Toshiro stared with wide eyes as Ichigo's demeanor changed from playful and annoying to his closed off self. Ichigo curled into himself and shrunk as much as he could into the opposite corner of the couch. Toshiro felt a pang of guilt run through him before shaking his head. He shouldn't- Wouldn't! - feel guilty for a murderer. Toshiro, with that thought in mind grunted, crossed his arms over his chest and stared back at the TV.
Toshiro stole a few glances at Ichigo to see that he wasn't even watching it. His eyes were closed and his eyebrows were knitted together in agitation. For a second he wondered if he had a head ache but remembered that Ichigo had an alternative personality. He could just be arguing with himself. Not like he cared. He shouldn't. He doesn't. He won't.
Okay so Toshiro was acting stupid. He admits it, grudgingly of course.
Ichigo was still a human being and he obviously had mental problems.
So Toshiro thought of pitying the poor male.
It made it better for Toshiro because he can feel bad while also annoying the orange haired male. No one likes to be pitied, and Ichigo sure looked like someone who just didn't want people's eyes on him. It worked out for Toshiro but when he thought about it longer, he started to feel guilty. He decided to just drop the subject and not care at all. Instead, he moved to the conversation he just had with Ichigo. Well, maybe not conversation but…
"Kurosaki, mind telling me why you were asking me to bed?" Toshiro glanced at Ichigo from the corner of his eye to see him shake his head before turning over to him with a slight smile. 'Cute…'
"Sorry Captain Hitsugaya. That was your friend Lela." Toshiro snapped his head towards the orange haired males. "What?"
"I was going to tell her a cover up story for your absence and your recognition from the police force but she instantly assumed we were lovers s-s-so I went with that for now."
Toshiro growled threateningly and glared death daggers at Ichigo who was now crouching into his couch, scared for his life. "Why the hell would you do that? How can you make me quiet my job! What the hell Kurosaki!"
Ichigo jumped off the couch and put his hands up in the air, "I-i-im s-sorry C-C-c"
"Shut up! Why would you do that?"
Getting a little confidence, Ichigo raised his posture slightly, "B-because Captain Hitsugaya, you aren't ever going back. Unless you want to die, you'll have to stay here for practically all your life or when I get caught. Which I highly doubt of course."
Toshiro growled, "Over confident are we?"
Ichigo grinned sheepishly while rubbing the back of his head, "Only in that aspect sir. No one can find me, no matter how many finger prints they find."
Toshiro growled again. "Shut up Kurosaki. You will be caught and I'll be the one to do it."
Ichigo looked up in shock before smiling slightly. "I wouldn't have it any other way…"
Ichigo said it so softly that Toshiro couldn't catch it. "What?"
Ichigo smiled and shook his head. "Nothing sir, nothing."
Ichigo locked the door behind him with a sigh before rubbing his temples. Because of the slight argument he got in with Toshiro about sleeping with him, Shiro's been silent. Through his feeble attempts to get Shiro to talk, Ichigo decided to let the man calm down. With such silence, Ichigo didn't know what to do.
Bored out of his mind and not tired enough to go to bed, he sits himself down on the couch and turns on the TV. He changes the channel to a music channel and closes his eyes as he thought of small stories that went with each song. He didn't know how long he sat there day dreaming before a song he dreamed never to hear again started to play.
I have to block out thoughts of you
So I don't lose my head
They crawled in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape
To remind me that I'm alone.
Ichigo's widened as the face of his nightmares instantly showed up. He clutched his head and the music played on.
Playing movies in my head
That make a porno feel like home.
There's a burning in my pride,
A nervous bleeding in my brain,
An ounce of peace is all I want from you,
Will you never call again.
Tears began to weld inside of Ichigo as he couldn't get himself to stop the music even though it was hurting him. The image of the woman was smiling and it was hurting Ichigo.
And will you never say that you love me
Just to put in my face.
And well you never try to reach me
It was I who wanted to space.
Hate me today!
Hate me tomorrow!
Hate me so you,
Can finally see what's good for you.
She was smiling. She was holding her arms wide. She was calling his name. Ichigo knew not to go but it was her! He had to. She smiled so lovingly.
I'm sober now for three whole months
It's one accomplishment that you helped me with.
She was patting his back, smiling, as if nothing was wrong. As if there was nothing wrong with him.
The one thing that always tore us apart
Is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I wanna thank you,
For holding my head up late at night.
While I was busy waging wars on myself
You were trying to stop the fight.
Something shot out. It was loud and it had Ichigo screaming. She fell, but her smile was still on. She was smiling at him. Stop smiling!
You never doubted my warped opinions on
Things like suicidal hate.
You made me complement myself
When it was way too hard to take.
She was still smiling but her eyes. They were dimming. Ichigo wanted to hold her, want to kill himself, want to cry. She was leaving him.
So I'll drive so fucking far away
That I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart
To leave me behind.
Hate me today!
Hate me tomorrow!
Hate me for all the things,
I couldn't do for you!
Hate me in ways!
Yea ways hard to swallow.
Hate me for all the things,
I couldn't do for you!
Stop smiling! Ichigo wasn't able to saver her! Ichigo could see her still smiling, though she was dying. The bullet hole was so big. So much blood…just please stop smiling.
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave.
Kicking shadows on the street,
For every mistake that I have hade made.
And like a baby boy I never was a man.
Until I saw your blue eyes cry
And I held your face in my hands
And then I felt no yelling would
Make it go away.
Just make a smile
Come back and shine
Just like it used to be
And she whispered
"How could you do this to me?"
She was leaving. He was screaming like a child. He was crying. But she was still leaving. He held her face and smiled. She wasn't smiling anymore. He couldn't see if she was looking at him but he wanted a smile now. She wasn't smiling. "How could you do this to me..?"
Hate me today…
Hate me tomorrow…
Hate me for all the things
I couldn't do for you…
Hate me in ways…
Yea ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally
See what's good for you…
Ichigo screamed when his mother's eyes no longer held the warmth or life. "MOM!"
Toshiro jumped up from his bed and was in a fighting stance. A scream woke him up and now it was simply silent, almost too quiet. The voice sounded as if it came from Ichigo but he couldn't do anything even if it was. He was here and he was there. Toshiro sighed and sat down on his bed. If he strained his ears enough, he could hear the faint sounds of someone sobbing. In that odd moment, Toshiro felt a strong urge to hold the younger man in his arms.
Aizen walked into the room calmly as he hung up the phone with some manager that wanted to buy a store branch. He had no desire to sell any of his branches but he was fine with giving him a small one.
As he contemplated his choices, a loud scream from his nephew had him running full speed to the living room, holding his head tightly in his hands, sobbing and yelling out mumbled nonsense. Aizen knew not to touch Ichigo when having one of his moments but it hurt to fight the urge to wrap his arms around his favorite nephew. Ichigo whimpered out his mothers name s couple of times before giving once last scream. Once Ichigo stopped, he passed out almost immediately.
Aizen caught the male before he could fall face first on the floor. He wiped the tears off Ichigo's sleeping face and picked him up bridal style. Aizen suddenly regretted letting Ichigo have the top floor of the house but knew he would give Ichigo anything he wanted anyways.
Aizen trudged up the many stairs before finally reaching Ichigo's room. He opened the door to find the lights didn't work. When did they burn out? As he walked into the room, he found it didn't burn out but was smashed to little pieces on the floor. Sighing, Aizen placed the younger male on the bed and opened the blinds all the way to let in the light from the moon.
Aizen stared down at his nephew and smiled as he ran his hands through Ichigo's hair. His heart swelled as he saw his nephew smile lightly, no nightmare anywhere in sight from what Aizen could tell. Thinking over how he found him, he frowned lightly.
"Wasn't Shiro supposed to make sure these memories don't come up anymore?" Aizen whispered to himself and sighed. He couldn't talk to Shiro unless Ichigo was awake and he didn't want to wake his nephew. Instead, Aizen sat on the edge of Ichigo's bed and simply watched him as he went through the memories of Ichigo's past.
That's how Gin found him, looking over his nephew with love present in his eyes. Gin knew Aizen in and out but it always surprised him that a man like Aizen could love a family member so much. He understood a little because who couldn't fall in love with Ichigo? Hell, even Gin found a spot for him in his heart. Learning Ichigo's past just made him even more affectionate towards the man. In reality, Gin thought of Ichigo as his own. Maybe not flesh and blood but he was the only he would consider as family.
Gin smiled and walked into the room only to be cut with the glass on the floor. Hissing in pain, he chose to stay outside where it was safe. Aizen chuckled lightly before standing up and walking out of the room. He still had his shoes on so the pieces of glass didn't bother him. He chuckled and kissed his lover fully on the lips before giving Ichigo's sleeping figure one last look over and closing the door.
A/N: I gave you a glimpse of Ichigo's depressing past that will be slowly revealed as there is so much more to it. Hate Me by Blue October just fit so well to it for me. At least the way I see it. You'll probably understand a little later in the story once everything's revealed.