My body's sayin' let's go, but my heart is sayin' no. Emmett just doesn't realize it, which in return makes my heart go out to him. But then again, I just don't love him anymore. I'm not sure what caused this, but I do know that I can't keep playing him like this. I don't know, maybe I've been too nice from the begining. I realize now that I only love one man. And that man- is Jasper. Yeah, he's with Alice, but she doesn't know either. Truth is, Jasper and I have been lying to both of them for six months now. No one, not even Edward, knows. We've been so undecided that Alice can't even see it coming. I feel really guilty because I'm the one who saved Emmett after being mauled by that bear so long ago. Then again, Jasper understands me better than Emmett ever could. Not only because he's an Empath- he would know me just as well even if he weren't- but also because he appreciates me and doesn't just want me for sex. That's all it seems that Emmett wants. At least with Jasper, there's a balance. A balance between love and affection. And Alice, Jasper owes his life to her in a way, so it's hard for him as well. But on the other hand, Jasper and I love each other more than we've ever really loved Alice or Emmett. It's a little weird because we've always said we were twins, and it always seemed that way, but now I see that we're more than that.
I See The Difference
While everyone else was out hunting, Jasper and I stayed home and were sitting on the couch in the living room together, kissing and just enjoying each other's company. When I kiss Jasper, I don't feel obligated to do so like I do with Emmett. And the funny thing is, when I kiss Emmett now, I feel bad. Like I'm betraying Jasper in some way. I stopped and pulled away, looking towards the floor, my face scrunched up in a semi-confused state.
"You're thinking about him again, aren't you", Jasper stated rather than asking. I looked up at him and into his eyes.
"Aren't you thinking about her?" he looked down with a face similar to mine before answering.
"Yes", he said in a low, almost inaudible voice.
"I just wish this was easier. I know what I want, but I just can't seem to get passed what Emmett doesn't know"
"I know how you feel- in more ways than one- but hopefully it will get easier. I just don't know how much longer I can keep this from Alice", it was obvious that saying her name pained him in some way.
"Do you think we should tell them?" he looked at me like I was insane, and maybe I was, but then his expression changed to one of understanding.
"Maybe. But I just don't know if I could bring myself to do it. I mean, how do you go about telling someone that?"
"I'm not sure. But we have to tell them at some point. We won't be able to hide this forever", he nodded, looking as though he was thinking hard. And I'm sure he was.
"We should tell them tonight when they get back"
"Maybe, but I'm scared. After all, Emmett is the closest thing to a newborn in this family, and he would have just hunted. Don't you think that would make things so much worse?"
"Possibly, but you shouldn't be scared. Besides, we both know Emmett, and he would never physically hurt you. No matter what", I nodded and looked away, ready to cry. Jasper held me close to him as I hid my head and dry sobbed into his chest.