OMG this is so late! For you, the awesome and great RavenRockMind, who helps me out at the OkiKagu club and received this gift-fic as a prize from a past contest she won! I'm sorry it took a billion years, but I hope it pleases! Enjoy.

A Light Fixture's Hum

Dah dee da, dah dee da, dah rah rah ra…

Sugar. Sugar. Sugar.

It was halfway to noon and Pachi had successfully kicked him from his futon so that he could get to work, and anytime before noon meant that he was half asleep. Sugar was always a quick fix to this problem, no matter what the doc said, and the samurai direly searched through the cabinets.

That damned Pachi bought the sugar free, strawberry milk?

Sure, it was better for his health, but what's strawberry milk without the damn sugar? You know what it was? A nice new nap on the sofa until three in the afternoon, that's what it was.

But when Gintoki turned to even attempt to sleep again, Shinpachi glared, cleaning the sofas and blocking his path to blissful slumber. Kagura was still sound in the closet, smooth sailing on cloud nine, when Gintoki decided it was about time to rain on her lovely morning, too.

Hell! If I'm not getting any sugar, then nobody in this town is gonna have a good morning!

He elbowed the closet three times, hard and loud enough to shake the sliding doors when a very angry Yato yanked it open.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? Can't you let a girl get her beauty sleep, bastard-"

His last elbow caught her in the forehead and had her jumping out of her comfort zone just as bitter and bitchy as he was. Before she could attack, Pachi turned the vacuum on. She covered her ears, now completely infuriated.

"Damn you, Pachi! Can't you clean in your own house?"

On purpose, he spitefully switched the vacuum louder. "WHAT? I can't hear you over the damn MESS you guys leave me everyday? WHAT?"

"Ooohh, Pachi!"

Kagura kicked at the machine, Shinpachi cursed, and Gintoki left the room somewhat satisfied. Mission accomplished.

Next time buy strawberry milk with sugar, idiot!

Speaking of sugar-

Sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Where the hell was the damn sugar?

Right as he was about to yell at the top of his lungs because his glucose was just as low as his patience, a hand came down from the ceiling with the yellow box.

"Sugar, Gin-san?"

"Oh. Thanks."

He took the box and stared in silence. When he looked up and caught the gleam off of the ninja's glasses, he decided that if his morning was going to improve in any way, pest removal should be his first priority.

Just as the man was about to fling Sarutobi outside his window as he always does, (Because women are like cats and they must always land safely on their feet, right? Right? Nevermind that they're on the second floor and that she was human, but she was a ninja, too, and ninjas were something like cats, right? Right?) Anyhow, just as he was about to throw her, Sa-chan grabbed at his sleeve.

"Wait! I- I have a request!"

No good. He tried to unclamp her fingers from the windowsill to no avail.

"No! Really! I need your help!"

Gintoki ignored her and continued to shove. With just enough force from his shoulder, he could get the woman on her head- err, feet, in no time, so that he could return to his current dilemma - sugarless strawberry milk before noon.


If it weren't for Shinpachi's interruption, Gintoki would have had her out by now. But here they were, Gintoki and Kagura half asleep, and Shinpachi offering their "client" some tea. Gritting through his teeth, Shimura threatened, "Come on, you lazy ass, we need to pay the rent this month so be useful and address the client."

With a sigh, the man looked over to Sa-chan who, despite her seemingly desperate problem that needed Yorozuya solving, was glowing brighter than all the bulbs in his house.

"Gin-san," she cooed, "W-wait, I haven't said anything yet! Aren't you at least curious?"

The man was already halfway out the door upon her cooing when he stopped.

"Oi! Do you know what time it is? I'll tell you what time it is. BEFORE NOON! And there's no sugar because someone used most of it on natto. I don't work unless I've had my fix, understand- oi! Pachi, what are you- OI!"

He was dragged back to the sofa and Kagura returned a vengeful grin, which was the equivalent of the finger without the finger, and somehow felt a lot more offensive when she did it. Still rebellious, Gintoki buried his face into a Jump and waved at her to talk or whatever it was she came here to do.

After a brief silence, the man realized he must have missed something, for Shinpachi and Kagura in unison were giving him that, "You're a cold, heartless, bastard who flushes live goldfish down the toilet and lies to his son that the fish was really dead," look. When his eyes strayed to Ayame, he could see that despite their previous encounters, her expression was serious.

The samurai sighed, "Okay, I guess I am curious. What's with the apron get up?"

"Remember, Gin-san?"


"You said that next time I needed help, to just ask?"

Uh oh. She avoided his question and asked another – one directing to a promise he must've made when he had enough sugar in his system and was now unable to recall. Okay, he recalled. He was just trying not to because it was coming back to bite him in the ass.

Vaguely, he might have remembered something. But that was back when he thought she was a just a nice half blind girl with kunais who needed help on a mission saving her fellow ninja and because of her pride, covered it with lies about a disapproving father that in reality, was a giant rodent. Instead, she turned out to be the woman fascinated with his ceiling fixtures, the small space inside his cabinets, an amazingly strange skill of transforming his bed sheets into bondage, and surprised him with it when he returned from a long day only to find that she'd stalled his long awaited sleep further.

The Kunoichi continued, "You see, I have this problem."

"You just now realized this? This is great! The first step in recovery is to admit your addiction!" Gin exclaimed with applause, "Maybe now I can stop my pointless attempts in trying to train Sadaharu as a guard dog."

The said guard dog accompanied Kagura, who was sulking in the corner, and putting scratches into her beloved Gin-chan's Jump collection.

Ignoring Gintoki's blatant crankiness, the ninja continued, "I'm on a very dangerous undercover mission right now and I need your help."

With a sigh, he asked, "What do you need and will you get me all the sugar in the world if I do it?"

As soon as she blushed, the woman flung across the room, straddled the shocked man and somehow managed to stay upright as the sofa slammed backwards onto the floor.

"Oh, Gin-san, I'll give you all the sugar in the world-"

"No, no, no, no, let me re-phrase that- WAIT- what are you touching- I meant- OI- Pachi! Help me out here!"

Shinpachi turned to sweep a corner he'd already swept and Gintoki knew better than to look in Kagura's direction because he was responsible for her crappy morning. Having to fend for himself, the man tried to pry Sa-chan off of him, but using the wrong choice of words had made him a victim. Damn it. This is what happens when he didn't have his morning fix. He can't word things… professionally.

"Oi! I meant SUGAR, like the sweet white stuff that comes in the colorful box that you find in cakes and chocolates and coffee and-"

"Gin-san, I'll buy you all the cakes in the world, too!"

"Really? I mean- g- get off!"

When he spun and pinned her against the sofa, she howled and Gin had somehow managed to stand up.

"Okay. Take two. What do you want before I kick you out?"

"You need to be my husband, Gin-chan."

"No, really. I'm gonna kick you out if you don't spill it."

"Seriously, you need to be my husband this afternoon, Gin-chan."

Clearing his throat, he made one final attempt, "Sarutobi, if you call me that one more time-"

"As of this moment, a small group of Joui members are headed right for this apartment because it is the address I'd invited them to for lunch as Mrs. Sakata, your wife-"


"One man in this group, known only by his alias, Keiji, is an important informant whose role is to observe the government's actions and report them to his terrorist base. Currently, he's suspected of having information on a raid regarding one of the Shogun's personal weaponry warehouses."


"I need to find out when and where this is happening so that the proper procedures can be made to stop the raid. And so, this man that is coming here now, tends to have a weakness for married women and is known for spilling his guts with the right amount of sexual persuasion, and that is where I need you, Gin-chan. You need to be my husband," she said all in one breath and hoped it was enough to convince the freeloader.

"Why can't you just pretend that I am your husband while I pretend to go outside somewhere until you're done?"

"Because this Keiji guy is picky with his women. He will only approach a wife when circumstances are at their most dangerous, like when the husband is on his way home from work or even if he's in another room. Seems he's aroused by the thrill and feels most rewarded when the wife responds even in light of these circumstances."

Gintoki hummed. He really didn't want to get involved in this. Last time he ended up playing Sarutobi's fiancée, it turned out to be a big mess- not that he regretted helping her save her friends, but ever since, he'd earned a new security guard - permanently.

Before he was about to reply, Kagura stomped over with his scratched up Jump, causing the man to squeal.


"You listen here, woman. I've had no sleep and this bastard-" Kagura plugged a finger into Gintoki's nose and prevented him from charging at her, "-has the duty of making it up to me today before I tear all his other Jumps into pieces, so his schedule's full for-"

"Oh, Kagura-chan, I brought you about ten pots of rice and meat in the kitchen! Anything for my new daughter."

"Mommy! You know just what a little girl wants! Gin-chan, why didn't you tell me you got hitched?"

In seconds, Kagura was a different person! She marched on over to the kitchen for her promised prize without so much as a look in Gintoki's direction. Shinpachi watched, amazed by how easily persuaded the Yato girl was and pondered how Sarutobi managed to get that much food into the kitchen undetected in the first place.

"Ah, she is a ninja. Can't be for nothing," he surmised and returned to his sweeping.

Maybe if he stood in that same corner, they'd ignore him, and forget he was there, so he wouldn't be pulled into this fiasco. He knew it was too good to be true when he felt Gintoki's hand clamp his collar, "You brought the darkness in here, so now you have to help me get it out!"

Just then, the doorbell rang and Sarutobi tugged on Gintoki's arm. "Come on, honey, you have to sit on the couch and read a newspaper while I answer the door like a good housewife."

"You're not my-"

He was flung on the couch with a Jump to his face before he could protest. Shinpachi had successfully escaped mumbling, "I'll return to my chores, Oka-san," and Kagura was nowhere in sight until she'd finished with all the food in the kitchen.

Damn. He was damned. Screwed. Doomed. Every synonym related, that was him! When he peeled the book from his face, the Kunoichi was already opening the door for their guests.

"Good afternoon, come in, come in. I was just finishing lunch. This here is my husband, Gin-chan and over there is my son, Shinpoki-"


"Whatever, and my daughter is currently helping with lunch in the kitchen as we speak. Please, have a seat while I get some tea."

There were three men. Looked shady enough. The short one with the eye patch was most likely the target. It was easy to tell by the thirsty glare he was bathing Sarutobi in. Gintoki could tell she was trying her very best to avoid kicking him in the face and he was trying his very best not to do the same to Sarutobi for giving him that coy and dainty gesture wives do when they're being shy with their husbands.

Well, since he was stuck here, might as well play the part.

"So, who the hell are you guys?"

"Oh, Gin-chan, you're such a joker. Really, don't pay him any mind. He's such a joker," Sa-chan yelled from the kitchen.

"Name's Keiji. Helped your wife out by the grocery stand where she got pick-pocketed and I got her money back."

Peh. So, he's that kind of guy. What a scam.

Gintoki figured that the so-called pick-pocket was probably one of Keiji's friends and it was all set it up to catch the unsuspecting, but grateful wife, which unbeknownst to him, was a Oniwabanshu member.

"I see, well once you got your lunch, do me a favor and get out of my house, unless you have sugar on you. You have any sugar on you?"

The three men looked to one another confused, before one pulled out two packs from his pocket, "It's left over from my morning coffee-"

Gintoki snatched it greedily, "Blegh, I don't want this fake sweetener crap. What's the point of having fake sugar, anyway? It's like an insult to pastries and milkshakes everywhere! Would you have ramen if the noodles were fake, would ya, would ya?"

"Or rice without egg? It's an insult, I say!" Kagura yelled with mouthful from the kitchen.

"Ah, don't mind her. That's the daughter who's going to pay for ruining her daddy's Jump later."

"You're gonna pay for ruining my morning first, idiot!"

Still bewildered, their leader instead looked pleased. Perhaps because Gintoki was doing a great job being the asshole husband which increased his chances with the wife, but the samurai could care less. He could take the wife, with a bow, and tissue paper! As long as he let her buy him sugar first after this job was done.

One of the men eyed Kagura, "Teenagers. Rebellious at that age, huh? At least you have a diligent son."

Shinpachi beamed. Finally, someone appreciated him for his hard work. Sure, it was coming from a low down, dirty, terrorist, but still- someone had taken notice. Just as Shinpachi was about to brag, Gintoki cut in.

"Oh, him? The four-eyed virgin who acts more like my wife that my other wife does, and buys me sugar-free strawberry milk? I'd rather have another Kagura. Least she's fun sometimes."

"WHAT?" Shinpachi yelled, purposely taking all the dust from the dustpan and chucking it at Gintoki's head.

The freeloader coughed, "Oi, what's with my missus. Chop chop. Move your big ass already."

"Yes, Gin-chan, ooh, I love it when you boss me around, ahem- I mean, here's your tea, Keiji-san."

The men thanked her and the ninja squeezed right beside Gintoki, plopping the carton of sugar-less strawberry milk and a bowl of natto in front of him, which he then slid off the table with his foot.

"Oi, Pachi, clean that."

"Arggh," Shimura grumbled as he rushed to get to the natto before it was stuck to the floors.

"Enjoy, Gin-chan. And if you're good, your wife will add more sugar later tonight."

Ignoring Sarutobi, the man bitterly added the sweetener that he had snatched from the Joui member and took a swig. "Ugh. Just as I thought. Nothing beats real sugar."

Cooing, the woman fit her chin against his shoulder and whispered, "Oh, well if you're going to buy sugar, you should do so quickly-"

Before she could even finish, the samurai almost ran at the door, dragging a yelling Shinpachi still clad in apron and cursing Kagura with a mouth full of rice.

"G-Gin-chan, don't take too long-"

"I'll be back whenever. I'm the man of the house, remember? I come home when I want."

Blushing, Sarutobi encouraged, "Yes, you are the man of the- hey, wait- Gin-chan!"

He was gone and here was the so-called helpless wife alone with these three terrorists. Not that she was worried because she could easily handle the three, but she was concerned that her plan was foiled without the husband in the picture. Judging by the look on Keiji's face, however, it seemed all was according to plan.

"So, Keiji-san, what do you do for a living?"

"Oh, nothing really. My companions and I are journalists in a way."

"Journalists, huh?"

"Yeah, we look for the scoop and sell the scoop to the right paper."

"I see. That must be very interesting," the ninja feigned, almost bored into sickness and keeping her leg's reflex from kicking him in the face. As one of his henchmen reached to use the Jump as a coaster, her reflexes reacted unintentionally and her knee landed his face.

The man groaned, holding his bloody nose as the ninja quickly composed herself with a dainty reply, "Oh, I'm so sorry. My husband loves his Jumps and I'd hate to see them with rings. It would have been worse had he come home with your tea on his Jump."

Before the guy could fish for a weapon and attack her, Keiji raised a hand. "Stand down," and the injured henchman obeyed. "So, Mrs. Sakata, it seems you love your husband very much. How long have you been married?"

Cheeks flushed, she sung, "Oh, just a day- I- I mean, every day feels like a new day, but it's been years and we've done all this and that and some more."

"I see. Is your husband always so- eager to leave the house?"

"Oh, my Gin-chan is always this cranky at this time of the day. When he hasn't had his sugar, he hates the world. I assure you that it isn't me at all."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure, damn it- I mean, of course! Gin-chan loves his little housewife."

Aside from the disbelieving glares they exchanged, the Oniwabanshu member felt assured that the mission was running smoothly.

"Oh, my, the lunch! I should go check up on it. Please excuse me, I will be right back."

"Ah, Mrs. Sakata, allow me to help you out."

"Oh- well it's okay, you're a guest-"

"Please. It would be my utmost pleasure."

Utmost pleasure my ass, you rotten-

"Did you say something?"

"Oh, I said, thank you. I'm grateful for the help, heh heh."

Wordlessly, she stood up to retreat towards the kitchen, the Joui member followed. She could feel the heat from his eyes and was trying to find ways to accidentally fry his hand over the stovetop with the gas on. Regardless of all the homicidal intentions she was sifting, just as she'd predicted, he was taking the bait. Hopefully it wouldn't take much more to get what she wanted from him and the mission would be executed perfectly without incident.

At least that was what she hoped for, but she hadn't noticed Keiji's companions as she left the room. Assuming it was going to be a while, they flicked the channel to another, the two men had made themselves quite comfortable, deciding it was an appropriate time to place their mugs on top of Gintoki's Jump magazines…

"S- So, Keiji-san, I'm really glad you were able to catch that pick-pocket."

"Oh yeah. Must've been in the right place at the right time, I guess."

Sure. I bet.

"How heroic of you to get my money back. Gin-chan would have been so upset if I didn't have enough money to buy his sugar later."

The man almost dusted her shoulder with his chin as he looked over the stove.

"So, what's on the lunch menu?"

"Ah, Gin-chan's favorites. Natto on rice, natto sushi, fried natto and natto toast!"

Busying herself with the pots of natto, the terrorist openly cringed at her menu choices. It'd become obvious why Mr. Sakata seemed so unhappy, but the food was not what he was pursuing.

"Mrs. Sakata-san, tell me, what do you do when you're husband's not home?"

With hesitation, the Kunoichi inwardly cursed. Damn it, what the hell do normal housewives do? With every image that entered her mind, it seemed they ended with either whips, handcuffs, or both.

"Mrs. Sakata?"

"Oh- you know, house-wifely err- things. Cooking, reading, doing my nails and washing the bed sheets after a hot-" she coughed, "- a hot night because you know t-the weather."

"The weather?"

"It's hot."

"Uh- yeah. It is."

Weather was not what she was thinking about at all! Chasing any fantasies of the white-haired samurai from her head, she chanted to herself: Mission, mission, mission.

"I've talked a lot about myself, Keiji-san. How selfish of me. I want to hear more about you."

Yeah. Way to go, Ayame. You've nabbed him now.

"Well a journalist's life isn't all that exciting. Like I said, I find the scoop and sell it."

"Ah. It's too bad."


"I've always had a thing," the woman gave it her best to keep from vomiting at him, "A thing for dangerous kind of men."

"Really? Is that what attracted you to your husband? For some odd reason, he doesn't give me the impression."

She almost burst into a laughing fit. Only an amateur would think something like that. Any serious samurai would take one look at Sakata Gintoki, and just taste the bloodlust in the air. Gintoki did a wondrous job masking his past with his aloofness, occupying his time with comics, picking his boogers, and wasting change at the arcade, but even so, act or not, only someone with an equally distant history could tell the man had his run ins.

It took a woman who slept in his ceiling to see how much he tossed and turned at night, and the ones where he catapulted upward in cold sweat, his eyes full of terror and bearing his canines, they were the only nights Sarutobi did not move to harass him. He knew she was there. She knew that he knew she was there. And neither would say anything aloud. She'd watch him fall restlessly back to sleep, her humming above his light fixture the only comfort she could offer, and he received it without much resistance.

Dah dee da, dah dee da, dah rah rah ra…

At times when her missions kept her from stalking him, she wondered how he was sleeping, and if maybe somewhere down inside, he wished that her humming would lull him away from the nightmares.

"Mrs. Sakata-san?"

"I'm sorry! I was just- thinking."

She'd gotten distracted in her thoughts. The ninja made a mental note to buy two boxes of sugar later, rather than one.

"Mrs. Sakata-san, can I ask you something?"

"Sure. Only after you answer one more question of mine."


"If you could have any dangerous job in the world, if you weren't a journalist and regardless of morals, what would you go for?"

The one-eyed man chewed on her words before spreading a grin that was gremlin-like.

"Well, I'm actually a pretty selfish guy so I'd most likely aim for something that benefited me. Something that made a lot of money."

"R- really? Like what?"

He began to step forward. Ayame retreated against the counter, pleading to herself to last long enough without sawing off his balls with the kunai she had stuffed into her lingerie.

"I don't know. Maybe I'd want to blow things up. Find pretty things. Make them mine."

When she slammed against the counter, the woman jolted, already reaching for a weapon but knowing it would foil the mission without the information.

"My, you're being very evasive, Keiji-san. What is it that you'd want to be, exactly? And if you were that right now, what kind of plans would you have- oh, you know, maybe within the next week?"

Silence played out between them. She wavered between waiting another few seconds with elusive chitchat or filleting his guts. If he suspected anything, he hadn't given it away yet. It seemed he was too keen on retrieving the object of his desire, and at this moment, strangely enough, it was her.

"Mrs. Sakata-san. Are you happy with your husband?"

"What? Of course. I'm happier than a kidney patient after a new transplant, why?"

"Are you stupid? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see how uninterested he is in you. Matter of fact, he ran out that door earlier like he was running from a stalker."

She opened her mouth to comment and didn't. It was true. He was always running, but she always figured that he just wanted to keep up with his cardio.

"My husband's always been very shy-"

"Is that why you prefer dangerous men? One who knows what he wants-"

He took a hold of her ass cheek and yanked her towards him.

"And takes it?"

Now, she was done. Mission or not, his guts had to go.

Before she could whip out her kunai, a loud crash was heard in the living room.

"Who the hell said you could change the channel from my Ketsuno Ana? Do YOU know what happens when you change my channel, from Ketsuno friggin' Ana?"

"Who's the idiot that spilled tea on the same table I had just finished wiping before I left?"

"WHO ruined Gin-chan's Jumps without letting me do it first? BASTARD!"

The chaos ensued. The one-eyed terrorist turned to the ninja, nonchalant and ready to pursue his flirtation when Gintoki appeared from behind, the man's wrist now in his vice-like grip. There was a crack in bones as the samurai crippled the assailant between himself and Sarutobi.

"What the-"

"Oi, oi, OI! You're lucky I even let you in, you bastard. I don't allow my wife to have any friends. And this is how you repay me? You take the leash off your companions?"

"Gin-chan!" the woman squealed, watching as he dominated her prey in her name.

"M- Mr. Sakata-san. Home so soon?"

"Yeah. Halfway to the supermarket, I realized that I didn't have any money. Was gonna get some from the missus when I catch your grubby hand on her ass. Don't you know I need that ass to hustle when I'm too lazy to get something for myself."

"I think we're having a misunderstanding here-"

"YOU'RE misunderstanding, asshole! There are rings on my Jump, and I still haven't had any sugar all morning, so I'm gonna kill someone! This woman is gonna give me my sugar, so it's important that I make sure she isn't distracted when I send her off to get it, you understand? EH?"

"Mr. Sakata-"

"I need that ass to go to the supermarket, but I'm in the mood to beat someone's ass too, so it might as well be you, eh? For trying to do away with such a useful ass! EH?"

"Gin-chan, my ass is all yours!"

Just then, the terrorist reached for a blade in which Gintoki flung out of his opposite hand with little effort.

"Oi, wifey!"

"Yes, Gin-chan!"

"What did I tell you about giving sharp objects to kids? They can hurt themselves!"

"Oh, you mean like this?"


The Kunoichi shoved the knife's blade into Keiji's ass cheek to emphasize the wise point that her lovely husband had brought up.

"Yeah! Like that!"

"Guys? What are you doing- I- I need back up here!" The terrorist squeaked, but in came a monster the size of a little girl, dragging behind both companions by the hair.

"Gin-chan, Pachi says he's tired of all the garbage laying around the house. Can I throw these out?"

Demons! This house was full of demons! Behind the girl was her so-called brother, a broomstick that had been sharpened to a crisper point than the very knife he had stuck in his ass thanks to Mrs. Sakata, and a man-sized dog with his partner's toupee in his mouth!

"L- listen, I'm sorry. It was your wife's fault. She asked for it."

"What?" Ayame stomped in disbelief and Gintoki motioned to hush her.

"Are you saying that my wife's doing me dirty?"

"Y- yeah, she came onto me, man. I swear!"

"Gin-chan! Don't believe him! I only love you!"


"Y-yes, Gin-chan?"

"You're gonna buy me sugar for life, right?"

"YES! I promise! Every morning, I'll bring you a brand new box!"

Gintoki smiled at the violet-haired woman, who fumbled with her glasses in an attempt to hide happy tears. After a wordless exchange between them, the duo looked to the Joui member they had decapitated.

"Oi, Keiji-san, was it?"

"Y- y- yes?"

"You know what happens when you touch another's man's wife, right?"

"It's true! He's possessive as it is! Oh, he's SO possessive," Sa-chan sung as she wriggled into a corner and hugged herself.

Before the terrorist could apologize, Gintoki had stuffed his face full of hot natto and shoved him out the window. Kagura chucked the two after them with the remaining natto. After watching them dust their hands, the ninja commented, "Kagura, you didn't have to throw out all the natto…"

Rather than answering, she skipped away in song, eager to find the rest of Gintoki's Jump collection so that she could ruin them some more. Shinpachi followed in hopes of stopping her since the Yorozuya household was a mess as it was.

An awkward silence ensued.

"Thanks, Gin-san. I'm happy you came for me."

Shying away, the samurai gave her his back as he ruffled his hair, "Che. It's 'cause you owe me a box of sugar, that's all…"

"Well, although the mission was a failure, how much do I owe you?"

"Just the sugar. And make is snappy-"


"OI! Didn't I say your ass was useful for getting me things? Now get my sugar, woman-"

He was abruptly caught off-guard when the Kunoichi slyly slipped to his side and pressed a kiss to his cheek before he even had a chance to shove her away. Before he could swing his arms and flail madly, she was gone out the window. Gintoki stared outside, a knowing grin brewing over his face.

After buying a family pack of sugar from the supermarket, Sarutobi Ayame had reported to her superiors about the mission success. It turned out that her temporary son and daughter had managed to get the information she needed as they beat up Keiji's companions. Gintoki accepted the sugar wordlessly and for once, did not chuck her out the nearest doorway. The woman showed herself out, another grateful glance back towards Gintoki and he nodded in return.

He had his sugar. She had her husband for a day. The mission was completed. It seemed things were going just right. Maybe at this rate, the ninja could knock on his door, and he'd actually let her in. They'd have some tea. Slip into his room- do a little this and that. You know, progress the way normal couples do.

But – what fun was that?

Sa-chan watched him from the left of his light fixture again. Her glasses gleaming between the wooden planks as Gintoki tossed and turned in his futon.


"Yes, Gin-san."

"Are you still in my ceiling? Still?"

"Yes, Gin-san. For life."

The samurai groaned, but didn't bother to get up and kick her out.

"Fine. Just don't bother me."

An hour or so into the night, he continued to tangle the sheets. Toss. Turn. Flip. Throw. It looked like one of his restless nights again. Sarutobi started.

Dah ra ra rah rah ra, nah nah nah-

After ten minutes, it seemed to be working as usual.

Dah dee da, dah dee da, dah rah rah ra…

That is until, Gintoki shot up from his futon, and looked straight up at her, an accusing finger in the air.

"HOLY SHIT, I know that song! It's – it's-"

"Habataitara, modorenai to itte," she began with a smile.

"Damn it, I've heard it all this time!"

"Mezashita no wa, aoi, aoi, ano sora."


Feeling slightly stupid, Gintoki shoved his face into the pillow to hide the flush in his cheeks.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

"No problem. Anything for my husband."

There was a snicker. Sa-chan watched onward, as he whisked away into slumber and she continued to hum.

Dah dee da, dah dee da, dah rah rah ra…

This was a new pairing for me. So, it took timing and the right mood to tackle. It just hit me yesterday and I managed to dust off this fic and finish it. I'm unsure if all the suffixes are correct and if the pairing's in character, but it was an attempt! Ah, I missed Gintama. And I've always loved that ending song. :3