Big Girls Don't Cry


Last night had been amazing. So naturally, right now I was completley passed out and not willing to get up very easily. You would have to drag me out and slap me a few times just to get one eye open. Then again, there was always Jasper. I heard him slightly moan as if something disturbed his sleep, causing my eyes to snap open immediately. He seemed fine, despite the distressed look on his face. I lifted my arm slowly from where it was stretched across Jasper's chest and rubbed my finger along his nose. His eyes opened, one after the other, causing me to smile. He smiled back.

"Good morning, beautiful", he whispered, looking into my eyes.

"Good morning", my whisper seemed almost inaudible to me, but it was obvious he heard me because his smile seemed to stretch a little farther.

"Are we getting up today?" he asked.

"Never", I stated playfully, turning over and hiding my head under a pillow. Jasper laughed and look the pillow from my head, turning me back over. I sheilded my eyes from the sun when he opened the blinds rather quickly. I moaned and tried to cover my head with the pillow again, but he beat me to it.

"I don't want to get up either, but you know I have to", he was smiling slightly, but I wasn't. He was right, after all. He was going to have to leave. I got up with the blanket and walked into the bathroom, "Alice", I slammed the door shut.

"Why do you have to go already? You've only been home for two months!" he sighed in aggrivation.

"I know, Alice. But I can't control these things"

"It's not fair!"

"I know it's not! But I'm not going to be gone that long. I'll be back home before you know it"

"Yeah, right. That's what you said the last time, when you were gone for six months!" he sighed again. I hated yelling at him, but I couldn't stop myself.

I stormed out of the bathroom fully dressed and into the kitchen. I tried to get a coffee cup from the top shelf above the stove, but couldn't reach. Jasper came up behind me and got one for me, handing it to me. I refused to look at him. Walking over to the coffee maker, I put in the beans and turned it on. All the time ignoring Jasper. Once the coffee was done, I sat down at the kitchen table and just stared at it. My eyes then flickered to the coffee cup that read 'I love my soldier' in big black letters. I looked to the wall and back to the cup, thinking about throwing it against the wall.

"Alice, please", I looked over at Jasper from under my lashes. He was sitting next to me with a pleading look on his face, "You know I don't want to leave you, but it's not something I have any power over", it was silent for a while, "Please talk to me"

"I don't know why I should. It's not going to change anything", I argued.

"I know that, but you can't just ignore me. Do you really want me to leave without a single word from you? I know you, and you'll regret it later"

"I'm sorry, Jasper. I'm being selfish, but I just don't want you to leave", I looked at him, ready to cry the tears that were burning to fall. I tried so hard not to, knowing that it would only make it harder for him. I was already being difficult enough.

"No, Alice. I'm sorry. I never should have brought you into this life. I love you so much, but I can't stand to hurt you"

"Jasper, I told you that I would be able to handle this from the begining. Yeah, you're gone a lot and for long amounts of time, but I know that you'll always come back home", he looked away, seeming puzzled. It took him a while to look up at me, but when he did, he smiled. I stared at him like he was crazy.

"You're right. You did say that", I was still partially confused, "And I promise you, with all my heart, that I will always come back home to you", I was smiling now. Jasper got up and wrapped me in a long hug.

"I love you", I whispered, on the verge of tears.

"I love you, too", he said and we pulled apart, but he still had his arms around me, "I always will"

"I'll hold you to that", I promised and stretched up so I could reach his lips to kiss him.

Later in the afternoon, I was watching Jasper drag two suitcases to the front door. I had my arms crossed at my chest. He stood up and walked over to me, putting his arms around me and pulling me into a hug. I finally let my arms reach around him to return the hug when he said,

"Alice, I love you. I'm going to miss you so much", I pulled away slightly and stared into his eyes.

"I love you, too. You have no idea how much I'll miss you", he smiled.

"I think I do", I smiled- half-heartedly- and we hugged once more. I closed my eyes and we didn't bother to let go of each other until we heard a car horn beep. Jasper let go of me, "I have to go", he said, "I love you, Ali"

"I love you, Jazz", he bent down to kiss me one last time before he took his suitcases and walked out the door. Once he was in the car, he waved to me and I waved back, watching him drive away. I shut the door then, turning around and sinking down to the floor. I pulled my knees up to my body and laid my head on them, letting the tears that had been threatening to fall since early this morning rain down on me. Every dream has to end when you wake up and come back to reality.