Authors note: Well, I came up with the idea for this ages ago, only thought about writing it and posting it now. Now, I found this hilarious because I simply imagined it in my head so I urge you dear readers. Please, imagine- Bee x
They were only rumours and yet they were enough to whip most of the students of Hogwarts into a frenzied craze, minus the Slytherin's of course. Apparently, Professor Severus Snape had shown his 'what the hell…' face or as the muggles put it 'wtf' face. It was an expression many a student longed to see on the greasy haired Bat of the Dungeon's face. Now the students of Hogwarts were perfectly aware that to see this expression was a rare and wonderful treat that you had to work very hard to earn. Many students had tried and failed over the years. You see, they were missing one crucial thing; the intelligence of Hermione Jean Granger. Which, fortunately, the sixth year Gryffindors on that fateful day in November, had
Hermione was sitting in her usual place at the Gryffindor table during breakfast, nose buried deep in some ancient tome she had newly discovered. She was so immersed that she did not notice Ginny Weasley running over to her and practically leaping onto her back. When she did, she was startled to say the least
"Good morning to you too you great hippo" Hermione jibed, smiling devilishly. She felt Ginny's weight gone and looked round to see her flame haired girl friend with a mock frown on her face. Hermione's smile grew wider and Ginny eventually let go of the frown and settled excitedly on the seat next to her, which just so happened to be occupied by Harry Potter who was more than grateful to have his girlfriend sitting her pretty ass in his lap.
"You'll never guess what I just heard" Ginny started excitedly, immediately catching the attention of Neville Longbottom just a little way down the table who immediately sidled closer to them as best he could. Ron was already staring at Ginny, waiting for the news
"No but your about to tell us" Harry said, feeling rather pleased with himself for saying something that, to himself, sounded so witty. His answer was a sharp elbow in the stomach. He groaned in pain as Ginny continued on
"He used it! Snape used his 'what the hell…' face" In those few moments every Gryffindor at the table seemed to hear and, as one, they all looked to Professor Snape who was sitting up at the high table surveying the room like an ancient old crow. Immediately after that pandemonium erupted. The noise was near deafening as the Gyrffindors all began to shout and cheer, congratulating one another and receiving very funny looks from the other houses. To answer their looks Ginny leapt to her feet
"HE USED IT!" The professors at the Head Table looked confused, as did the Slytherins who were unaware of what they were on about for once. The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs however reacted much the same as the Gyrffindors, much to the amusement of Albus Dumbledore who watched on happily the sheer joy in the room, holding a restraining hand on Minerva McGonogals shoulder who was going to try restoring order. As the noise died down and breakfast returned to the way it had always been Neville, Hermione, Harry, Ginny and Ron pulled their heads together and began to talk in hushed yet excited whispers
"We need to see it first hand. What can we do though?" Ginny questioned, slowly slipping into subdued thought, the euphoric feeling fading away with the problem at hand. Harry was the first to speak
"I could enchant a frog to dance in his dinner?" He said musingly, hoping his suggestion was met with approval. Neville and Ron tried not to laugh at the thought whilst Hermione and Ginny let loose a small giggle.
"Good one Harry, tonight, just in case nothing else works. Right, any ideas Ron?" Ginny turned to her brother who was thinking, hard. Then he had that dawning look on his face as an idea made it's way into his mind. A horrible, dreadful idea that would make anyone and everyone cringe
"I could confess love to him in potions" There was silence and then Harry and Neville both put their heads on the tables, shoulders shaking with silent laughter at the thought of it. Ginny and Hermione however looked to Professor Snape up at the table and were unable to contain themselves. They started laughing loudly and leaning into each other for support, tears being squeezed from their eyes.
"I could turn his hair white and make it grown down to his feet" Neville's suggestion was met with nods but it stopped the laughter. Ginny then looked to Hermione who had a mischievous glint in her eye.
"What have you go Hermione?" Ginny questioned. Hermione leant in and hurriedly whispered something into Ginny's ear, smiling brightly. Ginny's face slowly changed from passive to joyful and she started laughing again, even louder and harder than before at Ron's suggestion. She was laughing so hard she fell backwards off her seat and toppled to the stone floor, hitting her back against someone. She looked up, saw who it was, and laughed even worse than before. They all dissolved into laughter along with her as Severus Snape shook his head and swept right past them, not even bothering to say anything or revoke any house points. By the time the day was done, that would have changed.
Neville was nominated to go first as his was the mildest. He headed down towards the Great Hall, carefully following behind Severus Snape who seemed oblivious. Neville knew he was a spy and so knew that he was aware he was being followed. Before he could turn round though Neville took aim with his wand and cast his spell, quickly ducking behind a statue and disillusioning himself as the spell did its work. Severus Snape suddenly experienced a severe case of hair growth, his lanky, greasy locks growing within seconds to pool down at his feet. At the same moment as this was happening the hair changed in colour from funeral style black to wedding style white. He looked around wildly, trying to find the culprit and instead being met with laughter from the students. This angered him and he very quickly deducted points and assigned detention Damn! No face Neville thought dejectedly as Snape flicked his wand over his head and reversed the spell whilst stomping towards the Great Hall.
Harry was up next. He occasionally glanced up at the Head Table, trying to look at Snape through the corner of his eye. When he reckoned that the slimy potions professor was sufficiently distracted he waved his wand under the table, and muttered the necessary words. A frog immediately jumped onto Snape's full dinner plate and croaked, looking up at him. Everyone held their breath, waiting to see what would happen next. The frog leapt to its feet and started doing the Time Warp as best as it could. Still everyone waited, trying not to laugh. One eyebrow rose slightly. The three house tables of Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw burst into applause and Harry couldn't help himself, he stood up and bowed. Everyone immediately caught on and alternated between applauding Harry and their potions professor who was sighing and leaning back in his chair. Ron heard the applause and knew it was his cue. He stood up and gestured for everyone to quiet down, Harry giving him a reassuring pat on the back as he sat down. Ron cleared his throat and looked over to the potions professor, trying so hard not to let nerves, fear and laughter rule his performance
"Shame on you, shame on you all I say. To treat such a beautiful man as thus" He gestured to Professor Snape whose face became a mask of horror. No the face they were looking for, but close enough
"He has taught you all so many useful things over the years. Patiently he has tried to mould all of us into better, talented, intelligent and useful people. All he receives in return is contempt from all of us bar the Noble House of Slytherin" There was a unanimous gasp from all of the students in the hall at Ron's words yet he continued on as though he heard nothing
" From them he receives love but here and now I say, Professor Severus Snape. I love you. With all my heart and soul. Oh how I wish to compare thee to a summer's day but you are the ethereal beauty of a winter's day, rather than the imitation of summer. Forever and always my love" As Ron finished he reasoned that he was damned already and decided to blow his enraged and horrified potions professor a kiss. Laughter broke out everywhere as Ron sank into his seat, trying not to crawl under the table. Hermione was up next, and last, and nobody other than Ginny had any idea what she was doing.
The doors of the Great Hall creaked open and there stood Ginny Weasley. She looked around the hall, a worried expression on her face
"Has anyone seen Hermione Granger? Please, I can't find her anywhere" Ginny pleaded. Harry, Ron and Neville immediately jumped to their feet and ran over to Ginny, about to question her when they heard a sultry, seductive voice ring out.
"My, my, my. What a fine, handsome specimen of manhood we have here" Everyone turned to the direction of the voice and found a woman sitting on the table space in front of Severus Snape. She appeared to be wearing only a bra, underwear and a magnificently large headdress. They could see nothing more as her back was turned to them but that didn't last for long. She pushed the potions professor's chair back with her legs. He, and everyone else, appeared to be struck dumb. The woman climbed down from her seat on the table and straddled the potions professor, whose face they could not see due to the headdress. Then she leaned to the side so they could see him better and saw what they had all waited so long to see. There, on Severus Snape's face, was an expression of complete and utter shock. Well and truly a 'what the hell..' or 'wtf' face. They were about to cheer then the woman turned her head and they saw initially what was in the front of the headdress. It was a nest of buzzing phallic shaped vibrators and attached to the nest were long, sleek dildos of varying colours. If that was not enough to shock them all and bring out a few other 'wtf' faces, the identity of the woman did it.
Hermione Granger straddled her potions professor in a shamelessly sexual way, a seductive smile on her lips. All around the hall jaws dropped and then slowly, boys began to wolf whistle, even from the Slytherin table. Hermione was not finished though. She stood up and turned fully to them, her right arm behind her back. She waited till she had all of their attention and the wolf whistles had stopped before removing her arm from behind her back and holding it up for everyone to see. There, round her wrist was a pair of handcuffs, joining her securely to Severus Snape. Everyone gasped and as a dazed look crossed their professor's face and Hermione winked seductively and moved her hips so as to jiggle her ass in front of her professor, the Great Hall erupted into cheers that had never been heard before. Every student present, even the Slytherin's leapt to their feet, applauded, shouting, wolf whistling and cat calling. Hermione had the grace to blush before turning round, leaning in and pressing her lips against Severus'
Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley were punished severely and, true to their Potions Professors word, served detention with Argus Filch for the rest of the year. Hermione Granger, however, received no such punishment. Her best friend's punishment was for punishments sake. Her punishment, however, was designed to teach her a lesson. For the rest of the year Hermione was forbid to wear anything other than the outfit she had worn that night to her potions lessons. She did so with good grace and after the first few days of adjustment she did so with pride. She received a large amount of male attention and could be found regularly being involved in some sexual trysts in the Astronomy Tower. These stopped after a time and people soon forgot about perusing Hermione as she made it clear someone had claimed her as his own. Nobody could ever find out who it was until her graduation day when her lover made his presence known by ascending the platform where she stood and pulling her into a passionate kiss the likes of which Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry had not seen in centuries
"Why was it such a good kiss?"
"Because, your daddy here was the one to do it" Hermione appeared from nowhere and, bending down, planted a lingering kiss on Severus' lips. They broke apart and she smiled down at him whilst he smiled slightly at her, moving her hair to behind her ear
"Dad. Can you show me the face?" Questioned the young woman sitting cross-legged on the carpet, honey brown eyes gazing up at her father from beneath dark locks that hung exactly as her fathers did. Hermione nodded and moved away from Severus who looked down at his daughter with amusement.
"Bring your girlfriend home and you'll see" The look of supreme shock on their daughters face made both Hermione and Severus laugh for the simple reason that it was the same 'wtf' face Hogwarts had cheered for many years before