Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, if I did things would have been so much different, and a lot worse!:L
A/N: This was inspired by Flayu's work on DA, it's quite amazing and also Ketamine who started my love for the pairing in A Winter Amid the Ice. I think it's going to stay a one-shot, but I could go further I'm not quite sure.
"A man who has a why to live can bear almost any how."-Friedrich Neitzsche
Albus Severus felt the little hairs on the back of his neck rise. He was being watched. Again. He slowly rose his green, green eyes, in which he carried his grandmothers legacy, and met the deep pools of blue which belonged to his cousin Louis. They were at the Burrow, they all were, it was Grandma Molly's birthday and the whole family had gathered at the Burrow for the celebration. As usual the house had too many people, as each of Molly and Arthur's children attended, along with their own family's and guests. As usual Louis was watching Albus. Al was so worried, if Louis kept this up their secret would be out, and that couldn't happen. They wouldn't understand...no one would.
Louis Weasley was everything Al wanted to be, he was Head Boy; just like Uncle Bill, Quidditch Captain; like Uncle Charlie and Albus's dad, he popular with everyone, helpful, kind and one of the most handsome boys that most of the Hogwarts's population of girls had ever seen. And he wanted Al. It was one of the most tightly kept secrets that Albus had ever kept. He couldn't bear to imagine what his father would think if anyone found out, the shame he was bound to feel, hurt Al to even think about. Harry Potter was Al's hero, along with the rest of the Wizarding world, but for him it was different. His dad was a hero because he fixed broken bones (and hearts, in James's case) he made Al's mother laugh easier than anyone else, especially when she was having 'one of those days' , he wiped tears, and flew like a bird, he would make pancakes for breakfast, dinner and tea if he thought he could get away with it . His dad was a hero, but for all the right reasons. Albus Severus Potter didn't know what he'd do if his father found out about that.
*** It had only happened a few moths ago. It was Al's birthday, and three days before the younger Weasley children were due to go back to Hogwarts, Al for his second year. The Weasley/Potter family were all to be celebrating Albus's twelfth birthday at the Burrow, much like they were doing today for Grandma, and the whole family was to be there. It had been a great day, Albus had gotten many presents and played many games with all of his cousins, Scorpius was even there for a little while! However, while the whole lot of the Weasley cousins played out in the vast, unkempt garden, while all of the 's and one Miss Weasley by birth, were in the kitchen gossiping and cleaning, and setting out dessert, while telling noteworthy stories of their week to each other, and all of the men were in the parlor upstairs chatting about Quidditch, and work and their wives, Albus and Louis were in the most upper room of the old rickety house, that all of their parents called home, doing things, in Albus's opinion, they should in no way be doing.
Albus had retired to his Uncle Ron's old room to sulk. Scorpius had only been allowed to stay until the cake was cut and Happy Birthday had been sang, and that time had come far too quickly in Albus's opinion. Scorpius was his best friend for life after all, and Al felt this reason alone should have been enough to allow Scorpius to stay just that little bit longer. He was, however proven wrong. Albus Severus and Scorpius Malfoy had become best friends for life when they first bordered the Hogwarts Express one year ago. After Al's father saying that he would be proud of him no matter what house he was placed in, Al felt that much more releaved and assumed that since Uncle Ron had always said that he would disinherit him if he made Slytherin, and his father had said he was wrong, that Uncle Ron might be wrong about Scorpius Malfoy too. So when Scorpius sat down across from him in the train compartment, Al did not object and decided that he quite liked this boy and thought that he wouldn't mind being in Slytherin, after all, if it meant being with Scorpius. This fate came through a few hours later when Albus Severus Potter had the hat placed on his head and was promptly sorted into the Snake House. That had been over a year ago, and since then Albus and Scorpius had established that they were in fact best friends for life and never took advantage of that fact, as friends like that couldn't be made that easily. This was why Albus felt especially cheated on his birthday as how could a proper birthday be completed without one's best friend around. It was while Albus was quitely sniffling in the horribly orange room that a knock came at the door. Albus wiped the tears from his face and shouted to the intruder to promptly go away. His request however, like everything else that day, was denied.
"Albus, it's me. I just want to make sure you're okay, kiddo." The reassuring and gentle voice of Louis Weasley slithered into the room. Louis had always had that effect on him. To make him feel better with a simple reassuring word or touch. In Al's mind Louis had a magic all of his own. Al sniffled once more and turned to face his, not altogether unwanted disturbance.
" Ok. You can come in, but only you Louis, no one else." Al replied in a nasal voice due to the earlier upset. If Albus had been looking more intently then he would have noticed the smile of pure happiness at his words of only wanting Louis with him, he would have noticed, but maybe not recognised the look of want that flashed in in cousins eyes.
"Of course Alby, it's just me." Louis spoke in a loving tone that Albus always assoicated with him.
Louis stepped over the threshold with a grace that Al had only seen his Aunt Fleur and Draco Malfoy possess. He admired the glow of Louis hair from the light that streamed in from the window above him. All of Louis seamed to glow, he looked like and angel in the sun light, his pale features aglow and the smile he wore when looked right at Al. Albus always felt special that he had a smile just for him. He and Louis had always had a bond that no one else could match. Sure Rose was one of his best friends and cousins, as she understood him best. If Al was like his father then Rose was his Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione rolled into one. Louis however, had always been Al's favourite, it had just always been that way. Everyone loved and adored Louis, he was the prodigal Weasley, but on one could compare to Al for him. He slid down on the bed next to Albus and placed a soothing hand on his little cousins back.
"Why are you upset, Cherie? It is your birthday, you should be happy."
Al turned to face his cousin and was surprised to find Louis so close. He however didn't move back he just placed his head on his older cousins shoulder, finding comfort in resting there.
" I just wanted Scor to be able to stay a little longer. It's my birthday and he's my best friend, he should be allowed to stay longer that two hours. It's just so unfair. And even though he's my best friend for life Uncle Ron still seemed mean to him." Albus sniffled a little bit more in rememberance of his Uncle's very off behavior to a boy he had never even met. Louis was glad that Albus's face was into his shoulder as he wasn't sure he would be able to explain why a look of jealousy crossed his face at the mention of Scorpius Malfoy. He was the blonde boy that was getting in the way of him and his Cherie, he was taking his green eyed angel away from him. He hated the Malfoy boy.
"Well, maybe that was long enough. You have all your family here Al. And you always have me, you don't need him here."
Albus looked up at these words. They were unexpected and hurt him, more than he cared to admit. Louis had always been on his side and if Louis didn't side with him then no one would. Albus felt the treacherous tears begin to flow once again and he knew he was getting Louis shirt all wet. Right now however he just didn't care. Louis had evidently felt the tears soaking through his shirt and he reached for Albus's face. He brought up both of his hands and cradled Al's face in them both. The deep pools of blue clashed with the avada green and Louis leaned in. He tentatively pressed against Al's innocent, pink bow-like lips, and Louis, expecting the aching in his chest that was filled with so much want and need for so long, to disapparate, was surprised when the aching grew more prominent, and the need in his gut and his groin seemed to be a flame he had no way of extingushing until he had all of Al. Albus felt the kiss being deepened but was still in too much shock to do anything else but let Louis take control of his mouth. He felt himself being turned until he lying flat on his back on the bed, with Louis in between his parted legs. Albus felt his cousins tongue lick it's way along his and slowly enter his mouth, trying to elict a responce. When he cautiously responded in turn Louis moaned and rutted his hips against Al's. The kiss was clumsy and inexperienced from Al's side, but this delighted Louis with a sick sense of acompishment that no one had been with his love in this way before. He was Albus's very first kiss. Louis couldn't help but moan at that thought.
Albus was slowly becoming overwhemled with new sensations in his groin and confusion. Louis was his cousin, he was his very male cousin from the feel of what was being pressed up against Al, and he just didn't know how to feel about it. Albus opened his eyes only to be met with Louis staring back at him. Albus pulled back from Louis with some difficulty.
" Louis, I really don't think we should be doing this. Louis... Lou, please listen to me."
It seemed that Louis was too far gone to hear the pleas of his little cousin and continued his trek down Albus's body until his face was level with Al's groin. Louis slowly unbuttoned Al's muggle jeans and pulled them down his body along with his under- ware. Louis had a thought that he had never seen something so beautiful, as his Albus laid out before him like this. He slowly placed his hand on Al's member and made him as hard as he could without bringing Al to the brink, and lowered his mouth down on his favourite cousin. Albus all the while had tears in his eyes and was trying to figure out how this had happened. This was so new to anything he and Louis had ever done before and he wasn't sure where it had come from. Had he done something to make Louis do this? Did Louis expect him to do it back? What Louis was doing was starting to feel really good, almost too good and before Albus knew it he was shooting white sticky stuff right into his cousins mouth. The way Louis swallowed it made Al think that he had done this before. He wasn't sure how he felt about someone else doing this with his Louis. Albus noted that Louis had been touching himself while he was doing that to Al and that he had ejected the white stuff onto the bedsheets as soon as Albus did. Al wasn't quite sure where to look and so he settled for the ceiling. Louis crawled up Al's body until he was level with Albus's face and placed a hand on his cheek.
"Albus, please look at me. Please. I couldn't bear it if you didn't look at me."
Al slowly turned his face to look at his older cousin and was afraid in what he'd find there. Would everything be different now? Would Louis want to do this all the time?
" Why did you do that, Louis?" Al asked in a broken voice. " What was all that about?"
" It was a form of love, Albus. I was showing you how much I love you." Louis was staring into his eyes again with the look that Albus always associated with him, but now somehow it looked different, gritter, less clean. " I love you so much Alby. I just wanted to show you how."
"But we're cousins Louis! You're a boy, I 'm a boy! I'm pretty sure that's not allowed, especially since we're family." Albus's eye's were tearing up again. Nothing seemed the same. He thought of all the times he was with his cousin and it all seemed tainted now. But then he thought that this was just another way of loving his cousin, Louis said so himself. Albus was just so confused.
"That doesn't matter, Albus!" Louis seemed angry now that he thought what they did was wrong. " I love you, and I know you love me too. There is nothing wrong our love! "
Albus was still unsure, he thought that Louis had got this all wrong, that maybe he was just confused, but refrained from telling Louis so, as his reaction from last time was less than encouraging. Instead he just pulled up his clothing and curled up in a ball in the bed. Louis draped himself over Al and sighed. Albus just wanted to be alone.
" I'm tired now, Louis. I think I'm just gunna rest now,'K?" Before the older boy could reply a shout came up the stairs calling for them both. Al sighed.
"I'll be down in a minute Louis. Just tell mum, I'll be down in a minute." Albus stayed in his curled ball facing the wall, and didn't turn around even when Louis paused at the door.
" This is our secret,ok Al? Just between you and me. No one else would understand, you see?" Louis stepped over the threshold "Happy Birthday Albus Severus." and then Albus heard Louis feet retreating down the steps, towards their family.***
That had all been a few months ago and Al tried his hardest to not be left alone with his older veela cousin. He was just as confused then as he was now, and no where near the answers he needed as he couldn't ask for help from anywhere without questions being asked. He couldn't even ask Scor, his best friend for life. It was all too messy, too dangerous. And now here he was, with Louis staring at him unabashedly, unsubtly and most certainly hungrily, across the room at their their grandma's birthday. It was their secret he said! It was only to be between them because they wouldn't understand. Over the months Albus had to think about this he decided that he would just ignore it as much as possible. He would feel Louis eyes on him during meal times in the Great Hall and he would glance over only to turn quickly away when their eyes met. Albus had also never been more happy to be in Slytherin in his life. If Al was feeling anxious or worried about him and Louis then they would ask if he was alright and then move on, Slytherins never pried. They also took care of their own. If Albus's classmates felt that Al was getting upset by Louis they protected him, Slytherin show a united front in public, always, and to be honest since the war, if the Slytherins didn't have each other's backs then no one would.
Now though, Albus didn't have any Slytherins to help him out. He was on his own, and it seemed that Louis wanted to talk to Albus. Or something of the sort. Albus just knew that he didn't want that to happen again... well maybe. Albus more than anything didn't want to feel the same things he did last time. He didn't want his cousin to touch him, to tell that he loved him, to kiss him and hold him to make him feel things he never did before, and he certainly didn't want to like it.
That's it! Review...