A/N: To the nice people at Drunkard's Walk! You're welcome! Specifically: Jorlem, Drakensis, Paladindythe, yesilmavi, Rob Kelk, Florin, Stephen Mann, Foxboy, Necratoid, LilFluff, Bob Schroeck. See Necratoid, you're not a Zoidberg! I even removed that pesky 'and' so that no one else feels like that! Don't believe in your nasty browser! Believe in me, who believes in you!

Always wanted to say that…

Will try to stop with the wall breaking jokes. To ensure this, I have bought this brand new, completely unbreakable Wall Protector 7000! Watch how unbreakable it is!

(Swings hammer)

Tinkle!

(Lots of shiny pieces and a new big hole in the wall)

I want my money back…

To the No Fourth Wall TvTropes page! As you can clearly see, I used a hammer, not an axe!

Oh, and Jack Inqu… you owe me…

...

Takamachi Nanoha of 2814

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 9: The Linker Cores War, Part 3: Reloading, Rearming, and Repairing that D*mn Broken Wall! or 'Breather Episode'

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story. If I did… well, this would all be canon. WARNING: MAY CAUSE HEAD EXPLOSION!

"I have always believed that writing advertisements is the second most profitable form of writing. The first, of course, is ransom notes." - Philip Dusenberry

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

Black Aeronaut Technologies Group: Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer
"The difficult we do while you wait. For the impossible you'll need to schedule an appointment."

"No Boom today, Boom tomorrow. There's always a Boom tomorrow."

(your quote here)

...

The Headmaster looked solemnly at Negi, who was looking a bit stressed. Quite understandable. After that incident a couple of days ago, wherein his ability to do magic had somehow been damaged– Konoemon wasn't quite sure about the explanation, just that Negi couldn't use magic for several days or he might lose the ability forever. There had been aliens and spaceships in the story too– the boy had been antsy, clearly concerned about his ability to protect his students should something happen. Konoemon would have been insulted at the implication– to think that all the other powerful mage teachers, mercenaries and swordsmen on campus couldn't do an adequate job of protecting the students!– but he knew how seriously Negi took ALL his duties. He clearly saw such an inability as a black mark against himself. Granted, he was the only one who thought so, however. Maybe he should hold that workaholic intervention for Negi soon…

"Two things, Negi-sensei," the Headmaster said, "First, I'd like to warn you that a new student will be joining your class. She's a scholarship girl from the Wayne Foundation, an orphan, I'm afraid, so I know you'll be good to her. She was found some years ago participating in an underground martial arts tournament for the prize money, and was found to have no legal records. She'd been entered as 'Cassandra' by some fellow sympathetic martial artists, apparently because the joke was she could predict what moves they would make with seemingly prophetic clarity. The girl can barely speak, but can understand people well enough, and seems to be a voracious learner, though she still has trouble reading. It seems difficult for her to associate letters with words. Still, she does well enough that was granted an athletic scholarship to the school."

Negi nodded, taking this all in. A new student? Darn, just when he didn't have any magic on him! with his luck, this'll be just like those times with the Master, and Chachamaru-chan, and Chao-chan, and Zazie-chan! "Um, I understand, Headmaster. She'd coming today, I take it?"

The Headmaster nodded. Of course she was. Why wouldn't she?

"Be careful, Negi-sensei," the Headmaster warned, "This new girl is a mysterious transfer student with seemingly no past, a very strangely ominous name, backed by a foreign philanthropic foundation, and she's ending up in your class. Watch her like a hawk! She's sure to be yet another mysterious student like Chao and Zazie or something!"

"Have you been reading deconstructive alternate-universe magical girl manga based on the token loli of a more adult-humored series again, Headmaster?" Negi said.

"Certainly not, my boy! Too old to keep the storylines straight! I read TvTropes, dattebayo!"

Negi sighed. Yup, the old man and Konoka were related, all right. "What was the other thing, Headmaster?"

"I'll need you to fill up this paperwork, Negi," The Headmaster said. "I'm terribly sorry, a gross and inexcusable on my part. I hope you understand. Terribly sorry."

"Headmaster?" Negi asked, blinking.

"To think it took me this long," the Headmaster continued, shaking his head. He looked Negi straight in the eye in all solemnity. "I'm sorry, Negi-chan, for only just finding out you were a girl."

Negi's cries of despair could be heard from clear across the lake.

...

Usagi, forbidden from going Sailor Moon, was happily at home reading manga.

Bliss.

...

Fate Testarossa was about to be subjected to one of the greatest evils ever conceived.

"Starting today, a new friend will be joining our class!" the teacher said, and you could hear the death sentence being passed. "She's from overseas, studying abroad. Fate-san, please come in."

Fate introduced herself. The class applauded the moe.

And then the interrogation began…

...

A depressed Negi Springfield stood before his students and longed wistfully for such simple worries as trying to find a way to beat Jack Rakan and Cosmo Entelechia. Ah, you never really know what you've had 'til it's gone, do you? That morning he'd opened his closet to find all his shirts had been replaced with creamy, yellowy or pinky blouses; his shoes had been stolen, but not to worry, because the thief had thoughtfully left him some Mary Janes with slightly raised heels; all his ties now came in bright, pastel colors, and the only reason his suit hadn't disappeared was that he slept with it under Asuna's mattress to flatten it out. To be more accurate, it was the only suit he had left. The rest had been replaced by ones of a more feminine or flamboyant cut, and were definitely women's slacks rather than men's trousers.

His roommates, darn it, had been no help at all!

So he'd come to class looking, well, girly as all Barbie, and squirming quite uncomfortably at the cat-like grins of his class. Yes, even from Zazie, darn her. Asakura had long maxed out all her data cards and was resorting to actual film, of which she'd run through 13. Ayaka had a pad of gauze taped permanently to her nose now, she wouldn't stop dripping.

I'm the Prince of Ostia and Vespertatia, Negi reminded himself. I'm a Magister Magi. I'm one of the winners of the 19th Springfield Cup! I fought JACK "That Damn Guy Who You Can Stab With Swords All You Like And It Won't Do A Thing, Dammit!" RAKAN to a draw! I am acknowledged as a grown man! I am a master of Magia Erebea! I am this class's homeroom teacher! I am… standing here wearing little girl shoes, women's clothes and have been mistaken for a girl by a powerful super hero.

He considered this all briefly.

Daddy! Mommy! Help me!

"Ehem," he said, with as much dignity as he could muster. Surprisingly, that was still a lot. "We have a new student joining us today class. She has a few eccentricities and is here on an athletic scholarship, so I expect you all to be nice."

"Eh? A new girl appearing in the class suddenly after a battle with the forces of evil?-!-?" Haruna cried. "Negi-chan, are you sure she isn't some evil magical girl come to infiltrate our social circle with the idea of dividing us from within? She is, isn't she? We need to call the United Magical Girl Association of Japan!"

"What are you talking about, Haruna?" Ayaka said.

"She must be a superhero!" Asakura cried. "That's the only one we're still missing! She must be a mysterious superhero with a tragic past she's trying to atone for by constantly putting herself in danger for others due to her deeply hidden Freudian death-wish!"

"Wow! That's so cool!" the Narutaki twins said.

Negi sighed. "She's none of that, class! Really, the way you talk, you'd think life was some kind of shonen fighting series crossed over with a magical girl show mixed with those American comic books! She's just a perfectly normal girl. And now, I'm going to introduce her, and you're going to apologize, because she probably heard every word you said."

Negi went over to the door and opened it, ushering in a new girl. She looked Asian– an almost unique trait in this class!– and apparently felt awkward in her new Mahora uniform. A gym bag was slung over her shoulder, and a pair of glasses perched on her nose, the wide, circular kind that in a manga would have big swirls in front of it to conceal how sexy the wearer's eyes were. They had none of these, and instead one could see her eyes were a perfectly plain shade of brown, slightly slanted and narrowed slightly in nervousness and a hint of animalistic wariness.

She walked stiffly to the front of the class and bowed, clearly a few steps short of her fight or flight reflex.

Negi coughed. "Everyone, this is Cassandra Doe-san. Please take care of her, all right?"

"YES MA'M, NEGI-CHAN!"

Negi sighed. Yes, he really, really missed getting beat up by Rakan-san and Fate…

...

"Damn, Shamal, you work quick!" Vita said when the blonde knight reported she'd finished making the sample units of their new Jadeite Servants in the garage, although mass production would still take a while. Hayate was at school at the moment, so they had the house to themselves for now.

The four trooped over to the garage, and inspected the Servants critically.

"It… looks like me," Signum finally said, looking at one Shamal had called a 'Saber'. "Only… why is it blonde, Shamal?"

"Well, I made it, so I get to choose what it looks like," Shamal said primly, fluffing her own blonde hair.

"And… the short hair in a bun?"

"Your hair annoys me. I'm always afraid someone's suddenly going to grab it and throw you through a couple of buildings."

"And… the blue skirt with a petticoat?"

"Your barrier jacket is much too immodest!"

Signum sighed, just a little.

Vita was glaring at the Servant modeled after her. "Its rack is bigger than mine!"

"No it isn't, Vita," Shamal sighed.

"Is too! Where's the measuring tape?"

"Why," Zafira said, looking over the beast-like Avenger unit, "does this thing look like a Zoid Liger?"

Shamal's lip trembled. "Everyone's a critic!" she cried, bawling.

They all looked at the last prototype Servant in the garage, which looked like Shamal, only taller, thinner, bustier, better toned and had eyes that seemed to have been defaulted at 'sexy librarian' and made no comment.

Zafira diplomatically tried to break the silence. "You know, we should really clean up in here," he said, wiping his tail over the giant lump covered by a sheet of canvas they kept in the corner.

Shamal only cried harder.

...

"ALL RIGHT YOU POOZER! YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE YOU'RE SCUM! YOU'RE JUST FANCY ANATOMY TO PUT A RING ON! BUT I PROMISE YOU POOZER, BY THE TIME I GET DONE WITH YOU, YOU'D HAVE EARNED THAT RING, AND CAN KICK THE ASS OF ANY POOZERS STUPID ENOUGH TO PUT UP A FIGHT YOU COME ACROSS! NOW, DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS POOZER?"

Yuuno forced himself to stop leaning back at the barrage. He raised a tentative hand. "Um, Nanoha?"

"WHAT IS IT, 2814.2?-!"

"What's a 'poozer'…?"

And thus began the day that had astronomers the world over wondering why the moon seemed to be coloring itself green, and Nanoha discovered that she had a taste for whipping people into shape.

Unchosen legions of future Lanterns and Mages shuddered at that moment, and didn't know why…

...

SLAP!

"OW!"

"No, Chrono-sweetums, that's my orange juice. Get your own."

"Aw, Amy!"

"My orange juice, Chrono-lovebunny. MINE!"

...

"Clark! What is that enormous bruise on your chest?-!"

Some days, Clark swore his mom had better x-ray vision that he did.

"It's nothing mom," he said.

"It's not nothing dear, not if it hasn't gone away yet. Kara, get my first aid kit. Now, tell me what happened dear," Martha kept said relentlessly.

"Mom…!"

"Clark…!"

Kara and Jonathan exchanged fond looks and snickered.

Clark sighed. "A little girl hit me with a magic croquet mallet," he said, mumbling.

"Clark Joseph Kent, speak clearly and stop eating your words!"

Kara raised a hand to her mouth, her shoulders heaving.

"A little girl hit me with a magic croquet mallet," he repeated more clearly, flushing in embarrassment.

Kara began to choke. "I'm sorry Clark, I'm not sure I heard you right. Did you just say.–?"

"Yes, I did," he said through gritted teeth. "A little girl hit me with a magic croquet mallet."

He waited patiently as his family worked off their giggling fit.

"Oh, Batgirl's never going to believe this," Kara choked.

...

Amy frowned at the data of Raging Heart and Bardiche's diagnostic. These error codes didn't make sense! The component both were asking for…! And if anything Raging Heart was worse than Bardiche. Besides the component, it also wanted something that wasn't even on the catalogue! It was, instead, a diagram. And an incomplete diagram, if Amy was any judge. It looked like some kind of intermix chamber, but the proportions were all wrong, and even to her layman's eye she could see the thing was incomplete, perhaps lethally so. Although… if she turned her head sideways to the left, it kinda looked like an optical targeting system, but even this seemed wrong, since that was obviously an uncertainty compensator unit over on the left. And why would either need plasma emission regulator fuses?

And upside-down it more closely resembled some sort of material storage tank, meant to hold actual solid objects, except that couldn't be right, because then what would all the other stuff be for? Turning her head to the right just made it look like some sort of depraved cross between an explosion at a supply depot and the lovechild of something a glassblower with hiccups in the middle of a space/stime anomaly had made.

What on Mid-Childa had gotten into Raging Heart?

The diagram was pretty big and… Amy blinked. Even as she watched, the diagram was changing shape, becoming compact, smoother and– if all the new fuses, regulators and buffers she could recognize was any indication– capable of handling exponentially more ridiculous amounts of energy. She watched it for about twenty seconds, shocked, and in that time, it improved by three generations, with an overall improvement in both power regulation and efficiency– again, only by what she could recognize, which wasn't much– by about 1500 percent.

The penny finally dropped.

"Chrono!" she cried. "Someone's hacking our communications systems and somehow reprogramming Raging Heart!"

They eventually shut down the hack by doing the equivalent of ripping out the DSL line. They'd tried to contact Nanoha, but without Raging Heart actually on her they didn't have a direct line of communication, and the frequency they'd been given for communicating with her ring wasn't responding properly, only giving out a recorded message of Nanoha saying she was busy and couldn't talk right then.

"Did she say where she was going?" Lindy said as the rest of the arrived crew to try and retrace the hack, or at least find out how they got in.

"She said she and Yuuno-kun were going to the planet's moon for training," Chrono said, sounding impressed despite himself.

Lindy blinked and looked out the window. "Ah! That's why it's a little green tonight…"

...

"WAH! FATE! CHRONO! SAVE ME! MOMMY!"

"Oh, stop whining Yuuno-kun! So you nearly get impaled, that's a normal hazard for a Green Lantern! If you can't handle a little light training, then you're not going to last long in this job!"

"I'M GOING TO DIE! I'M GOING TO DIE! I'M GOING TO DIE!

"Yuuno-kun, please, you're over reacting!."

"I'M GOING TO DIE! AND IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN FIVE YEARS YET! I'M GOING TO DIE A VIRGIN!-!-!-!"

"Hey, I'm going easy on you! Stop being ungrateful! Kilowog-sensei would have been much louder and called you names! And what's a virgin? Anyway, see if you can take this! Ring construct: Starlight Breaker!"

...

"Vita-chan! Psst! Vita-chan!"

Vita opened her eyes groggily, limbs groaning from being ripped from a perfectly good slumber. She told them to shut up, this was Hayate waking her up, and so no one else had any subsequent opinion that mattered. "Wazizit, Hayafe-shan?" she mumbled. Damned body was insisting its opinion be acknowledged.

Hayate's tense, embarrassed face stared at her from a few bare inches away. "I have to pee," the girl said, flushing.

Vita kicked off the blanket and scrambled out of bed with unseemly haste, suddenly feeling very energized. She briefly debated whether she should carry Hayate or put her on her wheelchair, and decided on the former. Getting her on and off the chair would take up precious seconds that could be used for providing Hayate with relief from her discomfort! The risk of getting… er, 'wet', was well within acceptable ranges!

She slid her arms under Hayate and lifted her up bridal style, and heaved as gently as she dared. Before her body realized the size to weight ratio was all wrong for this to work, she turned and dashed as fast as she dared to the bathroom as Hayate yelped and held on tight to her shoulders. The door gave her some trouble, but she finally managed to fumble it open, conscious with each passing moment that this was probably highly uncomfortable to Hayate-chan and likely not helping her condition.

"Eek!" Hayate cried close to her ear, clutching her tighter.

Vita felt a chill run through her, and she tried to make up for time lost to the door, taking care not to bump Hayate's head or legs against anything and ending up taking them herself. The door to the bathroom, thankfully, was wide open. Vita ran in, nearly slipped from surprise at the cold tiles, and quickly lay Hayate on the seat, just before the size to weight ratio inconsistency caught up to her, and her limbs suddenly said doing this without any magic was impossible and on the Three Stooges end of the spectrum of comical.

Hayate stared at her with wide eyes as she panted. "Wah, Vita-chan!" Hayate said. "That was amazing!"

"Eh heh," Vita said, embarrassed. "Well, it was an emergency. Are you going to be okay?"

Hayate blushed again, squirming awkwardly in a way that Vita would absolutely deny she found cute. "Actually, I kinda need some help getting out of my pajamas… and my, um…"

Vita had never before noticed what an interesting pattern the plaster on the ceiling of the bathroom made as she tried to ignore the way Hayate shook under her hands, which were lifting the girl high enough so she could do this bit herself.

The trip back to bed was shorter, now involving the wheelchair. It always made Vita guilty, seeing that thing. It always reminded her that, no, they hadn't filled the Book of Darkness yet, and Hayate was slowly being eaten away from the inside. True, it was technically by her own consent, but still! What sort of person chooses to deliberately let something with 'Dark' in its name get it's mitts on them just to let some girls completely unrelated to them alive and well and able to live out their live as they pleased, with nothing in exchange?

In Mahora, Negi Springfield sneezed in his sleep, and Asuna sleepily rapped the top of her head and mumbled something about him getting snot on her breasts.

Vita sighed internally as she pushed Hayate back to their room. Hayate. Hayate was that sort of person. To be so open, trusting, selfless, Compassionate, self-sacrificing to a fault… she was truly a rare breed.

Negi Springfield sneezed again, and again, Asuna hit him. Both slept on.

As she lifted Hayate back on their bed, Vita once more renewed her resolution. Whatever happened to her, she would see to it that Hayate would get the happiness and life she so richly deserved! Even if it cost her life and limb, no matter how denigrating the sacrifice, she would persevere!

Because Hayate… Hayate was worth it!

In their sleep, every member of Ala Alba, Ala Rubra, Evangeline, random demons, gladiators and bounty hunters who'd been beat up by him, Tsukuyomi, and pretty much anyone who spent three straight days with Negi Springfield and seen how he operates all sneezed.

"Vita-chan," Hayate said as Vita got back under the covers next to her.

"Hmm?" Vita said, snuggling her bunny.

"Is this what it's going to be like when I become fully paralyzed?" Hayate said, making the hairs stick out on the back of Vita's neck. "You need to carry me everywhere, help me onto the toilet, even clean up after me and move my jaw so I can eat?"

Vita shuddered. "Don't say that, Hayate-chan!" she said fiercely. Crap, she was never going to get to sleep after all this! "It won't turn out that way! The doctors will find a way to help you, and you'll be all right and walking again! I swear it!"

Hayate smiled at the outburst. "Mou, you're so cute when you're worked up, Vita-chan!"

Vita went a nice shade of pink Barbie wouldn't have minded wearing.

Hayate sighed. "Still… not being able to move, completely helpless and unable to defend myself, needing someone else to clean every part of me, even my no-no parts, being completely vulnerable and at someone's mercy…helpless to protect myself if they chose to take advantage of me, using me as an object of pleasure, rubbing themselves on me as I'm unable to stop them… it doesn't seem too bad, if the one taking care of me is someone like you, Vita-chan…" She leaned forward and gave the knight a peck on the cheek, snuggled against her pillow and closed her eyes, breathing quickly turning to the even rhythm of sleep.

Vita, face now as red as her barrier jacket, lay very stiff, two very big thoughts banging around her head. Unfortunately, only one of them is fit for public viewing.

DAMN IT! NOW I'LL NEVER GET BACK TO SLEEP!

...

Superman turned as he heard the tread of someone behind him, only to relax again as he saw who it was, replacing it with a different kind of tension. "Batman? What are you doing in Metropolis? Is something wrong?"

For a moment, the Dark Knight Detective ("He drives us BATS! BATS! BATS! He drives us BAAAATTTSSS!") stared at him, head tilted to one side. Then he said, "A little girl with a magical croquet mallet? Really?" Lip-twitch.

Clark swore then and there Kara was cut off from all contact with Batgirl.

"Just wait 'til you someday wind up in Japan and end up getting the stuffing beat out of you by a high school girl with glasses!" Superman snapped as he turned away huffily and flew off.

Batman allowed himself a warm, fuzzy feeling before turning around. Let's see, beat up some criminals, put the fear of HIM into them, then back to bed so he could make his flight to Japan in the morning…

Anyone else see where this is going?

...

"VITA! What's taking you so long in there?" Shamal cried, knocking on the door to the bathroom loudly. "Other people need to use it too!"

"Uh.. Ahh… IN A MINUTE!"

Shamal paused as she heard the response. "Hayate said something last night again?"

"Uh… oooh…"

"Take your time."

...

"Illya… wake up…"

"Hmm… oni-chan…"

Smooch! With Tongue!

"Illya…" Blush.

"Ah! Miyu! I'm sorry! Oh, this is getting very embarrassing, Miyu, you waking me every morning only for that to happen…!"

"These trials are sent to test us," Miyu said. SCORE AGAIN TODAY! YAY!

"Well, I'm still sorry. It must be very embarrassing for you and… Miyu, why are you waking up Kuro…?"

"Hmm… oni-chan…"

Smooch! With Lots Of Tongue! Practically Mouth Rape!

"AHH! KURO, GET OFF MIYU!"

"That's exactly what I'm doing! You've had your happy morning smoochy time with her, now it's my turn! I need the prana, so stop interrupting!" Back To Business.

"AH! Kuro! Get your own loli-maid!"

Downstairs, pretending to ignore the ruckus, Illya's parents Kiritsugu and Iris, at home from yet another extended trip, were having breakfast and talking.

"So, did you hear they're having the War again?" Iris told her husband.

"Already? Crap, does that mean we need to move out? Please tell me the Matou's aren't going to be in on it again this time."

"No silly, we should be fine, although it might be a good idea to make sure those girls across the street don't get any stupid ideas of getting Illya involved."

"Speaking of girls, when exactly are you finally going to get around taking that sheath off Shiro-kun?"

Mumble mumble. "I'll get to it this weekend…"

"Dear! That's what you said TEN YEARS AGO!"

...

"Someone tried to hack Raging Heart?-!" an apoplectic Nanoha cried as her Lantern uniform suddenly wove itself around her in a burst of green light. Though Amy didn't remember there being so many sharp spikes on it. Or any at all, for that matter. And why did it look like biker leather? "Did you catch them? Who was it? Where are they?"

"Nanoha-chan, calm down!" Amy said. "It's all right, we were able to terminate the link-up. Though that means we're currently incommunicado right now, since it meant deactivating all long-range comms. Whoever it is, they're persistent and don't seem to sleep! I suspect a team."

"Can't we back-trace it?" Yuuno said, eyes looking slightly haunted, as if he'd gone hang-gliding over hell and found it populated with thousands of Nanohas, all insistent he learn something.

"We've been trying," Amy said, clearly frustrated. "Whoever it is, they're too good! They obliterate every trace they should leave behind, and even a couple they shouldn't know about."

"Maybe we can use our rings!" Nanoha said, and Yuuno whimpered slightly. She frowned at him "Yuuno-kun! What happened to making me proud?"

Yuuno's only response was something that sounded like "Meeple!" and collapsing onto the sofa.

Nanoha sighed. "Give me thirty seconds," she told Amy confidently. "I'll find them. NO ONE messes with Raging Heart when she's vulnerable!"

To her credit, Amy made no comment about Nanoha's ETA. Anyone who'd seen her dismantle a gigantic cross-dimensional Lost Logia vessel in the time it takes to open a can of soda and take two sips had soon stopped doubting her abilities.

"Readying transmission," Amy said after they'd gotten everything hooked up properly. It wasn't long before the hacker was once more in the system, evolving that insane component diagram into yet another more advanced model. "They're in already! Go Nanoha!"

Chrono, Arf, Fate, Yuuno, Lindy and Amy all watched, waiting to see what Nanoha would do. How would the seemingly unlimited powers of the ring she commanded be deployed to deal with this situation?

"Ring-chan! Find this hacker's location! Now!" Nanoha ordered.

"Yes, ma'm!"

There was a beat.

"That's it?" Amy said, feeling let down.

"Kind of anti-climactic," Lindy agreed.

Nanoha shrugged. "It works."

"Hacker found! Location ascertained! The hacker is in this room!"

Everyone whirled, eyes darting to every nook and cranny. Arf opened a few cupboards, then look inside a vase, finding nothing.

Nanoha frowned. "Ring-chan, point them out!"

A big, green arrow appeared, pointing at Nanoha's left hand, at her middle finger.

It took a couple of seconds for realization to dawn.

"Ring-chan," Nanoha said, sound a bit hit between the eyes. "Are YOU the one hacking Raging Heart?-!-?-!-?-!"

"Yes ma'm. Though technically, I was not so much hacking the pink frilly phallic object as merely communicating with it via the TSAB's network."

Nanoha blinked as everyone else in the room turned red. "What does phal– never mind. WHY, Ring-chan?"

"The effeminate little uke and myself have been discussing a certain idea that seemed feasible to implement, and now seemed the perfect time to provide the misconstructed pink dildo with the necessary equipment and modifications, now that it has been over-ejaculated to the point of uselessness."

Nanoha's eye narrowed as she ignored the words she didn't understand– which was a lot of it– and wondered if there was some kind of virus going on. Everyone else seemed to be developing a rather bad cough. "What kind of modifications…?"

Ring-chan told her.

Her grin was measured at over 1,971,676 Kilonazis.

...

"Tsk-tsk, Wilson-sensei, what exactly were you thinking when you considered 'shoot me, I'm standing right here!' orange as a color to consider for your uniform? Did you just finish watching a Naruto-marathon or something?"

"… no comment."

Sigh. "Raise your arms please, these measurements are important… hmm, let's try the navy blue. That's acceptable?"

"Nothing wrong with the navy."

"Excellent. And perhaps a helmet instead? Solid protection against blows is always good…"

Years in the future, the Teen Titans would be PISSED at Tomoyo for upgrading Slade's clothes. If anyone ever found out it was her, that is. No one did.

...

The girl now called 'Cassandra', who was now finally starting to think of herself as Cassandra, wondered why exactly her class seemed to enjoy hurting their teacher, and why he put up with it. it was all very easy to see, though she'd finally given up on actually explaining it to people because they just didn't have short enough words for such concepts as 'the muscle twitch caused by the internal organ compression caused by the toe moving because they're worried', as opposed to 'the muscle twitch caused by the internal organ compression caused by the toe moving because they're hungry'.

Making sounds was a stupid way to tell someone anything. She wondered why everyone else on the planet seemed to put up with it.

Though it was nice to see that some people here spoke her language in some way other than 'screaming loudly for the hell of it', to use the making sounds for it. Tall-dark-girl-who-can-listen-really-well, short-bright-empty-but-not-quite-girl-who-wanted-to-attack-teacher-but-not-kill-him, both of them said little, but it all meant a lot, like the way short-bright-empty-but-not-quite-girl-who-wanted-to-attack-teacher-but-not-kill-him had said she didn't care much for Cassandra but really had nothing against her, so she can share her desk without short-bright-empty-but-not-quite-girl-who-wanted-to-attack-teacher-but-not-kill-him deciding to Make Her Nothing.

She shook her head, causing some odd looks, especially from short-bright-empty-but-not-quite-girl-who-wanted-to-attack-teacher-but-not-kill-him– Evangeline! a newer, word-using part of her said. And it called 'words', not 'make sounds'!– and silent-but-not-empty-doll– Chachamaru! She has name, like you! Use of name, show 'respect to others'!– but otherwise it passed unnoticed.

She sighed, and tried to concentrate on the 'words' 'Negi-sensei'– what point of extra words?– was actually making, rather than how he was saying he was tired and worried and hurt and embarrassed and– Cassandra shook her head again and tried to concentrate.

She longed for class to finish so she could talk to– she thought the next part deliberately– 'Ku Fei'. She seemed to be a very good talker. Maybe she'd teach Cassandra how to say new things? She hoped so…

...

GREEN MOON! SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE?

Last night's strange green moon was caused an uproar…

...

- To be continued...

...

A/N: and we're back to short crack, just a little bit. Well, meant as short crack, but it got away from me. Might have to take a little break while I watch more of A's.

As promised, now with added Hayate! Though admittedly it was mostly Vita.

I seem to be good at getting into the minds of characters that think differently. Huh. Who would have thought. Now, I'm off to see how I can hold a Holy Grail War that'll end up leaving behind TWO Sabers. Playing very fast and loose with Fate canon to try and pull this off…

Please review, C&C welcome. Soon to come: another Holy Grail War? Sailor Supergirl? The Daughter of Cain, agent of TSAB? Bat!Servant? For those looking for a Nanoha crossover with the proper Fate/Stay Night rather than with Prisma Illya… well, I find pandering to people really helps with my trying to achieve No.1 Net Idol Status. Me and Chisame!

...

SOME TIME TO COME…

...

The girl blinked as she saw who had stepped in between of her and the red-clad girl with the hammer. "Doe?-! Get out of here, brat! You'll get killed! Call Chachamaru!"

Cassandra Doe merely smiled that more-infuriating-that-Zazie's smile, and waved a hand in a somehow both negligent and reassuring manner. She turned to the attacker and made a gesture that usually accompanied the words, "Come on if you think you've got the balls, B17(#!"

Vita growled and charged, Graf Eisen whirling.

Five minutes later, she was thrown out the front door, bounced twice on the stairs on the way out, and landed on her head next to the mailbox, eyes all goggly and whirling. Seconds later, her hat followed, landing on her upturned ass.

The other girl looked at Cassandra, who mimed making a gun and blowing the smoke off it before sticking it into a holster. "…damn girl."

...

END!

...

BTW, did anyone ever write that GL/StikerS crossover Skyefire suggested?

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.