So I received some bad news a few days ago, but I'll start at the beginning. I was in toys r'us with my family a few days ago and I only went because my 7 year old sister wanted a toy. It was NOT because they have a giant Twilight Saga section here at our toys r'us and I totally did not spend the whole time we were there (an hour and a half) in the one section trying to reason with my family why I needed every bit of Jacob and wolf pack merchandise they had. Really I didn't. *shifts eyes away guiltily* I did buy the giant wall scroll of Jacob they had though...and got dragged away before I could pick up the giant Jacob Umbrella, and the giant Team Jacob pin, and the Team Jacob shirt (my family's silly excuse for that one was that I already have three team Jacob shirts...I asked them what their point was. They didn't answer). So yes I was dragged away (no I mean literally they dragged me away, the check out people were staring at us) from my Twilight Saga heaven because according to my twelve year old sister, I've reached a new level of obsession and I'm too old to be carrying around a Team Jacob lunch box in my senior year of high school. But don't worry umbrella I shall be back for you one rainy day *sighs dramatically*. Anyway while I was at the check out with my family a magazine with Taylor Lautner's face on it caught my eye (of course) and I opened up to read that *gasp* there is possibly romance between him and a coworker Lily Collins and gosh darn it if she wasn't pretty. For now I cling to the hope that its a silly rumor. Anyway that is my bad news soooooo ON WITH THE READING! THANK YOU TO MY BETA GottaluvTwilight15!
Disclaimer: I own a giant wall scroll of Jacob Black. :)
I stayed still and kept my breathing as even as possible as I felt his weight shift on the mattress and then leave it. He'd waited a record of three hours tonight in comparison to his usual one sometimes even only a half hour. I guessed my waking up the other night had frightened him into taking extra precautions. He didn't bother dressing fully, only pulled on some shorts and tiptoed out of the room. I waited until the back door closed before I got up and walked to the window, watching as he phased and took off through the trees, his black fur blending in with the night.
He always headed in the same direction and I knew where he was going, the same place he went every night since Leah had come back. I'd never followed him but it didn't take rocket science to figure out where he went. My cousin, I knew had too much pride to bother taking him back into her arms or bed at this point so I wondered what he did. Most likely slept outside of her window like a common mutt. Yes I knew exactly where Sam headed each night even with out actually seeing it. Call it a wife's intuition.
It bothered me that he felt he had to do that at all, because I loved Sam. Somehow I felt inadequate with this going on. Wasn't I enough? Did he have to go there every night? I pressed my forehead to the cool window pane and closed my eyes. Sometimes I felt guilty for what I did to Leah but…she'd just always had it so good. Leah was always the prettier cousin, the popular cousin. The one with all the attention from the boys and the princess of the Rez. I'd always envied her, her life when we were younger. It wasn't as if I wasn't pretty myself and sure a guy may of hit on me once or twice but it was always over the minute they spotted her. What made it worse was she never even gave me a reason to dislike for even one moment. She was always so nice to me and despite me forever being in her shadow, she was my best friend and I loved her.
When she had started dating Sam and she first told me about him through the phone I'd wistfully thought how I would have loved to be in her position. How lucky Leah was again. He sounded perfect and so in love with her and I just wanted a taste of that myself. I'd never expected it to actually happen. Yet happen it did the moment Sam laid eyes on me. For the first time I knew how Leah must feel, to have a guy perfectly willing to cater to your every whim, but for her sake I'd told him to back off. She was still my best friend, I didn't want to see her anymore hurt than she already was. But he was so damn persistent and it kept getting harder and harder to resist.
I pulled my head from the glass and looked across the dark room into the mirror on the opposite wall, turning my head ever so slightly and studying the scar marring my face. I guess it was safe to say it was what had changed the whole situation. Sam had told me he was a wolf a little after he first saw me and while I'd believed him after a demonstration I agreed to keep my silence. I just wanted him to leave me alone for Leah's sake, I didn't care what he was or wasn't. The day he came after me and lost control when I refused another offer for a date was what changed my life forever. It was what killed my relationship with Leah and put me where I was today.
I'd woken up in the hospital confused, the only thing I was aware of at first was the burning hand in my grasp. I turned my head and there he was, my own little stalker. The events of what had put me in the hospital came rushing back. His persistence, my anger, his anger and then eventual phasing. I remembered the blinding pain and then blackness only to end up here. Sam jerked awake when I tried to pull my hand from his and the minute he saw I was awake knelt at the edge of my bed.
"Emily, oh God, Emily I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry please forgive me." He took my hand back in his grasp and kissed across my knuckles and palm. I pulled my hand back from his and tried to sit up, failing I returned to lying down.
"Why are you here Sam? I thought I told you to leave me alone," I croaked. My voice was hoarse from lack of use and he dutifully grabbed the glass of water from the side table and tipped it to my lips. Angry as I was that it was him here with me I drank gratefully. After he set the glass down I tried speaking again and only then did I really feel the thick heavy pad of hospital gauze covering the side of my face. I raised a hand to touch it and flinched as the pressure stung.
"What happened?" I asked and he shifted his eyes away guiltily.
"Emily…I…I'm sorry," he groaned and I was honestly blown away by the pain in his voice. "I just…I just lost control for a second and I don't know. I was too close to you and I phased and oh God, I'm so sorry Emily." When he looked at me again the tears in his eyes glittered and a tiny part of me went out to him. He looked so helpless and despite the fact that I was the one lying on the hospital bed, I felt like I should have been the one taking care of him. I knew now under the gauze there was a cut, probably worst than a cut if it warranted gauze and the stitching I could feel, and so much at that but at least I knew.
I found myself whispering that it was okay, that it didn't matter. That I wasn't angry at him. Even as I said the words a sick shameful feeling filled my stomach, because something embarrassingly vain crossed my thoughts. The wounds would leave scarring…I wouldn't be pretty anymore. I'd be even more second rate than I already was especially if I kept hanging around Leah. I tried picturing my life that way. Leah would undoubtedly go on and find someone else to love and I would spend the rest of my life alone, scarred, and unloved. Shameful bitter tears welled up in my eyes. I should have been thankful I was alive, seeing as I'd probably lost so much blood but all I could think was how I'd rather be dead than ugly and unloved. Who was going to love me now?
I let a tear slip and only then did I really remember Sam's presence. He gave a pained groan and brushed the tear away.
Emily don't cry, please don't cry. I'm sorry." As he repeated the words I turned to look at him. Really look at him and all I saw exuding from him was…love. It didn't seem possible but I knew it was.
"Sam," I whispered and he stopped talking. "Do…do you," I swallowed past the guilty lump in my throat. "Do you think I'm…pretty?" He was quiet for a moment searching my eyes.
"I don't think I've ever seen a more beautiful thing in my life." The pure emotion and honesty behind his words sealed my fate and even the shame and guilt that made the tears flow faster and the bile roll in my stomach didn't stop me from pulling Sam's head to mine and kissing him. I was being selfish and I was hurting Leah but it didn't matter because I needed this and for once I was going to let it be about me.
"Mommy?," the groggy voice of my son pulled me back to the present and I turned to him, his silhouette outlined in the doorway from the hall light.
"Hi sweetheart," I said walking toward him. I took his hand and led him to the bed, where he crawled under the covers on Sam's side. I lay back into my own spot and let him snuggle next to me. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his forehead.
"He went for a little run, he'll be back soon," I answered wrapping my arms more protectively around him and blinking back the tears. I wondered at my decision that day in the hospital. So this is what it felt like to be beautiful…it still felt shockingly like being unloved and lonely.
Sleep did not come easily to me between worrying about Ellie and knowing that Duncan was mere steps down the hall in my baby brothers room. Every sound I heard had my body tensing and my ears straining to know if they were footsteps and if they belonged to him. Chrissy hadn't taken long to fall asleep and she'd actually muttered Embry's name several times in her sleep to my deep amusement. I almost envied her, her relationship with him. Not Embry himself but how she could easily let herself fall for him without fear or worry. It wasn't that simple for me and it seemed like no one realized it, even my own mother was working against.
I sighed, sat up in the darkness, flipped my pillow to the cool side and lay back down this time on my stomach. My alarm clock from all those years ago still sat in the same place. My mother admitted she'd changed the batteries several times over the years and now the numbers read 3:22 am, taunting my inability to fall asleep. I huffed, fluffed my pillow again and closed my eyes determinedly. Five minutes later I sat up drew my hands tiredly down my face and surrendered. Sleep just wasn't my bowl of soup tonight. I got out of bed tip toed out of the room, down the hall and to Ellie's room.
I slipped in silently and went to the edge of her bed. Her body was a barely there lump beneath the sheets. She was all curled up in the fetal position, her face relaxed and her breathing even and steady. I lowered myself to the floor next to her bed and drew my knees up to me, resting my head on them and studied her. I thought of today (or technically yesterday) and fear hit me icy cold in the stomach. I just wanted to know what was wrong with her, she wasn't a vampire with unnatural powers so she shouldn't have been able to see the future, and maybe I wouldn't have been so afraid and worried about it if I hadn't seen her own terrified reaction to her 'gift'. I wanted to take away anything that scared her and I supposed that was how a mother was supposed to feel. Of course there wasn't anything I could do except wait for the meeting with the elders and have Carlisle run the tests on her, which wouldn't be until we were either out of La Push or crossed over the border to go visit them.
Sitting on the floor I suddenly found myself stifling a yawn and I realized that my eyes did feel a little heavy. That was cue enough for me and I tip toed back out of her room. I was half way back down the hall when Seth's bedroom door opened and I froze guiltily like I'd been caught doing something wrong. He didn't notice me right away seeing as he was rubbing his eyes sleepily, but that was all the time I needed to survey one of the most delicious sights of my life. His hair was sticking up oddly in places and the meaning of sex hair had never been more clear even if it was just sticking up from his sleeping. He was shirtless and Seth's pajama pants were slung low on his hips his pelvic bone partly showing and the top of the very obvious triangle in view. My eyes snapped back to his face as he finished rubbing the sleep from his eyes and looked up spotting me.
"Leah," he murmured in surprise. His voice was sleep husky and had never sounded more sexy to me. His eyes slithered down my body and I was all too aware that all I was wearing was a t-shirt that didn't quite reach mid thigh and underwear.
"Duncan," I squeaked and then grimaced and cleared my throat. "Duncan," I repeated and tried not to let the slow grin spreading across his face affect me, but damn if my underwear didn't feel just that slightest bit more damp. I blamed it on the heat that seemed to have filled the hallway. I bit at my bottom lip lightly and tugged as nonchalantly as possible on the hem of my shirt. He came slowly toward me, ridiculously slow, his walk graceful and purposeful, I'd never felt more like prey and again I wondered when the hallway had gotten so hot. Some one had definitely turned the heater on. He stopped in front of me and I found myself turning my body and pressing my back against the wall and he followed. His body was less than half an inch from mine, a finger wouldn't have fit between us.
His eyes were dark and stared into mine and I found my breathing speeding up on its own. He raised a hand to rest on the wall next my head and leaned in close and I knew without almost a shadow of a doubt that he was going to kiss me and I was going to let him. Something about tonight had made me more willing and I found myself thinking that if he chose that moment to drag me to his room, I would have let him and I would have gladly let him have his way with me. I let my eyes drift shut and waited. His body came closer, pressing full against mine and I arched ever so lightly into his chest. My bra-less breasts rubbed against the thin material of the shirt and the hard plane of his chest. I was being ridiculously wanton but I didn't care. This was what I wanted. My nipples were hard and sensitive and I whimpered shamelessly arching harder against him. I felt him coming closer to me, his face mere centimeters from mine and prepared myself for the kiss because my underwear was way past slightly damp by this point. At the last second his head shifted to the left and his breath fanned my ear.
"If you don't mind, I'd really love it if you'd move over a little so I can get into the bathroom." For a moment his words didn't register and I was still waiting for the kiss, but when they did my eyes snapped open and I pulled my body back from him so I was pressed against the wall again. My face flamed in embarrassment and I squeaked an apology before ducking under his arm and disappearing into my room. I heard the soft timbre of his laughter as I closed the door. I flopped back onto my bed and pulled the pillow over my face in embarrassment. What had I been thinking?
"Embry…." Chrissy's voice sounded again as she flipped onto her side. I sighed, well at least one of us had what we wanted. And this time I knew without a shadow of a doubt that sleep would certainly not be kissing me tonight.
"Oh yes Leah, go ahead and tease me cause its not like the whole world can't see how badly you and my brother want to rip each others clothes off." I turned my head and glared at Chrissy...
So a little from Emily's pov. I hope I didn't let anyone down with that. I also hope you loved the almost steamy between Leah and Duncan, Leah had to get a dose of her own medicine when it comes to Duncan lol. Review please!