Ichigo & Aizen: Mate

A/N #1: How I make my selections. I have several lists (for instance, I have one called "all humans" and a "all espada") which list notable Bleach characters. For "all Shinigami" which is what this list was, I put the numbers into random. org's generator. In this case it came up with one, which happened to be Ichigo Kurosaki. The second number (since it was all shinigami vs. all shinigami) was 14, which was Aizen Sosuke. For Friend, Foe, or Mate, I simply type "1-3" as my numbers on random. org and it choose "3" (Mate). I will give myself a do over once in awhile if I truly think that the pairing will suck the life out of me and not be fun (for instance, Omaeda vs. anyone that doesn't involve them hating him) (sorry, he's my least liked character, probably).

A/N #2: This is some really crack-i-rific writing for this chapter. I mean, really really. I blame the migraines.

Gin was running out of time and wondering how he was going to get Aizen and Ichigo together. He watched the little image of Ichigo running towards the palace across the sands of Hueco Mundo.

"Didn't you want to play with him a little?" Gin asked Aizen as he felt the man's presence behind him. "He might not make it here in time."

"Oh, one way or another I will have time with him," Aizen said. "And then...I will eat him," he finished dramatically.

"Yes and then you will..." Gin trailed off. "Eat him? As in his soul? Or are you going to be nibbling on an arm? Or perhaps you mean er...something else?" Honestly, Aizen said and did some of the oddest things some times, not that Gin could really point to himself as a paragon of normalcy or anything.

Aizen just nodded, as if that were an answer in itself. He was looking at the screen intently, watching Ichigo's tiny running figure, flanked by his friends, and curiously, several arrancar.

"What if I could convince him to come and chat with you before our trip to the world of the living?" Gin asked the person next to him.

"Hm, I have been bored."

"I'll pop down and grab him for you," Gin promised.

"Oh good, you're mostly alone," Gin said to Ichigo, pausing to look at the tiny arrancar child. Was that...Gin shook his head. "Anyways, Aizen would like to talk to you."

Ichigo instantly got into a battle pose, despite barely looking like he was standing. Gin leaned in near to him to whisper into his ear. Ichigo began to jolt away but Gin held him there.

"Most of the captains and lieutenants of the Soul Society are in your world now," Gin said quietly.


"They are making a second Karakura town, and placing the current one and all of its residents in the Soul Society for protection," Gin explained.

"If you know that then..."

"They're going to need a little more time. Aizen seems to have a...unhealthy fascination with you. It's kind of creepy but if you could just distract him for awhile, buy them some time, it would be in your favor."

"Why are you trying to help them?" Ichigo asked.

"Maybe I'm trying to protect all those poor humans in Karakura town."

"I bet," Ichigo said sarcastically.

"But you'll do it?" Gin asked. "Remember, I could have killed you at the gate, and I didn't."

"Yeah but wasn't that something to do with Aizen's plan? He explained but it was kind of confusing, plus I was mostly in half at the time," Ichigo said.

"I don't know why he did that, he seems to like you," Gin said with a shrug. The spiritual pressure of Ichigo's friends rose around him. "I promise that none of your friends will be hurt while you're away. Isn't that at least worth it?"

Ichigo was in a room surrounded with screens, each holding an image of one of his friends.

"Hey!" Gin yelled into a mic. Renji almost jumped out of his skin.

"Captain Ichi...Gin you traitor!" Renji yelled into the air. The two arrancar with him looked confused, but they looked like that was a fairly common expression to them.

"Don't move forward, it's a trap!" Gin told him, his voice coming down from the hallway's ceiling. Renji stared ahead at the small dip in the ground.

"I don't trust you!" Renji said.

"Throw the tiny fella and see what happens," Gin suggested.

"Was he talking to me?" Pesche asked, aghast.

"See, now they're all safe," Gin told Ichigo.

"You didn't protect Rukia, you just told her to stay in the sun."

"That'll be enough. Trust me," Gin assured Ichigo.

"No," Ichigo retorted.

"Fair enough. Here's what I need you to wear," Gin held up an outfit.

Ichigo sputtered. "HELL NO!"

"Always nice to have a relaxing cup of tea," Aizen said, sipping on his delicately. "Are you enjoying yourself, Ichigo?"

"Of course not! Why do I have to wear this stupid bunny suit?" Ichigo asked. "Bunny suit" might imply something like the Easter Bunny, which was very far from the truth. More along the lines of "Playboy Bunny". Ichigo was wearing was appeared to be a strapless one piece swimsuit of some kind with a large puffy tail stuck to the butt, large white bunny ears, and a choker with a tiny bow on it. The suit was a pastel pink, just to make Ichigo even more uncomfortable. He fiddle with the oversized white cuffs that hung on his wrists.

"You look, uncomfortable," Aizen pointed out. Ichigo supposed he could have meant it figuratively but he was looking at Ichigo's crotch when he said it.

"Of course I'm uncomfortable! Gin tried to make me do...something...to myself that would, er, tuck me in, but I refused."

"Gin, did you attempt to manhandle my bunny?" Aizen asked Gin as Gin placed a single sugar cube into his cup.

"Only a little," Gin said with a smile. "I didn't grope him or anything. Besides, he shrieks like a 13 year old girl."

"I do not!" Ichigo said, his voice raising into a high pitch as he spoke.

"It's a very nice surprise," Aizen said to Gin.

"Why thank you."

"I get it," Ichigo said. "You're the mad hatter," he points to Gin, "I'm the white rabbit and..."

"Does that make me Alice?" Aizen said with a slightly raised eyebrow.

"I can go get your blond wig if you want," Gin suggested.

"Please no!" Ichigo begged.

"He's getting bored," Gin whispered loudly to Ichigo. "Here!" He pulled Ichigo up and handed him a microphone. "Have you ever seen 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit?'"

"Please let this all be a nightmare," Ichigo said. Of course he had seen the movie. Of course he knew what Gin expected of him. Of course he had watched that scene too many times to count, not that there was anything wrong with thinking a cartoon bunny-woman was hot...or anything...dammit, he wasn't supposed to be Jessica Rabbit was he? He had the red hair but the outfit was all wrong. Oh god, that sounded so gay.

The music queued up magically. Gin was smiling at him wildly. Aizen looked curious but still aloof.

"Lord Aizen, several shinigami captains have...," one of the guards reported.

"Quiet," Aizen silenced the incoming arrancar. The arrancar looked shocked.

"But..." the arrancar tried again, and was cut off again.

Shit, I guess I really have to do it, Ichigo said. At least I'm really distracting him, no matter what game Gin is trying to play, hopefully I'm doing some good. The music started up again.

"You had plenty money, 1922
You let other women make a fool of you
Why don't you do right, like some other men do?
Get out of here and get me some money too"

Ichigo tried singing as sultry as he could, thankful at least that the song was in a lower register, he approached Aizen's side of the table, singing to him as he approached.

"You're sittin' down and wonderin' what it's all about
You ain't got no money, they will put you out
Why don't you do right, like some other men do?
Get out of here and get me some money too"

This sucks beyond reckoning, Ichigo thought to himself as he sat on Aizen's lap. Thankfully Gin cut the music. Unfortunately, Ichigo wasn't sure how to get himself off of Aizen's thighs since the man now was holding him around the waist. Ichigo put the mic down on the table and sighed again.

"Tired, my dear?" Aizen asked.

"Actually, yes," Ichigo said, snuggling up to Aizen's chest. Drugs, drugs in the tea, he thought to himself as he began to doze. Still, I dressed up by myself, there's no one to blame for that. I'm going to wind up chained to an imperial yacht like Princess Leia. Ichigo wondered if the golden bikini would honestly be worse than what he was currently wearing.

A small alarm sounded and Gin left, looking at some of his screens. Those idiots still fell into Szayel's trap, he thought, nodding his head to himself. Rukia was no longer on the lighted ledge, and Chad was bleeding in a heap on the ground. Oh well, at least Ichigo isn't awake to harass me about it.

"Let's get going. Why don't you free our little bunny?" Aizen told Gin, as he stopped nuzzling Ichigo's hair and lifted him up.

"I refuse to fight you in that outfit," Ulquiorra said, eyeballing Ichigo.

"Try Bankai!" Gin said over a loudspeaker.

"Bankai?" Ichigo thought about it then grinned. "BANKAI!" he yelled. As the sand began to settle, he realized that he was still wearing the outfit, just now wearing a long jacket over it. "Well...better...?" he asked Ulquiorra. Ulquiorra shrugged and then held out a hand, indicating his willingness to fight. He paused.

"Do you wish to remove the ears first?" Ulquiorra suggested.

"What...do you think Aizen did to him?" Nel asked Orihime, who was nodding in disbelief.

"I don't know, but he looks pretty cute with the tail!" Orihime said, finger in the air.

"I loved the ears better!" Nel argued.

"Wow Gin, that was amazing!" Yachiru said, giggling.

"This is two you've sat out," Gin mentioned. "You better get in gear for the next one!"

"Oh, I was there. I was with Kenny when he was fighting, but I managed to get a picture of Ichigo before he left with braidy-lady for the world of the living."

"Oooh, can I see?" Gin fell over laughing at the shredded outfit, now covered in blood and Ichigo's bankai cloak. The choker was still pristine however, pink bow firmly in place.

"Next let's do captains and lieutenants vs. captains!" Yachiru said. "I'm sure I can help with that!"

"Ok, first roll is: Shuuhei Hisagi. Second roll is...me!" Gin relayed with interest. "I'm not planning on kissing him for this game, just so that you know, Yachiru."

"Ya hafta if it's a three!" Yachiru rolled. "It's...1. Friend."

"Ok, I think I can do that."

"NO! I have to, because I've been bored the last couple times!" Yachiru cried.

A/N: I wanted to do an Aizen/Ichigo scenario someone hadn't done before. I will be shocked if someone else came up with a Alice in Wonderland/Playboy Bunny/Jessica Rabbit Ichigo having tea with Aizen to keep his boredom at bay before the final push to battle.