soo, i just want to say that my reviewers on this story are making my life. no flippin' doubt, you guys. you all roooock. big time. (:
well, sadly, though, this is the final chapter. i've run out of ideas!
thanks again, for reading! (:
disclaimer: not stephenie meyer.
Chapter Six (The Finale)
(Songs that inspired this chapter: Alive by Leona Lewis and Blinding by Florence+The Machine)
I had no more sense of direction. Felt nothing, really. Heard little. I could feel one thing, though. Pain. I could feel it. Worse pain than Jacob ever put me in. My heart hurt. My soul hurt. My eyes were sore. I had run out of tears.
I was so, so stupid to believe he actually liked me. I mean, he just seemed like it. He held my hand. He hugged me. He kissed me. I was just so stupid to believe someone wanted me.
I didn't know where to go now. I guess I could go home. But then he could come and find me. And I really, really don't want to see him anymore.
I turned around and started walking back home. It had started raining again, and it was nearly ten o'clock. I had been out for a really, really long time.
I put my head down and watched my feet move. Left, right, left, right, left, right...
"You did good today, Cullen," Bob patted my back once we were back at the station. I shook my head and held it in my hands.
"Bob. I can't do it. I just can't do this anymore."
"I know it's hard," he said to me. The hell he did. He didn't have to do this over and over again. "But...you know the rule. No contact anymore. You are undercover."
"There's no way around it?" I groaned.
"Nope. Just think. You did help her."
Yeah. I guess.
I had finally locked up that scumbag.
But at what cost?
You see, it all started a few weeks ago. Monica had contacted the police reporting signs of nineteen year old Isabella Marie Swan being abused. She would show up to work every day with bruises, cuts, scrapes, you name it. I, being one of the top undercover officers in the state, was assigned to the job. I had to get close to her to get enough information out to capture the guy.
It was always the same thing, too. Take them out to dinner. Show them how great life can be. Get to know them more. Get them to trust in you. Then take yourself away from them after the job is done. It used to be hard. But as time went on, you just got used to the tears. The screaming. The yelling. The broken hearts. I was never the hurt one. No, no. I never developed feelings for my cases. It was against the law.
I knew this case was going to be extra hard from the first time I talked to her. I knew she was different than everyone else. But I could see it in her eyes. Her false sense of security in me. She never realized exactly why we moved so fast in our 'relationship'. She just accepted it. Because it was someone who loved her. Who made her feel special. Made her feel pretty.
Let's just say I absolutely dreaded what happened today.
I didn't want to hurt her. No, no, no. I wanted quite the opposite.
But that isn't aloud by law.
There was something about her. Something about the way her eyes lit up when she was actually smiling. I could tell she didn't do that often. The way she looked at me.
I could tell I was a real hero in her life. I knew these kinds of looks. They look at you like you are something straight out of heaven. I knew that look. She gave me that look. But she gave me more..
Damn the law! I want to be with her! I want to hold her in my arms again! My heart was aching without her already! And I only knew her for two days!
Fast. I don't care. Move faster. Love moves at its own pace.
I closed the case file on my desk and walked out of the police department. I stepped out into the rain and stood there. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to go anywhere.
"Cullen, before you leave," I heard Bob behind me. I turned around. He held a folder in his hand.
"Boss just got this. Told me to give it to you," he handed me the folder. I opened it and groaned.
"Seriously? Another case?"
"You got this, right Cullen?" Bob said.
"I can't do this again. I won't be able to fake it," I said, sighing.
"Dude," He looked down at me. "What is up with you? One case and you flip! What's she to you, anyway?"
I stared at him. "What is she? What is she? She's a girl who's been through hell and back, and needed someone in her life. She's been lied to her whole life. She believes the lies that scumbag told her. She needed me to show her the real things! The real world! And what actual fun it can be! But I broke. her. heart. Again. She's hurt. Again. And I'm tired of staying away from her. She doesn't deserve this. At all."
"Whoa, Cullen. Calm down!" he said, holding up his hands. I shook my head.
"I'm done, Bob. I quit." I threw the folder down to his feet, turned on my heel, and stormed to my car.
My destination was clear. My hands drove themselves. I knew the address.
Bella. I'm coming.
I was oddly comforting being at home. I mean, Jacob was gone. Gone. I mean, I have no idea how long he'll be out. Hopefully, Edward would get him locked up for a long time...
Edward. I clutched at my stomach. God, as much as I hated him right now, I missed him dearly. I mean, it sounds horribly teenagerish. We knew each other for two days. And I was already...already...in...love with him.
Tears brimmed my eyes. I needed to sit down. My knees were getting weak. I didn't know what to do! How can you be in love with someone after two days! You can't! I've always been that kind of person that will doubt all couples who say they are in love in the first week they start dating. It takes months. Years, even! You have to know the person. Learn the person. Trust the person.
But here I am, crying over a boy. Who I met two days ago. Who I'm trying to convince myself I'm not in love with him!
I sat there for hours on end. Or, at least, that's what it felt like. I was free, yes. But what did I do now? I didn't know. It sounds pathetic, I know, but I have no idea what to do with no one to guide me.
I need Edward back.
I settled for a shower. I walked into the bathroom. It was just as I left it. The whole apartment was. Clean, clean, clean. Never dirty. Wouldn't want to upset Jake's 'friends' who came over to play cards, drink, and occasionally sell drugs to each other.
I hated when 'friends' came over. I was the 'maid', called names, ordered around like a dog not by just Jake, but all his friends. They would whistle at me. Ask me horrible questions. Jacob would just laughed...
Just thinking about what they used to say and do made me feel disgusting. I looked in the mirror at myself and gasped. I was still wearing that light blue shirt.
I ripped it off and threw it in the trash. One less thing to remind me of him tonight.
I stripped off the rest of my clothes and got into the shower. I turned the water as hot as I could stand it and stood there. I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. I nearly fell asleep after awhile. The feeling of the water running down me felt nice and made me drowsy. Once the water got too cold for my comfort, I shut the water off and got out. I wrapped a towel around me and walked to my room.
I turned on the light and changed into some shorts and a loose t shirt. I glanced over at the bed and gasped in quietly. There was still blood stains from the previous night I slept in here. I quickly pulled the sheets off and threw them out in the living room. I turned off the light and climbed into bed. The room was below the normal temperature I was used to. I snuggled up in the blanket and closed my eyes. Sleep pulled me deeper...deeper...deeper...
I sat outside her house for at least an hour.
I realized this wasn't a good idea when I walked up to her door, hand poised to knock. She was extremely angry with me. I mean, I understood why. But I just couldn't get myself to move my hand forward to knock. Get her attention. Get her back. I couldn't get rejected like that. Just imagining her standing there.
"Bella. Please. It was not all a lie. I really do love you," I'd plead. She'd stand there; arms around her stomach, tears in her eyes.
"I can't, Edward. You hurt me. Please. Go. Please."
The door shutting. Leaving me out of her life. Forever.
So now here I was, sitting in my car, head in my hands. I couldn't make up my mind. It was nearly midnight, if not later. I tapped my fingers on the wheel, shaking my head. Back and forth through my mind. It was an intense battle. Yes, no, yes, no, stay, go, stay, go.
What if she didn't reject me? What if she did the unthinkable. Threw her arms around me. Held me tight...
But I couldn't take it if she didn't!
"Ugh!" I groaned and slammed my head down on the steering wheel.
I quit my job for this girl. I ruined my career for this girl.
That has to count as something, right?
I sat longer.
Yes, no, yes, no.
Stay, go, stay...stay...go...go...
I pushed open my car door and ran up to her door. I stared at it. Final decision.
One knock. Nothing. Two knocks. Nothing. More knocks. Nothing, nothing.
"Please, Bella," I groaned, knocking with both hands.
Come to the door.
My eyes fluttered open to the dark room. Quiet.
What did I hear?
Silence. I slowly closed my eyes again...
Open again. I swung my legs off the bed and stood up. I leaned my ear against the bedroom door. The pounding got louder.
The front door.
Someone was here.
My legs froze; not moving foward.
What if it was Jacob? What if he got loose?
I would die. I would surely die if he found me now.
I opened the door and stepped out into the living room. I stayed a good distance away.
"Who...who is it?" I called out. No answer.
"Who is it?" I said louder. The pounding stopped.
I walked slowly to the door. Debating. Did I open the door. Have my heart broken again?
But I needed to see him.
I dashed to the door and unlocked it. I flung it open.
"Bella," the relief on his face was extremely noticable.
"What are you doing here? It's late!" I said, wrapping my arms around myself. He shook his head and walked in past me.
"It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Except that I'm here. With you."
"Edward," I shook my head. "No. Just...we can't...you.."
"Bella, let me have a second to explain," he placed his hand on my arm, his eyes pleading. "Please."
I took a deep breath and nodded.
"Bella, I know what I did was wrong. I was trying to help you. See, when I was handed this case, I thought little of it except to make sure you got safe, and that the man hurting you was put in jail. When I saw you for the first time...my heart hurt. Hurt a lot. Because I knew what had to happen at the end. I tried all I could in my power to get off this case and help you myself, instead of a cop," his eyes never left mine.
"So you mean a cop helped me. Not Edward-"
"No, no. Listen. I planned everything out. I know, it sounds bad. But it's not. I've never felt so..at home with someone. When you ran away...my heart hurt. Just loosing you then was painful to me. When I heard the words Jacob was saying to you in that ally...I nearly busted him right there. But I didn't. Because I wanted at least one more day with you."
"Oh, Edward," I was loosing it. Loosing grip.
"When you slept next to me. I didn't sleep that night. I stayed awake. So I could cherish every single moment I had with you. I held you in my arms and actually cried to myself," he half smiled at me. "Sorry. I sound like a pussy."
"No, you don't," I walked a step closer to him.
"When you yelled and screamed at me earlier...I knew all I did was wrong. I...I quit my job, Bella. I couldn't take it anymore."
"What? Because of me? Edward!" I was furious. He can't ruin his life over someone like me!
"No, it's okay, Bella. I couldn't take it anymore. It hurts too much to hurt girl after girl," he looked at me.
Silence. We stared into each other's eyes. Finally, it was my turn to speak.
"Was the kiss real, Edward? Did you really mean that?" I had to know.
"Yes. Yes. It was extremely real. And I want it to always be real," he unfolded my arms from my chest and took my hands in his. "Please, Bella. Please. Take me back. Forgive me."
Seeing his side of things, I realized what he did was wrong. But it was his job. His way of life. He just got the wrong card, or the right one. I didn't care. Right now, I cared about one thing.
Him and I.
I didn't speak. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned my forehead against his.
He smiled bright, and pressed his lips up against mine.
I could feel it in my soul. My heart. My fingertips. My toes. My whole body.
My life had finally, finally started.
I just needed someone to help me out.
haha! nice use of title at the end (:
thanks guys! i know it was short. if i can get creative, i smell a sequel on the way. (:
be on the lookout for additional chapters of different experiences that bella encounters that she never did with edward. (:
over and out!