Disclaimer: I own nothing
Summary: What does fire do when fueled? It burns stronger than before. The Capitol has taken her home and the father of her child. Katniss Everdeen is about to show the world what damage a girl on fire can really do. My take on book 3.
Chapter 1: Confine
District 12 is gone, my home is gone and it's my fault. I started a rebellion and the Capitol wanted to stop it by killing me and destroying my people. I make Gale leave, I didn't want to talk to him, there was only one person I wanted to talk to and he was gone, killed by the Capitol. I lie back down and rip the tubes out of my arms all these noises start going off and a nurse runs in the room.
"Katniss, you can't do that think about the baby" she tells me.
"There is no baby, we made it up for sympathy" I tell her not caring anymore. I told Peeta that I needed him and I do more than I thought I did. I needed his strong arms around me, I needed him to tell me it was going to be ok, I needed him to make me feel safe.
"Well then it was a good enough sympathy to fool your body because you are pregnant Katniss. That other monitor is for you baby" she says pointing to it.
I look to the side and finally notice that of the tons of monitors two are recording heartbeats. I look down at my stomach and my heart rate monitor starts beeping loudly as my breathing increases.
"I figured out you were lying for the cameras because there was no way either of you would know about the baby, you are only one week along" the nurse says.
After everything that had been going on I forgot all about that. There was the possibility I could be pregnant. Effie and Haymitch didn't want to coach us for our interviews they figured after the stunts we pulled we can handle ourselves. They gave us the day off and it was probably the happiest day I had in a long time.
I practiced making knots and nets out vines and Peeta drew me. We were having a day long picnic on the roof. It was wonderful, no one bothered us.
I lie with my head on Peeta's lap, making a crown of flowers while he fiddles with my hair claiming he's practicing his knots. After a while his hands go still. "What" I ask.
"I wish I could live freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever," He says.
Usually this is the sort of comment, the kind that hints of his undying love for me, makes me feel guilty and awful. But I feel so warm and relaxed and beyond worrying about the future I'll never have. I just let the words slip out "Okay" I can hear the smile in his voice. "Then you'll allow it?"
"I'll allow it" I say.
After that I dozed off and he woke and we watched out last sunset together. I wasn't lying when I said okay to his freezing that moment. I wanted to as well. I had never been so at peace anywhere but lying in his arms that day. No one came for us at dinner so we just stayed there until bedtime.
We quietly slipped down into my room without encountering anyone.
We were standing in my room and Peeta went to slide under the cover on his side of the bed, we had been slept in the same bed so many times we had chosen sides. I walked over to him and he turned around confused.
"Katniss, what are you doing?
"Freezing the moment" I say as I pulled Peeta close to me and kissed him. I felt that funny feeling again the one that sent warmth through my body. I wrapped my arms around his neck to deepen the kiss and he gently pushed his hand against my back. That warmth covered me from head to toe. I was the girl on fire and I didn't want it to stop, I wanted more.
Without thinking my hands slid down his shoulders and down his chest, I brought my hands underneath his shirt and felt his hardened abs. He was no longer the skinny sickly boy I found hidden in the mud during the last games. All that training had made him strong. I wanted to see so I lifted his shirt over his head and I didn't object when he lifted mine.
He brought his hands around my waist and kissed me again. I barely remember how our pants and undergarments came off but suddenly he was standing in front of me naked. From my mother's work I had seen lots of naked men so it didn't bother me. But looking at Peeta standing there I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks; even with his prosthetic leg he was so beautiful. And I know that I want his body next to mine.
We were kissing again until we fell backwards on the bed. Our bodies fit perfectly together as I looked into Peeta's stunning blue eyes as he was holding himself above me. With one hand he gently brushes a strand of hair from my face. He leans down to kiss me gently and I wrapped my arms around him pulled him inside me. At first there was a little pain but I was used to pain, after that my world exploded into colors and pleasure I had never seen or felt before.
The next morning before we had any real chance to think about what we had done; my prep team woke us up. They start crying and send Peeta out of my room, with all the flurry of hair, nails and makeup and I had no time to think about the fact that Peeta and I had made love last night.
I knew it love and not just sex, even though that was my first time. The emotions I felt for him were real and that scared me so I tried to push those thoughts away. If I wanted to keep the promise I made to myself, to keep him alive than I couldn't think like that.
We do the interviews and Cinna had turned me into a Mockingjay and before I can process that Peeta tells Caesar that we are married and then drops the biggest bombshell on me and the world when he tells them I'm pregnant.
He didn't know then how true those words were going to be. After that we were thrown into the arena the first person I meet was Fennick who was to become my ally. When Peeta died for those few seconds and came back to life I was hysterical enough to scare Peeta.
"it's ok, it's just her hormones," says Fennick. "From the baby."
"No. It's not—" I get out, but am cut off by an even more hysterical round of sobbing when I realize that there is a real possibility that I could be pregnant, Peeta and I didn't use any protection. That makes me sob harder which I hope the people at home buy Fennick's excuse because I'm showing that I'm not very strong right now. I wipe away my tears and pull myself together, it doesn't matter if could be pregnant I wasn't going to make out of here Peeta was.
And how wrong was I, I failed my own promise. Now I was alone, well not alone I think as I touch my stomach that feels a little more taut than usual. Peeta I say to myself. He doesn't know that what he said had come true, we were having a baby. He had to know I couldn't let him die without knowing.
When I finally pull myself together I ask if the doctors if I can walk around, they agree but also have someone following in case I do something rash. I walk into the room where Haymitch, Finnick, Beetee, Gale and Plutarch Heavensbee are. They get quiet as I enter so I just take an empty seat.
"If this is the rebellion I started, then I have right to know what's going on" I tell them.
Heavensbee agree and starts telling me about what I missed.
He talks about how they are trying to save as many people as they can from all the districts except one and two who have sided with the Capitol. Then they talk about Peeta and Johana "There is a possibility that he's alive" Plutarch says as the room gets quiet as they look at me.
"Because they will want to use him to draw me out" I say.
"Yes" Haymitch says and we can't let that happen. You need to stay in District 13. If we can get him out we will."
I look at him and say nothing. I didn't believe him. He was never going to save Peeta it was only me they needed the face of the rebellion. Peeta was a loss they could deal with. But they were wrong. The mockingjay is nothing without its voice and Peeta was mine.
After everyone leaves I stay in the room looking out the window at the clouds we pass by. This was a different kind of hovercraft the ones we were on before never went this high in the air. I sigh and take out the pill bottle with the vitamins I need to take for the baby. I pour some out into my hand and pop them in my mouth. Suddenly the bottle is ripped from my hand; I hadn't noticed that Haymitch came back. I guess he figured I was trying to kill myself.
"Pre-natal vitamins he reads from the bottle. He looks at me. "You don't need to keep the act anymore" he tells me.
"It's not an act, Haymitch. I am pregnant" I tell him and for the first time since I met him his face registers shock as he looks at my stomach. I grab the bottle back from him and stick it back in my pocket.
Haymitch closes his eyes. "How, you two could barely stand to be near each other when we were back in District 12?"
"There's a lot you don't know about me and Peeta" I tell him. Peeta had spent the night in my bed a few times when I was too depressed or angry to tell him to leave or just needed him there to feel safe. Haymitch was right we didn't do anything then but hold each other tightly afraid to let go, afraid to wake up and find the other wasn't there, exactly how I feel now.
"That may be Katniss, but I find it hard to believe that you got married and conceived a child" he tells me but the bravado in his voice is gone, he was starting to believe that he threw me in the arena pregnant.
I let out a small laugh. "We're not married" I tell him. "And the baby was just beginning to exist when he told the world I was pregnant, but it does now for about a week" I say. "So I was pregnant but just as far along as the world believed"
"That night we left you alone…" he starts.
I don't really feel like discussing my sex life with him but I say. "Yes"
"What were you thinking!" he says louder having composed himself after the piece of news.
"I wasn't' thinking!" I scream back. "For the first time in a long time I was happy and I didn't want it to end" I say as tears start welling up in my eyes. "I thought it didn't matter, I thought I was going to die. I didn't know about your little plan to rescue me" I say with anger in my voice.
Haymitch can't look me in the eyes as he knows that was true. "I didn't think you were one of those girls that cared about dying a virgin" he says with menace in his voice.
I let out an exasperated sound. "I wasn't even thinking about that, I just wanted to be near him" I say. "But that doesn't matter now because it happened, we can't take it back. Peeta's gone and I'm pregnant that's where we are now." I tell him and walk out of the room as the tears start to flow. Haymitch doesn't follow me, I walk back into room and lie on the bed. I know it useless to try and sleep because I can't sleep without him next to me. So I just lie back and stare at the ceiling.
I hear a noise by the door and see Gale standing there. He walks over to me and takes my hand. "I know you are hurting and I know I can't imagine what you are going through. But it's not just your life you have to worry about anymore, you have to take care of yourself…for the…baby" He says choking out the word.
I close my eyes as I remember that he was watching tv and heard Peeta tell everyone that we were married and expecting. I look him into his eyes and see how hurt and angry he is that I didn't tell him but he still cares about me and wants me to be safe even though I'm carrying Peeta's child. He goes over and starts connecting the tube to me and we both look as the second heart monitor starts beeping.
I never wanted children for this very reason I didn't want them to grow up in this world where they might have to fight to the death before can really experience being a child. But as I look down at my stomach, the child growing inside of me is part of Peeta, maybe the only part I will ever have. Peeta doesn't even know about the baby and I so badly want to tell him. But I let him down I can't let down our child. I try to say something but Gale places his finger gently over my lips.
"Let me talk first" he says and I nod. "For a long time I wanted you but I was too afraid of how you'd react so I didn't tell you. But then I saw you on tv with…him during the first games, and I hated him because he got to hold you and kiss you. I know you told me it was fake that it was for the audience. But I didn't believe you, because I know you Katniss and I've never seen you look at anyone the way you look at him." He pauses and takes a breath. "I kissed you when you came back to see if you would look at me the same way, but you didn't because you never really saw me that way. I love you and he loves you but the difference is you love him back." He once again looks over at the monitor. "I have to accept that and move on even if that means helping you bring Peeta back." He tells me I look at him in shock. "He's the father of you baby, I'm not going to let your child grow up fatherless like we did not if Peeta's still out there"
I feel the tears in my eyes before they start to fall. I grab Gale's hand and squeeze it tightly. I know he's right; I love Peeta it just took me awhile to figure out what that meant.
The Capitol destroyed my home and took Peeta from me; I started this rebellion so I was going to end it too.