Title: And Now for Something Completely Different

Author: Duck

Edited by: tell me somethin' please

WARNING – *see chapters 1 & 2* violence. LOTS of jumping around.

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto or Monty Python. Haku's speech belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, I just love it too much to change it or skip it.

Thank you to AlchemyGaara, -00-night-eyes-00-, KisameKick and YaoiPhox for reviewing the last chapter :D

Chapter 8: Foxy damsel is pissed

Naruto lunged to his feet, all pain forgotten as he watched Sasuke fall. He... hadn't thought that Haku would beat him, at least not so easily. Sasuke was strong, stronger than Naruto, maybe even stronger than Sai. Naruto strode forward, feeling a strange sensation come over him. It started as a burning in his belly, then it spread through his chest and out to his limbs till it tingled in his fingertips and made his ears buzz. He could barely begin to explain it but it built up inside him until he had to let it out.

He let out a scream, unsure if there were even words in the cry, and rushed at the perimeter of the mirrors. He slammed into the mirror. It shattered. He felt a body, solid and real, beneath his hands and his lips drew back from his teeth. Haku would not get away this time. His hands hooked into claws and he snarled low in his throat and tore at the body, only wanting to tear, rend, kill, destroy.

He threw the body away from him and watched it fall back, the mask missing from its face. Seeing that, the pale skin streaked with blood and a strange, sad resignation in its eyes brought him back to his senses. The fire faded from his veins and his mind came back from wherever it'd been. He took a deep breath and it was all gone, he could barely remember what it had felt like.

He froze, halting the impact of the killing blow. The boy didn't react to this, his face showed no relief or fear.

"Why did you stop?" he said, staring passed the fist in front of his face into Naruto's eyes. "I would have killed you, so why spare me?" He smiled, still so sad, "I killed the one who tried to save you, and you cannot even avenge him."

Naruto's gaze was drug unwillingly to the body of the dark eyed boy. Sasuke. His fist tensed up and he swung it into Haku's expressionless face.

Haku wiped the blood from his mouth and slowly got to his feet. "All the power from before… where is it? You can't hope to kill me with the meager force you put into that blow." Naruto recoiled. He couldn't believe this; this boy wanted him to kill him… why? "Often people have it wrong, mistakenly believing that showing mercy to an enemy is kindness. They spare the foe whose life is in their hands but don't you see?" Haku's eyes burned fervently, emotion finally awakened in him. "It's an empty existence to go on living… alone and unloved… when defeat's already cost you your dreams!"

"What?" Naruto growled, on guard but willing to listen.

That sad smile again. "Zabuza has no use for a weak weapon. You've taken away my reason for living."

"Why waste all that devotion on such a creep?" Naruto shouted, "That mercenary scumbag doesn't care who he works for who gets hurt, just so long as someone pays him!" Don't you see? He doesn't care about you! "Is that browless wonder really precious to you? Your beloved friend?"

"Once…" Haku began after a while, looking at him with something like pity, "I was precious. I belonged to my parents."


Itachi grit his teeth. Now he was sure something was wrong. Nobody was out in the town; it was usually packed this time of day, so far they had met no one. He growled in his throat. Alcohol was a cruel liquid, even the next day he was so disoriented he could barely control his chakra and leaping through the trees was impossible, they'd been forced to walk along the road. It was taking far too long for Itachi's liking. Running, of course, was also impossible.

Still, as the bridge came into view his step quickened. He broke out into a full out run as he felt the energy emanating from the bridge, hangover be damned.

"Stop," Kisame called to him. Itachi considered ignoring him but thought better of it.

"What," he snapped, halting barely two blocks from the bridge entrance. Kisame inclined his head toward a place on the opposite side of the bridge. Itachi spun around quickly and stared at the group of men laying in wait there. He bit his lip, how had he possibly missed that?

"Gato's men," Kisame murmured softly.

Itachi risked activating the sharingan, battling the sickness it brought on long enough to deduce that these were only regular thugs, not an ounce of ninjutsu among them. "How do you know they are Gato's?"

Kisame grinned. "I got bored, did a little more than just sight seeing while we waited."

"Hn." Itachi stared at the men, willing his foggy brain to work. Definitely not drinking again.

They could take them all out. He and Kisame had cleared out this number and then some individually. Without any talents besides brute force these men would be child's play. On the other hand Gato was not here, if they eliminated all his protection he would run and they could spend months tracking him down again. No, better to leave them be, bide his time and wait for Gato.

That still left whatever was happening on the bridge. Itachi spun around, flitting from the cover of the crates that had hidden them from view, across the road to a fishing shack on the edge of the water. He had a fairly clear view of the bridge from here, although the heavy mist made it almost impossible to see. He squinted through it, trying to make out the nearly invisible figures there.

Kisame settled beside him, squinting like him at the bridge. "Can you not use your sharingan?" he growled lowly, as if the men could hear him.

"Even if I could, it wouldn't do any good. The sharingan can't see through solid objects." Itachi squinted through the mist and froze. "Kisame, I think your friends might be in danger."

"Eh? Who?" Kisame leaned forward as the mist began to clear revealing a tall figure held immobile by a strange black substance, like oil, and the man sprinting towards him, light glowing in his hand. "Well," Kisame grunted as he leaned back, "that can't be good."


"Damn!" Kakashi hissed, casting around through the mist for Zabuza. The demon had been correct in that the mist he had summoned rendered his sharingan useless. Through this he only had his hearing and nose to tell him anything and those were both thrown off by the heavy moisture in the air and the displacement that occurred in heavy fog. And Sai made it that much more difficult, he'd hear a scuff behind him and have to check himself in the last instant as he tried to decipher whether it was friend or foe. "Damn…" he hissed again.

A touch on his arm made him jump and he spun to see Sai's black eyes looking up at him seriously. It took him a moment to realize that the changing pressure on his arm was more than just nerves from the younger boy, but a code.

'I have a plan,' Sai tapped out. 'I was able to mark him,' Kakashi's eyes widened, 'I'll hold him and you go in.' Kakashi nodded as Sai slipped away into the mist.

"Listen to me," Kakashi called out into the mist, "Zabuza, we're both busy men, got a lot on our plates and it goes against the grain to even suggest this but why don't we stop screwing around and wrap this up right now? One big move, winner take all?"

"An intriguing notion," the disembodied voice rumbled through the fog, "What's left, Kakashi? Show me what you've got!"

Kakashi felt a slight flare of familiar chakra and smirked as Zabuza continued to gloat. "This posturing will get you nowhere, Kakashi...!" Kakashi drowned the rest out and waited for his cue.

"NO!" Zabuza's cry cut through the fog as it began to clear and Kakashi walked calmly in the direction of the voice.

"What was it your boy said?" he called to the trapped figure, "Something about knowing your opponents abilities?" But then how would Zabuza have known about Sai's jutsus abilities, like calling to like. Able to find anything once marked. His eyes slid over the inky bonds, surprisingly strong for being made of liquid. Zabuza would not escape this. "Look out Sai; you don't want to get caught up in this."

"I see your future, Zabuza," Kakashi's sharingan eye flashed crimson, fixed menacingly on Zabuza. "And your future, is death."


"You'll have to bloody your hands. Forgive me for that." Naruto squeezed his eyes closed against the words, this insane acceptance of death and for what? He couldn't understand it what could possibly be worth dying for so dishonorably?

"Is this the only way?" he grit out, watching something come back into the other's eyes as he hissed "yes!" and his hand moved to retrieve a kunai.

"I hope you find your dream," Haku murmured, head bowed in acceptance.

Naruto's hand tightened around the kunai and he hissed out, "If we'd met some other way, someplace else, you and me'd probably have been friends." He lunged into motion, hoping to end this as quickly as possible.

"Thank you."

Barely a step away, kunai poised to end Haku's life as he'd wished, and something changed. Haku's head snapped up and instead of standing still, waiting for what was to come he moved, gripping Naruto's arm and guiding the deadly blow away from him. "I'm sorry Naruto. I can't die yet," and was gone in a cloud of smoke, leaving Naruto gapping.


His hands moved into the three seals as Sai moved away from the kill zone, completely enthralled by the crackling mass in his squad leader's hand. Kakashi crouched low, building into a sprint as he brought his hand up in preparation to deliver the jab.

Sai cried out somewhere, and the bonds slipped. Motion blurred before him. Kakashi's eyes widened, his sharingan seeing every detail with his enhanced vision but his body unable to react. Haku moved into place in front of Zabuza, body braced to take the blow meant for him. Kakashi could only look away as his hand connected with flesh.

Except something else happened.

Kakashi's gaze searched wildly, moving up the length of his arm to the place where Zabuza's hand gripped his. The bones in his wrist cracked, his eyes shot up and met with burning red ones through his blood spattered hair. "I need this brat," Zabuza snarled.

"Za…bu…za," the boy choked, single working hand coming up to hold Kakashi's arm captive in his ruined shoulder.

A slow smile curled Zabuza's lips, "Good boy, Haku." He released Kakashi's arm, hefting his sword and swing it toward the locked men. Kakashi's hand curled around the flesh trapping his hand, using it as a handhold as he jumped away, jerking the boy with him. The sword cut through the air, nearly brushing the locks of silver hair.

"Stay still so I can kill you, Hatake!" The demon was truly out now; Kakashi could see that crazed gleam in Zabuza's eye as he drove the copy-nin back with his sword, Kakashi dragging Haku the whole way. The boy was dead weight, keeping Kakashi from using his full strength and speed. With the way the boy clung to his wrist still, he knew this.

Kakashi snarled. No other choice. His hand came up crushing the boy's wrist and yanking it away from his own and pulling his arm free. A ragged scream tore from Haku's lips, his face cast over white and his eyes rolled back.

At least he's out of commission now, Kakashi thought grimly. Gently, far more gently than one would ever be expected to handle an enemy, he placed Haku on the ground and turned his eyes up to the sneering face of Zabuza. His blood boiled to see such blatant disregard for an ally, even coming from one such as the demon. He moved slowly to his feet, his vision rolling over red.

"Kakashi sensei!" Naruto's voice broke over the scene. He froze, catching sight of the boy at Kakashi's feet, eyes jumping from it to Kakashi and finally to Zabuza. Nearly unscathed. "How could you let this happen to him!" he shrieked, making to run at him. Kakashi's voice cut off the charge.

"Stay out of this Naruto," he growled, the tone of his voice stopping Naruto in his tracks, "This is my fight."

Zabuza laughed, rushing him in his momentary distraction. "Don't let yourself get distracted Kakashi!" Kakashi threw himself forward into the attack, using the force of Zabuza's own charge to inflict greater pain.

"Sakura, go to Sai," Kakashi snapped, flashing a grim look over at his immobile team, "take care of your teammate." He didn't have a chance to make sure they'd followed instructions, he was back in battle with the demon.


AN: Before anyone can say it, I will: stupid chapter! No development! GO DIE! .\ /. I'm hoping starting a new chapter will get me going, it usually works :(

I have no idea if Sai can do the 'like to like' jutsu but it made sense and (after going through countless arguments with TMSP in which he kept switching positions) it was finally included and I was able to finish this dang thing! This whole wave arc is dragging on a LOT longer than I thought it would.