OK firstly, thank you to everyone for reading my new story. I got the idea for this one from the final chapter of Car Crash. It's a three-part of Edward's favourite sounds in the world. Hope you all like, xx
In all my years, I had pondered theology and its connotations extensively. I read the books, studied the practices and questioned every deity. I had spent hours examining the concept of an omnipresent, all powerful God. The idea itself was interesting but it was always the human ideas of religion that lost me.
Still, I was drawn to studying it; proposing my own questions of what kind of deity had created my kind. We had long ago been filed separately from Religion under Mythology. People had some interesting ideas of explaining our presence away. Humans were full of ridiculous beliefs. But it was always their ideas of Heaven and Hell that confused me.
I found the human perception of Heaven dull. The perception was so incredibly clichéd and entrenched in their psyche. Books portrayed Heaven as a land of clouds, white pearly gates and a place where you could have everything you wanted. The concept was completely ridiculous to me yet it was the image human minds jumped to whenever the word was mentioned.
Hell was harder for them to envision. They struggled with images of men in red suits with pointy tails, jabbing them with pitch forks as they slowly roasted over coals. I had thought that my idea of Hell was well formed. I had always thought of my existence as a kind of permanent Hell. Of course I loved all of my family and my time with them was precious. But I was never truly happy; always stuck. Alive but not living. I was forced to watch those that had lives as they wasted them with inconsequential worries and dramas. It was as like being slapped in the face each and every day.
I thought I knew Hell but now I realise how wrong I had been. Now I knew the true extent of Hell. Hell was being separated from the only thing that made you whole. Hell was watching the creature you love bleeding, broken, crying and screaming. Hell was watching this and being able to do nothing to console her. Hell was knowing you had caused her pain. I had lived that Hell. Every minute passed torturously slowly and my body was struck by pain I had never knew existed. The pain was worse than anything the human mind could begin to conceive.
But I also knew Heaven too. The concept that I had never understood or subscribed to. I knew Heaven. I was living it right now.
Bella was my heaven. And she was in my arms. It was Thursday night. I am elated that this was a typical Thursday night in my life now. It was raining heavily outside, a thunder storm on its way. And Bella was lying on my bed. She was on her side, propped against pillows, quietly reading Emma. I was in complete rapture of her.
I was lying behind her, my arm curled around her waist. My head was resting on the pillows, my eyes closed. I was in bliss. In heaven.
I could feel the vibrations of her heartbeat through my chest and my hand. Steady, slow.
The sound was my favourite sound in the world. Before Bella, I had filled my endless hours with music, the instruments and compositions becoming my obsession to block out the void. But no orchestra or conductor could ever compare to the sound of her heartbeat. The sound could soothe me instantly.
It filled my ears; becoming the soundtrack to my life. I would stay attuned to it all day; keeping it as background music throughout classes, driving. When I was listening to it; I was happy. And I had never been happy before.
Bella turned the page of her book and settled closer into me. I squeezed her closer; wanting no distance between us.
Whenever we lied like this it was as though we were truly one. Two creatures, as different as possibly imaginable, sharing a heartbeat. I knew if her heart ever ceased to stop, I would die along with it.
Bella's heartbeat had become the gage of my own mood. If it was slow and calm; so was I. If it was fast, pumping with adrenaline; my body reacted. If it signalled fear; my body was poised, strung tight, ready to annihilate whatever the cause of her alarm. If her body was beating quickly from excitement, my body responded to hers instantly.
I gently leaned forward and kissed her neck, feeling her pulse there. It was ironic; the thing that pumped her blood – her blood, the thing that quenched my thirst unlike ever before – was the most important thing to me.
I loved her heartbeat. If I could hear it, it meant that Bella was still alive, still breathing, still with me.
I kissed her soft neck again, lingering there; feeling the vibrations through my lips, inhaling her scent. Bella, my mind screamed.
I felt her groan softly. "Edward" she whispered. I leaned back, grinning. I could never read her thoughts but it seemed my Bella was learning to read my mind.
"Bella" The word had been on my lips for hours, waiting to come out.
I heard her heartbeat increase its melody. "You're distracting me"
"Sorry" I said, kissing her neck again. "I didn't mean to"
It was a lie and we both knew it. She put a piece of paper in between the pages of Austin and placed it beside her. Then she rolled over, facing me.
Bella was right the first day in our meadow. She was my brand of heroine. She was my drug. I had never experienced the emotions she brought forth from me. I had never known sadness or happiness before her. "Sorry" she said quietly. "I wasn't paying you attention. I am now"
I smirked. I should tell her not to be guilty and return to nineteenth century England. But I didn't. I craved her attention too much. She raised her hand and raked her fingers though my hair, pulling slightly. I groaned at the feeling. She was truly an Angel; sweet, soft, kind, warm.
She removed her hand and covered her mouth, yawning. Her eyes watered slightly; making their colour richer. I felt the reluctance in my mind to speak. "You should sleep. It's past midnight"
"Mmm" Bella sighed, readjusting her position against the pillows.
"Are you tired?" I asked. Now I was feeling guilty.
"Yeah" she yawned again. I really was monopolising her.
"Sleep my Bella" I said softly, reaching and switching off the lamp.
She complied, closing her eyes easily. She really was tired. I made a mental note to make sure she got to sleep at an earlier hour tomorrow night. I leaned closer to her, feeling the heat radiating off her body. I kissed her forehead, making her smile. "I love you" she whispered.
"I love you too" I love everything about you Bella. I love your warmth, your love, your mind, your body. You are my favourite thing in the world. I need you. I need you Bella. I need you to live and love me. I am nothing without you. I sighed and leaned forward, resting my head just below her collar bone.
She sighed and her hand reached up, running through my hair again. Don't do that Bella or I'll never let you get to sleep. Her hand rested at the nape of my neck, relaxing with sleep.
I held her closely; making sure none of my weight was on her body. She didn't realise it but Bella was holding me to her heart. I could feel the vibrations; hear its melody closer than ever before.
Bella was my heaven. My Angel. Her heartbeat was my most important sound. Her heartbeat was my favourite sound. It sung to me. It was Bella. Bella alive and now, close.
Two more chapters to go. Love, me xx