Disclaimer: I do NOT own rights to any of the characters from Glee. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

I would however love to own Kurt and have the option of a time-share on Puck sadly though my time machine hasn't yet been delivered so I can't go back and pitch the show to Fox myself. Of course if I did, it'd be called The Adventures of Kurt Hummel and not Glee. Still it has spin-off potential does it not? I call dibs! :-)

For the avoidance of doubt this is going to be Kurt/Puck slash so if that's not your bag please click on the little x top right or press Alt+F4. *Grin*

Italics are thoughts

Bold italics is Parseltongue... oops wrong kind of fanfic... ;-p

Chapter One – Dumpster Diving for Developing Divas

Lying in the dumpster Kurt could feel something cold and wet soaking into his pants leg. Heaving a long suffering sigh, the brunette sat up examining his shoulder with disdain as he flicked a piece of southern-fried chicken from the shoulder of his Marc Jacobs jacket.

This particular morning that knuckle dragging mouth-breather Dave Karofsky had been the ringleader for the dumpster dive and he had never been one to allow Kurt to remove any of his more delicate items of couture before being tossed. Since starting High School Kurt's admittedly already substantial dry cleaning bills had gone through the roof; not that he needed to worry about cost as his Dad's chain of garages meant that money had never been an issue for the Hummel family.

Taking a shallow breath; a deep breath in a dumpster not being the wisest move; and with his mask of haughty contempt for all the lesser beings easily slipping back into place, Kurt manoeuvred himself into the corner of the dumpster, hooked his hand over the rim and used his foot for purchase to raise himself up and over the side.

With all the grace of a prima ballerina, Kurt swung his legs over and caught himself on the edge of the dumpster, gently lowering himself the five feet to the asphalt below. Spying his Prada book-bag laying next to the dumpster with what appeared to be a jock-sized footprint on the calfskin leather Kurt rolled his eyes, gathered up his belongings and decided to make his way to the nearest bathroom to make running repairs on his appearance before he ran out of time before his first class.

Ever since he'd been young Kurt had never been and 'ordinary' child and there had never been a time in his life that he hadn't been picked on, singled out and bullied by those both physically larger and more cerebrally challenged than him. Of course, being the only openly gay male his age in Lima wasn't exactly the best way to fly beneath the radar. Still Kurt managed to hold it all together using his absolute faith that once he'd managed to get through High School and head to New York that fame, fortune and acceptance would be his.

Reaching into his bag Kurt withdrew his compact and checked his reflection in the mirror. Pale, perfectly complexioned skin, beautiful blue eyes and full rosy lips looked back at him as he adjusted his bangs and restored his hair to pristine fabulousness.

As he snapped shut his compact being sufficiently satisfied that his appearance would now carry him through to getting to the bathroom, Kurt heard the distant squeal of tires and the opening strains of Metallica's 'Enter Sandman' as an old beat-up Ford truck barrelled into the parking lot and came to a shuddering halt in the space two down from the dumpster Kurt had just paid a visit to.

As the music died away, there in the driver's seat in all of his mohawked glory was William McKinley's self-proclaimed badass and cougar hunter Noah "Puck" Puckerman. Standing tall at 5'11'' Puck dwarfed Kurt somewhat at only 5'7½'' his smoky brown tan obtained from hours of cleaning pools in the baking sun and his taut footballer's body highlighted in tight black jeans and a white wife beater that proudly showed off his well toned biceps or "the guns" as he liked to refer to them.

Hopping down from the cab and pushing his shades up onto the top of his head Puck stood resplendent in the mid-morning sunshine. Turning and reaching back into the cab to grab his bag, Kurt couldn't help but admire the perfect specimen that was Puck's ass.

'He may have the tolerance and personality appeal of a warthog but he is pleasing on the eye', Kurt admitted to himself.

Having retrieved his bag, Puck slammed the door on his truck and turned towards the school and to Kurt.

"Morning Fag!" called Puck while Kurt's eyes lost some of their sparkle as he stood waiting for the rest of the onslaught. Puck was either completely oblivious or completely unwavering of the effect his words had on the brunette and plowed on.

"Y'know I always suspected you liked dumpster diving in the morning and here you are, just waiting for me."

An ugly smirk marred Puck's handsome face as he stalked towards Kurt. The only outward sign that Kurt had been hurt by Puck's slur was a slight dulling and narrowing of his eyes.

Kurt stood transfixed in front of Puck as the taller boy reached him. For a moment all all thoughts of snappy comebacks were forgotten as the tight wife-beater Puck was wearing stretched over what were unmistakeably very well defined abs. Shaking himself and restoring his mask again Kurt's eyes went cold as he pulled himself up to his full 5'7½'' and crossed his arms defiantly.

"If that's what you think then then you've quite clearly taken one to many footballs to the head."

'Good going Kurt that was a truly awful comeback', he berated himself internally.

Puck's sudden approach had thrown him more off his game than he'd initially thought.

Puck however just smirked sardonically at Kurt and made to move towards the school. Just as he was passing the boy however Puck paused, and leant in towards Kurt invading his personal space. Kurt couldn't help it as he picked up on an enticing earthy musk with a hint of Axe coming from the jock that caused his heart rate to increase. This only served to make him apprehensive about the close proximity of the half-back.

Backed against the dumpster now, Kurt was pinned in by the half-back, who had placed one hand either side of his head effectively blocking off any route of escape. Kurt was now starting to feel resigned to the unique occurrence of a second dumpster dive in one day.

'When will my humiliation be complete?', he wondered.

Flinching to his great shame, Kurt was shocked speechless when Puck merely reached to behind his ear and withdrew a curly fry from his hair. Kurt was mortified that he'd clearly missed the foodstuff on his prior rather rushed inspection.

"Vegetables are for eating Hummel, they're not some kind of faggy fashion accessory", said Puck harshly.

The dichotomy between his deep smoky voice and his awful slur was jarring, while he flicked the curly fry over the lip of the dumpster back to where it had come from.

Despite his best efforts Kurt could feel his skin flush with both embarrassment and arousal.

'For the love of Versace, get it together Hummel this is Puck!' he berated himself.

The space around Kurt seemed to shrink further as Puck leaned closer still almost brushing Kurt's skin with his lips, as his deep husky voice whispered in Kurt's ear.

"Never thought you could smell delicious but I do love fries".

And then as quick as he was there, he was gone. Disappearing around the back of the dumpster and towards the side entrance which would be closest to his locker.

Kurt who had involuntarily closed his eyes a few moments before sunk further against the dumpster, unheeding of any contamination to his expensive outfit as he tried to control his breathing. In the distance the tardy bell rang announcing that he was now late for first period Spanish.

Trying to get himself back under control Kurt straightened up, ran his fingers through his hair once again checking for any other stray fries and hurried into the building towards his locker to pick up his books.

Grumbling to himself he could be heard to say

"Great now I'll have to apologise to Mr Schue for being late to class. What's the Spanish for late? Tarde... tardio?"

A/N: Well there you have it, the opening chapter of my story. I have literally no idea where this is going to go, I am simply going to write it as I feel it. Sorry if that annoys anyone but hey it's my party and I'll write how I want to...


Edited: 23 July 2010