CHAPTER ONE: David Bowie is Ridiculously Attractive

"Hi, Diane. What are you doing here?" Katie's mother asked.

Diane smiled and opened her mouth to respond, but Katie quickly jumped in. "She's gonna do my make-up like David Bowie's in The Labyrinth!"

Katie's mother rolled her eyes. She had no idea how she had ended up with such an eccentric daughter.

Katie ignored her mother's look, grabbed her friend's hand, and bounded up the stairs.

Rushing into her parents' master bathroom, she began pulling out every bit of make-up she could find.

Diane stared down at the heap of eyeshadow, lipstick, mascara and foundation, and grinned evily.

Since she and Katie had seen the movie, they had been obsessed. They searched every music store in town, until they found the soundtrack. They'd raided thrift stores to find Sarah-esche outfits. They found thousand of pictures online of David Bowie as the Goblin King , photoshopped themselves in (badly), and printed them off to cover their walls.

Three hours later, they sat in front of the widescreen tv, dressed to kill, hair punked up like '80's rock stars, more make-up than Katy Perry, singing along to the opening song.

No one can save you from walking away. Too much protection, nah, nah. No love injection, nah, nah. Life can be easy, it's not always swell. Don't tell me truth hurts little girl, 'cause it hurts like hell.

As they watched the story progress, they argued about the characters. And attempted to immitate David Bowie's leer. As the end credits began to roll, both pairs of made up eyes went wide, and they spun towards each other. In tandem, they spoke. "We can wish each other in!"

They jumped up, laughing and dancing around the room. Then they dropped back down and faced each other, holding hands.

Katie stared straight at Diane and said, "We have to be totally serious about this. 'Banish all doubts', type thing."

Diane nodded. "Okay. Let's do this."

"At the same time."

"No, duh!"

They clenched their hands together tightly, closed their eyes, and pictured the Labyrinth and the Masquerade Ball and the goblins. And the Goblin King. Then their eyes came open and they focused on each other. "I wish the goblins would take you away right now!"

They sat in silence, waiting. Hoping. Nothing happened. They both sighed and leaned back, releasing hands.

"Well, this sucks," Katie grimaced.

Diane nodded. "Double fudge sucks."

Then all the lights went out and a sparkling wind whipped through the room. And standing there, against the light of the moon, glitter falling around him, ash blonde hair poofed out, mismatched eyes distant, wearing an absurdly over-the-top outfit of black and red, and that familiar leer that -despite the outfit- made it clear he wasn't gay, was the Goblin King.

He stepped forward smoothly, hands on hips, and opened his mouth. Then he froze, taking in the sight of the two girls who stared up at him in worshipful shock. And who looked like mini, more feminine, clones of him. The words escaped his lips, "What in the world?"

His voice broke the silence, and the girls jumped to their feet and ran to him. Katie wrapped her arms around him and buried her nose in his chest, crowing, "He smells like spiced peaches! Just like in the fanfics! And it's so YUMMY!" Diane was circling him, touching his clothing and murmuring, "This outfit is fantastic! I want this coat so much." When she was facing him again, she looked up into his eyes and practically drooled, "David Bowie is ridiculously attractive."

Finally, the Goblin King threw himself back and away from the girls. The look in his eyes was almost fear, but he drew himself up and his voice involuntarily broke. "You have wished someone you care for away to the goblins. Now, you must play a game to get them back. You must-"

"Traverse your Labyrinth!" Diane shouted.

Katie paused, turned to her best friend, and asked, "So does that make him the Minotaur in the Theseus myth?"

Diane tilted her head. "I never really though about it before. I guess so."

"But then is Sarah Ariadne, or Theseus?"

"Maybe both?"

"But Hoggle-"

"LADIES!" the Goblin King thundered, and the sky flashed behind him. The two girls just turned to him and smiled.

Then Diane groaned, "Listen, Jareth, can you wait a couple minutes to take us to the Labyrinth? We're not really dressed right."

"Indeed," he nodded and waved a hand at them. "Ladies should not-" He froze again. "How did you know my name?"

The two ignored him, too busy cooing over their new outfits. Diane wore a poofy, princessy gown in a sea foam green. While Katie was in a violet peasant blouse and ripped black jeans.

"Huh. Why am I in a dress?"


And as soon as they saw the shoes, the opportunity for Jareth to take back their attention was gone.

Diane was staring down at a pair of flat, but sexy, brown suede boots, which were covered in embroidered vines and jeweled flowers. "True!"

"Check out these BOOTS!" Katie yelled, doing another happy dance about the dark, four-inch heels on her feet.

And then the squealing began.

Jareth held his leather gloved hands over his ears, hunching into himself. When he could take it no more, he yelled, "SILENCE!"

The girls spun to him, attempting to control their grins. At the same time they spoke. "Sorry, Jareth!"

They jumped and yelled, "JINX! You owe me a soda!" Scowling at each other, they both crossed their arms.

Katie sighed. "Tie. We're still even."

"No. You owe me a candy bar from yesterday."


"Remember? We were talking about Jareth and we both said 'Precious Sarah' at the same time?"

"Oh yeah. Crap."

Jareth was not used to being ignored. He expected fear and cowering, not easily distracted fangirls. Sighing, he rubbed his forehead. Already he knew he would regret this. But he had a duty, and spoke, "We are going now, ladies."

Their smiles at his words were scary. He hesitated, then reached out and touched their shoulders. A moment later, they appeared at the edge of the Labyrinth in a shower of glitter.

Katie sighed, brushing her shoulders and shaking her hair. "What's with the constant glitter?"

Diane glared at her. "It's pure Jareth. And glitter is pure fantastic!"

"I know, Diane," Katie sighed.

"So, back to these outfits–" Diane began, turning to the annoyed Goblin King.

Katie broke in, "I bet these are outfits he pulled from our minds. Which means Sarah's ball gown... was something she actually wanted to wear."

Diane rolled her eyes. "Who wouldn't? Those sleeves and the hair were EPIC."

Katie grinned. "True."

Jareth tried to refocus them on him. "You must travel the Labyrinth and reach the castle at the center of the Goblin Kingdom by midnight–"

"Thirteen o'clock!... JINX!" Twin sighs.

"Yes, thirteen o'clock. If you do not–"

"Question!" Katie held up her hand, waving it in the air like a kindergartner trying to get the teacher's attention.

"Yes, Katie?"

"Well–" then she stopped. "You know my name?"

"Yes," he answered slowly. "I know both your names."

"HE KNOWS OUR NAMES!" she screamed at Diane. Now they were both doing the jumping, dancing thing.

"KATIE!" the Goblin King roared.

She squeaked. "Oh, right. So if we get to the castle in time we go home. And if not, we stay and become goblins. But is there any way for us to stay without turning into goblins?"

"What?" He was shocked again.

They just smiled and fluttered their lashes at him.

"I-I suppose, since you wished each other here, technically if you lost, as runners you would be send home. But as those wished away, you would become goblins. So..."

"So, if we lose, we can stay here and stay human?" Katie finished hopefully.

He looked back and forth between a pair of chocolate brown eyes, and a pair of greenish azure eyes, both shining with a terrible, unholy glee. Swallowing hard, but fearing a lie, Jareth nodded.

The girls turned to each other and grinned.

"So, where should we try and go?"

"Ooooh... How about an obliette?"

"'A place you put someone when you want to forget about them'. JINX!"

They both sighed. "Tie?" "Tie."

"Ladies?" They turned back and were surprised to see the Goblin King still standing here.

"Yes? JINX." Sighs.

"The Labyrinth?" He pointed.

They nodded. "Absolutely." "You betcha!" Hopping forward together, they wrapped their arms around his frozen form and squeezed. Backing up, they sauntered off towards the outer wall of the Labyrinth. Looking back over their shoulders, Diane winked and Katie blew him a kiss.

"See you in thirteen hours. JINX!" Double exhales and they disappeared from his sight.

And the Goblin King, twister of dreams, shaker of lands, ruler of the Goblin Kingdom, guardian of the magic of the Labyrinth, groaned.

"This is not good."