Part One: Inversione/Umkehrung
» Fandom: Axis Powers Hetalia
» Rating: M
» On Going(WIP)/One-off/Series: WIP
» Classification(s): Humor, Romance
» Warnings: Violence, Language, Sexual Situations
» Pairing(s): Italy/Germany
» Summary: The first in a three part series with different pairings, with the subtitle: reasons one why one should never let Francis anywhere near one's impressionable significant other…
[episode 37 - Hetalia Axis Powers anime]
"France-nii-san! What should I do?"
"Why are you calling me at this hour, you punk? ! If it's my wine your after, you're not getting it!"
"So what do you want, anyway?"
"I don't want someone to forget me. What would you do if you were in my place?"
"What? Show them your ass or something."
"France! It didn't work!"
"You actually did it? !"
"Yeah, because you told me to! What should I do? !"
"Why don't you just tell them directly instead of beating around the bush? You've always been kind of stupid, so don't forget to write it down on a piece of paper."
"Got it! I'll try that."
Francis almost hung up the phone, but, at the last second, slowly brought it back to his ear with a bemused expression. "Unless..."
"Eh?" said the Italian on the other end, nervously.
"You aren't, perhaps, speaking of taking your relationship to the next level?"
"Eh? Eh? Next level?"
"You know... l'amour, physical."
"Ve~?" whined Feliciano. "I don't understand, France-nii-san..."
Francis rolled his eyes. "Now, I know you are not quite tellement stupide, Italia. Accouplement. Ça-va ça-vient. Comme-" And here he made a pointless, pornographic gesture.
"Ah!" The confusion in Feliciano's voice cleared. "You mean the fucking, giusto?"
"I certainly do," deadpanned Francis, although his inner nii-san screamed, So direct!
"You think I should do it with Doitsu? Really?"
Inner-Francis yelled, Germany? He was about to retort with a sharp No! -but a sudden plan unfolded before his mental eye, beautiful in its clarity and mean-spiritedness. An evil, leering grin spread across his face.
"And why not, mon petit? You like him, don't you?"
"Ve~..." Feliciano sounded bashful. "S-si..."
"Then, why not?"
"Tranne, but... Doitsu is a man! I've done it with lots of girls, sometimes lots of girls at once, but I've never done it with a man before~..."
"La principe, she is exactly the same."
Francis settled back on his elbows, twirling the cord around a finger. "Well, perhaps a little different. You see, with a man, il est nécessaire, you understand, to do this and that and such a thing..."
Thirty minutes later, Feliciano rang off the phone with a happy, "Grazie infinite, nii-san!" and Francis replaced the receiver with a decisive bang. He chuckled darkly to himself as he curled back into his comforter.
"Now keep yourself and l'Allemande out of my hair for a while! Bon chance, mon petit!"
There is another chapter, obviously. I didn't rate it M for Francis's bad euphemisms.