THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN EDITED AND REVISED.

This has to wholeheartedly be the most STUPID thing I have ever written. But I LOVE it. I made it in the way I think Denmark would tell a story, so it's a bit lacking in detail. I SWEAR there won't be so many interruptions in the next chapter! To be truthful, this was going to just be a one-shot, but I got carried away. Yeah... it's almost 1 AM and I'm tired... nite, and Enjoy. There may be mistakes. Read over them please.

I don't own a thing


"And that is why I think lollipops should be banned from all public bathrooms."

"Uh, thank you for that very... interesting report miss Héderváry. You may take your seat." Elizabeta proudly strode back to her desk while the rest of the class unenthusiastically clapped. Their teacher Ms. Katyusha cleared her throat and looked at her grading sheet. "And next up we have Mathias Køhler. Please come up and present your report!" she said, motioning to the front of the class.

The blonde haired boy smiled and stood up. He grabbed his papers out of his paper-filled binder and quickly walked up to the front of the classroom. Some boys whooped and hollered as he stood and looked out to the other nineteen sets of eyes staring at him. He shifted his papers in his hands. "Okay! Prepare to be amazed! This is going to be awesome!" He said in his Danish accent.

Katyusha leaned over her desk and rested her chin in her hands. "And your report is about what, Mister Køhler?"

He laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. "Well, my report was going to be on why I think dogs like to bite mailmen, but I kind of lost it, so I threw this beautiful masterpiece together instead!" He waved the papers in his hands over his head. "It'll like, knock your socks off!"

"...as much as I like to have my socks knocked off, I also like my students to, well, do the project they were assigned, hm?"

Mathias frowned. "But teach! This is amazing! And I worked a whole hour on it!"

"I'm really sorry dear, but if you didn't do your assignment, then I'm going to have to ask you to go back to your-"

"Aw come on Ms. K! Let him read his story!" Katyusha turned to the boy in the front row.

"Alfred, please don't call out..."

Slouching back in his chair, Alfred smirked. "But he worked sooo haaard on it, and now you won't even let him read it to the class? You're nicer than that Ms. K..." Then he turned on his smile. The smile deemed "the smile that would sail one thousand ships". Katyusha drew back in her swivel chair a bit.

"I-I..." She tried to resist. Mathias didn't do his assignment, so he shouldn't be able to read up in front of the class. She should just fail him and call it a day. But that smile! "...okay, fine. Mathias, what is your report called?"

A large grin spread across the Dane's face. "Well, actually it's not really a report, but it's called The Epic story of epic story-ness!" A few people held back their laughs and Katyusha blinked. She then sighed and put a hand to her face.

"Okay... just. Please. Read."

Mathias smiled at his teacher and then to Alfred who gave him a thumbs-up. His eyes then wandered over to the other side of the classroom to another blonde boy sitting in the second row. They looked at each other for a brief moment and when Mathias winked at him, the boy turned his gaze away and towards the wall, his mysterious floating curl, bobbing by his head.

He chuckled under his breath and then cleared his throat.

"Okay. Here we go..."

Once Upon a time in a land, kind of far away, there lived this totally awesome knight named Sir Mathias, but everyone just called him Denmark. So Denmark lived in the kingdom of Scandanavialot and was considered the most handsome, hot, awesome thing to ever grace the planet. The girls were always swooning and throwing their bras at him saying things like 'oh Denmark, bear my children!' or 'let me run my fingers through your beautiful golden locks!'. The guys were also all over him, but whatever. Denmark's noble steed was named Gilbert since Gilbert was a real ass. Ahem- aw come on, Gil! I was just kidding! It's not nice to throw pens!- Anyway! One day Denmark was summoned to the Castle. He walked into the castle in all his greatness and knelt before King Berwald and Queen Tino.

"Why do I have to be the Queen! "

Mathias laughed. "It's because you're a pussy! Now can I finish my story? And Berwald, stop glaring at me like that! God..."

King Berwald was usually called Sweden, and Tino was called Finland. Sweden and Finland sat in their really tacky thrones and looked at Denmark. Finland then began to start crying all randomly like a girl. Denmark became concerned and asked ever so politely what was wrong. Finland just cried some more and buried his face into Sweden's shoulder.

"O'r s'n h's b'n kid'nppd." Sweden said in his really weird accent that no one could understand really, but Denmark was awesome and knew exactly what he was saying.

"Prince Norway has been kidnapped!" The prince's actual name was Erik, but no one cared and just called him Norway. Norway was a total babe, so of course it was up to Denmark to save him!

Mathias dodged a binder that was hurled directly at his head.

Okay. So Sweden and Finland asked Denmark to bravely go out and save their son from the clutches of the evil wizard Ivan the terrible! Better known as Russia! DUN DUN DUN! Denmark had met Russia before and Russia was a total bitch. Poor Norway! Stolen away by an evil bitch! Denmark then set off to go rescue Norway and maybe even make out with him. Heh, he was also accompanied this punk named Iceland who was also Sweden and Finland's son. But no one liked Iceland, and Sweden and Finland only sent him along in hopes that he'd get killed. So then Denmark hopped on Gilbert and Iceland rode on the back of his weird Puffin-Emu mutant thing, on their way to Russia's stupid ice castle.

They rode for three days and then came to this really cool pub. It was a miracle, because Denmark was slowly dying from lack of alcohol. He quickly tied the puffin-emu thing, Gilbert, and Iceland outside on a tree and walked inside. Man did it stink in there! Oh my god. But Denmark still made his way over to the bar. He sat down and ordered a bud light. He happily drank his beer and was about to order another when a cloaked figure sat next to him. "Are you the one they call Denmark?" The figure asked.

"That's me!"

The figure nodded. "I see." He looked back and forth and then took off his hood. "My name is Arthur Kirk- whoops! *erase*- I mean, my name is England. I have heard of your quest to defeat Russia and I am here to aid you," The man said. Denmark stared... at his eyebrows. They were freakin' huge! Like, you could loose a comb in those things! Like, you'd need a weed whacker to trim those babies!

"Continue with the bloody story, will you?"

Okay, jeeze, just adding detail. England leaned in and whispered to Denmark. "Do you want to know what Russia plans on doing with Norway?"

Denmark rolled his eyes. "Well, duh."

"Okay... he plans on forcing Norway to marry him so that he'll be the new king of Scandanavialot, since apparently; his fat lard kingdom isn't big enough."

Denmark gasped. "That's terrible! We have to stop him! But..."

"…But what?"

"Why couldn't he just marry Iceland? I mean, that wouldn't be much of a loss. And it would still be the same outcome."

England rolled his eyes. "But who would want to marry Iceland?" Denmark nodded. "Good point."

"Uh, Mathias-kun?"

"Yeah, Kiku?"

"Isn't this story of yours, kind of... harsh? I mean, isn't Iceland based off of Erik's little brother?"

Mathias sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yes, but it's so fun picking on him! And it's not like he's here or anything! So it's okay!" Kiku opened his mouth to protest, but decided against it. There was no arguing with Mathias.

Any who!

England and Denmark stood up. "I shall accompany you on your trip. I believe my powers will be of use to you."

"Wait, powers as in, magic?" Denmark asked. England nodded. "Sweet!"

And so, England was added to Denmark's team of awesome- plus Iceland. They set off again. BUT! Meanwhile at Russia's evil castle thing of stupid, Norway was kept away in a tall, tall, tall, tall, tall, TALL tower. It was very cliché but Russia didn't care. Norway sat by the window all day, wondering when his knight in shining armor, Denmark, would come to save him from that awful place!

Just as Norway was about to cry himself to sleep, Russia burst in the room. He was followed by his hoe Alf- I meeean, America, yeah, that's it. Russia walked over to Norway while America just stood in the doorway. Hey, that rhymed! He leaned over all creepily and asked, "Are you still waiting for your so-called Knight to come and save you?" Norway went to go slap him but Russia grabbed his wrist and smiled all stupidly. "You do know that the wedding is in three days, da?" Why they didn't just get married right then and there was beyond Norway, but no one cared! Norway didn't respond, he just tugged away from Russia's grasp and continued to look out the window. Russia scoffed and walked out the door. America however was all like 'omigawsh' and felt bad for Norway. He stayed for a moment but then Russia had to be a jerk and call his name. America turned slowly and locked the door.

"Hold on a moment Mr.Køhler. Yes Erik?" Ms. Katyusha pointed to the boy who was raising his hand. Erik spoke in his usual monotone voice.

"May I make a comment?"

Mathias' grin increased ten fold. "Of course babe!"

"Mathias?"

"Yeah?"

"You're an idiot."

A couple of the others laughed, and Mathias just kept smiling. "So I'm told! Now can I finish reading?"

Katyusha clapped her hands together. "Please do!" The truth was, she was really getting into this story.

"Thank you! Ahem, now where was I?" And so he began to read again.


Your braincell count: 0

review if you're still alive. This is not my best...


FAQ

How old are Mathias and his friends?

Well. A lot of you seem to think they are younger than what they are. They are not in elementary school, or even middle school, but they're in high school. They're in their junior year, so they're all around 16 or 17 years old. A few exceptions are Rodric, Heracles, Antonio, and Ludwig, who are all seniors. Natalia, Iceland, and Raivis are all sophomores, they are all 15. And Liech is a freshman, she's going on 14 years old.

Is Canada in the story, or have you forgotten him?

No, I've been considering putting him in somewhere. He's actually not in their class. He's in a whole other class. Along with Yong soo, and Feliks.

Are Ivan and Katyusha related?

No. I decided to not make them related in this story. Although Ivan and Natalia are of course brother and sister.

And Finally, My favorite. Do you have something against Iceland?

Okay. I don't. I absolutely LOVE Iceland. I really do! But, I love picking on him. He just seems like a punk to me! Haha! But I seriously think this is what Mathias would write about him. He doesn't hate him, he just fins it fun to mess with him. And who knows, Iceland MAY just have his day soon. *wink wink*

Now, I'd like to say a little short things about the characters:

Mathias- Age: 17 Extra activities: Is on the basketball team. Short bio- He's going out with Erik at the moment. They've been together for almost two years. He likes to mess with Erik's little brothers. He's cousins with Berwald.

Erik- Age: 17 Extra activities: Plays Viola (god's instrument) is in the school orchestra. Short bio-He's going out with Mathias. He's pretty level-headed. He is interested in magical creatures and often has long conversations with Arthur about such things.

Arthur- Age: 16 Extra activities: Is in the book club. Short bio- Currently single. He and Francis are childhood "frenimies". He's often annoyed by Francis' touchy-feely nature. He's Alfred's older cousin.

Francis- Age: 17 Extra activities: R rated Short bio- Considers himself to be in a relationship with Arthur and even set it to that on his facebook. He's best friends with Antonio and Gilbert.

Alfred- Age:16 Extra activities: Is on the basketball team. Short Bio- HE IS NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH IVAN BRAGINSKI. or so he says. He's a pretty care-free hero-type of boy. His twin brother is Mathiew.

Ivan- Age: 17 Extra Activities: Is in the eco club. Short Bio- Is in a relationship with Alfred F. Jones. Or so he says. His younger sister Natalia has an unnatural obsession with him. He gets along well with his English teacher Ms. Katyusha.