill a man for no reason. But he won't tell me why. "Let's get you out of here, Dean. You and Sam. We're done here."

We've stopped again. I so confused. It's morning now and we're being dropped off with some more family friends. "Really appreciate this Bill" he's leaving us and he won't say why "It's been too long anyway. Pam and I been meaning to check up on you since... Mary died. Never expected you to come knocking on my door though" He's hunting again. He's hunting evil. Is that a good thing? "It'll just be for a few days. Couple of weeks tops." Is it still a good thing if he's leaving us here all the time. "Couple weeks? Just what are you doing out here, John? Seems to me the boys need their father more than ever now" We do. I do. I need my dad back. How many times is this going to happen. "Truth is, Bill... I don't think I'm well. My wife's gone. Their Mother. Somehow, somewhere, I need to find a way to deal with that. To get my head back on straight." Why doesn't he want us with him. Is it because it is dangerous or because he really doesn't want us. "Need to say goodbye for a little while, Pal. I'll be back before you know it." I'm so confused. "Dean?" What is happening to us? Why does he have to go? "Please say something." Is there anything I could say that would stop him leaving again? "Dean?" We need him "Forgive me, Son. I... I'll see you again soon promise."

He's been gone weeks. Weeks and he's still not here. Just then I hear a car pulling up. I know that car. I walk outside carrying Sam and there he is. He came back. "You take good care of your brother while I was gone?" He takes Sam from me and lifts him up. "Yeah" Of course I did. That's all I can do. "He depends on you, y'know like I do." It's the only thing I can do when he leaves. "Dad where'd you go?" All I can do is wait for him to come back. And look after Sammy. "Far away. Far enough for me to know I need my boys by my side from now on. Now let's get out of here. We got work to do"