A/n Kirbey: Alright MagicallyMalicious this is for you the most reluctantly written oneshot like ever. Hope you enjoy it. Oh and I guess I hope everyone else enjoys too. :)

A/n: yup i hope you realize how awesome you are mm. kirbey doesnt write one shots for just anyone. hope you like!

DISCLAIMER: slash and man smex...and bjs! yayyyyyy for bjs! woo matteh tops!

Matt Hardy stared across the room past his brother who was talking animatedly- but who cared what Jeff was talking about? CM Punk was sitting across the room from them in all his beautiful glory. Not that Punk didn't look appealing to Matt every other day but that night in particular he looked like a god. His long black hair hung perfectly around his face and his gorgeous eyes shone as he laughed and joked with his friends. What he wouldn't give to get him naked and alone for just an hour. Matt sighed loudly.

"...Matt? Hello?" Jeff said waving his hand in front of Matt's face, breaking his line of sight and therefore his concentration on undressing Punk with his eyes. "What the hell's your problem?"

Matt smacked Jeff's hand out of his way. "Nothin, just thinking."

"Riiigghht..." Jeff picked up the bottle he was currently working on and took a large gulp. "Anyway, as I was saying…"

Matt zoned out as soon as Jeff began talking. Oh well, back to his daydream of Punk completely naked on his knees in front of him. Matt licked his lips. Punk smiled up at him from on his knees. "You ready?" Punk asked Matt. Matt nodded vigorously. Punk licked the tip of Matt's penis and continued to smile up at him. He then took Matt's member in his hand and began massaging it gently. Matt moaned loudly.

"Matt what the fuck?" Jeff exclaimed loudly, pulling Matt out of his own mind.


"You just moaned! Like a real moan- like you were fucking somebody!" Jeff said.

"No I didn't your crazy." Matt blushed; he hadn't meant to moan out loud.

"Yeah you did! Who the hell are you staring at anyway?" Jeff followed Matt's eyes over to Punk. "Oh….him again?"

Matt finally pulled his eyes away from Punk and to his brother. "What do you mean again?"

"You're constantly staring at him. Hell, half the time I can't even have a conversation with you cause you're too busy daydreaming about him
sucking your dick or some shit." Jeff rolled his eyes and took another drink.

"Is it really that obvious?" Matt covered his face.

"It's pretty damn obvious… Why don't you ever talk to him anyway?"

"He's not interested in me that way."

"How do you know?" Jeff turned around to glance at Punk who was staring intensely in their direction. "Look! He's staring at you right now."

Matt glanced at Punk and sighed, "Jeff he's staring at you."

"What? No he's not. Why would he stare at me? You're the one that obviously likes him." Jeff continued to stare at Punk until they locked eyes and looked away. "Well okay maybe. But hey, all he needs is a little steering in the right direction. I'll go talk to him for you." Jeff stood up from the booth they were in.

"No, Jeff don-" Matt began, but was ignored as Jeff had already set out on his mission. He watched as Jeff sauntered over to Punk and began talking animatedly. Matt groaned; he couldn't tell what they were talking about but he wasn't overly confident in his little brother's matchmaking skills. Jeff turned around and pointed at Matt, still talking to Punk. Matt sat up straight and tried to act nonchalant as Punk looked over at him. Punk looked back and forth between the two Hardy brothers. He said something to Jeff and they both laughed. Matt fidgeted nervously; that couldn't have been a good sign. The two talked a little longer then Jeff turned and began walking back, shooting Matt a thumbs up sign and a wink.

Jeff sat down across from Matt, "So it went well I take it?"

Jeff smiled broadly, "Oh, yeah it went amazing. You know that thing I always say about how women long for me and men…well... they long for me?"

"Yeah?" Matt wasn't sure where Jeff was going with it.

"Well, it has just been proven once again! Phil and me are going out later tonight!" Jeff grinned, excited.
Matt stared at him with his mouth hanging open, "You are a jackass."

"What? Why? What'd I do?"

"You were supposed to go talk to Phil for me, and you ended up asking him out?" Matt exclaimed.

"Oh yeah! Sorry about that." Jeff mumbled.

Matt sighed, he knew his brother meant well. "Now what am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know. You'll think of something. I have a date to prepare for." Jeff stood up to leave.


Matt glanced into the restaurant. No sign of Jeff- just Punk sitting alone at a large round table draped with a white table cloth that hung all the way to the floor. Matt smiled- it just became a lot easier for him. He slipped into the restaurant, keeping his eyes on Punk who was entranced in the screen of his phone. He'd never see Matt coming. Matt dropped onto all fours ready to make his way unseen to Punk's table.
The hostess looked down at him with a 'what the fuck' expression on her face. "Do you need something, sir?"

"Yeah…No… I mean… no I'm fine," Matt said, embarrassment clear in his voice.

"But, what are you doing?"

"Well you see that dark haired gentleman over there?" The woman glanced at Punk and nodded. "Well my idiot of a brother accidently stole him from me. So I'm going to pretend to be my brother, who's a known exhibitionist, crawl underneath his table and give him a blowjob."

"You're going to pretend to be your brother to give a guy a blowjob?"

"Yeah, that's right."


Matt shrugged, "If I can't have all of him I might as well have a taste of him right?"

"That makes sense I guess… Good luck." The woman went back to her hosting duties.

Matt quickly got back to his task and crawled towards the unsuspecting Punk's table, slipping unseen underneath the table. He looked at Punk's legs, one of which was bouncing underneath the table. Matt placed his hand on Punk's knee.

"-Who the hell?" Matt grabbed Punk's leg gently before he could lift up the table cloth and see who exactly was under it, "Phil it's ok, its just me."

"Jeff?" Punk relaxed. "What are you doing under the table?"

Matt cleared his throat, knowing he sounded just like his brother. "I'll show you." Matt unbuttoned and unzipped Punk's pants.

"Jeff! What are you-" Punk's question was quickly answered as Matt pulled Punk's member from his boxers and began lightly massaging it. Punk's jaw dropped, "Jeff, we can't do this in the middle of a restaurant!"

Matt ignored Punk's protests, wrapping his lips around Punk's member as he began licking the tip with his tongue. Punk moaned, quietly glancing around the room to see if anyone was watching them. "Jeff seriously!" Punk protested halfheartedly.
Matt smiled around Punk's member. he slowly lowered his head on Punk's penis gently pressing his tongue against it as he went. Punk groaned even as he tried to hold it in. Punk closed his eyes and concentrated on not letting out the sounds of his ecstasy. Matt released Punk's member and started in on his balls.

Suddenly another pair of legs sat down at the table across from Punk. "Sorry I'm late, there was this amazing show on T.V about this kid and his dog." Jeff spoke, settling into his chair.

Matt lifted his head quickly, stunned, and slammed it on the underside of the table. "Shit!" he whispered, he hadn't planned ahead that far.

Punk's eyes bolted open he looked down at his lap and up at Jeff again, "If- who? Jeff?"

Jeff nodded, "Yeah remember we've been working together a while. You asked me out earlier, I'm-"

"No, Jeff I know who you are." Punk was speechless. If Jeff was sitting across the table from him who the fuck was under the table? Punk attempted to stand, but was held in his seat firmly by Matt.

"Its ok I forget things sometimes too." Jeff picked up the spoon that was sitting in front of him and began examining it.

"No, I mean Jeff there's something on my dick under the table." Punk said to Jeff, he had an idea of who was under the table but it still was creeping him out.

Matt's mind was racing under the table, he couldn't see any way he was going to get out of his current situation anytime soon, Jeff would kill him!
He was never ok with Matt trying to steal his guys, (even the ones he had taken from Matt in the first place). He glanced at Punk's hard member and shrugged; he might as well finish what he had started.

"What are you saying?" Jeff asked a look of concern spread across his face.

"I-I…" Punk began, but started to think otherwise. He was conflicted, his like for Jeff against the best blowjob he had ever received. Punk sighed,

"Nothing I was saying nothing." The blowjob won out as Matt deep throated Punk's member under the table.

"You didn't say nothing about your dick?" Jeff asked suspiciously.

Punk shook his head, "Nope, tell me some more about that dog show you were watching earlier."

"Oh! The kids name was John or Billy or something like that and…" Jeff started his tale.

Matt grinned around Punk's member, he had figured Punk would choose him in the long run but he didn't know his blowjobs had gotten that good. Practice really did make perfect.

"That's absolutely amazing Jeff!" Punk choked out, trying not to let onto the fact that he was receiving a blowjob from someone else while on his date with Jeff.

"Yeah so what kind of-" Jeff started but was cut off when Punk grunted loudly. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah!" Punk breathed; he was receiving the best blowjob of his life and he couldn't enjoy it to the fullest. "What were you about to say?"

"I don't know. What are you going to order?" Jeff said putting down the spoon he had been looking over and exchanging it for a menu.

"I don't know everything looks good; I think I'm horny." Punk said still suppressing his moans.

"What?" Jeff laughed.

"I'm hungry, definitely hungry." Punk corrected himself quickly.

"Right that's what I figured you said." Jeff stared at Punk suspiciously. The two sat in silent for a while, until Punk let out yet another deep moan.

"Phil? Are you sure you're alright?"

"Perfect," Punk was getting close to cumming.

"Sure, well I kind of need to go to the bathroom." Jeff stood to leave. As soon as he was out of sight Punk pushed Matt off right before he came.

"He zipped up his pants and stood up himself.

"Matt!" Punk lifted up the table cloth to reveal the older Hardy boy. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"That was called a blowjob, it-" Matt started.

"No! I know what it was, I mean you do know your brother's on this date with me right?"

"Yeah I know," Matt thought about it. "Jeff's going to kill us."

"What do you mean us? It was all you!"

"Oh, you loved it!" Matt pulled his phone out- it was vibrating in his pocket.

"Yeah," Punk finally admitted. "But come on! During my date with your brother?"

"Speaking of," Matt stared down on his phone, the caller i.d. saying it was his brother calling. "Hello?"

"Hey Matt!" Jeff sounded glad to hear his brother's voice.

"Jeff, aren't you on a date with Phil right now? What are you doing buddy?"

"I don't get why you like this guy! He's crazy, he keeps on moaning and shit! I had to get out of there." Jeff explained.

"So you called me?"

"Yeah I just thought I'd let you know, you can have him."

"I can have Phil, you don't care if I get with Phil?" Matt smiled at Punk who was picking up the gist of the conversation just from hearing Matt's

"Naw, I don't care."

"Well alright Jeff, I have to go I'll see you later," Matt quickly hung up the phone before Jeff could respond. Matt grabbed Punk by the wrist and
began leading him towards the front of the restaurant.

"Where are we going now?" Punk asked. If it was anyone else he would've been fed up with the Hardy boys' antics.

"Jeff says I can have you!" Matt winked at the hostess as he passed.

"Wait you can have me? Do I get a say in this?"

Matt shot Punk a quick look, and continued dragging him out of the restaurant. Matt pulled Punk towards his car and opened the door to the back seat. Matt playfully pushed Punk into the back seat and slid in beside him, roughly pushing their lips together. Punk moaned as Matt massaged him through his jeans; he had cooled off since the blowjob. Matt set straight in, within seconds having himself completely naked and Punk well on his way. Punk pulled out of the kiss and began kissing his way down Matt's body stopping to spend time on his nipples.
Matt moaned but quickly pulled Punk off him, he didn't need all the foreplay he just wanted to get straight to the sex part.

Matt flipped Punk over and ripped Punk's boxers off, holding his fingers in front of Punk's lips for him to suck on. Punk happily obliged sucking on Matt's fingers like they were a piece of Candy. Matt pulled his fingers out of Punk's mouth and poked them into his ass. Punk moaned gently pushing his body down further on Matt's fingers. Matt hastily began thrusting his fingers in and out of Punk excited about finally having his fantasy come true.

"Fuck me," Punk whispered almost inaudibly. Matt smiled; he had just been waiting on Punk to ask for it, he had been hard and ready for a while. Matt positioned himself behind Punk and began prodding Punk's entrance trying to tease Punk a little and make up for his lack of foreplay. "Matt!" Punk groaned, "Just do it!"

Matt didn't need to be told twice he trust into Punk evoking a large cry from him and letting a small moan out himself. He pushed in and out of Punk quickening his pace as he went. Punk fucked Matt back moving his hips in time with Matt's.

Matt felt himself getting close to cumming, he slowed his pace and grasped Punk's member jerking him along with his thrusts. "Say my name,"
Matt commanded quietly in Punk's ear. Punk did as instructed, moaning Matt's name along with their rhythm. Matt came causing Punk to cum all over Matt's hand.

"Oh God," Matt moaned pulling out of Punk and licking essence of Punk off his hand. Him and Punk both sat up content. Suddenly they both heard clapping coming from outside the car and turned to see an elated Jeff Hardy.

Matt rolled down the window, "Jeff what the hell are you doing?"

Jeff continued to clap. "Go Matt! Go Matt! Go Matt!" He chanted in a sing-song voice.

"How long were you there?" Punk asked covering himself.

Jeff stopped clapping and waved to Punk, "Well I guess the whole time. I saw you guys leaving the restaurant and followed you."

Matt covered his face and sighed, "Jeff why do you insist on watching me have sex every chance you get?"

Jeff's smile widened even more, "So I can do this!" Jeff began dancing around mimicking slapping an invisible ass in the air as he sang, "Matty got laid! Matty got laid! Matty got laid! Matty got laid!"

"He really is an idiot isn't he?" Punk asked watching Jeff's display.

Matt nodded. "But he's my idiot..."

A/n from Kirbey: I should have all of you know that Jeff is not an idiot, I have been watching Hardy videos for the past 23 hours straight and he is just misunderstood! J'adore lui de mon coeur!

A/n from Jessica: she's not lying you know. kirbeys big about doing her research. we spent all day watching youtube vids of punky and the hardyz. my favorite would have to be punk's epic 'I'm not holding a microphone!' vid. EPIC! and the hardy show episode called 'win the shot call the spot'. there's just some good ol' fashioned incest undertones in that vid. i definitely recommend watching it on youtube. plus jeff acts like an idiot...uhh, i mean..missunderstood. plus some hilarious lines are in their videos. 'oh i'm an optimist...' BWAHAHA! 3 you jeffers!

Also: MM: kirbey wanted me to ask for her, do you have any of your awesome adjectives to describe punkers? apparently amazing just wont cut it anymore...