OK, so for this story to make sense you need a base understanding of 'Almost Perfect' by James Goss. In this book Ianto is temporarily turned into a female, that is cannon not from some fanfic or my doing. I've included three excerpts from that book, please read them; they're funny and will help you understand my story. But as long as you have the knowledge that Ianto was at one point a female than you don't need to know much else from that book. This story will have a detailed explanation of how everything came about so stick with it and you'll understand the hows and whys. This is the prelude as such it's a bit choppy; however the rest of the story is not set up like this. On a side note, I really need a beta for this story, anyone interested?

Happy reading.


Unpleasant or Extraordinary

By Wildfire


Gwen nodded. 'Right. Nothing unusual then?'
'Well, not apart from the surprising lack of cock.'
'A situation we can all
sympathise with,' sighed Jack. 'Ianto Jones is brilliant, you know. He wakes up. Different fingerprints, voice, DNA, so how am I going to recognize him? He kisses me. And I know at once! Isn't that the most romantic thing you've ever heard?' He grinned dopily.
(Almost Perfect, pg 21)


Ianto snapped the elastic band off the new batch of leaflets about an organic jam activity centre. He pinged the band expertly at Jack's ear. The Captain clapped his hands over the ear and gave Ianto a pout.
'God, you're moody these days—you're not… at that time of the month, are you?'
Ianto stared at him, horrified. 'Oh. I hope not. Am I? How can I tell?'
'Wikipedia,' Jack tutted. 'Wikipedia.'

(Almost Perfect, Pg 129)


And the two of them stood there for a while, just watching the water.
'So,' said Ianto finally, turning to Jack.
'Yup,' said Jack.
Ianto leaned in, quietly. 'I'm only a woman for one more night, you know.'
Jack grinned broadly. 'Then let's make the most of it…'

(Almost Perfect, pg 246-247)

Ianto staggered into his apartment. The heels on his feet were killing him, and he stumbled out of them, eternally glad that after tomorrow he'd never have to wear the offending footwear again. He didn't understand women's fashion; he could mimic it, that was no problem, but he never would understand why the most uncomfortable clothing in the world made you presentable. He smiled when a pair of strong arms wrapped around him, pulling him close. This was probably the only thing he was going to miss when he was male again. Jack held him very differently as a female; his touch was softer, as if afraid he might somehow damage him.

Ianto turned around staring up at Jack, which was another odd thing; looking up at Jack. As himself he was the pretty much the same height as Jack, now… He smirked as both of Jack's arms wrapped tighter around him, pulling him flush.

"So…" Jack was grinning like a fool. Ianto had to chuckle slightly at him. It was obvious that Jack had been hoping for this since the morning he'd come in and given Jack 'that' kiss. It was a miracle it had worked.

Ianto stood on his tip-toes brushing his lips to Jack's. Jack groaned immediately deepening the kiss, his tongue invading Ianto's smaller mouth. Ianto kissed back until his toes started to cramp and he pulled away, slightly surprised at how easily Jack let him go. Normally he had to half-way wrestle the man to get free. Jack's eyes were predatory though as Ianto walked toward his bedroom, making sure he swayed his hips as he went. He was almost to his door when he heard Jack's feet quickly catching up, before he was scooped off the ground with a loud laugh.


Ianto ended the call to his sister, striding alongside Jack, their faces grim. It was amazing how much he'd seen, and been through, in the last year. Losing Tosh and Owen had by far been the worse. Worse than being turned into a female; having to sing to try to attract aliens; Jack in that coma; and then there were the zombies. That had been a pretty horrifying event. What angered him was that this would have been a pretty tame event had the government not decided to get involved and build the bloody alien a home, bending over backwards for the thing.

Ianto and Jack hurried up the steps to the tall building, each pulling out their guns. They wouldn't be hiding who they were, or why they were here. They were here to stop this, and he would be damned if they didn't. Today the 456 terror ended.


Gwen marched through the double doors not bothering to stop at the fancy desk; nor did she stop when the man behind the desk suddenly stood up demanding she stop. She did, however, stop when a large man stood in front of her aiming a gun at her head.

"Mrs. Cooper, I believe you were informed to not come here again." His voice was low and gruff.

"I believe I told you I don't bloody care what you told me. He's my co-worker, and I will be the one to transport him." She stood in front of the man unwavering; she didn't feel as intimidating as she once had. She wore a knee length coat that she had buttoned around her midriff, since she'd had her child a few months past and she still hadn't lost the baby fat. The vain part of her was sure this lowered the other's perception of her.

"We are perfectly able to transport a body, Mrs. Cooper." He holstered the weapon. "We're glad to be rid of him. We really don't need, nor want your kind here."

Gwen's hand itched to grab her gun, but she suppressed the urge. "Well, since we're in agreement, why don't you bring him out, and we can both leave you in peace." She kept her tone clipped; she'd almost rather deal with weevils than UNIT. She knew she should have sent Martha in.

The man activated his ear piece, talking in a low voice. Gwen didn't bother trying to overhear. There was nothing about this mission that was deadly or dangerous; she was just picking up an old co-worker. She closed her eyes for a small moment remembering the young man they'd lost. Ianto Jones. When he'd died they'd had no Hub morgue to put his body in, and as such UNIT had frozen him until they could rebuild. It had taken a year, but they were finally ready to bring Ianto Jones back to Torchwood.

"Alright, my man will meet you out front," he said with a slightly smug expression on his face. Gwen wasn't sure why, but she was willing to bet she wasn't going to like it. She turned on her heel, heading straight past the fancy desk with the scowling man.

Gwen returned to the SUV where Martha was waiting somewhat impatiently, her own belly just barely starting to show the signs of pregnancy. Gwen wished her all the luck in the world, though she didn't ever plan to have any more children, despite Rhys having different ideas. He wanted a big happy family. Bless the man. She smiled to herself as she came to stand beside Martha. "Feeling any better?"

Martha smiled. "I'm alright, Mickey gave me some ginger snaps. I've been nibbling those. They seem to be helping. They give you any trouble in there?" She sipped from a bottle of water, sighing a bit; it was a ridiculously hot day in London.

"They're magic, they are." Gwen smiled at her. "They said they'd be bringing Ianto right out. But I'm thinking they're planning something." She let out an aggravated sigh. "How did Jack keep these guys in line?"

Martha chuckled. "Probably by flirting." Her eyes widened as a man wheeled out a gurney laden with a body only covered by a red sheet. "What the hell! Where's the freezer unit?" She quickly went over, relived to at least find that the body was still frozen.

The man shrugged. "Boss said not to worry about it as you both could apparently handle it without. Good luck with it." He spoke with all the proper tone and protocol, but his eyes shone with a slight delight.

"Bloody UNIT," Gwen growled taking a hold of the gurney and wheeling it to the back of the SUV; the UNIT officer at least helped her load it.

Martha quickly climbed into the SUV pulling the red cloth away. "He was frozen almost immediately after death and he's still frozen now. He will thaw…" she grimaced at her own word, "before we get back to the Hub, but an hour or so should do no permanent damage." She pulled the red cloth back over the body. "We can crank the AC up and it should help slow down the process a bit."

Gwen nodded getting into the driver's seat and starting the engine. "Is he going to start smelling?" she asked cautiously.

Martha smiled. "Shouldn't, not for an hour. Might get some smell from the defrosting, but we shouldn't have any of the 'dead' body smell. At least not yet."

Gwen nodded turning silent. Eventually Martha leaned over turning on the radio and they both relaxed; neither of them wanting to talk when the third body in the car was so very silent.

Of course the silence also left a lot of room for thinking, and Gwen's thoughts couldn't leave the young man they were taking home. Ianto Jones, barely 25 years old and more proper than any of them put together. She could still remember his stern face as he'd go around giving everyone their coffee, giving small lipped smiles to everyone's vague thanks. Or when he'd come out from Jack's office straightening his tie, trying to pretend he hadn't just shagged their boss, when of course all he'd accomplished was looking slightly like a guilty puppy.

He was so young when he died; he had just started coming into himself, learning his own self worth and value. He had had so much to live for and then it was all over, all because of some stupid air born virus. His death had felt so empty; he didn't die with a vengeance, he died gasping for his last breath in Jack's arms. That was good she supposed, he at least got to die with Jack. She liked to think that would at least have made the young man happy. Well, she at least hoped. Gwen let out a deep breath; at least he no longer had to wonder what he and Jack were.

A loud gasp suddenly came from the back of the SUV, the red sheet falling away as Ianto's body jerked straight up. Gwen let out a scream wrenching the wheel sharply. A loud horn blared and she yanked the wheel back. The SUV swerved wildly, the right-side wheels lifting from the road. The SUV tilted alarmingly. Gwen leaned the other way in a vain hope to get the wheels back onto the ground, but gravity had other plans and the SUV toppled, skidding on its side along the road before finally coming to rest half way into the grass on the side of the road. Gwen let out a small groan, before her eyes snapped open. "Martha, you alright?"

Martha didn't respond as she quickly undid her seat belt and stumbled into the back. Gwen turned to watch as Martha shoved away the gurney that was now laying on Ianto's once again still form. Her fingers going to his neck, eyes wide, she stared up at Gwen incredulously. "Gwen… He's alive."