Story Name: Instructions for Bare Hunting

Penname: ICMezzo

Rating: M

Word Count (not including header/author's note): 2458

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A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns everything you recognize.

Many thanks to TwilightMundi for betaing!

Warning: Contains slash and serious lemons. Rated M. If that's not your thing, please don't read. If it is, well then, enjoy!

"Shit," I muttered. "Not again."

I twisted shut the blue nail polish. "Shit," I said again.

I closed my eyes and paid little attention to the sound of footsteps suddenly hurrying toward me.


"No fuckin' way," Emmett bellowed as he and Jasper ran through the forest. "I'm more manly."

"You wish," Jasper teased, grinning. "You fucking wept like a girl. 'Oh boohoo, Frodo dies, time to cry all over myself.' For god's sake, every fuckin' time."

"It takes a real man to cry. You should know that, Emo boy," Emmett shot back. "Besides, just look at me. Clearly, I'm all man. I am a thing of beauty. Fucking exquisite. Just look at these muscles."

Emmett paused then as the pair of vampires picked up the scent of prey in the distance. They turned to the east in unison to follow the smell and Emmett continued his argument.

"And, I'm not just talking biceps. Every muscle in this gorgeous bod is twice the size and far more beautiful than yours, little bro."

"Except your brain," Jasper countered. "I bet the venom didn't know what to do when it got to your fat head since there was nothin' there to burn."

"Hey, fuck you, man!" Emmett bellowed.

"Oh, good one," Jasper replied, but more halfheartedly than he normally would have. They were closing in on their prey, a large male grizzly bear, and needed to put their argument on hold temporarily to approach silently and catch the animal by surprise. So they settled for occasionally giving each other the finger or punching each other in the gut.

When they were in the bear's immediate vicinity, instinct took over and they stopped fooling around completely. Even the argument over who was the manlier vampire mattered little to them now with their thirst multiplied exponentially in their throats thanks to the intensified scent of nearby blood.

Unfortunately, there was only one bear in the vicinity, and so the two would have to share the prize. However, only rarely did such scenarios go smoothly. Only mated pairs were typically able to think of each other's needs despite their own all-consuming thirst and share their catch. When vampires hunted in groups it was typical to take turns so it was clear who would feast, otherwise it was best to hunt prey that congregated in groups so there were enough beating hearts to go around.

But Jasper and Emmett had not decided to take turns ahead of time, and considering their current argument, neither was about to willingly submit to the other. Pride was at stake.

So the two vampires silently stalked the grizzly until it was time to attack, at which point Jasper lunged at the animal from the right, while Emmett simultaneously attacked from the left.

Needless to say, the animal never saw them coming, and so didn't have much time to understand what was happening to it. However, it might have been surprised to learn that it had a better chance to survive when two vampires attacked as opposed to one. After all, when hunted by a single vampire, the odds of survival were nil, so anything was better than that.

Jasper reached the animal first. He wrapped himself around the animal's body, caging and disabling its powerful limbs from taking a swipe at his face. While it wouldn't have hurt Jasper if it had clawed him, the vampire was rather concerned about gaining additional scars on his already heavily-marked flesh.

Unfortunately, Emmett leaped at the bear a split-second after Jasper did, which meant when Emmett landed, he did so directly on top Jasper. And even more unfortunately, the weight and momentum of Emmett's landing caused the bear to indelicately squirt out of Jasper's arms and land, stunned, approximately ten feet in front of the two vampires now lying on top of each other on the ground.

"What the fuck?" Jasper cursed, shoving Emmett off him. "That bear was mine!"

"It's not my fault you couldn't hold on like a real man," Emmett replied, who illustrated his point by rolling off Jasper but not letting go so that Jasper was pulled on top of him.

This was fine for Jasper, as it put him in prime position to punch Emmett's face. Emmett's lightning-quick reflexes meant that the punch was blocked. Emmett then used his strength to roll Jasper off him and climb on top of him, pinning down his four limbs by kneeling over his hips and holding his elbows to the ground.

Jasper squirmed but was somewhat trapped. Emmett looked down at him and grinned, enjoying the look of the vampire struggling beneath him. "Admit it. I'm stronger than you, a better hunter than you, and seven to eight times more of a man."

"No. Fuckin'. Way." Jasper grunted, straining to loose himself from Emmett's grasp.

"Face it, little man; I'm not letting you go. I don't let my prey get away," Emmett said calmly.

It was at this moment that the shaken grizzly bear came to its senses and started taking off into the woods, running as far and as fast as it could from the arguing vampires who were no longer paying it a bit of attention.

"Fuck you," Jasper cursed hotly at the man above him.

"You wish," Emmett replied. "But first, it is quite clear I need to teach you what to do to an animal as you obviously have no idea. I wouldn't want you to starve to death."

"Emmett," Jasper growled.

"That's perfect!" Emmett exclaimed. "That's just what a bear would sound like. Now, you pretend to be the bear and I'll be the superior hunter. Too bad I won't have to do any acting. I always love some good role play."

Jasper struggled harder beneath him, and Emmett paused a moment to watch the other vampire's muscles flex beneath him. Vampires really were quite a work of art, he noted. Jasper especially. But he quickly dismissed the realization. Edward wasn't around, but it was just a habit to keep such thoughts tightly under wraps.

Jasper's rather playful hiss brought Emmett back to their present situation.

"So after catching the animal, if you want, you can watch it struggle weakly beneath you. I actually highly recommend it," Emmett explained, watching Jasper with hooded lids, while Jasper issued additional expletives on his behalf.

"Then, after you've had enough of that," Emmett continued, "you have to remove all the extraneous layers between you and your prey's beating heart. If you tear the fur and flesh out of the way quickly enough, the animal will be too surprised to attempt to flee while your hands are otherwise engaged."

Of course, by the time Emmett had finished saying "you have to remove," he'd already torn off Jasper's shirt and repegged his wrists to the forest floor. He smiled slightly at the bare, muscled torso before him.

"Finally, you reach down and bite the animal's neck until you taste the sweet sustenance filling your mouth and quenching your need," Emmett said in a low voice, as he reached down and placed his lips on Jasper's neck and bit down gently.

Jasper whimpered.

"And then, once you've had your fill, and are completely satisfied..." Emmett whispered into Jasper's jaw and pressed down against Jasper's hips momentarily before suddenly springing to his feet and walking away.

"Well, then you go find your next victim," he finished, casually tossing the words to Jasper who lay on the ground behind him.

Emmett only managed to take three steps before Jasper leaped up and onto Emmett from behind. The momentum pushed Emmett forward, trapping him against a nearby tree, which cracked but held against the pressure.

"My turn," Jasper growled into Emmett's neck before biting him back and eliciting a drawn out "Fuuuck!" from the other vampire. Jasper followed his bite by nipping repeatedly at the corner of Emmett's jaw, and pressing his own hips into Emmett's backside. Emmett audibly sucked in air when he felt the hardness of Jasper's body behind him, which was in sharp contrast with the soft, living wood of the tree in front of him.

Had Emmett truly struggled, he might have freed himself from Jasper. He did not, however. In fact, he almost clung to the tree in front of him as he listened to Jasper whisper slowly, "Now who's the man?" into his ear.

Emmett gulped.

"I asked you a question," Jasper said in a low voice.

"You're a man," Emmett mumbled.

"That's not what I asked." Jasper punctuated his sentence with a hard smack to Emmett's ass.

"Then prove it," Emmett dared him.

"Is that a challenge?" Jasper whispered into Emmett's ear before nipping at the lobe.

Emmett hissed. "Fuck me."

Jasper massaged Emmett's ass with one hand for a moment before smacking it again. "Is that what you want?"

Emmett nodded into the tree trunk.

Jasper spun Emmett around so his back was against the tree and once again pressed up against him.

"Is that what you want?" Jasper asked again.

Emmett met his gaze. "Hell yeah." He bent his head to Jasper's neck and kissed and licked his way up to his jaw until he stopped and pulled back just before meeting the other man's mouth.

"Fuck," Jasper said under his breath.

And with that Emmett pressed his mouth hard against Jasper's, claiming him. The vampires forwent the luxury of air for several minutes to remain locked together, tasting and searching.

Finally Jasper paused to pull Emmett's shirt from his body and the two began their insistent exploration of each other's bodies. Their lips, mouths, and teeth sought bare flesh while their hands began their journey south toward buckles and zippers that begged to come undone.

And without the stumbling or awkwardness that may have plagued humans, they quickly and gracefully stepped from their remaining clothing. They glanced in unison at the piles of discarded fabric, and then back at each other, each appreciating the planes and lines and planes of each other's body. Pale but glistening, hard and proud, the men were statuesque in their perfect beauty.

A mere second apart proved sufficient for the hungry vampires. They came together again, pressing, arching into each other. Emmett's hands found Jasper's chest while Jasper's roamed Emmett's hips and ass. Eventually Jasper reached between them and began slowly stroking their lengths together in his hand, earning him a deep moan from his partner.

Eventually Emmett could stand it no longer. "I thought you had something to prove," he taunted.

Jasper responded with another smack to Emmett's ass. The crack reverberated throughout the forest. "Turn around.

Emmett did so, leaning against the tree again. Jasper took a long hard look at the ass before him before he slapped it again. Emmett hissed. "That's all you got?"

Jasper's hand met Emmett's ass harder the next time, and even harder the time after that. But after doing so, Jasper quickly kneeled on the ground where he alternated between massaging Emmett's stinging cheek with his hand while slapping him again, showing the other vampire the fine line between pleasure and pain.

While Emmett was caught up in the exquisite agony, Jasper stood up. He straightened Emmett with him.

"Ready?" Jasper asked.

Emmett nodded. "Please."

"Venom," Jasper whispered. He placed his fingers up to Emmett's mouth, who quickly licked and sucked on them, coating them liberally with his poison. After doing so, Jasper pressed another kiss to Emmett's lips before the two resumed their former positions.

This time, however, Jasper spread poison on Emmett's ass, and carefully entered him with his slick finger, preparing him for what was to come. He soon added more of his own venom, as well as a second finger. Despite Emmett's earlier taunting, both of them knew that Jasper was not a small man. Emmett moaned as Jasper's fingers moved in him, and he was unable to resist reaching down and stroking himself slowly.

When Jasper could feel that Emmett was relaxed for him, he stood up, and started readying his own cock, coating his length in their unique mixture of venom and precum. Once they were both adequately lubricated, Jasper paused to lean over Emmett and kiss and suck on his shoulder.

Emmett would have none of it. "Please," he panted. "Jasper, please."

And with that, Jasper stood up and carefully pressed himself slowly into the other vampire. As he did so, he growled, "I. Am. The. Man."

Emmett's only response was a strained, "Fuck." Slowly his body began to relax enough to accept Jasper and he pushed back until the other vampire was fully seated in him.

Jasper began to fuck Emmett slowly but soon picked up his tempo as he heard Emmett's moans and cries increase in intensity and volume. Emmett began stroking himself again in rhythm with Jasper's thrusts, while he braced himself against the tree with his other arm.

After a particularly loud expletive from Emmett, Jasper smacked his ass again, reveling in exactly how he was making the other vampire come undone.

Emmett, for his part, seemed to be enjoying Jasper's ministrations, if his moaning was any indication. The fact that he regularly instructed Jasper to fuck him harder was also a dead giveaway.

It was Emmett who reached the apex first.

"Gonna fuckin' cum," he told Jasper.

He issued no warning to the tree however, which he shoved too hard in the heat of the moment. It snapped and fell in the opposite direction. "You're the man," Emmett bellowed as he came, and came hard, onto the freshly-made tree stump in front of him. "Fuck. You're the man!"

Jasper soon followed. Victory was his, and he was unwilling and unable to hold back any longer after Emmett's ass clenched so tightly around him, sending him spiraling into his own orgasm. He swore as his body gave in and released into Emmett's.

"Yeah," Jasper said after taking a moment to regain coherency. "I am the man." And then he promptly collapsed on the vampire in front of him.


I opened my eyes. Rosalie was now standing before me.

"Alice, what's wrong?" she asked warily.

I raised my eyebrow at her. Like she couldn't guess.

"Jasper's gonna get it," I vowed.

"For the love of god, that's the third time this month!" Rosalie said.

"Fourth, actually," I replied. "Maybe we shouldn't let them hunt alone together anymore."

We looked at each other for a few minutes in silence, knowing we'd never follow through with the prohibition.

"So... who topped this time?" she finally asked.

I just grinned and wiggled my eyebrows at her.

A/N: Huge thanks to whoever came up with this fluffy and fun plot bunny. I hope I did it justice.

And dear god, I hope you like lemons.

The original plot was as follows: Emmett and Jasper go hunting and end up have more fun than intended when a bear gets away, leaving them riled up.