Once upon a time, blah blah blah blah blah. Then all of the vampires rose out of the earth, made from the tears of teenage potato pancakes, and proceeded to have a lovely time sipping tea and watching Ellen Degeneres do cartwheels through the living room.

Suddenly a million Bellas came pouring out of the fire place like Harry Potter's letters in the first novel, and they swarmed upon the vampires like fruit flies on three week old porridge. It was too much for the vampires and they burned up into little tiny scraps of egg and bacon, their true essence. Then the Bellas breakfasted together upon the breakfast-vampires. And Ellen smiled.