A Day in the life of Bobby Singer

Bobby stared at the clock wistfully, it had been only an hour since the brothers had left to go on another hunt and the worry was setting in. He had come to think of the boys as the sons he never had. It was somewhat surprising how close they were, especially since Bobby had hated John with a passion. The boys were nothing like John though, no matter how much they thought they were.

It annoyed Bobby the way the brothers held John on a pedestal, always wishing they could be half the hunter he was. It was evident to him and other hunters that knew John, that the boys were far better than their old man. They surpassed him years ago.

Bobby glanced at the clock again, it had been 2 minutes since his last look and he cursed the time for going so slow. He wanted the boys to hurry up and come back safe or at least to let him know they were okay, but more than that, Bobby wanted to be out there with them. He cursed the chair that he depended on, that allowed him to move around and although he didn't mean it, he cursed the Winchesters for being able to walk and leaving him.

He hated being out of the game, being restricted to just "research guy." It wasn't who he was. Sure, it was a lot safer than being out in the field but Bobby didn't care. He would give anything to be able to walk again, or to help the brothers in some other way as opposed to just looking things up.

He had considered selling his soul once, but the agony of what Sam and Dean had gone through made him resist, besides, what was the point in being able to walk if he only had 10 years? And a permanent vacation in hell didn't sound appealing either. Which had led Bobby to his other idea. Killing himself. Taking one of his many guns and placing it against his head; one pull of the trigger would be all it took and everything would end.

Again, Dean had put a stop to that, getting all sentimental and emotional. Bobby sighed and pulled the bullet out of his pocket. He twisted it in his fingers and once again contemplated death. From what he had heard from Sam and Dean, heaven wasn't so bad. Perfect for every individual. His mind flashed over what his heaven would look like and sadness clutched at his heart.

It would be simple. Nothing too grand like a massive house or a garden of Eden. Just his old house, him…and his wife. Bobby choked back tears, even when there was no one around to see him cry, he still held back. He had to stay strong and if he broke now, when the world was literally crumbling beneath him then what would that mean for the boys? And Earth?

He pulled himself away from the desk he had been working at and placed the bullet back in his pocket. Taking a deep breath and steeling himself against any painful emotion, he wheeled himself into the kitchen. He hadn't eaten all day, back when he was a hunter he had the same appetite as Dean, he ate like a pig. However, now he was "retired" he ate very little. He didn't really need the energy, it wasn't like he was doing any strenuous work.

Making himself a simple cheese sandwich he began whistling a song he had heard in his youth. He always whistled when the house was too quiet. With the boys around so frequently the house had always felt full and a little cramped, but the second they left, all the happiness and energy left with them and the house became barren and lifeless.

He ate at the table and began flicking through the newspapers looking for any omens that might give the boys a heads-up on the horsemen. Pestilence, War, Famine and Death. Bobby shuddered involuntarily, he had seen many things in his time but nothing creeped him out as much as the 4 horsemen on Earth. He was never truly religious but he knew all about the biblical horsemen and Judgement Day. He wheeled over to his study and opened a draw, pulling out an old ring. War's ring. Bobby thought to himself again shuddering.

The boys had left the ring with Bobby to safe-guard. Seeing as the boys were constantly on the move they had thought it best that the ring had a more permanent residence. Bobby contemplated the idea that War might come looking for his ring, he bowed his head and knew that if that were to happen, he would be dead in an instant. Not much a crippled old man can do against the embodiment of War.

The clock struck four and chimes echoed through the house. He was getting restless, what did the boys expect him to do all day? He had no other friends apart from a couple other hunters and they weren't exactly "go for a picnic" types. Normally when Bobby was alone he would be out in his junkyard working on restoring a classic or working with weaponry or hell, even cleaning. Bobby closed his eyes and wished he could do these again. The old proverb "You don't appreciate something until it's gone" resounded in his head and he knew just how true that was.

Suddenly, the house became too enclosed making Bobby feel suffocated and trapped. He wheeled himself out of the house and down the ramp Dean had built for him and kept on going until he was in the heart of his junkyard. He inhaled the smell of old cars deeply and felt a great loss at the thought of never being able to just goof off out here and mess around. He found a car he had last been working on and opened the rusty door, the sky-blue paint had faded and chipped but Bobby still thought she was beautiful. He pulled himself out of his chair and into the seats of the Cadillac. He stroked the interior and brushed his hands across the steering wheel.

Driving had always been a passion of Bobby's, the absolute freedom, being able to go wherever the wind took you. Driving was a release, a way to escape the pressures of hunting or the sorrow of loosing someone. He piped the horn and the sound reverberated off the other cars causing a long echo. He smiled to himself in the rear-view mirror then inspected himself closer.

He was the shell of the man he used to be. Just a lousy imitation. The eyes that had once been full of life now looked tired and haunted, his beard that he had always taken pride in and kept nice and neat now looked rugged and wild. His smile was fake and his cheeks hollow. Even his skin looked dull.

His grip tightened on the steering wheel as he clenched his jaw. All the thoughts he had tried to lock away were swimming in his mind. Good for nothing. Cripple. Useless. His thoughts screamed at him and finally, he snapped.

Tears poured from his eyes as he began to mourn the loss of what his life could've been. He made no attempt to conceal them or wipe them away, they fell quickly and hotly from his eyes, down his face and into his lap. He cried with reckless abandon and when he could finally cry no more, when he had ran out of tears, he fell onto his side and lay could have been minutes, it could have been hours but at some point Bobby found the resolve to pull himself up and out of the car. He checked the mirror quickly to see how bad the evidence of his breakdown was before climbing into his wheelchair.

He wheeled back to the house noticing the sun had long set and the moon and stars twinkled away. Bobby always thought the moon was mystical, it hung there alone and witnessed everything. Unlike the sun, the moon was not devastating in it's power yet it was still vital to the survival of all things on Earth. Bobby felt a warmth flow through him and he began to see the parallels between himself and the moon. Maybe I'm not completely useless after all. The brothers do need me. If I can't fight, then I will help anyway I can, even if that means watching and learning. Just like the moon.

A slight smile played along the edges of Bobby's mouth as he wheeled himself into the house. The brother's had left a message saying they would be back in about 2 hours and that was over 3 hours ago. He wheeled himself into his study and neatened out his hair and straightened his clothes, They will never know. Bobby vowed to himself that he would stay strong and be the support the brothers needed. Even when they couldn't count on each other, they would always be able to count on him.

The door burst open twenty minutes later and the brothers came flying in, bringing the same high energy as usual despite a full day hunting.

"Hey boys, how did it go?" Bobby asked as he wheeled himself out to greet them.

"Oh man! It was awesome! I wish you could've been there Bobby, it was a day to remember!" Dean answered almost exploding with enthusiasm, completely unaware of the pain his reply caused. Bobby tried to control his features and he plastered on the biggest smile he could manage before saying "Yeah, tell me about it. Glad you boys are okay, but why didn't you call? I'm not some teenage girlfriend who you can dump by not calling, you egits!"

"Sorry Bobby, it was pretty hectic" Sam said with a smile spreading from ear-to-ear. "We'll fill you in later, what did you get up to today?"

Bobby paused in his reply and tried to conceal the sigh that escaped his lips. They will never know. He repeated to himself again, taking a big breath he answered "Oh you know, nothing much."

And with that, the brothers launched into a fully detailed rendition of the hunt; one filling in the details that the other had forgotten or got wrong. Neither knowing just how deeply Bobby was hurting or what he had actually done that day, and as far as Bobby was concerned, they would never know.