Beta'd by Dollybigmomma and her awesome brain.

Chapter 40 - Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.


Charlie looked into the accusation against my grandfather. I really didn't want him to be involved. He had recently gotten so close to my family.

Charlie did end up finding large sums of money being paid out to an account, but my grandfather said he was not aware of the transactions. He'd known when I'd bought a few houses, so how could he not have known of a few million?

Charlie and Bella were both giving him the benefit of the doubt and were looking into where the money was coming from.

Bella had been busy with the kids. Bree was staying with us during the day, so Rose could sit with Tara and the boys. She had borrowed my camera to make a few short clips of their mother, along with a scrapbook.

Tara's breast cancer was advanced. It had reached her spinal column and went up and down it, going into her brain, liver and kidneys. We were told that she probably would have only lived for another six months, but with the attack weakening her further, they only gave her one. At least it was enough time to get her affairs in order.

I could tell Rose would do her best to help the boys with their grieving. She was preparing for it the best she could with the help of Tara.

I was busy dealing with our little boys. They were just over seven months old now and little busy bodies. It was a sunny day, so I took them out the back door for them to crawl around.

Bella called to me, telling me to get them some sippy cups, so they didn't get dehydrated in the humidity. She was right. She always thought of things like that. I opened the dishwasher, looking for sippy cups. The boys ended up fighting over a red one, so I was happy to find another clean red one in the cabinet.

When I went to get their juice, I noticed there were two odd sippy cups in the fridge already full. They had the hard nipples my boys didn't like and some silly characters on them. They were the no-leak ones Bella swore grew bacteria in the lid, so we didn't buy them. I wondered if they were Rose's.

Bella came walking in, and I asked her about them, as I prepared the cups. She looked at them and told me they weren't ours, and Rose's kids were all too old.

I put the juice back in the fridge. Someone had been in our fridge, and I didn't know who. I gave the boys water instead and called Charlie.

He came out in a matter of minutes. Apparently, he was already on his way, because he'd had plans with my mother.

He took the cups, the juice and the milk and asked if anything else looked tampered with. I couldn't tell, it was food, how did you tell with this crap?

Charlie called me later that night. We had ordered takeout and wouldn't let the kids near the fridge. The sippy cups had been poisoned, but the milk and juice were fine. He suggested, just to be on the safe side, that we chuck all of our food and buy new stuff.

He wanted us to double check the locks before we left the house, and to be sure the chains were on the door. He also suggested rekeying the doors and getting a new code for the house alarm. I did that, immediately setting it. I hated that someone had been in our house. Someone was obviously working with James.

It was very upsetting that someone was targeting my sons. I found it hard to believe that it would be my grandfather, as he was more than anxious about having an heir with the Cullen name. He adored my children. At least I thought he did.

The stress of it all was getting to Bella, so she had taken to working in the garden more.

"Edward!" I heard her call for me. I walked out in the backyard and smiled, as the kids played together.

I leaned down to kiss her, but stopped when I saw what she had found. She cleared her throat and raised an eyebrow at me.

I shrugged noncommittally, as she held up the offending appliance. That bastard toaster was getting its revenge, damn it!

"Why is there a toaster buried in my flower garden?" she asked accusingly.

She flipped it over and noticed the ax marks in it. I wasn't allowed to have power tools, but an ax wasn't a power tool.

"What did you do to it? It looks like you tried to hack it to pieces," she accused.

Stupid rat bastard toaster tattling on me! I just shrugged. "Must have fallen off the counter onto the knives in the dishwasher," I offered. I thought I was pretty smooth.

She rolled her eyes at me and shoved it into my hands. "Get rid of it, and stay out of my garden and away from the appliances."

It wasn't my fault the timer on the damn thing was faulty. I set it on six minutes, but the timer never ticked down; it just stayed in one place, burning my toast or catching it on fire.

My mother stopped me, when she saw what I was holding.

"What on earth happened to the toaster?"

"It's broken?"

"Edward!" she scolded. How did she know it was me? Oh, yeah. She was my mom, and moms knew everything.

"The timer thingy is broken," I pointed to the offending toaster.

"There's no timer, Edward. That just tells you if you want it light or dark."

"What? Then why doesn't it say light or dark, or should I say burnt to a crisp? It shouldn't even have that setting; it's dangerous. The toast catches on fire!" I defended. This was obviously another attempt on my family's life. Okay, maybe not.

"It's for frozen pastries."


"The higher setting is for frozen pastries you toast in the toaster."

I looked at her like she was speaking another language, because I had never heard of a pastry you put in the toaster, let alone a frozen one.

"I'll pick some up the next time we're out. Now get that out of here, before the kids figure out what a buffoon you are," she said with an eye roll.

Thanks, Mom. I love you, too. Damn toaster won again.

It was Saturday, and Emmett was home, so all the kids went to go play at his house. He had brought home some new toys for his boys, and so everyone was excited to see what there was. I took the moment to relax and lay down on the couch to watch some mind-numbing TV.

I ended up watching infomercials, and the next thing I knew, there was one for this blender thing called a Bullet. The thing made me nervous, so I tried to change the channel, but I couldn't. It was on every channel!

Then I heard it. There was a clang in the kitchen, and then some more ominous scraping sounds.

It couldn't be!

I knew my mother had picked up a new toaster, and the sucker was huge. It did eight slices at once. Did it really need to be so big?

I found myself peeking around the corner of the kitchen wall to see the massive new toaster standing on end and smiling a huge evil grin when it saw me. It turned to the knife block and started giving it orders. The toaster loaded the knives into its slots and started shooting them at me. The knives all giggled like little kids, as they took off flying through the air toward me. I tried to get away from the evil toaster, but every time I turned around, he was there again, and now he was shooting silverware at me.

I ran to the garage and grabbed my ax and ran back to the kitchen, wielding it like a samurai sword, and then the toaster didn't look too happy. That's right, toasty was going down!

"Take that! You think you can beat me, you stupid small appliance? Well, you're going down now, watt sucker! You'll never beat me!" I yelled, as I swung my deadly weapon to defeat the monster.

"Edward!" I heard my wife call. I looked, but I didn't see her.

"Edward!" I felt her shake me, and I opened my eyes. Apparently, I had fallen asleep on the couch. I looked down, and I was covered with little green army men.

"What happened?"

"Were you having a bad dream?" she asked.

"Kind of, but it was getting good at the end."

"Oh, I heard. Seriously, Edward, you stay away from that new toaster," she growled and shook her head at me. "And get the kids in here to pick up these army men they threw at you while you were sleeping and take them back next door, please," she said walking out.

I called for the kids, who came in snickering and immediately assaulted me with more army men. How many were there? The stupid little plastic men were everywhere. I finally got them settled down and had them pick up all of the offending little toys, so we could take them back next door.

Emmett was smiling when we walked in his back door

"Hey, Edward…" I turned to see what Emmett wanted. The jerk grabbed their toaster and acted like he was going to throw it at me.

"Dude, you actually flinched! That's so hilarious! I'm so going as a toaster on Halloween, so I can scare the piss out of you!"

"Shut up!" I threw his toy army men at him. He dodged them laughing.

"So, any word back from Charlie about Grandpa? That would suck if he was involved. I was starting to like him," Emmett sighed.

"No, not yet. I think I'll head over to Charlie's to see what I can find out. You mind keeping an eye on Emma for a bit?"

"No problem, bro."

"Thanks, man."

I didn't know how he'd found out about the toaster thing, but whoever had told him would pay.

I pulled up to Charlie's house and knocked on the front door. I listened for a moment, but no one answered. I saw his car was there. Then I heard what sounded like my mother moaning. She sounded like she was in distress, so I quickly made my way in through the front door.

I wanted to puke at the sight before me. Just as quickly as I had run in, I ran right back out. My mother and Charlie were naked on the couch, and he was doing unspeakable things to my mother.

Oh, God. I couldn't even think about it. It hurt my eyes! The image was burned into my retinas. I would never look at them the same again. Please, God, why didn't you strike me blind, before I walked in on them?

I hadn't realized I had slumped on the front steps and was rubbing my eyes in agony, until my mother whacked the back of my head. Charlie was standing a few paces back. I couldn't even look either of them in the eye. That was so wrong. Did old people really do that? It should be illegal!

"Edward, stop acting like a maniac this instant!" my mother snapped. "You're being ridiculous. You knew Charles and I have been in a relationship for a while now."

I was shaking my head no. I covered my ears and started rocking and singing the Thomas the Train theme song until she walked away, throwing her hands up.

I looked up to see if she had given up trying to talk to me and saw Charlie glaring at me disappointedly, as he wrapped a reassuring arm around my mom's shoulder and led her back into the house.

Once they were inside, I jumped in my car and sped home.

Eye bleach…please, tell me it was a real thing. I really needed some right now.