Disclaimer: I do not own FMA, none of the characters (cept for the ones I make up and just conveniently place them in here), places nada. I also make no $ what so ever from writing this, it's just for my own fun and amusement
All Ed knew as he opened his eyes was that he was disoriented; everything was hazy, feeling sick and nearly frozen. Shakily he stood, glancing around. No wonder I'm freezing my ass off. It's fucking snowing. But how did I get outside? Slowly Edward took steps, though he had no idea of where he was going. Crossing his arms and rubbing them desperately trying to keep the warmth in. It was of no help since he shivered anyway, swerving his head around taking in the landscape again. This looks like Central, but that's… impossible… The golden blonde felt the flakes of snow land on his face and hair. He could see the white plume of air as he breathed heavily.
As much as Ed wanted to continue, he couldn't his legs just wouldn't move anymore. Golden iris rolled back as his frame fell back into the paraffin tinted ground. Now laying there he could now comprehend that something was seriously amiss with this body. His hair felt longer than it should… and his clothes didn't quite fit right. After those thoughts, everything went dark.
Edward didn't know just how long he laid there. When suddenly he felt something warm against his cheek. While taking a shallow breath, he twitched at the warmth. The rustling of cloth reached Ed's ears, and then felt hands lifting him and wrapping him in said cloth. It's warm… must have taken it off… Is it... you Al? Ed wondered as he felt himself being lifted and pressed up against a warm body. No... It's not Al… The blonde gathered by his limited senses. Hmm... Cologne... Alchemy... Smoldering pine…..and lavender..? Odd but pleasant…. Except the cologne. He drifted off into slumber as soon as he felt a seat under him.
Ed opened his eyes still feeling a bit ill, but not freezing. He could feel the sheets on what was left of his bare skin. The blonde lifted his right arm and over his eyes… Wait a fucking minute! As if it burned, it was pulled away. When did I…? Gold eyes took in the look of both of his hands. My hands… are too slender…they aren't as thick as I remember… and when did this automail get attached?
Ed rubbed his throat while he sat up. His hearing picked up a door being closed from a room below. Looks like the one who found me just left... Carefully Ed slid from between the sheets. Got my automail leg back too… Rotating the arm, Ed cautiously stood. Taking note that he was left in a shirt -not his own- and his dry boxers. "Ow… I guess I have a cold or some…thing." His voice sounded strange to his ears… the German accent he had acquired didn't bother him… it was the timbre. Those gold eyes spotted a mirror and deftly made his way over. Eyes widen when getting a good look. "Oh fuck..." Ed flattened the shirt against his abdomen. "Breast…. I have breast. Damn….. Damn whatever did this to me. I'm an androgynous female." Thinking quickly Ed pulled the shit tails back and tugged the elastic away. "Yep… I'm a woman now... Slightly masculine and feminine."
She again rubbed her throat. "Tea... need tea." She made her way out of the room and down the stairs. She did so carefully because she was still wobbly on her feet. Nice place. Ed took a liking to the carpet; it felt nice against his right foot. Finding the kitchen relatively easy, she started searching the cabinets and drawers for her desired tea and a mug. Upon finding the mugs she gingerly pulled one down, and continued the rest of her search. She found the tea stashed in a drawer, her eyes glancing at the names. "Ah, this…. Should do." Plucking the tea bag out of the box, she closed the drawer. I don't want to heat the water on the stove… I wonder if... After filling the mug with water she clapped, then set them against the earthenware. Ed smiled brightly as she saw the steam rise from the water. I can still do it. She dipped the bag into the water, after doing that a few times, she let it steep in the hot water.
Ed relaxed as she took a sip. Maybe I'll curl up with a good book… what am I thinking. I know I can't stay here for too long. I have to find Al. She sighed, as she switched her tea from her left to her right hand. But I suppose it wouldn't be a smart idea to leave now….so I guess one more night couldn't hurt. Ed's stomach growled at her. While glaring at it, she thought I'll eat after I look around and find a book. Leaving the kitchen she wandered into the living room, finding no book shelves. Ed continued down a hall, peaking into every door even if they were closed. Then out of the corner of her eye she spotted a familiar figure. Turning to look at it, she saw it was the younger forms of Maes Hughes and Roy Mustang. I know this can't be the Hughes' home I would have recognized it and the one who picked me up was a man…. And Hughes is gone… so this has to be Mustang's home. With one finger she gently traced the faces. This must have been before they went to Ishvalan war... That bastard is actually smiling not smirking. Frowning and continuing on her way down the hall way, a thought came to mind. It does make a bit of sense that Mustang would smell like Alchemy and smoldering pine but... A snicker. Lavender? Allowing herself to chuckle she finally found a small library.
Her left hand searched through the books, gently touching the spines as she sipped at the tea. When she spotted a title she gently pulled it from the rest. Huh, I'd think that colonel bastard would have books of fire alchemy or alchemy in general, cheap and cheesy smut, and or nudie magazines. Eh…. And maybe pin-up girls. But this is a… She skimmed the first two pages, after she set her mug down. Detective novel. I suppose it couldn't hurt. She tucked it under her arm and picked her tea back up. Then as quickly as she could went back to the kitchen. Maybe I'll eat first before I go searching the house for what I need. Since I would need money to even get to Resembool.
Well I searched this place from ground floor to the attic and found all that I need. I'll have to alchemize those clothes; at least I found a sturdy suitcase. Laughter. I know where the cash is, so I'll borrow enough to get to Resembool, get food, women's unmentionables. Ed maybe a bit naïve but 'he' had lived with a woman as employee for nearly 4 years. So Edward knew a few things, considering he had to pick up things for her when she couldn't.
The blonde was now back in bed. The extra clothes and suitcase stashed under the bed, the covers hiding that it was there. Her flesh hand was combing through her hair, the right holding the book open while reading. Ed thought it strange that she wasn't tired, but shrugged it off. The slim metal carefully held the book, so that nothing got torn. She blinked when a door was opened and then closed again almost too quietly for her to hear. "So where is your mysterious woman, chief?" Ed groaned. Havoc…
"She should be upstairs." The blonde focused on the books as she heard footsteps coming towards the room. She glanced over as the door opened. Mustang hasn't changed much. Ed did notice the deep gash of a scar above his left eye. I bet that puts a dent in his ego.
Havoc whistled. "That one is quite the looker chief." Ed's initial reaction was to brain the older blond man with the book. But she restrained herself, while a slight flush graced her cheeks.
"Jean quit ogling the poor girl!" Hawkeye groused, while scowling at said person.
"I trust you slept well."
"…Ja." She answered in German. Edward smirked internally when they all looked at each other.
"That's definitely not Xingese."
"Nor Dramacian." Added Fury, Mustang rubbed his chin with his index finger.
"It's seems obvious that she can understand what we say to her." Ed resisted the urge to roll her eyes at that. Of course I can understand you, stupid bastard. Hawkeye took a seat next to the now female. Ed was thankful for her; she'd make them keep their hands to themselves.
"Are you hungry?"
"Ja, aber ich werde kochen1" They all stared blankly at the golden blonde. With a sigh Ed decided to use broken English. "I… cook." The pause was deliberate, as if she didn't know the language too well.
"Why do you want to cook?" Falman asked. The glare she leveled at them almost made it painfully clear.
"Ich will kochen, weil ich gut sicher verdammt bin, dass ich lieber als einigen Ihrer Ficker kochen kann.2" Then she glanced at Riza. "Gut … vielleicht außer ihr.3" I know for sure I can cook better than Mustang… but I also I can't complain about it much either… Ed shivered a little at the thought of her breakfast that morning.
"Well it's obvious she thinks none of us can cook."
"Except maybe Riza." Havoc added; blatant amusement in his tone. Carefully she set the book off to the side and kicked off the sheets. Gracefully Ed stood, noticing that Roy trying to stop her.
"Ich bin feines Arschloch. Ich bin nicht eine Biskuitporzellan-Puppe. Ich werde genug zugedeckt, es ist nicht wie ich protze mit meinem Busen und Scheide. So bekommen Sie die Hölle aus meinem Weg.4" She nearly snarled, but actually came out faintly calm. The man had halted, while she spoke and still was. Before he could utter a word; she waltzed past and down the stairs.
Working quickly she got the pots and pans she needed out. Ed went over what she found earlier after having tea-while basically stripping the whole kitchen bare.- Let's see there are quite a few potato's here.. I saw some leftover meat I can use… looks like roast. A horrifying thought hit her. I certainly hope Gracia made that. But if Mustang did… I hope I can salvage it. Edward made her way over to the icebox, looking for said meat. Hesitantly she grabbed it. Looks a few days old, already cooked. Grabbing a fork and knife she cut into it. Hm, cooked well, it's tender. Ed took the small bit she cut off into her mouth. Has to be Gracia's cooking, if breakfast was any indication of bastard's cooking skills. It'll work. Setting off the side –as well as the knife, though the fork was still in her hand. - She reached in for the left over mash potatoes in a bowl, while wondering why Mustang would have something Hughes' wife made in his icebox. I can make Kartoffelpuffer5 with these, not the most traditional way but it'll work. Whilst setting those next to the roast she felt another presence watching her. By the scent it definitely wasn't the trigger-happy Hawkeye.
"Sie berühren meinen Esel; ich werde Sie mit dieser Gabel kastrieren.6" She growled out, not even turning around while waving said utensil threateningly. Taking a glance back, she saw Mustang –a bit wide eyed. - She threw the fork onto the counter knowing he wouldn't dare do anything like that, at least to her –nor Hawkeye.-
"Is there anyway I can help?" Oh boy, I have to give him something he can't seriously fuck up. With a curt nod, she pointed to the drawers where the vegetables were stored.
"You pick." She then set herself to making supper.
Dinner wasn't a quiet affair; everyone but Edward was making conversation. Ed didn't pay all that much attention till Al's name tickled her eardrum. "So how long did he say he was going to stay in Resembool, Roy?" Riza asked. Said man shrugged.
"A few weeks I suppose or longer. Alphonse never said." Her lips curved up slightly. Good. Then suddenly the conversation turned to her.
"She should stay here chief she's a good cook." A small blush graced Ed's cheeks. Falman looked her over.
"What is your name?" Damn you Havoc! The gilded blonde graced them with a blank expression. Again they looked at each other. In hoping she would understand what was asked they introduced themselves. Ed looked down. I know what you were asking.
"Is it possible, that she doesn't remember her name sir?" Fury asked worriedly. Thank you Fury I could kiss you. Mustang sighed.
"It's very likely." Then rubbed the bridge of his nose. Ed kept quiet, hoping they wouldn't ask anymore questions like that. Her lips narrowed into a thin line. She with out a doubt needed to get on that stupid train, to go see Al, Winry, and granny Pinako. Soon she rubbed her eyes gently with her left hand. I better get some sleep if I'm gonna catch the earliest train out of Central. Tiredly she stood.
"Gute Nacht.7" Maybe one day… I can say thank you… She didn't notice the midnight blue eyes that followed her, as she left.
Ed woke up vaguely refreshed, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She looked up to see what time it was. "Nearly three in the bloody morning…" With a sigh she got up and walked quietly further up the hall. Silently turning the knob, she peeked into the room to see if Mustang was up or not. He was blissfully dead to the world unaware he was being watched. He looks so… peaceful and… Ed flushed red. Cute… She stifled an exasperated groan. No. The bastard is not….aw hell. Ed couldn't fib to herself even when she was a he; thought Mustang wasn't all that bad looking. She wanted to stomp off, rant and rave, and crack her forehead against the closest wall. Ed pushed the craving deep down, since she knew if she did as she wanted; the brunette would be awakened by the nose. So carefully she made her way down. Might as well make breakfast and that bastard's lunch. Quickly a tiny little voice popped into her head saying 'but he's a cute bastard.' A slight eye twitch and a growl followed the sentence.
While raiding the ice box she pulled out everything she needed for Hoppelpoppel8. –most were leftovers. –She cracked the eggs into the bowl and dumped the rest of the needed ingredients. Ed began to whipping it all together while her mind wandered; contemplating why the heck she was doing all this –her body still on automatic pilot. – Bastard can't cook, very well… maybe with some lessons. The mess is okay but not exactly the best… dammit! I'm doing this because he deserves some good food; besides the fact I'm use to getting up at the crack of dawn to cook. By the time those thoughts finished the meal had already placed in a skillet, flipped and cooked. After turning every thing off, she took a portion for herself –the rest she left on a plate and covered it. - Now what to make for lunch… were her thoughts while eating.
The next time Ed woke up, she noted it had been three hours since she laid down –and promptly dozed off – on the couch. "Mustang must have already left." Golden eyes took in the blanket over her as she sat up. "Huh… I didn't have this when I…" Edward blinked. "Mustang must have draped this over me before he ran off to the office." This makes me want to stay, but I know I can't. She thought as she bit her lip. Ed stood sloughing the blanket. Calmly she went up the stairs to the guest room to get ready to go.
Two minutes later Ed tromped down the stairs, suitcase in hand. Alchemized clothes and gloves on. She had her hair up in a ponytail. Quietly she left the home, taking a glance back taking everything in. Soon she was on her way again, to pick some flowers. Edward had to pay a quick call on someone before she caught her train. All the while knowing Mustang was going to be greeted by a cold and empty house.
1. "Yes, but I'll cook"
2. "I want to cook because I'm damn well sure that I can cook better than any of you fuckers."
3. "Well… maybe except her."
4. "I'm fine asshole. I'm not a bisque doll. I'm covered up enough, it's not like I'm showing off my breast and vagina. So get the hell out of my way."
5. Kartoffelpuffer is a potato pancake; there are many different variations, raw or cooked potatoes; but usually mixed with eggs, flour, oil or butter, salt, and pepper for stiff batter, like a pancake. Just depends on the regional area to what's added to said batter.
6. "You touch my ass; I'll castrate you with this fork."
8. Hoppelpoppel is usually known as a breakfast with potatoes, eggs, onions, and ham or bacon. In Germany I'm not sure, but in my research I read that it was a good way to use leftovers. I think you can add other things to it but what I listed earlier is the norm.
For almost all the German used in this chapter I've been using an online translator, so if anything is wrong let me know since I barely know a lick of German. I don't have a beta so any input is helpful, and constructive criticism is welcome. I hope you've enjoyed what I've written so far. Oh and the word Xingese I found it on Wikipedia. Thinking about it Xingian (maybe) is more of the people not the language so I changed it. R&R please and for the possible flames I might get *whips out cooking skewer, with a hotdog on it* I'm ready for the BBQ.