When hope seems lost

Bella sighed softly, eyes still red from crying as she looked into Edwards old room. It had been only a month since Edward had left the Cullens home and they had been nice enough to let her come into their home when she wanted, and Alice enjoyed dressing Bella up like a life size barbie. The night was still young when Bella walked down the long staircase to find everyone had gone to feed. Only Carlisle remained, and was sitting on the couch reading one of his many, many medical books.

She smiled softly and walked to the couch. "Hey, you think you need some company?"

Carlisle only smiled and nodded. "Of course Bella you know I always enjoy your company." Bella couldn't help but smile and scoot a little closer to the vampire. After all the time she had spent with the Cullens it was as if she was part of the family now. She thought of Carlisle as a second father and knew he saw her as a daughter. It made her smile again and sigh happily just being close to him. It reminded her of Edward.

The night went slow and before she knew it Bella was leaning against Carlisle, fast asleep snuggled against him. Carlisle didn't mind; he like his son Edward, enjoyed watching Bella sleep. There was something exceptionally peaceful about her, and at least when she slept here at the Cullens home she didn't have nightmares or night terrors. Which made Charlie feel better though he thought it strange that Bella insisted on staying at the Cullens home almost every evening.

Charlie didn't complain about it, she came home in the morning and cooked him breakfast before heading off to school and was back in the evening to cook dinner and wish him a good night. He knew what bad nightmares Bella had been having since he had been the one sitting up with her at night when she woke up screaming. He could only hope that Dr. Cullen had been helping her out with that problem.

Carlisle sat his book on the table beside the couch and slowly stood up letting Bella lay down, but as soon as he moved Bella was wiggling in her sleep as if searching for his cold body to cling too again. He watched her for a moment before looking out the window, at least trying to keep up his act of being human. His attention was brought back to her as he heard her heart rate pick up, She was starting to cringe and grip at the cushions.

Carlisle quickly picked her up slightly and sat back down letting her cling to his side again. As soon as she was close to him and could feel his cold arm her terrors stopped and she was sleeping silently again.

The morning sun peeked though the living room's large windows as Bella stretched out and started to wake up. When she opened her eyes and noticed that Carlisle had gone. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and looked around the brightly lit room yawning again. The smell of bacon, toast and eggs made her stomach growl. Bella pushed herself up to stand and walked towards the kitchen. She smiled when she saw Carlisle cooking. "You know you don't have to do that for me. I can cook my own food." Bella moved to lean over the granite counter top. "Where is Esme and Alice and the rest of the clan?" She looked around having not noticed anyone else in the house but her and Carlisle.

Carlisle only smiled and laughed softly. "I enjoy cooking for you and looking after you, because I get to use some of the talents I have besides being a very, very skilled doctor. As for the rest of my family, they are still off hunting. I told them to take as much times as they needed. They should be bringing back more blood for my supply." Bella listened to him intently and nodded. It was actually nice to be alone with Carlisle for once. He and Esme usually were off on their own together. They were husband and wife but Bella didn't see Carlisle as anything else but a father figure.

Bella was off in her own thoughts before hearing Carlisle's voice again. "Your breakfast is ready, I hope I didn't cook too much. I rarely get to cook and I think I went a little overboard. " His laughter filled the room and soon Bella's joined it as she looked to the three eggs, two pieces of toast and twelve strips of bacon.

"No, of course not I'll just save some of it for lunch." Today she didn't plan on going back to Charlie's. She had talked Sue Clearwater into bring her father some food while she was out. Telling Charlie she was going camping with the Cullens for the week.

After she was done with her big breakfast she helped wash the dishes and put them away. Bella thought about taking a walk and giving Carlisle some time by himself. Slowly walking down the stairs so she didn't trip she headed towards the forest. Considering how clumsy she was, she was surprised she'd made it without injury.

It had been so quite around here lately since she hadn't seen Jake or the rest of the wolf pack. It was probably safer now then ever to just wander the forest. The air was so clean and it was a very nice day. There were a few clouds in the sky, but no chance of rain. Bella walked slow remembering how she had walked this path with Edward so many times. Sighing softly she closed her eyes to think of him; to keep a grip on the fading memory of the man who had been destined to be her soul mate.

Before Bella could take another step she felt someone's arms around her, pinning her arms to her sides tightly from behind. Opening her eyes she got ready to scream only to hear a familiar voice. "BELLA! What are you doing out here? You're going to ruin that dress I bought you!" Alice finally let Bella go to spin her around and look her over. Bella clenched her fist but stopped. "Alice, I thought you were out hunting with the rest of the family? I just needed some fresh air and thought Carlisle needed some time by himself."

Alice giggled slightly and shrugged. "I thought I should come back check on you and father." Bella could only smile slightly to Alice. "Well, we are doing fine. No problem here and if you need to go back to Jasper and them please feel free too." Alice could only smile at her words before giggling again. She took Bella's hands into hers. "Well I wanted to be here for what Carlisle planned on doing soon. I didn't want to miss it and don't worry I didn't tell anyone else." Bella thought for a moment and shook her head wondering what Alice had seen but she didn't want to ask slightly afraid of what it might be.

Slowly Alice and Bella walked back to the house in silence, which was strange for Alice who always seemed to be either giggling or talking about something. Bella couldn't stand it anymore and stopped Alice before they got all the way back to the house. "Alright. I can't take it anymore what did you see Alice?" Alice could only smile, letting go of Bella's hand to go up the stairs on the front deck.

"I will only say that it is something you've wanted for a long time and Edward wouldn't give it to you." Alice giggled again as she walked in the front door, Yelling that she was home. Bella only sighed again and followed behind her, closing the door. She hadn't been gone to long but was glad to have given Carlisle some time alone, Even if it had been only a few short minutes.

Bella rolled over everything Alice had said, still trying to figure out what it was that Carlisle was going to give her. Moving further into the house feeling depressed over Edward again she closed her eyes and listened, enjoying the silence of the large house. As she listened closely there was the soft sound of a piano playing, Bella's heart skipped a beat as the music became louder. Following the music, it was the lullaby that Edward had written for her. She walked quicker into the larger room behind the living room. Only finding Carlisle there, fingers gracefully creating the music.

Alice sitting at his side watching her adopted father play. She too was smiling as Bella came and sat on the other side of him to watch him play. The soft music calmed her, helped her relax. As the music slowly came to an end, Bella couldn't help but smile and lean against him. She didn't want it to be over, but she felt safe by his side. The silence was broken by his soft voice. "Bella, I have a gift for you." He brought his hands off the keys of the piano, taking Bella's hands into his. "I know Edward broke your heart, but I would like to bring you into my family Bella. It would bring us all much joy."

She brought her gaze up to meet his, not understanding right away what he meant. "I hope that you will let me change you Bella. I know I'm not Edward, but you mean so much to me. To have you as my daughter would make the whole family happy." Bella was speechless, she could only nod. Alice clapped her hands together. "See I told you I wanted to be here for what Carlisle was planning. I'd seen it a couple of days ago and didn't want to spoil it for you."

Bella choked on her own words, not able to make anything come out of her mouth as she tried to speak. "I... I would love to be apart of your family Carlisle." It made her heart skip a beat as she thought about being a permanent part of the family. It was something Edward had hinted at but never was serous about. "Is it going to be painful? I remember when James bit me." She looked to the scar he had left on her wrist. Softly Carlisle's hand touched the scar, sighing. "Yes, but I can make it less painful for you, I hope. I've been doing some research on using morphine to dull the pain of changing." Bella tensed for a moment but relaxed listening as he spoke, trying to take in all he said.

"I still want to go though with it, even if it is as painful as last time." Bella smiled to him again before pulling her hands free and hugging him tightly.

"As I said before, It's up to you. The choice has to be yours." Carlisle smiled to her as he stood up and straightened his button down shirt. "We can do it now if you wish. Before the rest of the family comes home from their hunting trip." He smiled his usual smile before speaking again. "Could be a surprise for your new family."

Bella smiled and nodded "Yeah. I want to do it now." She stood up and took in a soft breath. Carlisle took her hand and slowly lead the way to his office upstairs Alice trailing behind them not wanting to miss a moment. "Now remember, I've never done this to anyone who hasn't been near death like Esme and Edward. Both were dieing... they didn't have a choice in the matter. You do. I don't know how painful this will be. But I will give you drugs to dull the pain and me and Alice will be here for you."

As he opened the door to his office letting Bella and Alice go first. Closing the door behind them as he moved them towards another set of doors. Right behind that was very comfy looking hospital bed and various machines.

"Just lay back on the bed and get comfortable. Alice? Can you make sure the family will be gone for a few more hours?" Alice nodded to Carlisle as she went to Bella to help her up onto the bed. Stopping for a moment to observe the rest of the family in her visions. "Yeah, they are still out having fun." She giggled and held Bella's hand for comfort. Carlisle smiled to the two as he went about grabbing a few syringes and vials before coming back to Bella's and Alice's side. Filling up the syringes, setting them on a nearby tray and speaking. "Bella are you ready for this? This is your only chance to stop."

Bella shook her head. "I've made my decision, as much as it will hurt Charlie and my mother. This is the only thing I've ever wanted since I've met your family... and... Edward." His name made her shiver. Thinking about him again made her close her eyes. Opening them again to look at Alice. Carlisle standing near Bella's other side. "You should only feel some slight discomfort at the beginning but if all goes well this should be a painless change."

He smiled and set his hand on her shoulder. "Well, I guess we shall begin. Everyone ready?" Reaching across Bella he grabbed one of the syringes full of the morphine. Bella's eyes widened before quickly closing them and cringing, She shuddered slightly. "S...sorry, n..needles creep me out a little..." Alice giggled again and gripped her hand tighter. "Those will be the least of your worries when we are done tonight."

Carlisle couldn't help but giggle also, waiting till Bella calmed down and let the muscles in her arm relax. Quickly he took that moment to push the needle into her arm and push the plunger down administering the drug. Alice and Carlisle watched as Bella started to relax and slump down. "I think she's ready." Carlisle gently pushed Bella's hair to the side. She didn't struggle much, She wanted this but the drugs made her woozy and limp, with the large dose he gave her.

He bit down quickly right bellow her ear, biting three more times down the side of her neck to help the venom spread quicker. The only noise she made was a slight whimper sound. Carlisle could only hope that he wouldn't have to give her the second dose for fear he would overdose her. Though his venom was spreading quickly though her veins.

It was quite till Bella started to wiggle more as if she was in pain, her body tensing. Alice held her hand tighter, looking up to her father. "She still has a pulse, should you give her more meds or bite her again?" Suddenly Alice went still as if looking out into space. Soon she looked back to Carlisle. "She'll be in some pain but we won't need the other syringe. It should be over soon."

Carlisle nodded and watched Bella, worried even though Alice had told him it would all be fine. He waited to hear Bella scream, reaching out to gently touch her wrist and feel as her pulse weakened and slowly came to a halt. If his heart would have been beating it would have skipped a beat as he waited for Bella to wake up. "Alice, she's going to be hungry grab a few of the blood packets out of the cooler for her." He waved Alice away.

Alice smiled and just about danced out of the room to go get what he had asked for. Carlisle sat on the bed keeping an eye on Bella as she slowly started to wake up. Her new eyes adjusting to everything around her. Everything seemed to clear and new. The thing she noticed the most was the burning in her throat. She licked her lips and looked to Carlisle smiling. "Hello again." Bella spoke softly reaching up and rubbing her throat slightly.

"Hey there." He spoke and smiled. "How are you feeling? I saw you in some pain. It wasn't too bad was it?" Bella took a deep breath, though it wasn't necessary now. "It burned... like... like I touched a match after it had been blown out. Uncomfortable but not too painful." Carlisle nodded glad to hear how it felt. "Good. Alice should be back soon with something for you to drink." Bella smiled and leaned back trying to get comfortable again as she waited for Alice.

It didn't take long before Alice was back with four packet of blood and a bendy straw. "Hey! Your awake, you must be thirsty. I know I was when mine happened." She handed one of the blood packets to Bella with the straw in it. Bella quickly took it and started to drink it down quickly, it made the burning in her throat flair up a little but then the burn started to fade with every packet she drank. When she was done she spoke. "Thanks. I love you both. I can't wait to show the rest of the family." Carlisle helped Bella to her feet and wrapped his arms around her giving her a big hug. "Welcome to the family Bella."