Malagasy Excuses

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or any of the characters.

This is just a random piece and I admit that it's rather silly; but the idea hit me today as I was walking back to my room from doing the laundry and it just wouldn't go away, so I finally gave in and wrote it down. As always, if you find any faults, please point them out to me.



"I just had a long conversation with Admiral Jonathan Archer," Christopher Pike informed the senior officers of the USS Enterprise. He was still in a wheelchair, looking pale and thinner than usual, but his black uniform was as immaculate as his haircut, and in Jim's opinion that meant that things were about to return to normal. This was not a formal meeting; Pike had called them together in his office under some pretext or other, but Jim suspected that he was just checking on them, making sure that everyone was alright or at least recovering.

"He has asked me to deliver an invitation to all of you. He would like to hold a dinner party in your honor and in celebration of your safe and victorious return."

Jim whistled softly. "Admiral Archer? Wow… that's kind of cool. I mean, I never even met him and he's something like the godfather of Starfleet…"

Bones seemed caught between grinning and frowning and shook his head at this choice of words.

"Great!" stated Sulu, and Chekov agreed with him, nodding fervently.

"That's very considerate of Admiral Archer," Uhura remarked, smiling.

"Please inform the Admiral that we are honored by his invitation and will attend the festivities," Spock added.

Scotty seemed horrified. "I… I'm… I won't be able to attend…", he stammered.

Pike shot him a somewhat disapproving look. "I am sure, Admiral Archer would be very pleased to receive you and that he would be offended if you were to excuse yourself from the party under some pretext, merely because of that little misunderstanding about the dog…"

"It's just that… uh…" Scotty turned to his friends for help, his eyes darting around the room in frantic search of an escape. "I… I won't be here. I'll be in… Madagascar."

Pike raised his eyebrows. "Madagascar? What for?"


"Hiking," Jim provided helpfully.

Scotty's face lit up. "Yes! Hiking! Madagascar is great for hiking!"

"Mr. Scott is probably aspiring to climb Maromokotro, the island's highest peak," Spock remarked, his face completely impassive.

Pike somehow looked as if he was about to say Yeah, sure, and pigs can fly, I do not believe a word of what you are saying!

"Well," he began, "Mr. Scott, I had no idea that you are this fond of mountain-climbing, but maybe you could postpone your hiking trip?"

Scotty's face turned pale. It was obvious to everyone that he felt like a trapped mouse.

Uhura took pity on him. "Ranavalona would probably not like that."

"Ranavalona?" Pike asked in confusion. "Who is he?"

"She is Montgomery's girlfriend," Uhura replied, smiling sweetly first at him, then at Scotty, who looked taken aback.

"My… girlfriend? Yes! My girlfriend. Although I prefer to call her Rana, it's shorter…"

"She might get upset if Montgomery postponed the trip, they were going to visit her family, and you know how Malagasies are about their families…"

Pike, who had probably never met a Malagasy in his life, seemed about to say No, I do not, but he wasn't prepared to give up that easily. "Maybe she could be persuaded to postpone the visit if you would take her along…? I am sure Admiral Archer would not mind the addition…"

Scotty, Jim and Uhura exchange looks. He just won't buy it, their eyes said and what are we supposed to do now?

Sulu heroically attempted to save them: "I don't think that would be possible, Sir. Rana is eight months pregnant and given her condition, she should not travel this far. It might be dangerous for the baby and I am sure Mr. Scott would not want that."

"Definitely not!" Bones agreed. "From a medical point of perspective, it would be quite inadvisably."

Scotty turned towards them, his face appalled. "No… no… of course not… she shouldn't travel, no…" he stammered.

Pike shrugged. "Well in that case, I am afraid that we will have to excuse you."

An expression of profound relief spread over Scotty's face.

Jim, Uhura, Sulu and Chekov heaved a collective sigh. Bones rolled his eyes. Spock raised his eyebrow another half inch.

Pike moved closer to Scotty, extending his hand. "Well, Mr. Scott, I believe that congratulations are in order…? Have you decided on a name yet?"

At this point, Bones had to catch a fainting chief engineer before he hit the ground…